Adoptive parents that treat their biological child and adopted child differently
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Anonymous
I was adopted by a family who were told they could not have children. 1 year later they had their own child. I was often called a "mistake" and a "waste of money" growing up. My dad would spit on me for fun. I was a "second class" person. I bought my own car when I was 17. I bought it from the dealership I worked for because they were the only ones who would give me a loan for a car. I got a 20 year old El Camino with 211,000 miles on it. My Sibling got a new Chevy Silverado extended cab pickup on the 16th Birthday. Few months later, sibling blew the engine after not doing oil changes and doing burn outs in parking lots, and was given a Honda Del Sol. Sibling wrecked that in an accident with a parked car, then was given a blue (and bigger) Toyota Tundra. I was still on my first car @ 270,000 miles. Now sibling drives a Jeep. All paid for by its parents. Insurance too. Gas too. Anyway, I wanted to be a pilot ever since I was little and had graduated High School with a 3.6GPA. I was told that if I passed ground school, they would help me pay for the pilots course. To do this I worked at a grocery store and slept in my car most nights in order to save money. I took the classes at night and I passed my ground school and was ready to continue my training! I brought my parents the news, but was not given the chance to go to college or pilot school. I was told there wasn't any money for that kind of thing. So I went into the Army. At least I wasn't living in my car anymore. At least the signed the paperwork allowing a 17 year old to join the Army. 1 year later: My sibling was sent to a 4 year university in Australia. They also allowed my sibling to pick 2 friends and they all went backpacking in Europe for 2 months all expenses paid before starting college as a reward for completing High school. The "family" would go on "family" trips when I was a kid and they would leave me behind with friends parents. It was weird living at your friends house for 2 weeks while your whole "family" is in Hawaii or New Zealand or Itialy on vacation. My sibling would be on some beach in Hawaii and I would be in school, sleeping on the floor of someone else's house until they came back. I have never been invited on such trips. |
Anonymous
| Ok people who adopt are not perfect, so adoptees are reminded that their bio parents were not perfect. Forget the part about adopted children being planned children and how the kid gets a better home |
Anonymous
| God-What awful stories. I would like to think that many adoptive parent's truly love their adopted children and treat them well. These stories would make most birth moms never want to place their child up for adoption. |
Anonymous
I think most do truly love their children and treat them well. Are they perfect parents? No. Who is? My adoptive parents love me unconditionally and I in turn love my adopted child unconditionally. |
Anonymous
| My adopted siblings were treated very differently then us. Mom wanted the praise of being an "angel" who adopted unwanted kids. And she got it. Everyone who was not family thought that abusive woman was a saint. Some people adopt for the right reasons and just as many adopt for the wrong reasons. We ALL had to live with the consequences of my saintly, abusive, alcoholic mother. The only good thing is my adoptive siblings can say they are not related to her. Wish I could say the same. |
Anonymous
| I know this is an old forum but, I just wanted to bring up something that I haven't seen in any of the forums I have read. What about when parents treat the adopted kids better? My older sister was adopted at birth, and I was born 18 months later. I am 15 and have noticed that they have played favorites a lot more in the past few years. It isn't about the material things, it's more about the emotional part. It is because of the stories you hear about parents favouring their biological kids more that my parents want to make sure that my sister doesn't feel that way. But in the process of making sure that she knows they love her just as if she was blood, they forget about my feelings. One thing that has always stood out to me, is how they react when report cards come home. School isn't something that was extremely hard, or extremely easy for me, I always am studying and checking and re-checking my work to make sure that I am doing good, I probably spend most of my time after school doing more school work. My last report card I got 93% in my math course, I was really proud, and couldn't wait to show my mom after school. When I showed her all she said to me was "you should have done better" she didn't even smile. Not even five minutes later my sister showed my mom her report card in which she got 52% and my mom was jumping up and down excited for her. It is things like these that really make me wonder if it is maybe just me, or if they want to make sure that my sister knows that they won't treat her badly because she isn't biologically related. Me and my sister don't even argue that much, and I know that she is adopted, but I never actually think of her as my adopted sister, she has always just simply been my sister. When people who know that she is adopted say "oh so you guys aren't actually sisters" our answer has always been no, we are actually sisters. We grew up together. I realize that my situation is pretty unique and that people have it a lot worse than us, but that doesn't mean that it still doesn't hurt. I know my parents love both me and my sister, but they end up stepping on my toes to make her feel accepted, even though she already is and always has been accepted. |
