So angry.

[Anonymous]

I know you love the children, OP, but this is a very bad situation. Your employer-mother will blame you for anything and everything. And this situation will not get better. She is a grown woman who knows exactly what she said and then turned around and blamed you for doing exactly what she said. Please, OP, please - leave this job before you are blamed for a serious injury or worse.

You can still leave on good terms if you give notice on Monday - citing the reasons why as gently and calmly as possible. This is a great weekend to look for another position. Anyone will snap you up with twin experience.

All the best to you. I am sorry this happened but it is always a blessing when you see who someone truly is and what she is capable of before anything serious happens. This MB showed you the kind of person she is - believe her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let it go for now, but bring it up after the holiday. And give her a break. There are a ton of people in her house, who are apparently high-maintenance guests, her autistic toddlers are out of their routine so her evenings and overnights arw probably a train wreck and her child was lost. I am sure she was losing it with worry about her kid and embarassment that her neighbor witnessed the whole thing. Bring it up, but have some empathy too. She needs a wake-up call, but she probably needs a stiff drink too.

So it's fine for her to go off on OP be sure poor MB is stressed. She invited all these people and she should have told them that OP has absolute authority over children. What a jerk.

No one has said to let it go permanently. We have advised that a little empathy will go a long way towards resolving this to everyone’s satisfaction. Y’know, like a grown up.

I believe I’m reacting as a “grown up”. I’ve yet to quit or really take any action because I’m still heated.

I would be willing to let it go if she apologized. I know it was super stressful and terrifying for her, but she did not have the right to blame me. The fault does not lie on me. I’m confident in that, and I think she knows too... I want her to calm down, and apologize. I want an apology for the blame and for allowing her family to treat me so poorly. If it happens, all is forgiven and we can move on... if not, I need to find a position where I’m not fearful I’ll be blamed for any mishaps beyond my control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is an MB and an NK?

Mom boss/momma bear
New kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is an MB and an NK?

Mom boss/momma bear
New kid

I’m this context Momboss (employer) and Nanny Kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let it go for now, but bring it up after the holiday. And give her a break. There are a ton of people in her house, who are apparently high-maintenance guests, her autistic toddlers are out of their routine so her evenings and overnights arw probably a train wreck and her child was lost. I am sure she was losing it with worry about her kid and embarassment that her neighbor witnessed the whole thing. Bring it up, but have some empathy too. She needs a wake-up call, but she probably needs a stiff drink too.

So it's fine for her to go off on OP be sure poor MB is stressed. She invited all these people and she should have told them that OP has absolute authority over children. What a jerk.

No one has said to let it go permanently. We have advised that a little empathy will go a long way towards resolving this to everyone’s satisfaction. Y’know, like a grown up.

I believe I’m reacting as a “grown up”. I’ve yet to quit or really take any action because I’m still heated.

I would be willing to let it go if she apologized. I know it was super stressful and terrifying for her, but she did not have the right to blame me. The fault does not lie on me. I’m confident in that, and I think she knows too... I want her to calm down, and apologize. I want an apology for the blame and for allowing her family to treat me so poorly. If it happens, all is forgiven and we can move on... if not, I need to find a position where I’m not fearful I’ll be blamed for any mishaps beyond my control.

Wise, OP. However, two questions - what are you going to do if she simply does not mention the incident and acts as if nothing happened? And two, have you looked on care.com for another position? Just take a peek at what is out there.

[Anonymous]

And call good agencies as well. You have great experience and are probably a terrific nanny.

[Anonymous]

MB means Mother Baby, NK means New Kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB means Mother Baby, NK means New Kid

Not on this forum they don't. MomBoss and NannyKid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let it go for now, but bring it up after the holiday. And give her a break. There are a ton of people in her house, who are apparently high-maintenance guests, her autistic toddlers are out of their routine so her evenings and overnights arw probably a train wreck and her child was lost. I am sure she was losing it with worry about her kid and embarassment that her neighbor witnessed the whole thing. Bring it up, but have some empathy too. She needs a wake-up call, but she probably needs a stiff drink too.

So it's fine for her to go off on OP be sure poor MB is stressed. She invited all these people and she should have told them that OP has absolute authority over children. What a jerk.

No one has said to let it go permanently. We have advised that a little empathy will go a long way towards resolving this to everyone’s satisfaction. Y’know, like a grown up.

The mother certainly did not behave like a grown up nor did her miserable relatives. And the empathy for the nanny is where exactly?

How long are some of you mothers going to play the " poor me" card?

I am an employer of a nanny and a mother and I truly loathe responses like yours, PO. Insinuating that the nanny is behaving like a child and the mother - who behaved horribly - deserves sympathy.

