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Parenting -- Special Concerns
Reply to "Adoptive parents that treat their biological child and adopted child differently"
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[quote=Anonymous]I am adopted i was adopted at age 13 with my twelve year old sister. My adoptive mother treats both of us differently from her biological daughter and son. All three of us girls are teenagers. I am the oldest, my bio sister the second oldest, and her bio daughter the third. Its more with her daughter though. I mean its not even just the fact that she goes out of the way to make her bio daughter happy that irritates me, its the looks she gives her that show so much love in them that hurts the most. I mean yeah my birth dad died when i was four and my birth mom was addicted to drugs, and wasn't there all the time for us. She wasn't able to provide for us, and she did leave us with questionable people sometimes. But i remember so many good times we had as well. I also remember the look she would give me when she said she loved me. It was from the depths of her heart and i could see the love in her eyes. It was there and i didn't have to earn it.i did not have to do what she wanted to see it there. It was not greedy or manipulative love, it was just my love and there was nothing i could do to change it. When we got adopted we were so ready for it. We had been in the foster system for almost 2 years. We were ready for a family again. We did move in with this family. And we loved it at first, my older brother who used to live with us did not. I did not understand why. I mean we thought she was great she would BUY us whatever we wanted. I didnt see the way she treated him differently. And when i did i thought she was right. I remember her saying to us "we will just drive him crazy until he runs away, then we wont have to worry about him anymore." well she did drive him crazy, he claimed he started hearing voices telling him to kill himself and to hurt others. If he did i would not have been suprised, you can only put up with her calling you stupid and worthless so many times, you can only take so much of no love before you feel like your nothing. Until you become nothing. It was not until i was older and i was adopted by them (my sister and i) with my brother out of the picture. That i realized what he was going through, because now I was her punching bag. Emotionally and sometimes every once in a while physically. I have been physically abused in the past before i was adopted by some of my birth moms bf. And let me tell you, i would take those physical lashings over her verbal ones anyday. They don't hurt you that deep. A smack across the face?, the redness will go away, a welt from a belt?, it will heal, a bruise from a fist? It will fade. But words? They can stay with you ringing in your ears, and in that deep hidden place where the pain builds. They hurt the worst. Cause the most scars on the inside. I am now in a faze where i do whatever she wants all of the time. I do not question her. I do it. And i know this is how it should be, but its not what her bio daughter and son do. Her son does absolutely nothing, her daughter? She will straighten some things up, but leaves us everything else to do. She will disappear to watch tv or something. Our mom says nothing. If i disappear and im gone for five minutes she will ask me "where were you. Your room. For five minutes? Why? Well you could be watching on the little ones!"( yeah she adopted two babies, that she does not even take care of, just my sister(bio) and i) and i say im sorry and do it. If my sister has a friends house to go to, my mom will let her go. If i ask if i can go to a friends house she says . . . Nothing. At all acts, like i did not say anything. If my sister gets a boyfriend my mom flips out with excitement. If i say something like . . . Well this boy likes me at school . . .she will either say nothing andq change it back to her daughter, or she will say something like, your so boy crazy, you are going to be pregnant by the time you are 16, or are you sure? Or is it just in your head? Or my personal favorite. [/quote]
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