People's perceptions of hosting au pairs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think they are too cheap to hire a professional nanny. But I also see the benefit is some situations.

The professional nanny threads complaining about employers being 5-10 minutes late are all the proof I need that a professional nanny won’t work for us.

You realize that being late for daycare or after school care would be the same issue.

Which is why I have an au pair...

I agree, you have to pay nanny more if you expect that level of flexibility.

No matter how much you're willing to pay, I think you'd quickly burn out a real adult professional, who would never be able to make firm evening plans during weeknights. Seems like you'd mostly get the most desperate candidates who would move on quickly once they got a better opportunity.

Or you’d get a live-in professional, who accepts higher pay with the knowledge that weekends are her only personal time. But I also understand that most AP HFs can’t afford that kind of professional, flexible nanny. ~24/5 live-in nanny who recognizes that APs fill a gap

We could afford a life in nanny, but it would be overkill for what we need and I don’t want to live with a random middle age woman who would be around all the time. An au pair works better for us. Each situation is unique.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think they are too cheap to hire a professional nanny. But I also see the benefit is some situations.

The professional nanny threads complaining about employers being 5-10 minutes late are all the proof I need that a professional nanny won’t work for us.

You realize that being late for daycare or after school care would be the same issue.

Which is why I have an au pair...

I agree, you have to pay nanny more if you expect that level of flexibility.

No matter how much you're willing to pay, I think you'd quickly burn out a real adult professional, who would never be able to make firm evening plans during weeknights. Seems like you'd mostly get the most desperate candidates who would move on quickly once they got a better opportunity.

Or you’d get a live-in professional, who accepts higher pay with the knowledge that weekends are her only personal time. But I also understand that most AP HFs can’t afford that kind of professional, flexible nanny. ~24/5 live-in nanny who recognizes that APs fill a gap

We could afford a life in nanny, but it would be overkill for what we need and I don’t want to live with a random middle age woman who would be around all the time. An au pair works better for us. Each situation is unique.

Why does she have to be middle age?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Frankly, many “professional” nannies in this area, have no formal credentials beyond having worked with children long periods of time. Many that we interviewed never take children outside, seemed indifferent to or did not seem particularly interested in children. Moreover, despite only looking for citizens, many of the nannies raised in the US whom we interviewed had poor English that we would not want children mimicking. Hence, satisfactorily seeking out energetic au pair extraordinares who only speak to family in target language, and, have minimum three years’ experience with young children.

We had a nanny when our kids were little (no way in hell would I used an AP for babies and toddlers). We had the same nanny for 6 years. We felt consistent childcare, over a revolving door was important. I can say, going from nanny to AuPair was like going from flying first class to the greyhound bus. Our nanny was in her mid 30s when she started, had years of experience with 3 different families, was a US citizen, spoke perfect English (originally from Columbia), didn't even have a smartphone, so she was never on it, had a perfect driving record and had been licensed in Virginia since the age of 18, she had spent 2 years at a Montessori school and brought a lot of those concepts with her, and even had a 2 year associates degree from Northern Virginia Community College. Going to an AUPair (and we absolutely adore our first AuPair) was a complete shock and massive downgrade. luckily we expected it and at the time our kids were 4 & 7, and in school, so we did not need anything spectacular, but wow, you can't even compare.

Maybe we got lucky with the nanny, but we had to be so hands on with the AP, it has been exhausting. I'm very happy our kids are now 8 & 11 and we will no longer need this program after this summer.

We never were able to find a quality nanny and had great success with an older au pair with several years experience with infants, she knew much more than we did as parents. To each to his/her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Frankly, many “professional” nannies in this area, have no formal credentials beyond having worked with children long periods of time. Many that we interviewed never take children outside, seemed indifferent to or did not seem particularly interested in children. Moreover, despite only looking for citizens, many of the nannies raised in the US whom we interviewed had poor English that we would not want children mimicking. Hence, satisfactorily seeking out energetic au pair extraordinares who only speak to family in target language, and, have minimum three years’ experience with young children.

We had a nanny when our kids were little (no way in hell would I used an AP for babies and toddlers). We had the same nanny for 6 years. We felt consistent childcare, over a revolving door was important. I can say, going from nanny to AuPair was like going from flying first class to the greyhound bus. Our nanny was in her mid 30s when she started, had years of experience with 3 different families, was a US citizen, spoke perfect English (originally from Columbia), didn't even have a smartphone, so she was never on it, had a perfect driving record and had been licensed in Virginia since the age of 18, she had spent 2 years at a Montessori school and brought a lot of those concepts with her, and even had a 2 year associates degree from Northern Virginia Community College. Going to an AUPair (and we absolutely adore our first AuPair) was a complete shock and massive downgrade. luckily we expected it and at the time our kids were 4 & 7, and in school, so we did not need anything spectacular, but wow, you can't even compare.

