Moving to another state without a ring?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Notice how only old people are saying they did this and it worked out, OP.

Sorry, hit send before finishing. Even 30 years ago, men were still far more willing to marry. It was less culturally acceptable to waste a woman’s time, and both the culture at large families were less tolerant of these low-commitment relationships.

I would never do this with a Gen Z or younger man. If you’re young enough for this to be an “adventure”, you’re young enough to find a guy you don’t have to move your whole life to be with too. Never shut off all your options for a guy who won’t marry you!

Never shut off your options. Period. a Man is not a plan.

This is not an issue of seeing a man as a plan here but being in love and trying to align it with life. There is no shortage of men or plans or jobs.

[Anonymous]

It isn’t as though a ring means you live happily ever after.

OP - you need to decide if this move is good for you, regardless. Is this something that could be interesting or good for your career? If you break-up, what will happen?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't move without being engaged, but I don't want a ring.

[Anonymous]

You guys are seriously risk-averse if moving to a different state at age 24 is sooo scary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It isn’t as though a ring means you live happily ever after.

OP - you need to decide if this move is good for you, regardless. Is this something that could be interesting or good for your career? If you break-up, what will happen?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Notice how only old people are saying they did this and it worked out, OP.

Sorry, hit send before finishing. Even 30 years ago, men were still far more willing to marry. It was less culturally acceptable to waste a woman’s time, and both the culture at large families were less tolerant of these low-commitment relationships.

I would never do this with a Gen Z or younger man. If you’re young enough for this to be an “adventure”, you’re young enough to find a guy you don’t have to move your whole life to be with too. Never shut off all your options for a guy who won’t marry you!

Never shut off your options. Period. a Man is not a plan.

This is not an issue of seeing a man as a plan here but being in love and trying to align it with life. There is no shortage of men or plans or jobs.

You wrote never shut off your options for a man that won't marry you that is the very definition of making a man your plan..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did. DH and I were college friends who got together as he was getting ready to move away for a new job. We dated long distance for 2 years and then I moved to where he was without a ring. I got a job and chose to live with roommates instead of living with him. We dated another year before getting engaged and then got married a year after that. It’ll be 23 years this year.

It was a risk, but it was also an adventure.

Your “adventure” worked. Sometimes it ruins your life. A man should propose before moving or dump him. I wish I had.

There are no guarantees in life— you make the best choices you can at the time.

You can roadmap all the ways different choices could go right or wrong but it won’t prove anything.

Maybe you don’t move and you break up (either immediately or bcs long distance relationships are hard) — could be you never find a relationship as good or could be you do.

Maybe you make the ultimatum and get a ring, that doesn’t guarantee happily ever after— could be the stress of insisting on getting married actually undermines the relationship long term.

At some point you have to embrace, or at least learn to surf, the uncertainty of life, especially at 24. There is a whole multiverse of lives out there and no way to know which will be “best”.

So I am sorry things did not work out for you but I really don’t think refusing to tale any risks in relationships or life is a sensible option.

This is not a risk worth taking. A man who puts a woman in this position without a proposal does not love her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't move without being engaged, but I don't want a ring.

Its not about the ring. OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, do you want to move or not? Is the new place somewhere you would want to live? Or not?

this is the question. Also, are YOU ready for a ring?

I moved to my then BF's city because we were tired of dating long distance and I wasn't so jazzed about where I was living, so it was a good move for me no matter how our relationship turned out. I also felt like I needed to spend time with him in the same city to see if he was someone I wanted to marry. So I definitely did not even want a ring before moving there.

It all worked out... we got married a couple of years later... happily married ever since.

[Anonymous]

No! If he’s not willing to commit and you have to upend your life for him then that’s a stopper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Met senior year, together for 3 years, lived together for last year and a half. He asked to move together and his parents too are enthusiastic about it. He did first two years of college there so knows town well and his parents live in bordering state so drivable.

What was the conversation when he applied for the job? If you’ve been living together for a year and a half already, dating for 3, would either of you apply to or accept a job elsewhere without a discussion prior? IMO at a minimum because you are living together, this is beyond making independent career decisions.

[Anonymous]

You need to find your own path. You should not move for someone else at your age. Give both of yourselves time and space. If you want to create a life together, you will.

[Anonymous]

You need a strong self. Ring or not, it can end a any moment. Your gut is telling you something. Trust yourself. If your relationship is strong, you do not need to move right away.

[Anonymous]

I think hou might ask yourself what you would do in his position, with a job offer in city X? If the new city is ful of opportunities, and it feels as if you are moving towards something, then go ahead. Lots of people have a dream of moving to NYC, or see Seattle or SF as places full of opportunities in their field.

If the move doesn't seem exciting, or if it is a step down professionally, you'll probably need to think harder about it. Statistically, marriages last longer if both parties are over 26 when they marry. I only know a few people who married the person they were dating at 24.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, do you want to move or not? Is the new place somewhere you would want to live? Or not?

This is my answer. If you are hankering to check out this new city or dying to get out of D.C. then go for it Do not move because of him.