2023

The thread about the Gaza war has been the most active thread every day since Hamas launched its attack on Israel. On Friday that thread reached 1,000 pages so I locked it and started a part 2. Despite being locked Friday evening, the thread was still tied as the third most active thread over the weekend. The new thread, titled "Gaza War, Part 2", and, of course, posted in the "Political Discussion" forum, was easily the most active. The thread has already grown to more than 150 pages. There is no way that I can keep up with a thread that is growing at that rate and, as a result, I have read very little of the new thread. Rather than discuss the thread itself, I thought I would provide some of my observations of the two threads. The first thing to understand is that the majority of the participants are pro-Israel. "Pro-Israel" does not mean "Jews". Not all of the pro-Israel posters are Jewish and not all of the Jewish posters are necessarily pro-Israel. Moreover, "pro-Israel" describes a fairly wide spectrum and these posters are not always in agreement with their opinions. For instance, some of these posters are very quick to label almost any criticism of Israel as "anti-Semitism" while others are more measured and less likely to make such accusations. One result of this is constant complaints about criticism of Israel being called "anti-Semitic" and equally common responses by pro-Israel posters saying that they do no such thing. Based on what I've seen, both claims appear to be true. There are quite a few questionable accusations of anti-Semitism and most pro-Israel posters are not cavalierly tossing around the term. My second observation is that some of the pro-Israel posters have been posting incessantly. I noticed one poster who had posted over 200 times in a 24 hour period. That comes out to one post approximately every 7 minutes, but since the poster presumably took breaks, posts were not spread equally over the day. We have mechanisms in place to alert to potential bots that occasionally plague the site and multiple posters have triggered those alerts. They are posting faster than we expect humans to be able to do. Consequently, these posters simply don't have time to read carefully, consider their replies, or compose thoughtful responses. This results in responses that often are simply repeated talking points that generally do a poor job of addressing the post to which they are responding. Moreover, the original post is often misrepresented or distorted. My experience when posting messages that didn't align with pro-Israel views was a bit like dropping chum into a shark tank. There was an immediate onslaught of responses and by the time I had replied to one of those, several more had been added. While some of those responses were serious and clearly were posted in good faith, many were little more than knee jerk reactions that demonstrated little thought and did nothing to further a serious discussion. I was frustrated to see even some of the serious posters take my posts out of context or purposefully ignore the nuances that I had purposely included. I also acquired my own personal troll who followed me from thread to thread posting misrepresentations of my posts in completely unrelated threads. Obviously, many of these same things are happening to the pro-Israel posters, but that just reinforces my criticism of these threads. Posters are prioritizing quantity over the quality of their posts. It seems that a sensible process of "read, think, respond" has been replaced by simply "respond".

Yesterday, once again the Gaza war thread led as the most active thread. But, with less than 500 new posts, interest in the thread may be waning. The most active thread after that one was titled, "WWYD? Being asked NOT to bring a new spouse and children" and posted in the "Family Relationships" forum. This thread managed to produce 14 pages of posts in less than 24 hours. I've long been astonished that these threads produce so much interest. A significant number of them turn out to be the work of trolls — another thing that baffles me — and the rest are normally suspected of being trolls even if they aren't. I am convinced that there is a significant number of posters who simply enjoy drama regardless of whether it is real or invented. I guess there are worse passtimes, and I should hardly complain since this one earns revenue for us, but I don't understand it. In this thread, the original poster says that her brother who has children with his first wife is married to a woman who has her own children. His first family does not accept the second and has told the original poster's parents that they will not attend their traditional Thanksgiving gathering if the second family will be there. The original poster asks whether they should invite her brother without his new wife and step-kids. The original poster authored a handful of replies and then disappeared after the first couple of pages. But that didn't prevent the discussion from continuing without her. One of the most common responses was that this was not her business and she should stay out of it. Another common response was that everyone should be invited and the kids could work things out for themselves. But, even more common was for posters to offer their own stories of being in such situations. Some of these posts became subject to more discussion than the original poster's situation. The thread also provided an opportunity for a number of posters to opine on their own views of marriage. On the 13th page of the thread, a poster identifying herself as the original poster provided another response that included details about which posters had previously been speculating. Another weird phenomenon of this and other DCUM forums is posters claiming to be the original poster when they are not. In this case, I can't say whether this was the actual original poster or an imposter. But, frankly, I don't think that matters to most of those participating in the thread.

