Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No.
Not ok.

If the bathroom situation is not acceptable for your visiting family, put them up in a hotel for the duration of their stay.

OP here. What is not ok about that? Please elaborate. Not every family can afford hotels!! Also it is not just about the bathroom. it doesn’t make sense to have 3 people cramped in a small bedroom while au pair is alone in a huge apartment. This will be for 1-2 weeks.

Then maybe you can't afford childcare!

Have you considered displacing YOURSELF instead of your AP? Of course not!

Damn, you are a self centered piece of work!

I recognize your posts!! You spent the whole time telling HMs they can’t afford childcare when they ask a simple question. Maybe you should checkout your privilege and yourself in the mirror? Btw the “guest room” I am talking about is available because I will move my youngest to a PnP in our room! I guess that means I still can’t afford childcare because I don’t have a real guest room on top of the huge basement apartment

Anyway, I always read that we should treat au pairs like our niece, I guess it only works one way? Will a niece have a problem temporary moving to a smaller room to accommodate other family members? I am sure my au pair will have no problem with this because she actually part of our family!

Lol. No, that's not me.

If you are already so sure that you are "treating your AP" so well, why are you bothering to ask here?

What you are planning to do is WRONG. Go ahead and do it if you think it works best for YOU. But it is WRONG. If your AP has the opportunity to transfer to another family, she will take it.

Yeah right it is not you! That was a leap from my question to the conclusion that I can’t afford childcare!
I didn’t expect everyone to agree with me, which why I posted here but I didn’t expect the first response to be from a crazy, angry person either.

Lol...

If I was angry about anything, it was because I was watching my college basketball team lose.
I am not an AP host, and I have never been an AP. I have no skin in the AP game.

I am a normal person who just calls it like it is--you are a terrible person for even considering this.

If you've never been an AP and don't host one then this is not the forum for you. You have NO idea what it's like to be a HP -- it's so easy to be judgmental when you haven't done it yourself. Don't be defensive about that -- it's just not fair to be holier than thou when you've never given AP everything and had them ask for me.

BUT...in this case I think OP is wrong. APs have their living space and shouldn't have to lose it for guests. Yes we treat them life family members and yes I'd move my DD out of her room for guests but it feels wrong to make a grown woman leave her space for two weeks. And I've been in similar situations and my brother's families shares the home office because it's that or uproot AP, which we're not going to do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster here- To you it’s s guest room or a basement room, but to the AP it’s her private space where she can escape and have down time. All her private belongings are in the room. It’s really not okay. You should move yourself to the guest room.

+1

+100. The room was promised to AP as a part of contract and exchange. If you rented out the basement, you would not think about asking your renter to move, right? This room is payment-in-kind for the services that AP is providing to you. So she has same level of rights to your basement and expectation of privacy as a renter would. Yes, you may like her, yes, she might like you. But if you ask her to move it might feel to her that you are not treating her as a member of family, because comfort of your sister and your nieces/nephews comes first to you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No.
Not ok.

If the bathroom situation is not acceptable for your visiting family, put them up in a hotel for the duration of their stay.

OP here. What is not ok about that? Please elaborate. Not every family can afford hotels!! Also it is not just about the bathroom. it doesn’t make sense to have 3 people cramped in a small bedroom while au pair is alone in a huge apartment. This will be for 1-2 weeks.

Then maybe you can't afford childcare!

Have you considered displacing YOURSELF instead of your AP? Of course not!

Damn, you are a self centered piece of work!

I recognize your posts!! You spent the whole time telling HMs they can’t afford childcare when they ask a simple question. Maybe you should checkout your privilege and yourself in the mirror? Btw the “guest room” I am talking about is available because I will move my youngest to a PnP in our room! I guess that means I still can’t afford childcare because I don’t have a real guest room on top of the huge basement apartment

Anyway, I always read that we should treat au pairs like our niece, I guess it only works one way? Will a niece have a problem temporary moving to a smaller room to accommodate other family members? I am sure my au pair will have no problem with this because she actually part of our family!

Lol. No, that's not me.

If you are already so sure that you are "treating your AP" so well, why are you bothering to ask here?