First, I am the orginal poster in this subthread and I am a nanny, not an MB

Second, I never said that OP was being childish, I implied that the advice that she should a) focus on how terrible her MB must be to do such a horrible thing or b) quit her job in a rage over one incident is very childish. It sounds like OP is handling things well. She is taking some space to cool down and thinking through what she needs from MB to rebuild this relationship.

Finally, it is absurd to insist that anyone who isn’t outright condemning the MB thinks her behavior is okay. OP isn’t unclear on that; she knows MB is in the wrong and is asking for help proccessing and handling it. My advice is that part of proccessing and conflict is some perspective-taking, and there are a lot of things going on for MB that are contributing to the behavior she needs to fix. Practicing empathy for MB is going to much more successful than coming at her with furious demands and blame. I have worked for my current NF since oldest NK was born and the family before that for 5 years. If you want a stable nanny career you need ro be better at resolving conflict than you are at righteous wrath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is an MB and an NK?

Mom boss/momma bear
New kid

I’m this context Momboss (employer) and Nanny Kid

I'd say mom bitch in this case,!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let it go for now, but bring it up after the holiday. And give her a break. There are a ton of people in her house, who are apparently high-maintenance guests, her autistic toddlers are out of their routine so her evenings and overnights arw probably a train wreck and her child was lost. I am sure she was losing it with worry about her kid and embarassment that her neighbor witnessed the whole thing. Bring it up, but have some empathy too. She needs a wake-up call, but she probably needs a stiff drink too.

So it's fine for her to go off on OP be sure poor MB is stressed. She invited all these people and she should have told them that OP has absolute authority over children. What a jerk.

No one has said to let it go permanently. We have advised that a little empathy will go a long way towards resolving this to everyone’s satisfaction. Y’know, like a grown up.

The mother certainly did not behave like a grown up nor did her miserable relatives. And the empathy for the nanny is where exactly?

How long are some of you mothers going to play the " poor me" card?

I am an employer of a nanny and a mother and I truly loathe responses like yours, PO. Insinuating that the nanny is behaving like a child and the mother - who behaved horribly - deserves sympathy.

First, I am the orginal poster in this subthread and I am a nanny, not an MB

Second, I never said that OP was being childish, I implied that the advice that she should a) focus on how terrible her MB must be to do such a horrible thing or b) quit her job in a rage over one incident is very childish. It sounds like OP is handling things well. She is taking some space to cool down and thinking through what she needs from MB to rebuild this relationship.

Finally, it is absurd to insist that anyone who isn’t outright condemning the MB thinks her behavior is okay. OP isn’t unclear on that; she knows MB is in the wrong and is asking for help proccessing and handling it. My advice is that part of proccessing and conflict is some perspective-taking, and there are a lot of things going on for MB that are contributing to the behavior she needs to fix. Practicing empathy for MB is going to much more successful than coming at her with furious demands and blame. I have worked for my current NF since oldest NK was born and the family before that for 5 years. If you want a stable nanny career you need ro be better at resolving conflict than you are at righteous wrath.

NP here and blaming the nanny for doing exactly what to asked them to do is a harbinger of greater issues, PP. I truly do not think this is a simple "resolving conflict" issue. Having empathy for the mother - who is in charge of and responsible for this entire situation - is like have empathy for a husband who hits you. If the MB is capable of blaming the nanny for this situation, what is to stop her from blaming the nanny for a worse situation later? Working with Special Needs children is a totally different ballgame.

[Anonymous]

My main concern would be would this happen again?

Are you setting yourself up for an even worse situation by staying?

Are there other issues with this MB?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let it go for now, but bring it up after the holiday. And give her a break. There are a ton of people in her house, who are apparently high-maintenance guests, her autistic toddlers are out of their routine so her evenings and overnights arw probably a train wreck and her child was lost. I am sure she was losing it with worry about her kid and embarassment that her neighbor witnessed the whole thing. Bring it up, but have some empathy too. She needs a wake-up call, but she probably needs a stiff drink too.

So it's fine for her to go off on OP be sure poor MB is stressed. She invited all these people and she should have told them that OP has absolute authority over children. What a jerk.

No one has said to let it go permanently. We have advised that a little empathy will go a long way towards resolving this to everyone’s satisfaction. Y’know, like a grown up.

The mother certainly did not behave like a grown up nor did her miserable relatives. And the empathy for the nanny is where exactly?

How long are some of you mothers going to play the " poor me" card?