Maybe we got lucky with the nanny, but we had to be so hands on with the AP, it has been exhausting. I'm very happy our kids are now 8 & 11 and we will no longer need this program after this summer.

We never were able to afford a quality nanny and had great success with an older au pair with several years experience with infants, she knew much more than we did as parents. To each to his/her own.

FTFY

[Anonymous]

We had full time nannies for about 8 years, and have now hosted au pairs for about three years. The flexibility and convenience of au pairs is SO much better than nannies. Could we pay for a live-out (or live-in) nanny with the same flexibility? Sure, but why?

There is a difference between "can't afford" and "find it foolish to waste money" - and in the case of the flexibility that comes with the au pair program, to find a comparably flexible nanny would just be throwing money away. For what we need - reliability, engaged, smart, fun, flexible - we've found au pairs to be a MUCH better fit. Nannies were less reliable, frankly not often as bright, and less flexible.

[Anonymous]

We can afford any type of childcare, we simply prefer the au pair program for a number of reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had full time nannies for about 8 years, and have now hosted au pairs for about three years. The flexibility and convenience of au pairs is SO much better than nannies. Could we pay for a live-out (or live-in) nanny with the same flexibility? Sure, but why?

There is a difference between "can't afford" and "find it foolish to waste money" - and in the case of the flexibility that comes with the au pair program, to find a comparably flexible nanny would just be throwing money away. For what we need - reliability, engaged, smart, fun, flexible - we've found au pairs to be a MUCH better fit. Nannies were less reliable, frankly not often as bright, and less flexible.

Ok, if you say so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We can afford any type of childcare, we simply prefer the au pair program for a number of reasons.

I seriously doubt this. Who in their right mind would choose an inexperienced young adult from another country over the best daycare program. Especially if you supposedly can afford any type of childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Frankly, many “professional” nannies in this area, have no formal credentials beyond having worked with children long periods of time. Many that we interviewed never take children outside, seemed indifferent to or did not seem particularly interested in children. Moreover, despite only looking for citizens, many of the nannies raised in the US whom we interviewed had poor English that we would not want children mimicking. Hence, satisfactorily seeking out energetic au pair extraordinares who only speak to family in target language, and, have minimum three years’ experience with young children.

We had a nanny when our kids were little (no way in hell would I used an AP for babies and toddlers). We had the same nanny for 6 years. We felt consistent childcare, over a revolving door was important. I can say, going from nanny to AuPair was like going from flying first class to the greyhound bus. Our nanny was in her mid 30s when she started, had years of experience with 3 different families, was a US citizen, spoke perfect English (originally from Columbia), didn't even have a smartphone, so she was never on it, had a perfect driving record and had been licensed in Virginia since the age of 18, she had spent 2 years at a Montessori school and brought a lot of those concepts with her, and even had a 2 year associates degree from Northern Virginia Community College. Going to an AUPair (and we absolutely adore our first AuPair) was a complete shock and massive downgrade. luckily we expected it and at the time our kids were 4 & 7, and in school, so we did not need anything spectacular, but wow, you can't even compare.

Maybe we got lucky with the nanny, but we had to be so hands on with the AP, it has been exhausting. I'm very happy our kids are now 8 & 11 and we will no longer need this program after this summer.

We never were able to afford a quality nanny and had great success with an older au pair with several years experience with infants, she knew much more than we did as parents. To each to his/her own.

FTFY

Nope, nasty one. We could afford in the 30/hour range for one kid plus 10 hours of overtime. We never could find a smart, reliable, nanny. What we did find was nannies who couldn't be troubled to learn our DS's name, were late every single day, allowed strangers to visit in our home (including adult male children), abstained from going outside because it was "too cold,"and had trouble with basic subject/verb agreement. Not to mention leaving sink of dirty bottles instead a loading into dishwasher. Our au pair is easily costing us as much as a live-in nanny - but she takes her job seriously. We were unable to find a professional nanny on that level with a MC/UMC income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Frankly, many “professional” nannies in this area, have no formal credentials beyond having worked with children long periods of time. Many that we interviewed never take children outside, seemed indifferent to or did not seem particularly interested in children. Moreover, despite only looking for citizens, many of the nannies raised in the US whom we interviewed had poor English that we would not want children mimicking. Hence, satisfactorily seeking out energetic au pair extraordinares who only speak to family in target language, and, have minimum three years’ experience with young children.

