DCUM Weblog

The top thread in both number of replies and number of views is titled, "Why do I find it annoying when childfree people say they are tired?" and posted in the "General Parenting Discussion" forum. The original poster complains that individuals who don't have children occasionally stay out late and then complain later that they didn't get enough sleep. This bothers the original poster because, due to being the parent of young children, she hasn't had a good night's sleep in years. Having been there, done that, I am not completely unsympathetic to the original poster and I can understand the urge to vent on an anonymous parenting forum. But, I know from experience that such threads are not going to be well-received. The thread is nine pages, very few of which I will bother to read. But, based on the few posts I skimmed over, the replies seem to be lots of variations of telling the original poster to quit whining with quite a few comments about the lack of understanding of non-parents for the plight of parents sprinkled in. A common phenomenon on DCUM when a poster complains about having things more difficult than someone else, is that posters describe others who have things even worse. So, of course that happens in this thread as well. The original poster has three kids and hasn't slept well in years? Well, another poster has four children and hasn't had a good night's sleep in decades. It's the old, "I walked six miles to school in 4 feet of snow uphill both ways" routine played out in the context of parenting. And, to be sure, on DCUM no matter how bad you think your situation might be, there will be someone who is personally experiencing or knows someone who is experiencing something worse. You will never get the gold medal for suffering on this website. I suppose there is the odd poster who feels better knowing that others have it worse then them, but such posters are probably not starting this type of thread in the first place.

The most active thread yesterday in both number of replies and number of views was titled, "What do you think : Boomers climbed up the ladder and pulled it up after them." and posted in the "Money and Finances" forum. I've written before that I really dislike generational labels like "boomers" and "millennials" which I consider to be reductive, generally inaccurate, and a clear sign of lazy thinking. So, I had low expectations for this thread and, without reading every post, can only deduce that they were not low enough. The original poster couldn't be bothered to write a substantive post, simply claiming that the title reflects something that has been "posted around". The responses appear to be a collection of cliched and tired arguments and, if there in an insightful post in the bunch, I missed it. Folks, the last few decades have been a pattern of the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer. What tenuously remains of the middle class is busy arguing about CRT and gender identity while their pockets get picked with increasing regularity. If you believe that this is either the fault of gray-haired fuddy-duddies who refuse to retire or a bunch of young whippersnappers who think they know everything, you are missing the big picture entirely. You are both in the same boat. On a broad basis, it would be nice if some of those who went to college when it could be paid for with a Summer job understood what a similar education costs today and it wouldn't hurt for the youngsters to understand that 65 year olds are not hanging on to their jobs simply because they hate golf and have nothing better to do. But, threads like this never achieve that goal. If anything, both sides of the debate end up giving more credibility to their mutual stereotypes. Frankly, the only acceptable reply to a thread like this is "LOL" or whatever trendy emoji currently reflects that sentiment.

Today I'll look at the most active threads during the past week, skipping over any that were already mentioned in the daily posts. Given that this was the week of Thanksgiving, many of the most active threads addressed Thanksgiving-related topics. One, that was second in number of replies for the week and fifth in number of views was titled, "Should so called 'thanksgiving' be a national day of mourning?" and posted in the "Off-Topic" forum. The original poster reported that indigenous groups would be demonstrating at Plymouth Rock and asked if we should consider changing the name of the Thanksgiving holiday. At its root, this is a debate between myth and reality. On one side is the traditional version of Thanksgiving in which early Pilgrims feasted in celebration of their first harvest along with indigenous natives whose assistance had contributed to a successful growing season. On the other is the reality of the genocide committed against the natives by early Americans. Both perspectives are well represented in this thread. This has been an annual debate on DCUM and one evolution that I've noticed is that the revisionist arguments against the traditional view have themselves been countered by a third perspective. This viewpoint acknowledges the devastation wrought on the indigenous communities, but provides three justifications: 1) the same colonial practices have been conducted throughout history and are perfectly normal (i.e. might makes right); 2) the indigenous groups were also violent and conquered each other so they are in no position to complain; and 3) despite any negative aspects, the result is an advanced society based on laudable values (i.e the ends justify the means). This third perspective is partially debated in the thread in relation to proposed changes in Virginia's history curriculum which describe indigenous natives as "America’s first immigrants". In contrast to the posters arguing about history, several posters just want a day on which to express their thankfulness and resent the the day's has become little more than a national day of shopping.

