Sanity Check

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love how parents who have hired maybe one or two people like to pretend they know anything about overall norms in this industry, including rates. Nannies see a much bigger picture, and the reality is that OPs job including the rate are not attractive to decent nannies, even those in college. $15/hour is acceptable for a full time job (40+ hours), watching one kid, for a nanny with only a year or two of experience.

Oh my god. This is one of the smartest comments I have read on here. Experienced nannies do have a better grip on the norms in this industry. Thank you. XO

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the problem is not your rate. It's your hours. I understand where the nanny was coming from, too. $150/wk when she can have a week where she makes close to that every day?

You are going to have a hard time finding anyone who can take a job 2 days a week in the middle of the day. Most people who work an hourly job need more hours, and you're eating up two days of the week. People who only want part time work are generally not as committed (at least that has been my experience), or they want a premium to make it worth their while.

Why do you only need care two days a week? What happens the other three days? Is this a schedule that will change every semester? That's also going to limit your pool.

OP here. I totally get this--totally agree. The thing is, I only need child care for a few hours a week while I work on my dissertation. I would LOVE it if I could afford someone for more time. Because we couldn't, though, we tried to be flexible and said we would be flexible enough that--from week to week--our sitter/nanny could chose the days she came. the assumption was simply that she would be here 2x per week for 5 hours at a time--her convenience.

I'm not sure if that is just an untenable plan, or if we just picked a bad apple. I guess--at the least--i've learned a lesson in articulating expectations.

OK, I'm the above poster you quoted. When we hired our first nanny, it was part time (though for more hours than you have), and I also said the hours were flexible. We had much better luck when I decided on the days and times and advertised for that. If you're too flexible, your nanny may feel like it isn't really a priority for you, either.

I am a college professor (did my diss before kids, but I do understand the slog and the need for dedicated time during the day). I am going to suggest to you, however, that you rethink this job. If you can make it for two full days (8 hours each day), even at the $15/hr rate you should be able to find someone who will do kid food and laundry, and if you have hours with no kids, will do some other tasks for you, too. Call it a "mother's helper/babysitter" position when you advertise it. I have someone who does family laundry, cooks dinner, and does grocery shopping.

I hear you about your budget, but this is a very temporary time in your life. Spend the money for a year or two, and buy yourself the time you need to finish your degree and pay yourself back. You're spending whatever you're spending to be a graduate student; what's a few thousand more? I'm not saying that to be flippant; really, really think through what you'd be buying yourself.

Thank you--this is something we could probably work out. It is great advice and I'll try to rethink our approach with some of this in mind. Help with laundry would be nice in and of itself.

This is great advice. I'm a nanny and I work part time split shifts for two different families. Its a little chaotic sometimes, but we all do our best. I really like how this person suggested considering "what you are buying yourself." I think that's a nice way of looking at it. Also, I echo the sentiment that you are in a short term situation, your kids won't need in-home care for long (if you are planning to do public school,) its important that these precious young years (that will be gone in the blink of an eye!!) are covered by a reliable, loving care-giver. Spend the time to come up with a more attractive offer, and you will get the right person. Lastly, leaving a 5 yo to play alone is totally unacceptable. Never mind the short notice for Spring Break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, I've been paying a sitter $15 an hour 2 days a week for 5 hours at a stretch to do the following:

walk 4 year old to pre-k (4 blocks away)
come home with 2 year old and play.
at 1, gather DS from PK, head home, do a puzzle/game with both then go home.

Durning DS nap, she gets to do homework, read, etc...her time on my dime...no worries

NO laundry
NO meal prep (I do have her feed DD, but I typically put the meal together)
She doesnt even clean up toys before she leaves, leaves her personal dishes in the sink/dirty on the counter

And, fine--whatever--because it has been so hard to find middle of the day/middle of the week care, I figured it worked for me overall--she is nice, playful...

Then last week I come home and find her sleeping on the sofa while DD is napping and DS is alone in the basement playroom--where she told him to go so she could have some alone time. He is 5.
I reviewed the expectations, asked if she was sick...tried to be understanding...and didnt fire her on the spot.

Then this week she comes in on Monday, tells me she wont be available next week (SPRING BREAK!) because she found a better paying gig just for the week.

So I told her not to come back. Now she is sending me emails and texts telling me I am a monster for kicking her out of our family, for not being supportive of her needs to make more money for a week, for thinking (I kid you not) my "families needs come first"...

Am I crazy? Is this chick bonkers, or is it really really different here?

Is there any chance that there are other underlying issues? The Nanny-Parent relationship is a tough one. If your communication before this blow-up wasn't open and honest there may have been trouble brewing for a while. I would respond to the texts politely, but firmly. Don't ignore the situation. Just tell her you have decided to pursue a better fit for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, I've been paying a sitter $15 an hour 2 days a week for 5 hours at a stretch to do the following:

walk 4 year old to pre-k (4 blocks away)
come home with 2 year old and play.
at 1, gather DS from PK, head home, do a puzzle/game with both then go home.

Durning DS nap, she gets to do homework, read, etc...her time on my dime...no worries

NO laundry
NO meal prep (I do have her feed DD, but I typically put the meal together)
She doesnt even clean up toys before she leaves, leaves her personal dishes in the sink/dirty on the counter

And, fine--whatever--because it has been so hard to find middle of the day/middle of the week care, I figured it worked for me overall--she is nice, playful...

