Adoptive parents that treat their biological child and adopted child differently

[Anonymous]

omg. a hellish and devilish world. whoever would judge the adoptees here for daring to feel "slights" clearly has reading comprehension issues. countless examples of inhumane behaviour, telling children they're shit and will only ever be shit and that they were a mistake and a waste of money is a "slight"? you seriously need to be tested for psychosis and get meds quick. how is it that some reactions to these horrific stories are an appropriate horrified response, while others are more victimizing of the victim. those verbally victimizing the adoptees here are doing it due to some emotional investment in the adoptee being the one at fault vs the adopter. I volunteered one day at an orphanage with school aged children. it was abroad. the policy there was that children of a certain age had to give their consent before they would be made eligible for adoption. I thought it was the most humane thing I've heard in a long time regarding children. and here's what I want to say to everyone. not one of those children wanted to be adopted. they instinctively sense the danger in being under the absolute control of adults who didn't birth them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:omg. a hellish and devilish world. whoever would judge the adoptees here for daring to feel "slights" clearly has reading comprehension issues. countless examples of inhumane behaviour, telling children they're shit and will only ever be shit and that they were a mistake and a waste of money is a "slight"? you seriously need to be tested for psychosis and get meds quick. how is it that some reactions to these horrific stories are an appropriate horrified response, while others are more victimizing of the victim. those verbally victimizing the adoptees here are doing it due to some emotional investment in the adoptee being the one at fault vs the adopter. I volunteered one day at an orphanage with school aged children. it was abroad. the policy there was that children of a certain age had to give their consent before they would be made eligible for adoption. I thought it was the most humane thing I've heard in a long time regarding children. and here's what I want to say to everyone. not one of those children wanted to be adopted. they instinctively sense the danger in being under the absolute control of adults who didn't birth them.

Huh. Well, I'm friends with an adoptee from abroad who was adopted from an orphanage when she was 10. She said every day she saw kids being adopted and she always prayed and wondered why she wasn't being adopted.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised by the number of teenagers on this message board. Maybe a forum specifically geared towards adopted children would be more helpful?

[Anonymous]

I know a lady that was an only child until her preteen years. Her parents adopted two children. Her mother then became pregnant and lost the child in the 6th month. The parents always treated the adopted children with more love, caring and financial support than they did the natural child. The natural child was told it was really an unwanted pregnancy and that the mother had tried to abort her by douching. The father told one adopted child that it was "chosen" and that they had to just settle with what they got as the natural child. Needless to say, when both parents passed, they omitted the natural child from the will and left all remaining to the two adopted children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a lady that was an only child until her preteen years. Her parents adopted two children. Her mother then became pregnant and lost the child in the 6th month. The parents always treated the adopted children with more love, caring and financial support than they did the natural child. The natural child was told it was really an unwanted pregnancy and that the mother had tried to abort her by douching. The father told one adopted child that it was "chosen" and that they had to just settle with what they got as the natural child. Needless to say, when both parents passed, they omitted the natural child from the will and left all remaining to the two adopted children.

Maybe the father was not the bio childs real father

[Anonymous]

Opposite situation.

There is a family in my neighborhood with a 23 year old bio son who is treated like trash and a 13 year old adopted son treated like a saint.

They will openly tell anyone who asks the adopted son was adopted as a replacement for their older son, and the mother especially is so mean spirited towards her older son it's sickening - I never knew the older son (moved to the area after he moved out at 18) but all the neighbors have nothing but good things to say about him and apparently he is paying his way through college while working full time.

Meanwhile, adopted 13 year old is one of the most spoiled and unpleasant kids out there. Yet don't you dare suggest he needs professional help (this kid absolutely needs serious professional help - he is out of control) or else you are a racist.

[Anonymous]

I was adopted to a couple that couldn't have children of their own. Five years went by and they finally had one of their own by some miracle. When I was about 12-13 I could see changes in mom. In her book blood is thicker than water. She favored her birth child over me. Dad showed me a lot of love as well as his birth child. I was hit with belts, switches or tea thrown in my face by mom. I was like Cinderella and had to do all chores. My sister didn't have to do anything. My dad held the family together until he died 17 years ago. Since then mom has not wanted anything to do with me or my husband and kids unless it is on her convenience. By the way every time Cinderella came on tv she made sure I watched it. This is when I still was living at home.It goes to show that not all adoptive parents favor their adoptive children.

[Anonymous]

My mom has a bio brother 12 years her senior, then an adopted sister 5 years her senior (clearly her -- very Catholic/would never have used birth control parents -- thought they would never have another after many years of infertility), and then my mom. Her parents were so anxious about making sure they didn't slight my mom's sister that they may have gone overboard with the "you're special because we chose you" story, because -- when she was little -- my mom came away with the distinct impression that they chose her sister and got stuck with her. It all worked out totally fine in the end though, in part because my grandparents made such an effort. My mom's sister was actually the one that nursed my grandmother in her last years/lived nearby and her great-grandchild through my aunt (aunt's son's daughter) was definitely the highlight of her 90's, which were otherwise rather difficult (health-wise).

[Anonymous]

I think if you adopted child even if there from spouse first marriage or whatever situation they should be treated with live given confidence and grow up loved and supported. The biological child has hwe own room while the elder adopted one doesnt the bio child uells and talks back to adults and is disrespectful and the parents say it's the age ahws been like that since she was two. And the adopted child just takes bulling and gets yelled at called dumb and given things like gifts or anything and sums already shy and insecure and this makes ur worse if u cant be equal parent to both dont adopt kids there people who will love and take care of them which your internally are incapable of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a neighbor that has a biological child and an adopted child. There is a clear difference in how they are treated. The biological child was cooed and loved and hugged held and photographed etc. etc. The adoptive child is often left alone, penned, gated, etc. Nothing abusive (I think), but just treated differently. Is this typical or a result of human nature?

This is unconscionable. If I witnessed this. I would start giving the adopted child a lot of attention and hugs. This is heartbreaking.

[Anonymous]

Why have you resurrected a thread from 2010?

[Anonymous]

I am adopted and was treated differently by my parents than my brother who is their bio kid, but I’m also a woman and my brother is a man and I am a different race and my brother is white like my parents. I think there are so many other things tied into it besides being adopted that it’s impossible to extricate. Regardless, I am treated differently and poorly and I have cut off contact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a neighbor that has a biological child and an adopted child. There is a clear difference in how they are treated. The biological child was cooed and loved and hugged held and photographed etc. etc. The adoptive child is often left alone, penned, gated, etc. Nothing abusive (I think), but just treated differently. Is this typical or a result of human nature?

It was completely opposite in my house. I am the only bio child of my parents and my two younger siblings are adopted (not related). As soon as my first younger sibling joined our family when I was 6, my parents revolved their entire world around my sister, and then over my brother and sister when he arrived 5 years later. I basically had to raise myself. I was also left with the responsibility of providing their childcare as a middle and high schooler all of the time. My mother still to this day is obsessed with the two of them, and recently told me that I should be prepared to not receive any inheritance when she dies because my siblings were getting everything. I wasn't surprised at all.