What you are planning to do is WRONG. Go ahead and do it if you think it works best for YOU. But it is WRONG. If your AP has the opportunity to transfer to another family, she will take it.

Yeah right it is not you! That was a leap from my question to the conclusion that I can’t afford childcare!
I didn’t expect everyone to agree with me, which why I posted here but I didn’t expect the first response to be from a crazy, angry person either.

Lol...

If I was angry about anything, it was because I was watching my college basketball team lose.
I am not an AP host, and I have never been an AP. I have no skin in the AP game.

I am a normal person who just calls it like it is--you are a terrible person for even considering this.

If you've never been an AP and don't host one then this is not the forum for you. You have NO idea what it's like to be a HP -- it's so easy to be judgmental when you haven't done it yourself. Don't be defensive about that -- it's just not fair to be holier than thou when you've never given AP everything and had them ask for me.

BUT...in this case I think OP is wrong. APs have their living space and shouldn't have to lose it for guests. Yes we treat them life family members and yes I'd move my DD out of her room for guests but it feels wrong to make a grown woman leave her space for two weeks. And I've been in similar situations and my brother's families shares the home office because it's that or uproot AP, which we're not going to do.

Unless Jeff says otherwise, I can read and post wherever I want. Who do you think you are?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No.
Not ok.

If the bathroom situation is not acceptable for your visiting family, put them up in a hotel for the duration of their stay.

OP here. What is not ok about that? Please elaborate. Not every family can afford hotels!! Also it is not just about the bathroom. it doesn’t make sense to have 3 people cramped in a small bedroom while au pair is alone in a huge apartment. This will be for 1-2 weeks.

Then maybe you can't afford childcare!

Have you considered displacing YOURSELF instead of your AP? Of course not!

Damn, you are a self centered piece of work!

I recognize your posts!! You spent the whole time telling HMs they can’t afford childcare when they ask a simple question. Maybe you should checkout your privilege and yourself in the mirror? Btw the “guest room” I am talking about is available because I will move my youngest to a PnP in our room! I guess that means I still can’t afford childcare because I don’t have a real guest room on top of the huge basement apartment

Anyway, I always read that we should treat au pairs like our niece, I guess it only works one way? Will a niece have a problem temporary moving to a smaller room to accommodate other family members? I am sure my au pair will have no problem with this because she actually part of our family!

Lol. No, that's not me.

If you are already so sure that you are "treating your AP" so well, why are you bothering to ask here?

What you are planning to do is WRONG. Go ahead and do it if you think it works best for YOU. But it is WRONG. If your AP has the opportunity to transfer to another family, she will take it.

Yeah right it is not you! That was a leap from my question to the conclusion that I can’t afford childcare!
I didn’t expect everyone to agree with me, which why I posted here but I didn’t expect the first response to be from a crazy, angry person either.

Lol...

If I was angry about anything, it was because I was watching my college basketball team lose.
I am not an AP host, and I have never been an AP. I have no skin in the AP game.

I am a normal person who just calls it like it is--you are a terrible person for even considering this.

If you've never been an AP and don't host one then this is not the forum for you. You have NO idea what it's like to be a HP -- it's so easy to be judgmental when you haven't done it yourself. Don't be defensive about that -- it's just not fair to be holier than thou when you've never given AP everything and had them ask for me.

BUT...in this case I think OP is wrong. APs have their living space and shouldn't have to lose it for guests. Yes we treat them life family members and yes I'd move my DD out of her room for guests but it feels wrong to make a grown woman leave her space for two weeks. And I've been in similar situations and my brother's families shares the home office because it's that or uproot AP, which we're not going to do.

Unless Jeff says otherwise, I can read and post wherever I want. Who do you think you are?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No.
Not ok.

If the bathroom situation is not acceptable for your visiting family, put them up in a hotel for the duration of their stay.

OP here. What is not ok about that? Please elaborate. Not every family can afford hotels!! Also it is not just about the bathroom. it doesn’t make sense to have 3 people cramped in a small bedroom while au pair is alone in a huge apartment. This will be for 1-2 weeks.

Then maybe you can't afford childcare!

Have you considered displacing YOURSELF instead of your AP? Of course not!

Damn, you are a self centered piece of work!

