what is with parents serving alcohol at parties for kids who are 15 and 16?

[Anonymous]

I have two kids at two different Big3 schools.
This past week (end of year parties and grad parties) each of my kids has been invited to KID ONLY parties
where the parents bought alcohol. The kids at one party were 15-16. The other ones were grad parties so the kids were 17-18.
The parents bought the alcohol (not the kids sneaking in). The parents had ice buckets of ice seltzer, etc for age 15+ kids.
They're not tiny parties either (like just the popular or wild kids or anything like that).
It's a normal cross section of the classes.

Am I hopelessly out of touch? My kids say "it's a private school thing mom. All the parents do it."
Is this true?
I am not judging (well I guess I am) but I'm still sending my kids to these things so I guess I'm not really judging.

And if you say "this never happens", I'd encourage you to dig deeper.
My daughter was at a 10th grade girls-only pool party yesterday afternoon and I thought I knew the mom.
I never would have even thought to ask my kid "was there alcohol at this girls-only (no boys were there) afternoon pool party?
I mean, huh?
And yet there was!! She served the kids hard seltzer.

What have you seen? Appreciate any perspectives.
Thanks you much.

[Anonymous]

European who went to private here in the US.

I’ve been drinking wine since 13 and many of my friends were drinking in high school. I can extrapolate that to all private kids, but it tracks.

[Anonymous]

Private schools tend to draw a more cosmopolitan, international crowd that understands there’s nothing wrong with teenagers drinking like they do abroad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:European who went to private here in the US.

I’ve been drinking wine since 13 and many of my friends were drinking in high school. I can extrapolate that to all private kids, but it tracks.

Be careful to avoid the trope about European attitudes about alcohol. It’s not like Europeans are more sophisticated about it or something. Binge drinking and problem drinking are huge problems in many places in Europe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Private schools tend to draw a more cosmopolitan, international crowd that understands there’s nothing wrong with teenagers drinking like they do abroad.

Nothing wrong? There is plenty wrong. It’s not like attitudes about drinking “abroad” are better or something.

[Anonymous]

OP here.
For what it's worth, the host families at these things (I'm thinking of 6 families) are all very white-bread Americans.

[Anonymous]

I have also been surprised by this - especially at the grad parties this past weekend. Not just a private school thing, though. I have my own mixed thoughts on my underage kids drinking I suppose - but I'm firmly opposed to other parents offering my underage kids drinks, especially when they know that my kid drove herself to the party. That was the truly baffling part to me - they watched kids show up in their cars and handed them alcohol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Private schools tend to draw a more cosmopolitan, international crowd that understands there’s nothing wrong with teenagers drinking like they do abroad.

Nothing wrong? There is plenty wrong. It’s not like attitudes about drinking “abroad” are better or something.

They are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:European who went to private here in the US.

I’ve been drinking wine since 13 and many of my friends were drinking in high school. I can extrapolate that to all private kids, but it tracks.

In NYC? Did any of you drive?

[Anonymous]

Not just the private schools, OP. There are families in public schools who allow this, also. The alcohol is in the basement parties, much like decades prior.

[Anonymous]

Are the parents present at these parties? Just from a liability perspective, I'm flabbergasted. Especially with so many of the parents being lawyers. I know these parties do exist and it makes me sad. Why on earth are people encouraging their much to young teenagers to be drinking? Study after study shows how dangerous drinking in highschool is both in the short and long term.

Is this born out of a need for the parents to feel cool? Parents who provide alcohol to minors please explain your though process. I'm a parent who will call the cops on one of these parties. It's just fundamentally wrong on so many levels to be serving 14 to 18 year old alcohol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
For what it's worth, the host families at these things (I'm thinking of 6 families) are all very white-bread Americans.

I'm with you OP, I don't get it.

I get that the kids are somehow going to drink, smoke, etc but I don't really agree that it would/should be "adult sponsored" - that's just poor values and judgement by the adults here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are the parents present at these parties? Just from a liability perspective, I'm flabbergasted. Especially with so many of the parents being lawyers. I know these parties do exist and it makes me sad. Why on earth are people encouraging their much to young teenagers to be drinking? Study after study shows how dangerous drinking in highschool is both in the short and long term.

Is this born out of a need for the parents to feel cool? Parents who provide alcohol to minors please explain your though process. I'm a parent who will call the cops on one of these parties. It's just fundamentally wrong on so many levels to be serving 14 to 18 year old alcohol.

Teens today drink/drive drunk/have sex/do drugs at MUCH lower rates than 20 years ago. Some might even say the pendulum has swung too far and that teens today aren’t socializing enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are the parents present at these parties? Just from a liability perspective, I'm flabbergasted. Especially with so many of the parents being lawyers. I know these parties do exist and it makes me sad. Why on earth are people encouraging their much to young teenagers to be drinking? Study after study shows how dangerous drinking in highschool is both in the short and long term.

Is this born out of a need for the parents to feel cool? Parents who provide alcohol to minors please explain your though process. I'm a parent who will call the cops on one of these parties. It's just fundamentally wrong on so many levels to be serving 14 to 18 year old alcohol.

Why do you feel that way? Teens drink abroad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are the parents present at these parties? Just from a liability perspective, I'm flabbergasted. Especially with so many of the parents being lawyers. I know these parties do exist and it makes me sad. Why on earth are people encouraging their much to young teenagers to be drinking? Study after study shows how dangerous drinking in highschool is both in the short and long term.

Is this born out of a need for the parents to feel cool? Parents who provide alcohol to minors please explain your though process. I'm a parent who will call the cops on one of these parties. It's just fundamentally wrong on so many levels to be serving 14 to 18 year old alcohol.

+1000