What exactly makes someone a “striver,” and why such disdain for them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Strivers" are motivated by getting ahead of others. Anyone who thinks this way, that they actually can be "ahead" of other people, is a crap person.

Wrong. Strivers are looking to improve their own situation, irrespective of others.

How do you improve your situation "irrespective of others"? We live in a society where everything is relative -- whether we are conscious of it or not. If you are in DC and you are "striving," it's not irrespective of others.

You obviously were born wealthy or UMC. If you were born poor or LMC, you want to get out of that life, period, not because you want to eclipse anyone else. You just want to not be poor and without opportunities as an absolute. Maybe that's not what most people have in mind when they think striver, but that's what it is. And it is synonymous with the American dream.

There is a lot of confusion here, because there is no clear definition of what striver is, and some have negative connotations while others neutral or even positive.. Some things are common: Strivers are ambitious, they have the urge to grow and overcome something and change their circumstances. It's pretty clear. escaping from less fortunate circumstances and attaining more comfortable secure life doesn't cause disdain in others. It's anti-social behavior that does: using people and discarding them as broken merchandise, bragging about your lifestyle/luxuries in front of those who clearly aren't in the same league (putting people down), etc. This is not definition of a striver per se. It's just definition of a toxic person.

IMO there isn't such a thing as "striver" in its negative connotation. It's just toxic people (strivers who are toxic or those who judge them who are toxic). It's a two way street. Those who have disdain for strivers just because they try too hard to fit in giving a neutral term negative connotation. Strivers behaving in antisocial way though would be negative connotation deserved. Because of this, I think this term definition is really in the eye of the beholder and totally subjective. It means nothing to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear a lot of hate in this forum about “strivers.” What is it exactly that makes someone a striver? The fact that you want to enjoy the fruits of your labor by buying a pretty house or nice car? Is it something more sinister like refusing to associate with people who don’t run with the right crowd?

And why do we hate this strivers? I hear the term associated a lot with new money. I don’t see anything wrong with wanting to better your financial situation. And for the record, a lot of people from old money families came into that money from slave holders, factory owners before the days of safe working conditions, large plantations, etc. Frankly, I’d rather be a self made striver than have had great grands that got rich off the blood and toil of suppressed classes.

it is a class issue. The sort who disdains "stirvers" are the next generation of the old money who realize they did not achieve nearly what the "stivers" achieved. Because they were born on third base and never had to work that hard, and will always wonder if they could have made it without such a boost. So the one thing they can horde over a striver is access to whatever social or professional society they control. But that's the inconsistency...somehow "striving" to get into the upper tier is gauche while "striving" to stay there (or keep others out) is not. It's like Tom Wambsgans - he wanted in, and was ridiculed for it, but the moronic Roy offspring were working as hard as they could to stay where they were born. Same, same.

That said, the other issue I see, as a striver, is a code of conduct that the old money has and that the strivers usually do not have. The unwritten rules, the double standards and weird behaviors that one gets from growing up with money. No one speaks directly or honestly, no one likes to answer tough questions, no one seems comfotable "proving" themselves, unless it is on a golf course, or paddle tennis court, or some other weird rich passtime. Strivers made their bones challenging the norms, so they're a square peg. And there is a casualness to it, no one seems to be worried or in a hurry because they're already a part of the club, and most strivers aren't built that way (because if they sat back and didn't worry about achieving, they'd still be grinding it out in some flyover city). And I think the old money hates that more than the concept of someone achieving more than they did.

Definitely no chip on the shoulder there.

And it is 'pastime'.

I absolutely have a chip. It's what keeps me sharp and a step ahead of the soft old money navel gazers who envy my ability to succeed in any situation. I want to be a part of their club simply to say I gained entry.

And thanks for spell-checking my work, Timmy. Here's a quarter for the effort.

Lol. You certainly do have a chip. Doubt you are ahead of anyone, and if you gain entry to any exclusive clubs I want a front row ticket to mess you make of it given the personality and lack of social skills on display here...

I am already in their clubs. I have the social skills. That's the point. I didn't come from that world but worked hard and figuired out the game. 90% of the others in the club were born with it. Box checked, on to the next success suckers.

What's "next success" to you? What other "checkboxes" are you trying to check. Sounds as if you are playing some game.. The end of this game for EVERYONE, no matter how well you play it.. is 6 feet under.. We all end up the same at the end.