I recognize your posts!! You spent the whole time telling HMs they can’t afford childcare when they ask a simple question. Maybe you should checkout your privilege and yourself in the mirror? Btw the “guest room” I am talking about is available because I will move my youngest to a PnP in our room! I guess that means I still can’t afford childcare because I don’t have a real guest room on top of the huge basement apartment

Anyway, I always read that we should treat au pairs like our niece, I guess it only works one way? Will a niece have a problem temporary moving to a smaller room to accommodate other family members? I am sure my au pair will have no problem with this because she actually part of our family!

Lol. No, that's not me.

If you are already so sure that you are "treating your AP" so well, why are you bothering to ask here?

What you are planning to do is WRONG. Go ahead and do it if you think it works best for YOU. But it is WRONG. If your AP has the opportunity to transfer to another family, she will take it.

Yeah right it is not you! That was a leap from my question to the conclusion that I can’t afford childcare!
I didn’t expect everyone to agree with me, which why I posted here but I didn’t expect the first response to be from a crazy, angry person either.

Lol...

If I was angry about anything, it was because I was watching my college basketball team lose.
I am not an AP host, and I have never been an AP. I have no skin in the AP game.

I am a normal person who just calls it like it is--you are a terrible person for even considering this.

If you've never been an AP and don't host one then this is not the forum for you. You have NO idea what it's like to be a HP -- it's so easy to be judgmental when you haven't done it yourself. Don't be defensive about that -- it's just not fair to be holier than thou when you've never given AP everything and had them ask for me.

BUT...in this case I think OP is wrong. APs have their living space and shouldn't have to lose it for guests. Yes we treat them life family members and yes I'd move my DD out of her room for guests but it feels wrong to make a grown woman leave her space for two weeks. And I've been in similar situations and my brother's families shares the home office because it's that or uproot AP, which we're not going to do.

Unless Jeff says otherwise, I can read and post wherever I want. Who do you think you are?

You're right. It's a free country. But who do I think I am? I'm an experienced HM with a lot more advice on the topic than someone who has literally no experience in the matter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No.
Not ok.

If the bathroom situation is not acceptable for your visiting family, put them up in a hotel for the duration of their stay.

OP here. What is not ok about that? Please elaborate. Not every family can afford hotels!! Also it is not just about the bathroom. it doesn’t make sense to have 3 people cramped in a small bedroom while au pair is alone in a huge apartment. This will be for 1-2 weeks.

Then maybe you can't afford childcare!

Have you considered displacing YOURSELF instead of your AP? Of course not!

Damn, you are a self centered piece of work!

I recognize your posts!! You spent the whole time telling HMs they can’t afford childcare when they ask a simple question. Maybe you should checkout your privilege and yourself in the mirror? Btw the “guest room” I am talking about is available because I will move my youngest to a PnP in our room! I guess that means I still can’t afford childcare because I don’t have a real guest room on top of the huge basement apartment

Anyway, I always read that we should treat au pairs like our niece, I guess it only works one way? Will a niece have a problem temporary moving to a smaller room to accommodate other family members? I am sure my au pair will have no problem with this because she actually part of our family!

Lol. No, that's not me.

If you are already so sure that you are "treating your AP" so well, why are you bothering to ask here?

What you are planning to do is WRONG. Go ahead and do it if you think it works best for YOU. But it is WRONG. If your AP has the opportunity to transfer to another family, she will take it.

Yeah right it is not you! That was a leap from my question to the conclusion that I can’t afford childcare!
I didn’t expect everyone to agree with me, which why I posted here but I didn’t expect the first response to be from a crazy, angry person either.

Lol...

If I was angry about anything, it was because I was watching my college basketball team lose.
I am not an AP host, and I have never been an AP. I have no skin in the AP game.

I am a normal person who just calls it like it is--you are a terrible person for even considering this.

If you've never been an AP and don't host one then this is not the forum for you. You have NO idea what it's like to be a HP -- it's so easy to be judgmental when you haven't done it yourself. Don't be defensive about that -- it's just not fair to be holier than thou when you've never given AP everything and had them ask for me.