I am an employer of a nanny and a mother and I truly loathe responses like yours, PO. Insinuating that the nanny is behaving like a child and the mother - who behaved horribly - deserves sympathy.

First, I am the orginal poster in this subthread and I am a nanny, not an MB

Second, I never said that OP was being childish, I implied that the advice that she should a) focus on how terrible her MB must be to do such a horrible thing or b) quit her job in a rage over one incident is very childish. It sounds like OP is handling things well. She is taking some space to cool down and thinking through what she needs from MB to rebuild this relationship.

Finally, it is absurd to insist that anyone who isn’t outright condemning the MB thinks her behavior is okay. OP isn’t unclear on that; she knows MB is in the wrong and is asking for help proccessing and handling it. My advice is that part of proccessing and conflict is some perspective-taking, and there are a lot of things going on for MB that are contributing to the behavior she needs to fix. Practicing empathy for MB is going to much more successful than coming at her with furious demands and blame. I have worked for my current NF since oldest NK was born and the family before that for 5 years. If you want a stable nanny career you need ro be better at resolving conflict than you are at righteous wrath.

NP here and blaming the nanny for doing exactly what to asked them to do is a harbinger of greater issues, PP. I truly do not think this is a simple "resolving conflict" issue. Having empathy for the mother - who is in charge of and responsible for this entire situation - is like have empathy for a husband who hits you. If the MB is capable of blaming the nanny for this situation, what is to stop her from blaming the nanny for a worse situation later? Working with Special Needs children is a totally different ballgame.

This. I am a special needs nanny and this is true. What the mother did and said to the nanny in this circumstance should be seen as a warning for the nanny. It is not about resolving conflict - this is about seeing what the mother is capable of and how she will shift blame in the future. Good nannies have been destroyed and even arrested with baseless accusations of neglect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is an MB and an NK?

Mom boss/momma bear
New kid

Love the Momma Bear!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let it go for now, but bring it up after the holiday. And give her a break. There are a ton of people in her house, who are apparently high-maintenance guests, her autistic toddlers are out of their routine so her evenings and overnights arw probably a train wreck and her child was lost. I am sure she was losing it with worry about her kid and embarassment that her neighbor witnessed the whole thing. Bring it up, but have some empathy too. She needs a wake-up call, but she probably needs a stiff drink too.

So it's fine for her to go off on OP be sure poor MB is stressed. She invited all these people and she should have told them that OP has absolute authority over children. What a jerk.

No one has said to let it go permanently. We have advised that a little empathy will go a long way towards resolving this to everyone’s satisfaction. Y’know, like a grown up.

The mother certainly did not behave like a grown up nor did her miserable relatives. And the empathy for the nanny is where exactly?

How long are some of you mothers going to play the " poor me" card?

I am an employer of a nanny and a mother and I truly loathe responses like yours, PO. Insinuating that the nanny is behaving like a child and the mother - who behaved horribly - deserves sympathy.

First, I am the orginal poster in this subthread and I am a nanny, not an MB

Second, I never said that OP was being childish, I implied that the advice that she should a) focus on how terrible her MB must be to do such a horrible thing or b) quit her job in a rage over one incident is very childish. It sounds like OP is handling things well. She is taking some space to cool down and thinking through what she needs from MB to rebuild this relationship.

Finally, it is absurd to insist that anyone who isn’t outright condemning the MB thinks her behavior is okay. OP isn’t unclear on that; she knows MB is in the wrong and is asking for help proccessing and handling it. My advice is that part of proccessing and conflict is some perspective-taking, and there are a lot of things going on for MB that are contributing to the behavior she needs to fix. Practicing empathy for MB is going to much more successful than coming at her with furious demands and blame. I have worked for my current NF since oldest NK was born and the family before that for 5 years. If you want a stable nanny career you need ro be better at resolving conflict than you are at righteous wrath.

NP here and blaming the nanny for doing exactly what to asked them to do is a harbinger of greater issues, PP. I truly do not think this is a simple "resolving conflict" issue. Having empathy for the mother - who is in charge of and responsible for this entire situation - is like have empathy for a husband who hits you. If the MB is capable of blaming the nanny for this situation, what is to stop her from blaming the nanny for a worse situation later? Working with Special Needs children is a totally different ballgame.

This. I am a special needs nanny and this is true. What the mother did and said to the nanny in this circumstance should be seen as a warning for the nanny. It is not about resolving conflict - this is about seeing what the mother is capable of and how she will shift blame in the future. Good nannies have been destroyed and even arrested with baseless accusations of neglect.

With autistic twins who may run and hide, its even more important for the parent to establish with family members that the nanny has to remain in charge, for the safety of the children!