Evolve or die. You might be impressed with yourself and where you are, but you should never stop growing, achieving, accomplishing. Otherwise why not just hang it all up tomorrow? Striving has nothing to do with it, it's about climbing that next mountain not staying static.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Strivers are annoying because they want to be accepted and typically lack self confidence. It’s not about having money but being perceived to have money. Usually they envy old money and wish to put on airs that they are old money. Typical DCUM poster.

That is not a striver. Lack of self confidence is not present at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Strivers" are motivated by getting ahead of others. Anyone who thinks this way, that they actually can be "ahead" of other people, is a crap person.

Wrong. Strivers are looking to improve their own situation, irrespective of others.

How do you improve your situation "irrespective of others"? We live in a society where everything is relative -- whether we are conscious of it or not. If you are in DC and you are "striving," it's not irrespective of others.

You obviously were born wealthy or UMC. If you were born poor or LMC, you want to get out of that life, period, not because you want to eclipse anyone else. You just want to not be poor and without opportunities as an absolute. Maybe that's not what most people have in mind when they think striver, but that's what it is. And it is synonymous with the American dream.

There is a lot of confusion here, because there is no clear definition of what striver is, and some have negative connotations while others neutral or even positive.. Some things are common: Strivers are ambitious, they have the urge to grow and overcome something and change their circumstances. It's pretty clear. escaping from less fortunate circumstances and attaining more comfortable secure life doesn't cause disdain in others. It's anti-social behavior that does: using people and discarding them as broken merchandise, bragging about your lifestyle/luxuries in front of those who clearly aren't in the same league (putting people down), etc. This is not definition of a striver per se. It's just definition of a toxic person.

IMO there isn't such a thing as "striver" in its negative connotation. It's just toxic people (strivers who are toxic or those who judge them who are toxic). It's a two way street. Those who have disdain for strivers just because they try too hard to fit in giving a neutral term negative connotation. Strivers behaving in antisocial way though would be negative connotation deserved. Because of this, I think this term definition is really in the eye of the beholder and totally subjective. It means nothing to me.

This. Am I a striver because I worked hard and succeeded from very little original means, and want my family to have a good life ut am awkward and sometimes don't wear the success so well, but treat everyone with respect and count my blessings for what I was able to do and what I currently have? And give back to my community, etc.? Some have called me a striver, but that seems to miss the mark.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Strivers are annoying because they want to be accepted and typically lack self confidence. It’s not about having money but being perceived to have money. Usually they envy old money and wish to put on airs that they are old money. Typical DCUM poster.

+1 This is what I think when the term comes up. Someone who is well off and enjoys the fruits of their labor isn’t a striver. Striver implies wanting to be perceived as belonging to a certain “in” group. And as a result, yes OP-I think strivers don’t want to associate with certain people, they constantly worry about what is UMC Vs. UC, etc. It’s all about appearances. I think striver is NOT the same as “new money.” Which is such a stupid concept anyway. BTW I think most new money DGAF about appearing old money, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear a lot of hate in this forum about “strivers.” What is it exactly that makes someone a striver? The fact that you want to enjoy the fruits of your labor by buying a pretty house or nice car? Is it something more sinister like refusing to associate with people who don’t run with the right crowd?

And why do we hate this strivers? I hear the term associated a lot with new money. I don’t see anything wrong with wanting to better your financial situation. And for the record, a lot of people from old money families came into that money from slave holders, factory owners before the days of safe working conditions, large plantations, etc. Frankly, I’d rather be a self made striver than have had great grands that got rich off the blood and toil of suppressed classes.

it is a class issue. The sort who disdains "stirvers" are the next generation of the old money who realize they did not achieve nearly what the "stivers" achieved. Because they were born on third base and never had to work that hard, and will always wonder if they could have made it without such a boost. So the one thing they can horde over a striver is access to whatever social or professional society they control. But that's the inconsistency...somehow "striving" to get into the upper tier is gauche while "striving" to stay there (or keep others out) is not. It's like Tom Wambsgans - he wanted in, and was ridiculed for it, but the moronic Roy offspring were working as hard as they could to stay where they were born. Same, same.

That said, the other issue I see, as a striver, is a code of conduct that the old money has and that the strivers usually do not have. The unwritten rules, the double standards and weird behaviors that one gets from growing up with money. No one speaks directly or honestly, no one likes to answer tough questions, no one seems comfotable "proving" themselves, unless it is on a golf course, or paddle tennis court, or some other weird rich passtime. Strivers made their bones challenging the norms, so they're a square peg. And there is a casualness to it, no one seems to be worried or in a hurry because they're already a part of the club, and most strivers aren't built that way (because if they sat back and didn't worry about achieving, they'd still be grinding it out in some flyover city). And I think the old money hates that more than the concept of someone achieving more than they did.

