Sanity Check

[Anonymous]

So, I've been paying a sitter $15 an hour 2 days a week for 5 hours at a stretch to do the following:

walk 4 year old to pre-k (4 blocks away)
come home with 2 year old and play.
at 1, gather DS from PK, head home, do a puzzle/game with both then go home.

Durning DS nap, she gets to do homework, read, etc...her time on my dime...no worries

NO laundry
NO meal prep (I do have her feed DD, but I typically put the meal together)
She doesnt even clean up toys before she leaves, leaves her personal dishes in the sink/dirty on the counter

And, fine--whatever--because it has been so hard to find middle of the day/middle of the week care, I figured it worked for me overall--she is nice, playful...

Then last week I come home and find her sleeping on the sofa while DD is napping and DS is alone in the basement playroom--where she told him to go so she could have some alone time. He is 5.
I reviewed the expectations, asked if she was sick...tried to be understanding...and didnt fire her on the spot.

Then this week she comes in on Monday, tells me she wont be available next week (SPRING BREAK!) because she found a better paying gig just for the week.

So I told her not to come back. Now she is sending me emails and texts telling me I am a monster for kicking her out of our family, for not being supportive of her needs to make more money for a week, for thinking (I kid you not) my "families needs come first"...

Am I crazy? Is this chick bonkers, or is it really really different here?

[Anonymous]

See y'all? Never give notice 'cause they'll fire you on the spot. Live and learn, right?

[Anonymous]

If someone else offered her more, you were OBVIOUSLY underpaying her. High school kids get $15/hr.

You should have asked her if she was happy with your rate.

[Anonymous]

She doesn't take your job seriously. It's part time, 10 hours a week, and she has very little responsibility. It doesn't surprise me that she thinks she can just not show up one week. You are fine to fire her, but you need to be a better employer next time around. There should be very clear expectations about laundry, cleaning up after herself, napping, etc. and also about vacation days (paid or unpaid) and how much notice she should give.
If I were you, I would offer a slightly higher rate and have much higher expectations, or I would find a rotating list of four people who can do it and expect that they will all call off a lot.

[Anonymous]

She's completely nuts for thinking it's ok to nap while telling your DS to go play by himself and for not realizing that her regular job is a commitment that she can't drop whenever she feels like it if she wants to keep it.

OTOH, if you've had a hard time finding someone interested in the hours and the position that you are offering, you may find that you need to pay more to get someone who will take the commitment seriously and provide a decent level of care.

[Anonymous]

My only question for you is do you guarantee her hours? Do you pay her when you don't need her on a particular day or week? If yes, then that was a lousy thing she did. If no, then no complaining. If you don't guarantee pay, then you have no right to expect guaranteed availability.

[Anonymous]

I don't know why you're even wasting this much energy.

Just move on and find someone else. I would not tolerate the sleeping while a 4/5 yr old is playing alone, and I certainly wouldn't be persuaded to continue to employ someone after being harassed.

Just move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My only question for you is do you guarantee her hours? Do you pay her when you don't need her on a particular day or week? If yes, then that was a lousy thing she did. If no, then no complaining. If you don't guarantee pay, then you have no right to expect guaranteed availability.

This!! If you don't guarantee hours, you don't get guaranteed availability, and obviously you're underpaying if you're having a hard time finding and keeping someone. Her mistake was telling you why she needed the time off.

As for sending your son to play alone while she slept, completely unacceptable, and I think you handled that correctly. She sounds lackluster in general, and you should definitely look for someone new. That being said, if you continue to offer junk wages for an already hard to fill time slot, you will continue to get junk applicants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My only question for you is do you guarantee her hours? Do you pay her when you don't need her on a particular day or week? If yes, then that was a lousy thing she did. If no, then no complaining. If you don't guarantee pay, then you have no right to expect guaranteed availability.

So we didn't have any kind of contract, I Know lesson learned. But yes, she was paid for 10 hours a week even on the weeks that I only used her for 7 or 8. She was always paid the agreed-upon hours not the actual worked hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why you're even wasting this much energy.