Today I'll look at the most active threads over the weekeend. The thread with the most replies and second highest number of views was titled, "Why are Northern Kids Flocking to Southern Universities?" and posted in the "College and University Discussion" forum. The original poster links to an article in "Town and Country" magazine that documents increased interest in universities located in the southern United States. I haven't read this 15 page thread other than skimming a few pages, but from what I've seen, the thread could easily be confused for a Loudoun County School Board meeting. It is full of complaints about Covid restrictions and "woke indoctrination" in northern schools. I find it hard to believe that students are choosing colleges based on whether a vaccination is required or not, but this thread would convince you that this is among the most important factors. There seems to be a number of posters in the college and university forum that are heavily invested in promoting southern schools and threads such as this appear regularly. To be sure, universities in the South have their detractors as well, many pointing to abortion restrictions as a reason to avoid such schools. I also noticed a number of posts in this thread suggesting that the the growth in interest in the southern schools is a result of them being less competitive for applicants. Also, just like almost every thread about education these days, this thread somehow got diverted into a discussion about Asians.

Today I'll look back at the most active threads from the past week. Many of the most active threads were already discussed in the daily updates, so I will skip over them today. However, this week that leaves sort of slim pickings. A thread that was fifth in both replies and views was titled, "Wife Wants To Be A SAHM" and posted in the "General Parenting Discussion" forum. The thread might be better in the relationship forum or even the money forum because the issue is not really parenting. The original poster's wife wants to quit her job and stay at home with their newborn baby. The original poster supports his wife staying home, but thinks that they need to establish a budget to help control their spending. His wife disagrees. The idea of opposing a budget struck me as strange, as it did many of those who responded, unless what it actually meant is that the wife would only be allowed an allowance. The original poster insisted that is not what he meant while listing a number of somewhat extravagant expenses his wife regularly incurs. As such, it seems the real issue is how best the couple can control their spending after losing the wife's income. Many contentious issues are brought up in the thread. Of course, there is the perennial stay at home mom vs work out of the home mom debate that never ends on DCUM, but the topics of profligate spending, a wife's financial independence or control, and the cost of childcare are also discussed. There are posters of differing views on all of these issues. Towards the end of the thread, it had almost completely been overtaken by arguments about how much time parents spend raising their children versus the time spent by caregivers such as nannies. I suspect that by now the original poster rues the day he ever heard the name of our website.

The thread with both the most replies and the most views yesterday was titled, "Jackson-Reed Lockdown today" and posted in the "DC Public and Public Charter Schools" forum. The thread discussed Jackson-Reed High School, which was previously named Woodrow Wilson High School, being locked down due to gunshots fired on the edge of the school's campus. This hit pretty close to home for me because I have a son who is a student at the school. Ironically, the students had just had an active shooter drill the previous day. As my wife commented, it is sad that American children routinely undergo such training and even sadder when they are forced to put the training to use. The thread started with just simple requests for more information as initial facts were sketchy. Once it was clear that the incident didn't involve students and that the shooters had fled the area, the discussion turned towards the response of area schools. While near by Alice Deal Middle School and Georgetown Day School had both locked down, Janney Elementary School which is only a few blocks away, did not. In contrast, Lafayette Elementary School which is some distance from the incident apparently locked down. Posters were distressed in both cases, but particularly in the case of Janney where the time and place of the students is being analyzed step by step and the school's communications are being dissected word by word.