Definitely no chip on the shoulder there.

And it is 'pastime'.

I absolutely have a chip. It's what keeps me sharp and a step ahead of the soft old money navel gazers who envy my ability to succeed in any situation. I want to be a part of their club simply to say I gained entry.

And thanks for spell-checking my work, Timmy. Here's a quarter for the effort.

Lol. You certainly do have a chip. Doubt you are ahead of anyone, and if you gain entry to any exclusive clubs I want a front row ticket to mess you make of it given the personality and lack of social skills on display here...

I am already in their clubs. I have the social skills. That's the point. I didn't come from that world but worked hard and figuired out the game. 90% of the others in the club were born with it. Box checked, on to the next success suckers.

What's "next success" to you? What other "checkboxes" are you trying to check. Sounds as if you are playing some game.. The end of this game for EVERYONE, no matter how well you play it.. is 6 feet under.. We all end up the same at the end.

Evolve or die. You might be impressed with yourself and where you are, but you should never stop growing, achieving, accomplishing. Otherwise why not just hang it all up tomorrow? Striving has nothing to do with it, it's about climbing that next mountain not staying static.

I mean I agree but to me constantly evolving doesn’t always equate with outwardly achievements and money. There are so many other ways to grow as a person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear a lot of hate in this forum about “strivers.” What is it exactly that makes someone a striver? The fact that you want to enjoy the fruits of your labor by buying a pretty house or nice car? Is it something more sinister like refusing to associate with people who don’t run with the right crowd?

And why do we hate this strivers? I hear the term associated a lot with new money. I don’t see anything wrong with wanting to better your financial situation. And for the record, a lot of people from old money families came into that money from slave holders, factory owners before the days of safe working conditions, large plantations, etc. Frankly, I’d rather be a self made striver than have had great grands that got rich off the blood and toil of suppressed classes.

it is a class issue. The sort who disdains "stirvers" are the next generation of the old money who realize they did not achieve nearly what the "stivers" achieved. Because they were born on third base and never had to work that hard, and will always wonder if they could have made it without such a boost. So the one thing they can horde over a striver is access to whatever social or professional society they control. But that's the inconsistency...somehow "striving" to get into the upper tier is gauche while "striving" to stay there (or keep others out) is not. It's like Tom Wambsgans - he wanted in, and was ridiculed for it, but the moronic Roy offspring were working as hard as they could to stay where they were born. Same, same.

That said, the other issue I see, as a striver, is a code of conduct that the old money has and that the strivers usually do not have. The unwritten rules, the double standards and weird behaviors that one gets from growing up with money. No one speaks directly or honestly, no one likes to answer tough questions, no one seems comfotable "proving" themselves, unless it is on a golf course, or paddle tennis court, or some other weird rich passtime. Strivers made their bones challenging the norms, so they're a square peg. And there is a casualness to it, no one seems to be worried or in a hurry because they're already a part of the club, and most strivers aren't built that way (because if they sat back and didn't worry about achieving, they'd still be grinding it out in some flyover city). And I think the old money hates that more than the concept of someone achieving more than they did.

Definitely no chip on the shoulder there.

And it is 'pastime'.

I absolutely have a chip. It's what keeps me sharp and a step ahead of the soft old money navel gazers who envy my ability to succeed in any situation. I want to be a part of their club simply to say I gained entry.

And thanks for spell-checking my work, Timmy. Here's a quarter for the effort.

Lol. You certainly do have a chip. Doubt you are ahead of anyone, and if you gain entry to any exclusive clubs I want a front row ticket to mess you make of it given the personality and lack of social skills on display here...

I am already in their clubs. I have the social skills. That's the point. I didn't come from that world but worked hard and figuired out the game. 90% of the others in the club were born with it. Box checked, on to the next success suckers.

What's "next success" to you? What other "checkboxes" are you trying to check. Sounds as if you are playing some game.. The end of this game for EVERYONE, no matter how well you play it.. is 6 feet under.. We all end up the same at the end.

Evolve or die. You might be impressed with yourself and where you are, but you should never stop growing, achieving, accomplishing. Otherwise why not just hang it all up tomorrow? Striving has nothing to do with it, it's about climbing that next mountain not staying static.

I mean I agree but to me constantly evolving doesn’t always equate with outwardly achievements and money. There are so many other ways to grow as a person.

+1 You only need so much money. So many people focus on getting more because it's a clear cut gain, but in the end you have to look at who you are and how you lived your life and money won't tell you much about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear a lot of hate in this forum about “strivers.” What is it exactly that makes someone a striver? The fact that you want to enjoy the fruits of your labor by buying a pretty house or nice car? Is it something more sinister like refusing to associate with people who don’t run with the right crowd?