Just move on and find someone else. I would not tolerate the sleeping while a 4/5 yr old is playing alone, and I certainly wouldn't be persuaded to continue to employ someone after being harassed.

Just move on.

I know, and I'm pretty annoyed with myself for even second-guessing myself on this. But it's just been such an incredibly bizarre experience I had to vent and check in make sure I wasn't the crazy one here

[Anonymous]

So my question is this then: we simply can't afford more than 15 an hour, so we've offered flexibility ability to do homework while the baby naps and lowered certain expectations around household chores to the point where there's nothing except playing with the baby when she's awake. That's it. So when I advertise a job, and by the way werr way the hell out in Suburban Montgomery County and not in downtown DC:, for $15 an hour and someone says yeah I'll take it, am I still a jerk for offering the job at $15 an hour? Do we not have the right to ask for babysitting in the range we can afford offering flexibility but I'm still expecting some reliability?

[Anonymous]

That is definitely a strange and frustrating experience. That said, I hope that you will take this as a learning experience for the future. Have a written contract with professional boundaries and expectations outlined, and pay more than what I made when I was 16. If you do all that, then you should be able to weed out quickly those who are only looking for cash those who actually have a sense of professionalism about themselves.

[Anonymous]

Nope OP, this is DC and working families without disposable income have no business trying to find affordable childcare accommodations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So my question is this then: we simply can't afford more than 15 an hour, so we've offered flexibility ability to do homework while the baby naps and lowered certain expectations around household chores to the point where there's nothing except playing with the baby when she's awake. That's it. So when I advertise a job, and by the way werr way the hell out in Suburban Montgomery County and not in downtown DC:, for $15 an hour and someone says yeah I'll take it, am I still a jerk for offering the job at $15 an hour? Do we not have the right to ask for babysitting in the range we can afford offering flexibility but I'm still expecting some reliability?

I'm sorry OP, this is just the reality of market economics. To answer your question, no you do not have the right to quality in home childcare at whatever rate you happen to be able to afford. You're paying on the low end, so you're attracting low end employees. The reliable, experienced, and engaged nannies can charge more than $15/hour for very part time hours and 2 young children, so why would they take your job? You're attracting the ones who can't find anything better.

My suggestions would be to stop referring to this person as a sitter. You need a regular part time weekly commitment, and that means you are hiring a nanny. Do not offer lowered expectations as a "perk" of the job. Go into this like a real employer expecting to hire a professional. Write a contract that outline the hours, the pay rate, and the duties and expectations. At a minimum this person should be leaving the house as neat as they found it, and being engaged with your children for the few hours they are working.

If you truly can't up the rate, and can't find someone professional and reliable, you should honestly consider whether or not you can afford in-home childcare. It is the most expensive form of childcare, and a luxury that not everyone can afford. Your children have the right to quality care, but it may need to be in a group setting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm sorry OP, this is just the reality of market economics. To answer your question, no you do not have the right to quality in home childcare at whatever rate you happen to be able to afford. You're paying on the low end, so you're attracting low end employees. The reliable, experienced, and engaged nannies can charge more than $15/hour for very part time hours and 2 young children, so why would they take your job? You're attracting the ones who can't find anything better.

My suggestions would be to stop referring to this person as a sitter. You need a regular part time weekly commitment, and that means you are hiring a nanny. Do not offer lowered expectations as a "perk" of the job. Go into this like a real employer expecting to hire a professional. Write a contract that outline the hours, the pay rate, and the duties and expectations. At a minimum this person should be leaving the house as neat as they found it, and being engaged with your children for the few hours they are working.

If you truly can't up the rate, and can't find someone professional and reliable, you should honestly consider whether or not you can afford in-home childcare. It is the most expensive form of childcare, and a luxury that not everyone can afford. Your children have the right to quality care, but it may need to be in a group setting.

In suburban MD 15 is the going rate. PP is FOS.