What exactly makes someone a “striver,” and why such disdain for them?

[Anonymous]

I have wondered this too. I’d never heard the term before reading it on DCUM.

Maybe I’m part stiver. Grew up LMC, now top 5% just due to working my way up. Live in a hot neighborhood that is often discussed here. But l don’t give a hoot about moving up socially, no interest in country clubs or getting my kid in the right school except for academic reasons. My kid’s school had many people with generational wealth and l don’t really fit in with them, but l don’t try to cause l really don’t care about the fund raising auction and cotillion - l was kinda shocked people actually still do that. Does a striver volunteer for the auction and take up tennis or whatever the fancy school SAHMs are doing - but then how could they also hold down a real job?

So, striver definition is unclear to me.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s more disdain for people who come off as try-hards. They want to do all they can to come off a certain way and fit in socially and it seems desperate.

[Anonymous]

For the same reason that kids today make fun of “pick me’s”. They are often too much, too single focused, too only caring about the next promotion/pay raise, so they can loudly proclaim to everyone always. To use another DCUM hated word, they are tacky.
No one hates or mocks the bootstrap person, hell America is built on the story of the bootstrapper. They hate the person who has nothing else to talk about, and is so socially awkward to think that’s all other people want to hear about.
Act like you’ve been there before.

[Anonymous]

I’m sure this has already been stated, and I’ve stated similar in similar threads, but the “striver” insult is just classism/racism at its finest. When the landed gentry recognize that there are others who’ve become successful through their own talent and effort, they can’t deal. So they “otherize” newly successful people in an attempt to preserve their ego, and make themselves feel better about having been handed everything in life.

[Anonymous]

What I despise about strivers is not earnest self-improvement or success of those who were less fortunate. It's the thinly veiled social climbing. Trying to become "friends" with someone not because of who they are, but because of their wealth, connections, and/or status. Someone close to me was once at a cocktail party being thrown for the new CEO of a well-known local institution. The wife of the CEO began a conversation with this person. Once it was clear that she was a SAHM, the wife literally walked away from the conversation. It was clear that she was only interested in speaking with those who could be to her "social advantage", not knowing at the time that this SAHM happened to be involved in a number of influential organizations, but just didn't advertise it. It's this lack of grace, naked ambition and treating people as a means to an end in connection with their social climbing that I associate with strivers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I associate it with “keeping up with the Joneses,” and general superficiality. Not sure if that’s what the term was meant to mean.

+1
Old money doesn't care about keeping up with the Jonses. They typically just do their thing and half the things they do others don't understand. Like we never buy luxury cars and keep an old chevy pick up for yard/pets etc, yet we have 3 homes handed down via trust. Oh, and right now I have my Birkenstocks with socks, and 2 ct diamond earrings. It just doesn't make sense to some and literally I don't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the same reason that kids today make fun of “pick me’s”. They are often too much, too single focused, too only caring about the next promotion/pay raise, so they can loudly proclaim to everyone always. To use another DCUM hated word, they are tacky.
No one hates or mocks the bootstrap person, hell America is built on the story of the bootstrapper. They hate the person who has nothing else to talk about, and is so socially awkward to think that’s all other people want to hear about.
Act like you’ve been there before.

This is a great answer. I'm old money now, and am so proud of my bootstrap ancestors. I have great admiration and respect for those who are self-made and maintain dignity and integrity. To me, strivers lose dignity and integrity along the way. There's nothing wrong with wanting to improve your station. There is something wrong with taking advantage of others to do it or the snobbery and arrogance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I associate it with “keeping up with the Joneses,” and general superficiality. Not sure if that’s what the term was meant to mean.

+1
Old money doesn't care about keeping up with the Jonses. They typically just do their thing and half the things they do others don't understand. Like we never buy luxury cars and keep an old chevy pick up for yard/pets etc, yet we have 3 homes handed down via trust. Oh, and right now I have my Birkenstocks with socks, and 2 ct diamond earrings. It just doesn't make sense to some and literally I don't care.

How gauche to wear diamonds during the day. They’re all laughing at you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s more disdain for people who come off as try-hards. They want to do all they can to come off a certain way and fit in socially and it seems desperate.

Yeah I think it's just this. People who only are kind/friendly to those they perceive as higher-status socially because they want to get in with an upper-crust friend group. Combined with being standoffish/borderline rude to those they perceive as beneath them.

[Anonymous]

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/759584.page

[Anonymous]

“You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.”—Malcolm S. Forbes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I despise about strivers is not earnest self-improvement or success of those who were less fortunate. It's the thinly veiled social climbing. Trying to become "friends" with someone not because of who they are, but because of their wealth, connections, and/or status. Someone close to me was once at a cocktail party being thrown for the new CEO of a well-known local institution. The wife of the CEO began a conversation with this person. Once it was clear that she was a SAHM, the wife literally walked away from the conversation. It was clear that she was only interested in speaking with those who could be to her "social advantage", not knowing at the time that this SAHM happened to be involved in a number of influential organizations, but just didn't advertise it. It's this lack of grace, naked ambition and treating people as a means to an end in connection with their social climbing that I associate with strivers.

GH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I associate it with “keeping up with the Joneses,” and general superficiality. Not sure if that’s what the term was meant to mean.

+1
Old money doesn't care about keeping up with the Jonses. They typically just do their thing and half the things they do others don't understand. Like we never buy luxury cars and keep an old chevy pick up for yard/pets etc, yet we have 3 homes handed down via trust. Oh, and right now I have my Birkenstocks with socks, and 2 ct diamond earrings. It just doesn't make sense to some and literally I don't care.

Well, you are the cheap and trashy old money American. The European old money are very classy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I associate it with “keeping up with the Joneses,” and general superficiality. Not sure if that’s what the term was meant to mean.

+1
Old money doesn't care about keeping up with the Jonses. They typically just do their thing and half the things they do others don't understand. Like we never buy luxury cars and keep an old chevy pick up for yard/pets etc, yet we have 3 homes handed down via trust. Oh, and right now I have my Birkenstocks with socks, and 2 ct diamond earrings. It just doesn't make sense to some and literally I don't care.

Well, you are the cheap and trashy old money American. The European old money are very classy.

+1. PP is most certainly American new money. Which self respecting person goes around wearing 2 ct diamonds and crows about it on here?

[Anonymous]

For me it’s people who want a certain brand of purse, car, certain level of house, etc to be “better than” other people or attain the same “level” as the people they are striving towards. They think people look down on them and in then they will look down on those who don’t have what they JUST themselves attained.