The two most active threads yesterday were ones that I have already discussed and will, therefore, skip. The first of those was the Gaza war thread which racked up nearly 700 new posts. The second was the thread about the murders in Fairfax. That was has turned into more of a discussion of au pairs and the family's income than the crime itself. The most active thread after those two was titled, "Student with Gun found at Walter Johnson" and posted in the "Montgomery County Public Schools (MCPS)" forum. The original poster simply pasted the text of a message from Walter Johnson High School's principal which informed parents, students, and staff about an incident involving a gun that had occurred at the school. Apparently, one student informed school administration that another student was believed to have a gun. Police were called and, when the second student was searched, a gun was found. No information was found suggesting that there was any threat to the school or an intention to harm anyone. Nevertheless, the situation is being taken very seriously. To explain the responses in this thread, a little background is in order. In Montgomery County, there is a group of high schools, including Walter Johnson, that have the letter "W" in their names. A second group of schools are joined in a consortium called the Downcounty Consortium, or DCC. The "W" schools are frequently considered to be better and more prestigious whereas the DCC schools are stereotyped as having more problematic students and not being as academically strong. It is fairly common for posters who are believed to be associated with a "W" school to make derogatory comments about DCC schools. Posters supportive of DCC schools, in turn, have developed chips on their shoulders. This conflict was apparent in the very first response to the original poster in which a poster claimed that she has been chastised for sending her kid to a DCC school and, in light of this incident, the "W" school parents should rethink their "false sense of security and superiority". I wish someone had immediately reported this post so that I could have removed it. But, since that didn't happen, the thread largely devolved into a rehash of the "W" school vs DCC animosity. Intermixed among the airing of DCC grievances were a few posts injecting other hot button topics such as some posters' desire to have metal detectors installed at schools and continued anger over the removal of police officers, or School Resource Officers (SROs) as they are called, from schools. Every few pages there is a post about the incident itself, the main one being that the 17-year-old student will be charged as an adult. But, for the most part this thread is a fight between "W" school and DCC school partisans with a few posts — almost seeming to be off-topic — about the gun incident.

The most active thread yesterday that has not already been discused was titled, "How often do you think applicants lie about their race?" and posted in the "College and University Discussion" forum. This is another in an almost endless series of race-obsessed college threads. The original poster, noting that race and ethnicity information on college applications is self-reported, wonders how often applicants lie about their race. The poster could collect just as accurate data by throwing a dart at a dart board. There is really no way to trust the responses posted in the thread, many of which appear to be agenda-driven or are second-hand and likely to be more of urban myths than fact. Many posters who clearly have no idea what the answer to the original poster's question might be, simply urge others to lie or warn against doing so. Justifications for lying include the posters' opinions that the current system is broken and that posters believe that lying on an application is not illegal. Those warning against lying suggest that doing so is fraud and that admissions could be rescinded. Some posters claim that lying is common while others point out that, if this were true, the reported number of minorities on campuses would be higher. I don't know whether topics such as this bring out the worst in people or simply bring out the worst people. Either way, these threads almost always end up reflecting poorly on our website.

The most active thread yesterday was titled, "Magnet application result High School" and posted in the "Montgomery County Public Schools (MCPS)" forum. There are a few annual traditions that we have come to observe on DCUM. These include the college and university admissions season (which seems never-ending this year), private school admissions, and admissions to various public school programs. Those involved in these events follow them with all the intensity of a football fan whose favorite team is in the SuperBowl. The only thing missing is recipes for taco salad being posted as folks prepare for their parties (though to be fair, the parties are also missing). This thread was started back on January 31 with the original poster simply asking when the results for magnet high school admission would be available. Posters responded both with answers that had been communicated by MCPS and by relating past experiences. As expected release dates and times came and went, nerves got a little frazzled and some harsh words were exchanged, but that was just a warm up for the main event. The thread added 20 pages once the results started arriving yesterday. Parents who received notification let others know where the results could be found and posted, either in joy or disappointment, about how their children had fared. As I've mentioned when discussing similar threads, almost nobody is happy with selection policies these days. One poster was convinced that there was social engineering going on to limit certain groups and create diversity. Many posters objected to this allegation and argued that the current system is an improvement on what had been used in the past. Moreover, the poster's vague allegations left many of those who responded confused about exactly what the poster was complaining. The same poster later suggested that Asian boys were being denied opportunties in favor of non-Asian males with worse qualifications. This was met with responses saying that the admissions process is race blind. Regardless, this poster would not give up and repeatedly posted fact-free posts claiming that Asian boys were being discriminated against.

Yesterday's most active thread was titled, "De facto 'as is'" and posted in the "Real Estate" forum. The original poster has previously purchased four houses, but is in the process of buying a home in northern Virginia for the first time. A home inspector found several items, some of which are fairly big ticket, that needed repair or replacement. Based on the original poster's experience, he expected that he could submit the inspector's report to the sellers and they would then negotiate an amount that the sellers would cover. However, the sellers refused to provide any money in response to the inspector's report. Therefore, the original poster considers this to be an "as is" sale even though it was not advertised that way and asks if this is normal in northern Virginia. Without explicitly saying so, many of those responding make it clear that this is fairly normal behavior for sellers in northern Virginia. Many of those responders criticized the original poster because they believe he should have noticed many of the items the inspector identified before making an offer and other items would not normally be considered in such negotiations. Other posters are more sympathetic to the original poster and agree that there should be some negotiation. Posters on both sides of this argument agree that the original poster should simply walk away from this purchase if he is unhappy about the seller's refusal to negotiate. Much of the thread is devoted to analyzing the list of items identified by the inspector. Many argue that only items that present safety hazards should be covered. The original poster at first estimated that the cost to repair things would be $15,000, but after several posters suggest cheaper alternative ways of addressing the issues, he seems to conclude he could get by at a fraction of this price. As a result, the original poster seems to be reconsidering whether this is even that big of a deal and is going to take the days he has remaining before being required to respond to consider his options. The original poster is fully prepared to walk away from the deal and mentions from that from now on he will negotiate offers with the expectations that sellers will not be willing to negotiate inspection findings.