Yesterday's top topics all seemed to revolve around relationships, despite none of them being posted in the main relationship forum. The thread with the most replies was posted in the "Family Relationships" forum. DCUM seems to have a large number of posters with in-law issues and an even larger group who loves to discuss those problems. As such, there are always a number of threads on in-law topics. A thread titled, "Almost former ILs still want their 'party'" led in number of replies yesterday and was second in number of views. The original poster explains that she and her husband are separated and moving towards a divorce. She has traditionally hosted Thanksgiving dinner and her in-laws have normally attended. This year the original poster is planning to invite only her parents and her in-laws are disappointed about being left out. The in-laws don't seem to be taking "no" for answer and the original poster asks how she can get them to understand.

Looking at the the list of yesterday's most active threads, I am not feeling a huge amount of inspiration. The threads seem to have a depressing cast to them. For instance, the thread with the most replies yesterday and the third highest number of views was titled, "What is wrong with Americans? Target lost $400M due to mass theft" and posted in the "Political Discussion" forum. The orignal post links to an report on a recent telephone call between Target executives and reporters on which it was disclosed that Target has had a profit loss of $400 million due to "organized theft" this year. The original poster asks whether our society is descending into anarchy and seems to blame these thefts on lack of law enforcement. The thread is mostly a regurgitation of partisan talking points such as criticism of liberal politicians, complaints about parenting, and moral decay. From the other side, posters described Target as a terrible employer, compared retail theft to white color crime and crimes by political leaders, and discussed social issues. The article to which the original poster linked was succinct and clear in the analysis provided by one quote that was included: "I think wealth inequality has everything to do with all this."

The thread with the highest number of replies and the highest number of views yesterday was posted in the "Political Discussion" forum. Titled, "Russia fires missiles into Poland", the title is likely incorrect based on the latest information about the event. The original poster embedded a tweet saying that two Russian missiles had landed in Poland, killing two people. The original poster concluded that these missiles were fired by Russia, but news reports today suggest the projectiles were fired by Ukraine — who uses Russian-made ground to air defense systems — while attempting to destroy incoming Russian rockets and drones. These days the political forum amounts to little more than posters interpreting every single event through the prism of their pre-existing views. No matter what happens, it simply reinforces what they already believe. This is particularly ironic when posters with completely opposite views both believe the same event proves them correct. So it went with this thread. Those who are convinced we risk nuclear Armageddon at every minute worried that this woud be the trigger. Those who consider Russia the biggest evil in the world added this to their list of evidence. The posters who are convinced that NATO is being sucked into the Ukraine conflict pounded their chests in victory. Posters suggested that the event proved both that we should strengthen our support for Ukraine and that we should begin disengaging. The posters who suggested that maybe we should withhold conclusions until more information is available will be forgotten today as the loudest voices from yesterday will readjust their claims to state that while they were right yesterday, they are even more right today, despite being wrong yesterday.

The thread with the most replies and the most views yesterday was titled, "UVA mass shooting" and posted in the "College and University Discussion" forum. As is clear from the title, this thread is about the tragic shooting that took place at the University of Virginia leaving three members of the University's football team dead and two others — including an additional football player — wounded. The thread was started just after 1 a.m. by a worried parent whose child was under lock down at UVA. Through the night, posters exchanged messages of support and sympathy and gathered what details they could about the shooting. There was also a discussion about the "Run, Hide, Fight" alert sent to students with some posters not understanding what is apparently a pretty standard warning as a part of active shooter training. Threads of this type generally provoke posts or reports from users who object to any kind of speculation about incidents of this type. They prefer that the threads be limited to expressions of sympathy and the simple reports of known facts. Others think that attempting to draw conclusions or discussing theories related to the event are helpful and normal. I tried to find a middle ground between these two sides by removing overtly political posts and others that diverted from the main topic of the thread. Specifically, I removed a number of posts disputing the value of prayers as compared to gun control. These posts simply rehashed the same arguments from countless other threads and continued over several pages, prompting multiple posts pleading that the discussion be taken elsewhere. I am not one of those who believes that the aftermath of a shooting is too soon to discuss gun control, but I do believe such discussions shouldn't drown out the rest of the posts.