Sanity Check

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the problem is not your rate. It's your hours. I understand where the nanny was coming from, too. $150/wk when she can have a week where she makes close to that every day?

You are going to have a hard time finding anyone who can take a job 2 days a week in the middle of the day. Most people who work an hourly job need more hours, and you're eating up two days of the week. People who only want part time work are generally not as committed (at least that has been my experience), or they want a premium to make it worth their while.

Why do you only need care two days a week? What happens the other three days? Is this a schedule that will change every semester? That's also going to limit your pool.

OP here. I totally get this--totally agree. The thing is, I only need child care for a few hours a week while I work on my dissertation. I would LOVE it if I could afford someone for more time. Because we couldn't, though, we tried to be flexible and said we would be flexible enough that--from week to week--our sitter/nanny could chose the days she came. the assumption was simply that she would be here 2x per week for 5 hours at a time--her convenience.

I'm not sure if that is just an untenable plan, or if we just picked a bad apple. I guess--at the least--i've learned a lesson in articulating expectations.

[Anonymous]

By way of comparison, we pay around $19/hr for a part-time babysitter (1 preschooler) who is also welcome to do her homework or nap or whatever during naps, and has no housework expectations. We also pay vacation, sick days, and guarantee her hours, and have been otherwise very flexible. We think our babysitter is wonderful and know that it is hard to find part-timers this good, so we try to accomodate her. In fact she is probably due for a raise!

That said, napping while the 5 year old plays alone and randomly deciding not to work on spring break is bad news.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the problem is not your rate. It's your hours. I understand where the nanny was coming from, too. $150/wk when she can have a week where she makes close to that every day?

You are going to have a hard time finding anyone who can take a job 2 days a week in the middle of the day. Most people who work an hourly job need more hours, and you're eating up two days of the week. People who only want part time work are generally not as committed (at least that has been my experience), or they want a premium to make it worth their while.

Why do you only need care two days a week? What happens the other three days? Is this a schedule that will change every semester? That's also going to limit your pool.

OP here. I totally get this--totally agree. The thing is, I only need child care for a few hours a week while I work on my dissertation. I would LOVE it if I could afford someone for more time. Because we couldn't, though, we tried to be flexible and said we would be flexible enough that--from week to week--our sitter/nanny could chose the days she came. the assumption was simply that she would be here 2x per week for 5 hours at a time--her convenience.

I'm not sure if that is just an untenable plan, or if we just picked a bad apple. I guess--at the least--i've learned a lesson in articulating expectations.

OK, I'm the above poster you quoted. When we hired our first nanny, it was part time (though for more hours than you have), and I also said the hours were flexible. We had much better luck when I decided on the days and times and advertised for that. If you're too flexible, your nanny may feel like it isn't really a priority for you, either.

I am a college professor (did my diss before kids, but I do understand the slog and the need for dedicated time during the day). I am going to suggest to you, however, that you rethink this job. If you can make it for two full days (8 hours each day), even at the $15/hr rate you should be able to find someone who will do kid food and laundry, and if you have hours with no kids, will do some other tasks for you, too. Call it a "mother's helper/babysitter" position when you advertise it. I have someone who does family laundry, cooks dinner, and does grocery shopping.

I hear you about your budget, but this is a very temporary time in your life. Spend the money for a year or two, and buy yourself the time you need to finish your degree and pay yourself back. You're spending whatever you're spending to be a graduate student; what's a few thousand more? I'm not saying that to be flippant; really, really think through what you'd be buying yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the problem is not your rate. It's your hours. I understand where the nanny was coming from, too. $150/wk when she can have a week where she makes close to that every day?

You are going to have a hard time finding anyone who can take a job 2 days a week in the middle of the day. Most people who work an hourly job need more hours, and you're eating up two days of the week. People who only want part time work are generally not as committed (at least that has been my experience), or they want a premium to make it worth their while.

Why do you only need care two days a week? What happens the other three days? Is this a schedule that will change every semester? That's also going to limit your pool.

OP here. I totally get this--totally agree. The thing is, I only need child care for a few hours a week while I work on my dissertation. I would LOVE it if I could afford someone for more time. Because we couldn't, though, we tried to be flexible and said we would be flexible enough that--from week to week--our sitter/nanny could chose the days she came. the assumption was simply that she would be here 2x per week for 5 hours at a time--her convenience.

I'm not sure if that is just an untenable plan, or if we just picked a bad apple. I guess--at the least--i've learned a lesson in articulating expectations.

OK, I'm the above poster you quoted. When we hired our first nanny, it was part time (though for more hours than you have), and I also said the hours were flexible. We had much better luck when I decided on the days and times and advertised for that. If you're too flexible, your nanny may feel like it isn't really a priority for you, either.

I am a college professor (did my diss before kids, but I do understand the slog and the need for dedicated time during the day). I am going to suggest to you, however, that you rethink this job. If you can make it for two full days (8 hours each day), even at the $15/hr rate you should be able to find someone who will do kid food and laundry, and if you have hours with no kids, will do some other tasks for you, too. Call it a "mother's helper/babysitter" position when you advertise it. I have someone who does family laundry, cooks dinner, and does grocery shopping.

I hear you about your budget, but this is a very temporary time in your life. Spend the money for a year or two, and buy yourself the time you need to finish your degree and pay yourself back. You're spending whatever you're spending to be a graduate student; what's a few thousand more? I'm not saying that to be flippant; really, really think through what you'd be buying yourself.

Thank you--this is something we could probably work out. It is great advice and I'll try to rethink our approach with some of this in mind. Help with laundry would be nice in and of itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the problem is not your rate. It's your hours. I understand where the nanny was coming from, too. $150/wk when she can have a week where she makes close to that every day?