Anonymous
There was a huge debate a while ago over Russia banning US adoptions. Many kids will not have a chance to have a family anymore, as US parents usually adopted domestically "unwanted" children. But maybe they were right after all? (Russian officials I mean) Why cannot cps do anything? |
Anonymous
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I am adopted i was adopted at age 13 with my twelve year old sister. My adoptive mother treats both of us differently from her biological daughter and son. All three of us girls are teenagers. I am the oldest, my bio sister the second oldest, and her bio daughter the third. Its more with her daughter though. I mean its not even just the fact that she goes out of the way to make her bio daughter happy that irritates me, its the looks she gives her that show so much love in them that hurts the most. I mean yeah my birth dad died when i was four and my birth mom was addicted to drugs, and wasn't there all the time for us. She wasn't able to provide for us, and she did leave us with questionable people sometimes. But i remember so many good times we had as well. I also remember the look she would give me when she said she loved me. It was from the depths of her heart and i could see the love in her eyes. It was there and i didn't have to earn it.i did not have to do what she wanted to see it there. It was not greedy or manipulative love, it was just my love and there was nothing i could do to change it.
When we got adopted we were so ready for it. We had been in the foster system for almost 2 years. We were ready for a family again. We did move in with this family. And we loved it at first, my older brother who used to live with us did not. I did not understand why. I mean we thought she was great she would BUY us whatever we wanted. I didnt see the way she treated him differently. And when i did i thought she was right. I remember her saying to us "we will just drive him crazy until he runs away, then we wont have to worry about him anymore." well she did drive him crazy, he claimed he started hearing voices telling him to kill himself and to hurt others. If he did i would not have been suprised, you can only put up with her calling you stupid and worthless so many times, you can only take so much of no love before you feel like your nothing. Until you become nothing. It was not until i was older and i was adopted by them (my sister and i) with my brother out of the picture. That i realized what he was going through, because now I was her punching bag. Emotionally and sometimes every once in a while physically. I have been physically abused in the past before i was adopted by some of my birth moms bf. And let me tell you, i would take those physical lashings over her verbal ones anyday. They don't hurt you that deep. A smack across the face?, the redness will go away, a welt from a belt?, it will heal, a bruise from a fist? It will fade. But words? They can stay with you ringing in your ears, and in that deep hidden place where the pain builds. They hurt the worst. Cause the most scars on the inside. I am now in a faze where i do whatever she wants all of the time. I do not question her. I do it. And i know this is how it should be, but its not what her bio daughter and son do. Her son does absolutely nothing, her daughter? She will straighten some things up, but leaves us everything else to do. She will disappear to watch tv or something. Our mom says nothing. If i disappear and im gone for five minutes she will ask me "where were you. Your room. For five minutes? Why? Well you could be watching on the little ones!"( yeah she adopted two babies, that she does not even take care of, just my sister(bio) and i) and i say im sorry and do it. If my sister has a friends house to go to, my mom will let her go. If i ask if i can go to a friends house she says . . . Nothing. At all acts, like i did not say anything. If my sister gets a boyfriend my mom flips out with excitement. If i say something like . . . Well this boy likes me at school . . .she will either say nothing andq change it back to her daughter, or she will say something like, your so boy crazy, you are going to be pregnant by the time you are 16, or are you sure? Or is it just in your head? Or my personal favorite. |
Anonymous
| (Continued) she will say with the way you dress? No way. She will do everything in her power to bring me down. So i do not say anything. I just hurt. All the time. I just try my hardest in school to tey and please her. And so when im 18 i can move out. And go to a good college. I dont aske her for advice anymore, on clothes, hair, make up, nothing cuz ik she will say that is to small on you, your hair is stringy, or there is nothing you can do to cover up that pimple. While my sister has full blown out body and face acne. I get a couple pimples like once a month. Sure i try to keep my face clean by washing it and taking care of it. But its hard when your mom wont get you anything to help with that. But she will take her bio daughter to the dermatologist every month get her thousands of dollars in acne medicine, good makeup to cover it, lotions that don't clog pores, the works. She gets her