BUT...in this case I think OP is wrong. APs have their living space and shouldn't have to lose it for guests. Yes we treat them life family members and yes I'd move my DD out of her room for guests but it feels wrong to make a grown woman leave her space for two weeks. And I've been in similar situations and my brother's families shares the home office because it's that or uproot AP, which we're not going to do.

Unless Jeff says otherwise, I can read and post wherever I want. Who do you think you are?

It is Amazing how you keep using Jeff's name every time someone call you out! Does he approve of you calling people name? because tbh your responses so far have been just rude and name calling. How does Jeff even know that you are who you claim you are when you are not logged in? is he tracking people IP addresses? I would really like to hear Jeff's opinion on this!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No.
Not ok.

If the bathroom situation is not acceptable for your visiting family, put them up in a hotel for the duration of their stay.

OP here. What is not ok about that? Please elaborate. Not every family can afford hotels!! Also it is not just about the bathroom. it doesn’t make sense to have 3 people cramped in a small bedroom while au pair is alone in a huge apartment. This will be for 1-2 weeks.

Then maybe you can't afford childcare!

Have you considered displacing YOURSELF instead of your AP? Of course not!

Damn, you are a self centered piece of work!

I recognize your posts!! You spent the whole time telling HMs they can’t afford childcare when they ask a simple question. Maybe you should checkout your privilege and yourself in the mirror? Btw the “guest room” I am talking about is available because I will move my youngest to a PnP in our room! I guess that means I still can’t afford childcare because I don’t have a real guest room on top of the huge basement apartment

Anyway, I always read that we should treat au pairs like our niece, I guess it only works one way? Will a niece have a problem temporary moving to a smaller room to accommodate other family members? I am sure my au pair will have no problem with this because she actually part of our family!

Lol. No, that's not me.

If you are already so sure that you are "treating your AP" so well, why are you bothering to ask here?

What you are planning to do is WRONG. Go ahead and do it if you think it works best for YOU. But it is WRONG. If your AP has the opportunity to transfer to another family, she will take it.

Yeah right it is not you! That was a leap from my question to the conclusion that I can’t afford childcare!
I didn’t expect everyone to agree with me, which why I posted here but I didn’t expect the first response to be from a crazy, angry person either.

Lol...

If I was angry about anything, it was because I was watching my college basketball team lose.
I am not an AP host, and I have never been an AP. I have no skin in the AP game.

I am a normal person who just calls it like it is--you are a terrible person for even considering this.

If you've never been an AP and don't host one then this is not the forum for you. You have NO idea what it's like to be a HP -- it's so easy to be judgmental when you haven't done it yourself. Don't be defensive about that -- it's just not fair to be holier than thou when you've never given AP everything and had them ask for me.

BUT...in this case I think OP is wrong. APs have their living space and shouldn't have to lose it for guests. Yes we treat them life family members and yes I'd move my DD out of her room for guests but it feels wrong to make a grown woman leave her space for two weeks. And I've been in similar situations and my brother's families shares the home office because it's that or uproot AP, which we're not going to do.

Unless Jeff says otherwise, I can read and post wherever I want. Who do you think you are?

It is Amazing how you keep using Jeff's name every time someone call you out! Does he approve of you calling people name? because tbh your responses so far have been just rude and name calling. How does Jeff even know that you are who you claim you are when you are not logged in? is he tracking people IP addresses? I would really like to hear Jeff's opinion on this!

I have not called anyone "name."
I have no idea what Jeff's opinion on this is.

Anonymous wrote:I have not called anyone "name."
I have no idea what Jeff's opinion on this is.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for all feedback! I like the idea of asking my LCC. She is actually pretty good and down to earth.

I usually plan my visitors (very rarely) when I am transitioning between au pair so we never had this issue and it is not going to happen often but I will make sure I write this in my handbook for the next au pair!

As for people doubting of the size of my basement: it is basic math. My basement has the same foot print as my 2nd floor, however my 2nd floor has 3 bedrooms and 2 bathroom while basement has one huge bedroom + decent living space + bathroom. It is that simple but choose to ignore that if you want!

Lastly I would be asking the same thing if it was my niece or my kid staying in the basement, so it is not about this being the au pair, it is about what makes sense for MY family in this circonstances.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No.
Not ok.