And why do we hate this strivers? I hear the term associated a lot with new money. I don’t see anything wrong with wanting to better your financial situation. And for the record, a lot of people from old money families came into that money from slave holders, factory owners before the days of safe working conditions, large plantations, etc. Frankly, I’d rather be a self made striver than have had great grands that got rich off the blood and toil of suppressed classes.

it is a class issue. The sort who disdains "stirvers" are the next generation of the old money who realize they did not achieve nearly what the "stivers" achieved. Because they were born on third base and never had to work that hard, and will always wonder if they could have made it without such a boost. So the one thing they can horde over a striver is access to whatever social or professional society they control. But that's the inconsistency...somehow "striving" to get into the upper tier is gauche while "striving" to stay there (or keep others out) is not. It's like Tom Wambsgans - he wanted in, and was ridiculed for it, but the moronic Roy offspring were working as hard as they could to stay where they were born. Same, same.

That said, the other issue I see, as a striver, is a code of conduct that the old money has and that the strivers usually do not have. The unwritten rules, the double standards and weird behaviors that one gets from growing up with money. No one speaks directly or honestly, no one likes to answer tough questions, no one seems comfotable "proving" themselves, unless it is on a golf course, or paddle tennis court, or some other weird rich passtime. Strivers made their bones challenging the norms, so they're a square peg. And there is a casualness to it, no one seems to be worried or in a hurry because they're already a part of the club, and most strivers aren't built that way (because if they sat back and didn't worry about achieving, they'd still be grinding it out in some flyover city). And I think the old money hates that more than the concept of someone achieving more than they did.

Definitely no chip on the shoulder there.

And it is 'pastime'.

I absolutely have a chip. It's what keeps me sharp and a step ahead of the soft old money navel gazers who envy my ability to succeed in any situation. I want to be a part of their club simply to say I gained entry.

And thanks for spell-checking my work, Timmy. Here's a quarter for the effort.

Lol. You certainly do have a chip. Doubt you are ahead of anyone, and if you gain entry to any exclusive clubs I want a front row ticket to mess you make of it given the personality and lack of social skills on display here...

I am already in their clubs. I have the social skills. That's the point. I didn't come from that world but worked hard and figuired out the game. 90% of the others in the club were born with it. Box checked, on to the next success suckers.

I don’t understand why you would join the clubs if you think the other people in the clubs are suckers? If that’s how you feel, just don’t join them. You have a weird mentality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I associate it with “keeping up with the Joneses,” and general superficiality. Not sure if that’s what the term was meant to mean.

+1
Old money doesn't care about keeping up with the Jonses. They typically just do their thing and half the things they do others don't understand. Like we never buy luxury cars and keep an old chevy pick up for yard/pets etc, yet we have 3 homes handed down via trust. Oh, and right now I have my Birkenstocks with socks, and 2 ct diamond earrings. It just doesn't make sense to some and literally I don't care.

Well, you are the cheap and trashy old money American. The European old money are very classy.

+1. PP is most certainly American new money. Which self respecting person goes around wearing 2 ct diamonds and crows about it on here?

I'm European old money and wear my grandaunt's original art deco, old cut big diamond every day. American old money is still puritan, ashamed, and not used to being comfortable around nice things.

Sure you are, Countess

[Anonymous]

I can provide an example that illustrates this divide. My sister and I grew up middle/lower middle class with parents who prioritized education so we went to good schools and mingled with UMC/MC peers.

I am a “striver” as in I have ambition and want to improve my life and my finances and I am always looking to upgrade and do better and be better.

My sister was exactly like me. Desperate to fit in with her UC peers, dress like them, talk like them but she had this sense of urgency and unease until…she married one of them.

It happened slowly but 5 years in, she has lost some of the striver-ness. Her husband is a trust funder who will inherit like 20 mil down the line. His friends are billionaires and multimillionaires. My sister still works but she isn’t as dedicated to her job and disdains having a career. She makes fun of her single friend who wants to go to an Ivy Business school and thinks it’s not with the hassle.

She focuses her ambition now on fitness, skincare and ensuring her new baby has all she needs.

She doesn’t ever worry about making it or making a certain salary or a certain accomplishment because… she has made it. She will never have to prove herself for the rest of her life. She and her child are in the club.

I am not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can provide an example that illustrates this divide. My sister and I grew up middle/lower middle class with parents who prioritized education so we went to good schools and mingled with UMC/MC peers.