Then last week I come home and find her sleeping on the sofa while DD is napping and DS is alone in the basement playroom--where she told him to go so she could have some alone time. He is 5.
I reviewed the expectations, asked if she was sick...tried to be understanding...and didnt fire her on the spot.

Then this week she comes in on Monday, tells me she wont be available next week (SPRING BREAK!) because she found a better paying gig just for the week.

So I told her not to come back. Now she is sending me emails and texts telling me I am a monster for kicking her out of our family, for not being supportive of her needs to make more money for a week, for thinking (I kid you not) my "families needs come first"...

Am I crazy? Is this chick bonkers, or is it really really different here?

Is there any chance that there are other underlying issues? The Nanny-Parent relationship is a tough one. If your communication before this blow-up wasn't open and honest there may have been trouble brewing for a while. I would respond to the texts politely, but firmly. Don't ignore the situation. Just tell her you have decided to pursue a better fit for your family.

Thanks. The situation came and went and I've never spoken to the nanny again following a flurry of bizarre texts she sent. Until then communication had been fine, but I take full responsibility for not giving enough structure or articulating expectations more clearly. There were some weirdly entitled behaviors (leaving her dirty dishes on the table when she would leave the house, pouring the last cup of coffee without refilling or asking, spending time on the phone when she was playing with the kids, routinely leaving early) that I let slide because I am just a terrible manager. If I had done a better early on directing her, maybe she would have not gone so far down a weird road. Lesson learned.

Now, I am actually in a position to hire someone full time and I am doing a lot more to communicate expectations as well as draw out the applicants ability to thrive without a micromanager.

[Anonymous]

Oh, good. I am so pleased to hear things have gotten better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:See y'all? Never give notice 'cause they'll fire you on the spot. Live and learn, right?

Man, there is a group of posters on this site (I really doubt they are actual nannies) who could do with a reading comprehension course.

PP, flaking out on your commitment, a WEEK before, which happens to fall on a busy holiday is not even effing close to giving notice and this nanny (not really a nanny--more of a sitter in this case) deserved to lose her job and any good will from the OP. All this talk about "you should have asked her if she was happy"...what, was the nanny 10? does she have no accountability? If she was unhappy she should have said so in a way that didnt put her employer in a shitty spot. All you nannies who cry about deserving to make $30 an hour but have no clue about how to be a damn adult when it comes to negotiating a reasonable, responsible work agreement? You are a joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:See y'all? Never give notice 'cause they'll fire you on the spot. Live and learn, right?

Man, there is a group of posters on this site (I really doubt they are actual nannies) who could do with a reading comprehension course.

PP, flaking out on your commitment, a WEEK before, which happens to fall on a busy holiday is not even effing close to giving notice and this nanny (not really a nanny--more of a sitter in this case) deserved to lose her job and any good will from the OP. All this talk about "you should have asked her if she was happy"...what, was the nanny 10? does she have no accountability? If she was unhappy she should have said so in a way that didnt put her employer in a shitty spot. All you nannies who cry about deserving to make $30 an hour but have no clue about how to be a damn adult when it comes to negotiating a reasonable, responsible work agreement? You are a joke.

I have to agree with this. I'm well aware of all changes in my employer's calendar. If I decided to "give notice" right before he needed to travel, I would be gone immediately while he rearranged his schedule to stay home and figure out something else instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, I've been paying a sitter $15 an hour 2 days a week for 5 hours at a stretch to do the following:

walk 4 year old to pre-k (4 blocks away)
come home with 2 year old and play.
at 1, gather DS from PK, head home, do a puzzle/game with both then go home.

Durning DS nap, she gets to do homework, read, etc...her time on my dime...no worries

NO laundry
NO meal prep (I do have her feed DD, but I typically put the meal together)
She doesnt even clean up toys before she leaves, leaves her personal dishes in the sink/dirty on the counter

And, fine--whatever--because it has been so hard to find middle of the day/middle of the week care, I figured it worked for me overall--she is nice, playful...

Then last week I come home and find her sleeping on the sofa while DD is napping and DS is alone in the basement playroom--where she told him to go so she could have some alone time. He is 5.
I reviewed the expectations, asked if she was sick...tried to be understanding...and didnt fire her on the spot.

Then this week she comes in on Monday, tells me she wont be available next week (SPRING BREAK!) because she found a better paying gig just for the week.

So I told her not to come back. Now she is sending me emails and texts telling me I am a monster for kicking her out of our family, for not being supportive of her needs to make more money for a week, for thinking (I kid you not) my "families needs come first"...

Am I crazy? Is this chick bonkers, or is it really really different here?

This sounds like a nightmare employee. There is plenty of help available if you decide to hire someone new. For a highly-recommended nanny who went above and beyond all expectations and was constantly doing more than I asked, email; [e-mail]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, a majority of these posters are just as batsh*t as the woman you fired.

You offered a job at an acceptable rate, she accepted and then did a poor job. This is not on you. You are NOT the crazy one here.

Obviously this board is becoming overrun with self-righteous, self-important bitter women who are trying to continually make themselves out to be much more professional and desirable than they actually are.

Who the f gets to turn their nose up at a job offering $15/hr that requires no degree, license, professional certification of any kind?

-A nanny tired of all the bs

Agree. Plus I bet that sitter was not declaring her $150/week pay as income.