My husband is very stupid
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
true on all accounts. their brains are off, way off. |
Anonymous
|
OPIf he (and his family) hid this disability from you, then you were duped. He sounds sneaky and or passive aggressive too.
I would have to walk. Sorry to say that, but my DH is close to yours, but slightly better. I am at my breaking point. He does really stupid things all the time. I was the one who did the thread about him giving my friends my user name for an online newspaper. He has screwed up big deals like car purchases and home sales. Not cute, not funny. |
Anonymous
Clearly she settled when she realized she couldn’t do any better. |
Anonymous
| Sorry OP, he does sound like an idiot. Guess your kids will be pretty dumb too. |
Anonymous
|
ADHD is real. XDH had undiagnosed ADHD for a many years, but it became apparent after our first kid and when he took on a more challenging job. I watched his inability to cope and even developed my own name for it: I thought he couldn’t “parallel process.” Come to find, there were already terms like “inability to multitask” and “ADHD” to describe the condition.
|
Anonymous
To a large extent this is my untreated ADD husband, but the situation with his untreated ADD brother is much worse. I wish they'd get help but damn if I raise this issue. The co-dependency between the brother and parents is constant. His mom pays his bills, lends him her car, sends presents on his behalf, helps his job search. Then his father does his graduate homework for him, buys him rental properties in his name to work on together, pay for his airplane tickets, figure our insurance for him. They both make excuse after excuse for him every time he is fired, or wants to quit, or missed a bill, or got dumped, or wants to try a 3rd or 4th one-year graduate degree in something totally different. He is always the victim, you know, so they must help him feel better. Every year or so they ponder when 30-something bro will get married, despite never holding a job down for 15+ years now. |
Anonymous
At first I called it Passive Aggressive and thought he was F'ing up on purpose all the time and then lying about it. Then I realized there was a clear pattern of him never listening well - to anyone, forgetting what to pack on trips, losing keys or phone on a weekly basis, never recalling important conversations. I called it Ineffective or Dysfunctional. Then things got bad when the kids came + us both working, where he continued to be ineffective and dysfunctional but try to cover it up or lie about it. I got run down trying to do everything and still being sabotaged by Mr. Forgetful. Now the trust is gone and I fully realize I am married to someone I cannot count on for much. He probably only does 50% of what he says he'll do, or remember 50% of what he is actually supposed to do. We all suffer - kids go to activities without the right stuff, despite notes and reminders everywhere; late most times; deadlines missed constantly; conversations forgotten; missed every holiday or bday present. It's like he just doesn't want to be involved, and is incapable of being involved. |
Anonymous
|
I thought I was going insane and getting angry and disappointed all the time.
Then we had family houseguests for a long weekend. At one point the wife houseguest said, "Can your DH hear OK, he keeps asking questions about what was just spoken about?" Then later in the weekend the man houesguest tied it all together and said, "Your DH does seem to be firing on all cylinders." We got DH diagnosed a few months later after his physical. He went in with a list, he tried to make it nonchalant but at one point he confessed how frustrating it must be to live with someone behaving like that. Good first step, but it is never ending. |
Anonymous
| * doesn't seem to be |
Anonymous
| OP he sounds dumb. Just cut your losses. |
Anonymous
| Wow such a warm and cuddly person you are lol you are a total moron. |
Anonymous
He most likely checked off a lot of boxes...money, right School, etc...all those things that do not matter. |
Anonymous
|
How do you stress test for ADD while dating?
How do you test this reliability, ability to multi-task, and child-raising goals while dating? It might not be as simple as can the bachelor hold down a job. The question is can he hold down a job and be a good husband, father, homeowner, son all at the same time or not. It sounds like you practically have to look hard as his mother, father and siblings for similar symptoms and then run if you see them. |
Anonymous
Live with them before making a lifetime commitment. This is how I figured out an ex-bf had untreated adhd. On the surface, he seemed to have his life together (prestigious education/career, lots of friends/hobbies). We actually dated for almost 2 years before living together. We saw each other 3x a week, slept over, vacationed together, etc. He wanted to get marry but I wasn't willing to take that step without living together for at least year. This is what I learned. -His parents managed most of his finances. I'm 100% sure that they were only reason why he still had good credit. The bills that they didn't manage (like random store credit cards) often didn't get paid on time. -He often forgot to buy food for his dog. The dog would end up eating whatever random human food was available. It's okay once in awhile but definitely not on a semi-regular basis. The worse was when the dog had a toothache and needed to go the the vet. I finally took the dog after the second time he forgot to go the appointment. -He was a slob, both messy (piles of stuff everywhere) and dirty (unwashed dishes, food crumbs everywhere). He preferred to hang out/stay over at my place. I stayed over at his place maybe once every other month. I didn't think too much of it because my place was closer to his work and it made life easier for me. I found out that he always got his place cleaned right before I stayed over but that he, more or less, lived in filth between cleanings. I also found out that he was on good behavior when he was staying over at my place but once we moved in together, he didn't feel the need to keep up the pretense. He was really good at compartmentalizing and hiding the dysfunctional parts of life. But when we lived together, there's nowhere to hide- especially when dealing with finances and daily habits. No one's perfect but an inability to function as adult is a deal breaker. And yes, I took the dog with me when I broke up with him. He got the dog on a whim (before we met), liked the idea of the dog but not the work, and was happy to not have that responsibility. |
Anonymous
|
Makes sense. One of the rare occasions where living together may sis’s things out. But in many adhd cases it took the young kids and their needs/schedules latered on for everyone to hit the wall.
Women w BF: Pay attn to his habits and if you are the one doing everything or not. |