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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How do you stress test for ADD while dating? 
How do you test this reliability, ability to multi-task, and child-raising goals while dating?  It might not be as simple as can the bachelor hold down a job. The question is can he hold down a job and be a good husband, father, homeowner, son all at the same time or not.

It sounds like you practically have to look hard as his mother, father and siblings for similar symptoms and then run if you see them. [/quote]

Live with them before making a lifetime commitment. This is how I figured out an ex-bf had untreated adhd. On the surface, he seemed to have his life together (prestigious education/career, lots of friends/hobbies). We actually dated for almost 2 years before living together. We saw each other 3x a week, slept over, vacationed together, etc. He wanted to get marry but I wasn't willing to take that step without living together for at least year. This is what I learned.

-His parents managed most of his finances. I'm 100% sure that they were only reason why he still had good credit. The bills that they didn't manage (like random store credit cards) often didn't get paid on time.

-He often forgot to buy food for his dog. The dog would end up eating whatever random human food was available. It's okay once in awhile but definitely not on a semi-regular basis. The worse was when the dog had a toothache and needed to go the the vet. I finally took the dog after the second time he forgot to go the appointment.

-He was a slob, both messy (piles of stuff everywhere) and dirty (unwashed dishes, food crumbs everywhere). He preferred to hang out/stay over at my place. I stayed over at his place maybe once every other month. I didn't think too much of it because my place was closer to his work and it made life easier for me. I found out that he always got his place cleaned right before I stayed over but that he, more or less, lived in filth between cleanings. I also found out that he was on good behavior when he was staying over at my place but once we moved in together, he didn't feel the need to keep up the pretense.

He was really good at compartmentalizing and hiding the dysfunctional parts of life. But when we lived together, there's nowhere to hide- especially when dealing with finances and daily habits. No one's perfect but an inability to function as adult is a deal breaker. And yes, I took the dog with me when I broke up with him. He got the dog on a whim (before we met), liked the idea of the dog but not the work, and was happy to not have that responsibility.[/quote]

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