If the bathroom situation is not acceptable for your visiting family, put them up in a hotel for the duration of their stay.

OP here. What is not ok about that? Please elaborate. Not every family can afford hotels!! Also it is not just about the bathroom. it doesn’t make sense to have 3 people cramped in a small bedroom while au pair is alone in a huge apartment. This will be for 1-2 weeks.

Then maybe you can't afford childcare!

Have you considered displacing YOURSELF instead of your AP? Of course not!

Damn, you are a self centered piece of work!

I recognize your posts!! You spent the whole time telling HMs they can’t afford childcare when they ask a simple question. Maybe you should checkout your privilege and yourself in the mirror? Btw the “guest room” I am talking about is available because I will move my youngest to a PnP in our room! I guess that means I still can’t afford childcare because I don’t have a real guest room on top of the huge basement apartment

Anyway, I always read that we should treat au pairs like our niece, I guess it only works one way? Will a niece have a problem temporary moving to a smaller room to accommodate other family members? I am sure my au pair will have no problem with this because she actually part of our family!

Lol. No, that's not me.

If you are already so sure that you are "treating your AP" so well, why are you bothering to ask here?

What you are planning to do is WRONG. Go ahead and do it if you think it works best for YOU. But it is WRONG. If your AP has the opportunity to transfer to another family, she will take it.

Yeah right it is not you! That was a leap from my question to the conclusion that I can’t afford childcare!
I didn’t expect everyone to agree with me, which why I posted here but I didn’t expect the first response to be from a crazy, angry person either.

Lol...

If I was angry about anything, it was because I was watching my college basketball team lose.
I am not an AP host, and I have never been an AP. I have no skin in the AP game.

I am a normal person who just calls it like it is--you are a terrible person for even considering this.

If you've never been an AP and don't host one then this is not the forum for you. You have NO idea what it's like to be a HP -- it's so easy to be judgmental when you haven't done it yourself. Don't be defensive about that -- it's just not fair to be holier than thou when you've never given AP everything and had them ask for me.

BUT...in this case I think OP is wrong. APs have their living space and shouldn't have to lose it for guests. Yes we treat them life family members and yes I'd move my DD out of her room for guests but it feels wrong to make a grown woman leave her space for two weeks. And I've been in similar situations and my brother's families shares the home office because it's that or uproot AP, which we're not going to do.

Unless Jeff says otherwise, I can read and post wherever I want. Who do you think you are?

You're right. It's a free country. But who do I think I am? I'm an experienced HM with a lot more advice on the topic than someone who has literally no experience in the matter.

I have experience being a decent human being. Apparently you don't.

Anonymous wrote:I think it's wrong to ask the AP to give up their room. It's meant to be their one dedicated private space for the year they can count on, and you shouldn't underestimate how much most APs value that. And she will need it more than ever when the house becomes more crowded and chaotic with guests. You may think of them like a niece, but it's unlikely they will feel like one in this case - at least not in any positive way. Of course she will say yes to your face - what else can she say while keeping the peace and your good will? But this is a CLASSIC kind of thing APs complain to each other about (and IMO , completely justified).

Anonymous wrote:Op, We have done something similar where family stayed in au pair room while she was on vacation. There was two days overlap when au pair stayed in the guest bedroom before family left. It wasn’t a big deal for her and I think this will depends on the type of au pair you have.
Also in my handbook I do mention that we might switch room if needed as I usually host lot of family for the holidays. I think as long as au pair has her own bed room you are not breaking any rule and you are ok (again it also depend from your au pair attitude). Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's wrong to ask the AP to give up their room. It's meant to be their one dedicated private space for the year they can count on, and you shouldn't underestimate how much most APs value that. And she will need it more than ever when the house becomes more crowded and chaotic with guests. You may think of them like a niece, but it's unlikely they will feel like one in this case - at least not in any positive way. Of course she will say yes to your face - what else can she say while keeping the peace and your good will? But this is a CLASSIC kind of thing APs complain to each other about (and IMO , completely justified).

Completely agree with this. Even growing up as kid/teenager my mom would make me move out of my room for guests and it's just really uncomfortable. I wouldn't do this to my kids now or my AP. Can your sister and her kids set up shop in the rest of the basement?