designer shoes and dresses whenever she takes her out. Which is all the time. She does everything for her. I remember when she first started her period, and she took her and got her these nice pads and tampons and wipes to take to school organizing stuff, and washing stuff. Guess what she did for me? She said i was lying. And when she found out the truth she got me some pads, and took her daughter out of town. She is better towards me now, because i do whatever she asks of me. I do not ask for anything. Its sad when you are scared to ask your own mother to get you some pads. Or if she can get you some deoderant. Yeah thts how bad it is sometimes. You never know what she will say. Like what? I just got you some. There is rust onyour shavers? You will be fine. Why did you use so much toothpaste? It an on going thing the worst thing? Is that my sister who is one year younger than me, is going through it now. And my mom expects me to be on her side. And i cant my sister and i are best friends. I love her more than anything and eill do anything for her. It awful when you have to watch her go throught the same things as you. Then she turns to the same outlets as you to get rid of the pain. Sometimes we turn to eachother. Fighting eachother. Other time we hurt ourselves we have to have the outlets without them we will explode from the pain. And you never argue with her. That is just impossible. If i could change anything. It would be that i was an only child. So i dont have to watch her go through this pain. And i know im suffering it still too. But i know i can take it. Its like all these years have trained me too. I dont know if she can she is so fragile. . . Then my mom threatens to send her away. I dont know if i can bear to lose my best friend and last sibling. I already feel so guilty for not stopping her from splitting us up from our brother. Is that selfish? Or is it right to not want her to have to go live in some military camp thing, i know she doesnt want to leave me. Sometimes i wish we could just do what our brother did fake that we are hearing voices ( yeah he faked it) and get taken away, but its too late because we are adoted already. He was pretty damn smart with that. What also sucks is that i cant leave until my sister is 18 that means staying another year, or leaving her here until she turns 18. Then having her come live with me. I think people have such a stereotypical veiw of adoption that they dont look deeper into it. Because let me tell you some people can put ona good front to act like they are happy, the parents, or the kids. |
Anonymous
| My adopted brother gets treated way better than me. Even as an adult my parents still give him love, attention and money. |
Anonymous
Hi-- I just wanted to let you know that I read your post and heard what you are saying. If I am following your story it sounds like you are about 17? now and having a hard time with your adoptive mother. Are you in therapy currently? Are you saying that your adoptive mother is threatening to send your younger sister away? I would encourage you to speak with your therapist or school counselor about this situation, it sounds like your family needs some help. |
Anonymous
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To the adopted girl and her sister who feels unloved:
I agree, try to get counseling. Also, try to see this home while not ideal, as a place to live. Keep your and your sisters life on track by staying out of trouble and working hard in school. Try to get to a good college so you can do well in life. You are lucky to have your sister. Take comfort in that relationship and just try to spend you energy on school, your is ited, and making a few good friends. |
Anonymous
| Adopted Dear One: Sending you and your siblings prayers. Please contact your social worker or adoption agency; they can probably help out. At 17, you have more choices, such as taking your sister to relatives and friends where you are better treated, when you can, finding a mentor or other adults who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve and getting an after school job so you are better prepared when you do leave your current situation. Also, you might explore the option of taking your sister when you are of age if its that bad. Please let us know how you are doing. |
Anonymous
| I was adopted and constantly was told that a lot of money was paid for me, I would be sent back to where I came from (a 3rd world country)if I didn't behave living in a dirt floor shack, I was shit, came from shit, would always be shit, I was a bastard (born out of wedlock). Who said this? My adoptive mother. Regardless of how frustrating parenting can be, you just don't go there with your adopted child. Also, ive had people who were unable to have have children of their own say to me, not knowing, "how can you adop a kid? thats horrible!" "i should've frozen my eggs, because my adopted daughter is driving me nuts!" Like bio kids don't act up. The list could go on and on but I made my point. I really feel like I live my life branded with the other scarlett letter! Being adopted is a whole other world of feelings and emotions that unless you actually have experienced firsthand you can't understand, and for that, you are very lucky. I live my life with a hole in my heart and a shattered soul. and, yes i tried to find my bio family and they are deceased. I don't speak for every adoptee but I speak for myself. |
Anonymous
| Wow ....just wow. |