So angry.

[Anonymous]

MB here.

Don't let it go OP. This would fester in me if I didn't address and I think you should send an email.

I think it's great that you're not as angry as you were last week - that lets you manage this all much more calmly. But your MB was in the wrong and this situation with family is likely to happen again. It's always best to manage this stuff when not in the heat of the moment. Maybe you can say something like "Last week was really difficult - for all of us. I never want the kids in harms way, and I certainly don't want you thinking I would be negligent in my duties. When you told me to stand back and let the grandparents take the lead unless they asked me for help I did, but then I feel like i got blamed for their failure to watch the kids. Can we talk about how to clarify roles so that the next time family is visiting we don't have another instance of this? I'm happy to talk w/ you after hours by phone if that's easier, or to come in a few minutes early - whatever is easiest - just let me know."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here.

Don't let it go OP. This would fester in me if I didn't address and I think you should send an email.

I think it's great that you're not as angry as you were last week - that lets you manage this all much more calmly. But your MB was in the wrong and this situation with family is likely to happen again. It's always best to manage this stuff when not in the heat of the moment. Maybe you can say something like "Last week was really difficult - for all of us. I never want the kids in harms way, and I certainly don't want you thinking I would be negligent in my duties. When you told me to stand back and let the grandparents take the lead unless they asked me for help I did, but then I feel like i got blamed for their failure to watch the kids. Can we talk about how to clarify roles so that the next time family is visiting we don't have another instance of this? I'm happy to talk w/ you after hours by phone if that's easier, or to come in a few minutes early - whatever is easiest - just let me know."

I think this is asking OP to be subservient. She needs to be assertive and this situation should be addressed while on the clock.

[Anonymous]

MB's family sounds like my in laws. I am so sorry. Hoping the parents know how obnoxious their family members are and tell them that you're in charge.

[Anonymous]

I hope you sent the email, OP.

[Anonymous]

I’m sending the e-mail tonight.

I basically stole what 10:09 said and made a few changes.

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sending the e-mail tonight.

I basically stole what 10:09 said and made a few changes.

Thank you!

Good luck. Let us know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sending the e-mail tonight.

I basically stole what 10:09 said and made a few changes.

Thank you!

Good luck. Let us know.

+1 I wish you the best - you are doing the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sending the e-mail tonight.

I basically stole what 10:09 said and made a few changes.

Thank you!

Good luck. Let us know.

+1 I wish you the best - you are doing the right thing.

+2 Good luck!

[Anonymous]

What happened, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What happened, OP?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What happened, OP?

Anonymous wrote:What happened, OP?

Short version, it didn’t go well and I’m either going to quit or be fired by the end of the week.

Long version. I e-mailed her Tuesday night and when I came in Wednesday she said she got me e-mail but was exhausted and didn’t get a chance to read it. Day went fine, at about 3pm she texts and tells me not to the boys out and she’ll be home early to talk. She came home at her regular time and was obviously not happy. She told me she had wanted to drop last week because it was stressful and traumatic. I apologized but said I felt like we needed to talk about what happened. She got visibly frustrated and I have my spiel, she stopped me half way and basically told me I should have let it go because now she’s “questioning my abilities to properly handle this position”. I was kind of shocked and froze up. I expected a better conversation and was met with a lot of anger and I have a really hard time defending/expressing myself when the other person seems less than receptive.

She got pretty heated and basically said that last Tuesday was the worst day of her life and now I’m trying to put the blame on her and her family. She said I don’t understand because I’m not a parent, and that it was selfish of me to be more concerned about myself than her sons. I tried to explain where the confusion lies, and how I wanted to avoid situations like this in the future. She accused of me of trying to shift responsibility off myself. She said she doubted my abilities because instead of taking responsibility I’m trying to blame others. She told me I was, “playing dumb” and lacked common sense because I obviously should have known I needed to go with her family if they ever took the boys outside. She meant take a back seat in the house, but during outings I needed to be present and in charge. She NEVER told me this.... ever. She said numerous times to take a back seat. She never distinguished when and when not to take action. I really didn’t get a chance to explain myself. I left in tears.

I’m heartbroken because I truly love these boys and hate to think this is how it’s going to end.

Also, I’m concerned because this is so out of character for Mb. She’s always been professional, fairly kind (not ever personable, but kind), and reasonable.

I’m wondering if something is going on...

So, that’s it. Bad ending. I’m working today but MB was very cold this morning. I’m not suppose to take them out at all today which is abnormal.

[Anonymous]

Sorry you are dealing with this OP. Do you have other references so you don't need to use this family? Is there a father in the picture who might see things differently? Unless your MB sees where she is at fault and apologizes, I don't see how you can keep working for her.

[Anonymous]

she's a shitty person and you're better off without her. she's made it clear that she actually thinks this was your fault. she clearly can't handle the responsibility of managing an employee, and should realistically just stay home with the kids. i feel bad for her.

[Anonymous]

OP, it is time to quit. Cash your paycheck and email your resignation and document everything in your letter of resignation. This relationship is not salvageable. You do not owe this woman any notice.

[Anonymous]

I'm 10:09, a previous poster, and an MB and I am so sorry OP.

Your boss is completely in the wrong.

She deserves to lose you. But it sucks to be in your position even though you're in the right.

I am so sorry.

I hope you are already sending out resumes and responding to ads. If you're able to do it this is certainly an occasion when quitting might feel great, but I never advise anyone to quit before having a job. It is almost always much harder to find a job when you're unemployed, and if you look while you're still there you find way a way to explain why they aren't a reference.

So look for a new job immediately - you can tell prospective employers that this position is no longer a good fit for you, so you are considering other options. Tell them you will wait until you find something great, so in the interim your current employers do not know that you are looking elsewhere and therefore cannot be a reference. If you are pressed about why you're leaving be ready w/ a professional, truthful but unemotional sentence or two and a planned way to get back to a positive message. (Like "In recent months extended family started visiting regularly and there were in family disagreements about how to care for the kids. That led to tension and confusion and I'm really looking for an environment where I can be a unified team with the parents to provide excellent consistent care for the kids..."

I'm really sorry OP.