Adoptive parents that treat their biological child and adopted child differently
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Anonymous
You cannot extrapolate your situation to all adoptive families. All of my children are "allowed" to complain, and they do. |
Anonymous
| Adoptees, please do not blame your adoptive parents for your adoption. They did not cause you to be adopted. They did, however, open their hearts and their homes to you. It is too easy to blame all of life's problems on something that neither you nor they had control over. They are not perfect, but neither would your biological parents have been perfect. Adoption is one chapter in your life story. Do not make it your life story. Do not assume every "slight" is because you are adopted. Perhaps the most difficult question to ask yourself is what part your attitude about your adoption impacts the family dynamics. In the end, all of the anger and resentment about being adopted will only hurt you. |
Anonymous
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Oh please
Is there by chance a support group for adult adoptees? Does anyone know? Why the anger at adoptees who were treated differently and have something to say? |
Anonymous
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"Why the anger at adoptees who were treated differently and have something to say? "
Denial - lots on DCUM. |
Anonymous
| There are support groups for everything. I obviously do not know your situation, but I assure you that biological children of parents are not treated the same as each other. There is plenty of resentment among biological siblings for real or perceived differences in the way they are treated. I only suggest that you set aside your anger at being placed for adoption long enough to consider this possibility. Your parents may not have been perfect, but would you have preferred the alternative, permanent foster care, abortion, the streets? Sometimes life deals us a shitty hand. It is up to us to decide how to play it. Anger and bitterness will only ensure misery. By all means find a support group, but for your own sake (and for those who love you now or in the future), make sure that it isn't just about justifying your anger instead of moving forward positively. Good luck to you. I truly wish you peace and happiness. |
Anonymous
Dear god really. Yeah wow I didn't know that biological children were treated differently, thanks for letting me know. The alternative to adoption for me would have been that my birth mom would have not been coerced into giving me up and I might have been spared abuse and severe RAD issues. I'm not "justifying my anger," I'm dealing with actual neurological issues and yes I'm making the best of my "shitty hand." My DW is also adopted and had a positive experience, but fortunately she knows better than to assume what happened to her is universal and she doesn't feel the need to lecture someone else about what they should think. |
Anonymous
| Please get help from a qualified psychiatrist. Your anger is going to destroy your life and the lives of all who love you. |
Anonymous
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Adoptees who complain must get help from a qualified pschologist and be told their anger will destroy the lives of those who love them
That does not happen with bio children. Those are allowed to complain |
Anonymous
| My comments would be the same for any adult who is locked in the past and is full of anger. I came from a very abusive home and I definitely was not treated the same as my siblings. When I became and adult I recognized that I had a choice whether I was going to let my past control my future. It was not easy, but I learned to let go and I came to understand that only I could determine whether I was going to spend the rest of my life angry and bitter about something I could do nothing about or happy and fulfilled controlling my own future. Happiness is a choice. I sincerely hope that you make the choice for happiness. |
Anonymous
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pp, does that give you some moral authority ?
Or are you a troll? You sound very defensive. As if the adoptive parents could not ever do no wrong |
Anonymous
| No I am not a troll. I have seen the results of people who hold on to anger and blame others for the mistakes that they make as adults. The results are never good. Unfortunately, we live in a society of victims. Everyone is looking for someone to blame and no one wants to look to themselves for solutions. I am sorry that you are hurting, but wallowing in self-pity will not improve your life. Yes, that is harsh, but sadly, it is the truth. Any competent therapist will tell you the same thing. I know that isn't what you want to hear. I am fortunate that someone had the balls to tell it straight to me. As much as it made me angry, pissed me off, and hurt me, ultimately, it saved me from a life of misery. You only get one shot at this life, make it the best one that you can. I do truly wish you the best. |
Anonymous
| pp, why are you biased? |
Anonymous
The poster simply lacks the wherewithal to realize that all individuals and situations are unique. Rather than actually addressing the actual substance of what other posters are saying about their negative experience with adoptions, there are these rambling diatribes about anger issues. The poster was angry about their upbringing and held on to it, therefor everyone else who has something less than positive to say about their adoption must also be angry and holding on to it. |
Anonymous
Yes, there are support groups for adult adoptees. You might check out CASE- Center for Adoption Support and Education, I believe. They offer adoption counseling as well. I'm very sorry that your adoptive parents wronged you. But you obviously know that not all parents mistreat their adopted childre, nor do all parents treat their biological children well either. I do understand that there are parents who never should've adopted- I'm not denying that fact. I am an adult adoptee, btw, and also a parent to both adopted and bio children. |
Anonymous
Oh shut up No need to add a 'but' to all your statements You just want adoptees to be content and grateful and shut up if they have something to say |