We had a nanny when our kids were little (no way in hell would I used an AP for babies and toddlers). We had the same nanny for 6 years. We felt consistent childcare, over a revolving door was important. I can say, going from nanny to AuPair was like going from flying first class to the greyhound bus. Our nanny was in her mid 30s when she started, had years of experience with 3 different families, was a US citizen, spoke perfect English (originally from Columbia), didn't even have a smartphone, so she was never on it, had a perfect driving record and had been licensed in Virginia since the age of 18, she had spent 2 years at a Montessori school and brought a lot of those concepts with her, and even had a 2 year associates degree from Northern Virginia Community College. Going to an AUPair (and we absolutely adore our first AuPair) was a complete shock and massive downgrade. luckily we expected it and at the time our kids were 4 & 7, and in school, so we did not need anything spectacular, but wow, you can't even compare.

Maybe we got lucky with the nanny, but we had to be so hands on with the AP, it has been exhausting. I'm very happy our kids are now 8 & 11 and we will no longer need this program after this summer.

We never were able to afford a quality nanny and had great success with an older au pair with several years experience with infants, she knew much more than we did as parents. To each to his/her own.

FTFY

Nope, nasty one. We could afford in the 30/hour range for one kid plus 10 hours of overtime. We never could find a smart, reliable, nanny. What we did find was nannies who couldn't be troubled to learn our DS's name, were late every single day, allowed strangers to visit in our home (including adult male children), abstained from going outside because it was "too cold,"and had trouble with basic subject/verb agreement. Not to mention leaving sink of dirty bottles instead a loading into dishwasher. Our au pair is easily costing us as much as a live-in nanny - but she takes her job seriously. We were unable to find a professional nanny on that level with a MC/UMC income.

Yeah you are leaving something out. There is no way you were offering $30 and couldn’t find good candidates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We can afford any type of childcare, we simply prefer the au pair program for a number of reasons.

I seriously doubt this. Who in their right mind would choose an inexperienced young adult from another country over the best daycare program. Especially if you supposedly can afford any type of childcare.

I've had nannies. I used to be a nanny as well, back in college and grad school, so I know childcare pretty well. I had an amazing nanny for 4.5 years and we loved her but she got her Masters while working for us and went on to work for the UN and is now a program director working for children in her region of origin. We had 1 and then 2 babies while she was with us, and different work schedules.

I now have 3 kids and both parents work very busy and unpredictable schedules, including many evening events. Daycares don't cover evenings and most nannies will only work a reliable 9-5 type schedule (or 8-6/7-7/whatever). We need after school and evening care most nights, but occasional mornings and occasional weekend work as well. Sure, we could cobble together something with multiple caregivers but it wouldn't be as pleasant or good for all of our family as having one good, reliable au pair. We source from one European country where we have family background, know their language and provide lots of perks (not told up front because we don't want to get a princess au pair). We pay more than the minimum stipend to our au pairs because we feel they earn it. We've happily hosted 4 au pairs with no rematch because we search very carefully and are also extremely honest with our needs (and our unpredictable schedule) upfront.

Our friends who know our childcare needs and our au pairs think they're great and often mention how they wish they had room to host an au pair, or could find a childcare solution for their family that fit their needs as much as our au pair fits ours. I assure you I'm perfectly sane and know my options and firmly believe an au pair is the best choice for our family. Our children have adored each au pair. They have a very different relationship than they would have with most nannies (not to say it is better, I had a wonderful nanny as a child and I was a nanny and am still close with "my" kids), and they are also able to engage in some of their cultural heritage through the au pair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do nannies care that some people prefer AP over nannies?
We had a nanny for 9 months and it rained or snowed we had no child care it seemed. We went to AP 6 years ago and would not go back to a nanny. We can afford it no problem. But we also have a 7br 6 bath home and housing an ap is not a big deal or any real impact for having guests or relatives visit.
Each to their own.

I sm a career nanny and don’t care how anyone chooses to raise their children, outside of neglect. People answering the question doesn’t mean we care what you personally do. Do what works for you, I support that!

Don't you think that calling someone "cheap and/or poor" is a judgment call about what they personally are choosing?

Np...Are your feelings hurt or insulted? The question was about ppls perception.

AP are typically young women coming to America for a cultural experience in exchange for childcare duties for a low wage. They usually have little experience taking care of children. Sorry but that screams, cheaper childcare option. Then the excuses for not hiring nannies are well mine didn’t come in when it rained, mine was upset I was late, live in nannies are hard to find, etc. Look, if your comp package is trash then you will get trash nannies. Better to stick with what you can afford for your family.

I posted about it being impossible to find a nanny who would work our split, unreliable schedule, and we never even got to salary negotiation stage. Real nannies don't want this crappy schedule. Thus, APs.