I am a “striver” as in I have ambition and want to improve my life and my finances and I am always looking to upgrade and do better and be better.

My sister was exactly like me. Desperate to fit in with her UC peers, dress like them, talk like them but she had this sense of urgency and unease until…she married one of them.

It happened slowly but 5 years in, she has lost some of the striver-ness. Her husband is a trust funder who will inherit like 20 mil down the line. His friends are billionaires and multimillionaires. My sister still works but she isn’t as dedicated to her job and disdains having a career. She makes fun of her single friend who wants to go to an Ivy Business school and thinks it’s not with the hassle.

She focuses her ambition now on fitness, skincare and ensuring her new baby has all she needs.

She doesn’t ever worry about making it or making a certain salary or a certain accomplishment because… she has made it. She will never have to prove herself for the rest of her life. She and her child are in the club.

I am not.

The tricky part is the uneasiness that if the marriage ends without your own means you’re a bit back out again. Sometimes, the strivers I’ve seen are people who married into that world trying to prove they belong. There are pluses like being a hard working fundraiser, but they can put on even greater airs than those born into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can provide an example that illustrates this divide. My sister and I grew up middle/lower middle class with parents who prioritized education so we went to good schools and mingled with UMC/MC peers.

I am a “striver” as in I have ambition and want to improve my life and my finances and I am always looking to upgrade and do better and be better.

My sister was exactly like me. Desperate to fit in with her UC peers, dress like them, talk like them but she had this sense of urgency and unease until…she married one of them.

It happened slowly but 5 years in, she has lost some of the striver-ness. Her husband is a trust funder who will inherit like 20 mil down the line. His friends are billionaires and multimillionaires. My sister still works but she isn’t as dedicated to her job and disdains having a career. She makes fun of her single friend who wants to go to an Ivy Business school and thinks it’s not with the hassle.

She focuses her ambition now on fitness, skincare and ensuring her new baby has all she needs.

She doesn’t ever worry about making it or making a certain salary or a certain accomplishment because… she has made it. She will never have to prove herself for the rest of her life. She and her child are in the club.

I am not.

Jelly much? She focuses her ambition on skin care, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can provide an example that illustrates this divide. My sister and I grew up middle/lower middle class with parents who prioritized education so we went to good schools and mingled with UMC/MC peers.

I am a “striver” as in I have ambition and want to improve my life and my finances and I am always looking to upgrade and do better and be better.

My sister was exactly like me. Desperate to fit in with her UC peers, dress like them, talk like them but she had this sense of urgency and unease until…she married one of them.

It happened slowly but 5 years in, she has lost some of the striver-ness. Her husband is a trust funder who will inherit like 20 mil down the line. His friends are billionaires and multimillionaires. My sister still works but she isn’t as dedicated to her job and disdains having a career. She makes fun of her single friend who wants to go to an Ivy Business school and thinks it’s not with the hassle.

She focuses her ambition now on fitness, skincare and ensuring her new baby has all she needs.

She doesn’t ever worry about making it or making a certain salary or a certain accomplishment because… she has made it. She will never have to prove herself for the rest of her life. She and her child are in the club.

I am not.

Disagree.
If she’s making fun of people for Ivy business school, she may think she’s in the club, but she’s not.
Marriage to money does not end everything. She’s still a 💩 person who’s unease is now insecure a-hole.

We all know who your sister is, married to 20 million inheritance or not. And we all treat her accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Lady, you are clearly very jealous of your sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can provide an example that illustrates this divide. My sister and I grew up middle/lower middle class with parents who prioritized education so we went to good schools and mingled with UMC/MC peers.

I am a “striver” as in I have ambition and want to improve my life and my finances and I am always looking to upgrade and do better and be better.

My sister was exactly like me. Desperate to fit in with her UC peers, dress like them, talk like them but she had this sense of urgency and unease until…she married one of them.

It happened slowly but 5 years in, she has lost some of the striver-ness. Her husband is a trust funder who will inherit like 20 mil down the line. His friends are billionaires and multimillionaires. My sister still works but she isn’t as dedicated to her job and disdains having a career. She makes fun of her single friend who wants to go to an Ivy Business school and thinks it’s not with the hassle.

She focuses her ambition now on fitness, skincare and ensuring her new baby has all she needs.

She doesn’t ever worry about making it or making a certain salary or a certain accomplishment because… she has made it. She will never have to prove herself for the rest of her life. She and her child are in the club.

I am not.

I highly doubt your sister is as awful as you say she is but you do sound jealous. How awful, focusing on her new baby.