Yesterday's most active thread was one I didn't even know about until this morning. Yet, it managed to reach 17 pages in just one day. Titled, "Check your phone at the door" and posted in the "Tweens and Teens" forum, the original poster says that she noticed in other threads that some parents have a policy of having their children's friends leave their phones at the door when they come over. The original poster thinks such a policy would be appealing and encourage socializing rather than having all the kids sitting around staring at their phones. I would have never guessed that this would turn out to be such a controversial topic. Several posters say that they would be offended if their child were asked to turn over their phone and that they would expect their child to refuse. These parents can't fathom not having the ability to immediately get in touch with their kids. One poster goes so far as to suspect that parents with such policies plan on abusing her child. Other parents either have such policies or see the benefits of them. One parent seems fixated on porn and appears convinced that if she didn't take the kids' phones, they would all be watching porn in her basement. Another parent describes having her child's friend video a tour of her home and then put it on TikTok. One irony I noticed is a number of instances in which phones were confiscated, but other screen-oriented activities such as video games or movies were allowed. I am not sure that exchanging Instagram or TikTok for Grand Theft Auto really encourages socializing, But, my main takeaway from this thread is that there are a significant number of parents who consider it essential that their children have their phones with them at all times. More than one parent described buying their children Apple Watches so that they could still be in touch even if phones had to be turned over.

The most active thread yesterday was titled, "Our Current Situation - Not thrilled" and posted in the "College and University Discussion" forum. The original poster describes her child's qualifications and lists the current state of several college applications which include one deferral and several acceptances. In addition, the student is still waiting to hear from a number of other universities. The original poster describes herself as not thrilled with the situation because apparently her expectations exceded the current results. This thread was reported as a troll thread and several accusations of trolling were posted almost immediately. One reason for this is that the original poster switched the gender of the child in the first post, at times describing the child as male and at other times referring to the child as "her". The original poster subsequently blamed this on a typo. I suspect that this is not trolling exactly, but rather the case of an over-anxious parent who has probably started multiple threads and is either trying to prevent posters from making the connection to earlier threads or has some sort of privacy concern that the poster believes can be alleviated by hiding her child's true gender. Despite the concerns over trolling, this thread reach 10 pages which, frankly, I don't have interest in reading. I know from experience that posters in this forum love to nitpick college admissions and I expect that whatever anxieties the original poster may have been feeling at the beginning of the thread were probably doubled by the end of it.

I knew that it was going to happen, I could see it coming, but that makes it no less disappointing that yesterday's most active thread was about Prince Harry's book. Titled, "Spare" (just like the book) and posted in "The DCUM Book Club" forum, the thread is nearly 40 pages long already. Obviously I am not going to read 40 pages. For that matter, I'm not going to read even 4 pages of this thread. What I can say is that very few posts have been reported so either fans of the Sussex dual have grown surprisingly tolerant of the haters or the couple's detractors have failed to find their way over from the Entertainment forum. Mind you, the book is not even available to read yet so all of these posts are either based on excerpts or just posters' general feelings about Harry and Meghan. Once people are actually able to get their hands on a copy, there will likely be a lot more posts so this thread or others like it will probably continue for some time.

The most active thread yesterday was titled, "Husband refuses to help with night feedings" and posted in the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum. The original poster and her husband have a newborn baby that wakes several times a night for feeding. The couple initially split feeding duties so that both were allowed decent stretches of sleep at night. But, the husband has now returned to work and decided that he should no longer wake up for night feedings, leaving it all to the original poster. The original poster is struggling with the lack of sleep, thinks her husband is being unreasonable, and believes he should still be responsible for one night feeding. Their disagrement on this issue led to a big fight and the original poster seeks advice and support. Those responding largely fall into two camps: 1) those who agree that the original poster's husband is being unreasonable and that he should either split duties or hire someone to provide assistance, either as a night nurse or for household help to allow the original poster more time to nap; and 2) those who support the husband who they think deserves to sleep through the night because he has to work and doesn't have time to take naps during the day. Of course, the standard advice for all relationships in this forum is to get a divorce and such advice is also offered. However, the original poster, sleep-deprived though she may be, is still lucid enough to soundly reject that suggestion.