I agree, you have to make your package very attractive to attract a qualified nanny. And a qualified nanny knows that if you aren’t up front about your package that it is likely less than what they would accept. IF you were clear about what you needed AND your general package, you would get a qualified nanny. But no, your child being in school for 3 hours doesn’t mean that I am off and unpaid, that’s not how this profession works. It sounds like you can’t affortld a nanny, which is fine. Glad you found something that works for you!

Well I make $400k/yr and my husband makes more than me, so, no. It’s not a money issue.

Being wealthy doesn’t mean you pay well I guess. The people I know who make $1M+/- have multiple nannies. They do not try to slit the day into segmented pay. You seem to be missing the part about your finances where you pay for what you want and not try to nickel and dime the nanny. Of course you didn’t find someone. Now you can rotate through APs and keep a bigger bank account for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had full time nannies for about 8 years, and have now hosted au pairs for about three years. The flexibility and convenience of au pairs is SO much better than nannies. Could we pay for a live-out (or live-in) nanny with the same flexibility? Sure, but why?

There is a difference between "can't afford" and "find it foolish to waste money" - and in the case of the flexibility that comes with the au pair program, to find a comparably flexible nanny would just be throwing money away. For what we need - reliability, engaged, smart, fun, flexible - we've found au pairs to be a MUCH better fit. Nannies were less reliable, frankly not often as bright, and less flexible.

Ok, if you say so.

College fund? The boys I nanny already have a retirement fund! APs are a great answer for some people. I don’t think it is an ideal situation for babies and toddlers, but a lot of people don’t have ideal situations (real life). Stop being so judgmental!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Frankly, many “professional” nannies in this area, have no formal credentials beyond having worked with children long periods of time. Many that we interviewed never take children outside, seemed indifferent to or did not seem particularly interested in children. Moreover, despite only looking for citizens, many of the nannies raised in the US whom we interviewed had poor English that we would not want children mimicking. Hence, satisfactorily seeking out energetic au pair extraordinares who only speak to family in target language, and, have minimum three years’ experience with young children.

We had a nanny when our kids were little (no way in hell would I used an AP for babies and toddlers). We had the same nanny for 6 years. We felt consistent childcare, over a revolving door was important. I can say, going from nanny to AuPair was like going from flying first class to the greyhound bus. Our nanny was in her mid 30s when she started, had years of experience with 3 different families, was a US citizen, spoke perfect English (originally from Columbia), didn't even have a smartphone, so she was never on it, had a perfect driving record and had been licensed in Virginia since the age of 18, she had spent 2 years at a Montessori school and brought a lot of those concepts with her, and even had a 2 year associates degree from Northern Virginia Community College. Going to an AUPair (and we absolutely adore our first AuPair) was a complete shock and massive downgrade. luckily we expected it and at the time our kids were 4 & 7, and in school, so we did not need anything spectacular, but wow, you can't even compare.

Maybe we got lucky with the nanny, but we had to be so hands on with the AP, it has been exhausting. I'm very happy our kids are now 8 & 11 and we will no longer need this program after this summer.

We never were able to afford a quality nanny and had great success with an older au pair with several years experience with infants, she knew much more than we did as parents. To each to his/her own.

FTFY

Nope, nasty one. We could afford in the 30/hour range for one kid plus 10 hours of overtime. We never could find a smart, reliable, nanny. What we did find was nannies who couldn't be troubled to learn our DS's name, were late every single day, allowed strangers to visit in our home (including adult male children), abstained from going outside because it was "too cold,"and had trouble with basic subject/verb agreement. Not to mention leaving sink of dirty bottles instead a loading into dishwasher. Our au pair is easily costing us as much as a live-in nanny - but she takes her job seriously. We were unable to find a professional nanny on that level with a MC/UMC income.

Yeah you are leaving something out. There is no way you were offering $30 and couldn’t find good candidates.

This is my favorite argument on this thread. If you can find someone to reliably work $30 from 4-7pm every night, and also every school half day and all the days off and sick and snow days, post their email account here and I'll hire them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had full time nannies for about 8 years, and have now hosted au pairs for about three years. The flexibility and convenience of au pairs is SO much better than nannies. Could we pay for a live-out (or live-in) nanny with the same flexibility? Sure, but why?

There is a difference between "can't afford" and "find it foolish to waste money" - and in the case of the flexibility that comes with the au pair program, to find a comparably flexible nanny would just be throwing money away. For what we need - reliability, engaged, smart, fun, flexible - we've found au pairs to be a MUCH better fit. Nannies were less reliable, frankly not often as bright, and less flexible.

Ok, if you say so.

College fund? The boys I nanny already have a retirement fund! APs are a great answer for some people. I don’t think it is an ideal situation for babies and toddlers, but a lot of people don’t have ideal situations (real life). Stop being so judgmental!

Who are you addressing? The person who called nannies not reliable, not bright and not flexible?