You are going to have a hard time finding anyone who can take a job 2 days a week in the middle of the day. Most people who work an hourly job need more hours, and you're eating up two days of the week. People who only want part time work are generally not as committed (at least that has been my experience), or they want a premium to make it worth their while.

Why do you only need care two days a week? What happens the other three days? Is this a schedule that will change every semester? That's also going to limit your pool.

I agree. Particularly with middle of the day hours so she can't work before or after. What you really need is a college student who has class either before or after the hours you need. It sounds like you had a student, but maybe you need a different one.

[Anonymous]

I love how parents who have hired maybe one or two people like to pretend they know anything about overall norms in this industry, including rates. Nannies see a much bigger picture, and the reality is that OPs job including the rate are not attractive to decent nannies, even those in college. $15/hour is acceptable for a full time job (40+ hours), watching one kid, for a nanny with only a year or two of experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love how parents who have hired maybe one or two people like to pretend they know anything about overall norms in this industry, including rates. Nannies see a much bigger picture, and the reality is that OPs job including the rate are not attractive to decent nannies, even those in college. $15/hour is acceptable for a full time job (40+ hours), watching one kid, for a nanny with only a year or two of experience.

+1,000,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope OP, this is DC and working families without disposable income have no business trying to find affordable childcare accommodations.

There is a difference between affordable childcare and luxury childcare. In home childcare is an expensive luxury. Everyone should be entitled to a roof over their heads. That doesn't mean everyone is entitled to be a home owner, to live in the nicest neighborhoods, or have the biggest houses.

Childcare workers are entitled to fair wages long before anyone is entitled to luxury childcare accommodations.

OP here. First, we are new to the area and we consulted with several neighbors on going rates in our neck of the woods (silver spring). we were told 12-20 so we offered the middle with some flexibility. To reiterate, we advertised above what we were told market rate here is. We had DOZENS of responses, but in every case there were issues (one wanted to make sure we locked our dog away while she was here, one said she had transportation but that turned out to be inaccurate, one brought her child without checking.) Yes, if we had offered $30 an hour we would have been able to afford Mrs Doubtfire, but here we are, two lowely PhD students who tried to gauge the market rate and find a good fit for our family.

I can not even to begin to guess what kind of bubble you live in to say someone doesnt have the right to try to find someone whose circumstances match our own. Elitist nonsense. We have plenty of blue collar families where we live who work for these wages with nothing to be ashamed of. Nannies (sitters FFS) are not just for the rich and fabulous.

Lady you need to take a seat. The only one being an elitist is you. Who's "rights" do you think come first? Your right to have someone come to your house, care for your kids under your direction and your schedule, and relieve you of the stress of drop offs and pickups, or someone's right to be paid fairly?

The market is telling you something is wrong with what you're offering. Dozens of dud applicants doesn't mean a damn thing. Nanny =/= Sitter "FFS". Show some respect and maybe someone worthwhile will want to work for your ass.

OMG, this is (by definition) elitism. Let me paraphrase: anyone not in my socioeconomic class does not "deserve the luxury of in home care" *even though there are people willing to provide it* because those people are exploited hacks who offer a product I consider subpar.

As an researcher with a focus on social welfare and economics, this makes me so angry: if you cant afford to pay what I deem worthy, you dont have the right to have what I have. There are plenty of different groups in the *non elite* world who are looking to match up and have similar economic goals (ie flexibility for a slightly lower wage, minimal travel) so, stop *defending* the poor *trod upon* workers who are willing to work for these wages (get out more, there is a huge world of people who get by on $15 per hour); you might not get an elite nanny from a top agency. Guess what? Look on the boards where MBs are posting about their delightful encounters with their top nannies. Notice something? Plenty of issues there, too. Find someone in your community, someone with shared goals, communicate better, set some boundaries. Ignore the nonsense like the above.

[Anonymous]

Wow! What a lousy work ethic she had!!

You can't simply skip out on your current job for a week just because you were offered a higher paying one. There is just zero logic in that OP.

Plus she shouldn't be sleeping on a five hour a day job.
And definitely not w/one child still awake!!

You did the right thing by letting her go.
She brought it all upon herself to be fired & her behavior now is just looney.

Ask her to stop contacting you or you will call the police!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope OP, this is DC and working families without disposable income have no business trying to find affordable childcare accommodations.

There is a difference between affordable childcare and luxury childcare. In home childcare is an expensive luxury. Everyone should be entitled to a roof over their heads. That doesn't mean everyone is entitled to be a home owner, to live in the nicest neighborhoods, or have the biggest houses.

Childcare workers are entitled to fair wages long before anyone is entitled to luxury childcare accommodations.

OP here. First, we are new to the area and we consulted with several neighbors on going rates in our neck of the woods (silver spring). we were told 12-20 so we offered the middle with some flexibility. To reiterate, we advertised above what we were told market rate here is. We had DOZENS of responses, but in every case there were issues (one wanted to make sure we locked our dog away while she was here, one said she had transportation but that turned out to be inaccurate, one brought her child without checking.) Yes, if we had offered $30 an hour we would have been able to afford Mrs Doubtfire, but here we are, two lowely PhD students who tried to gauge the market rate and find a good fit for our family.

I can not even to begin to guess what kind of bubble you live in to say someone doesnt have the right to try to find someone whose circumstances match our own. Elitist nonsense. We have plenty of blue collar families where we live who work for these wages with nothing to be ashamed of. Nannies (sitters FFS) are not just for the rich and fabulous.

Lady you need to take a seat. The only one being an elitist is you. Who's "rights" do you think come first? Your right to have someone come to your house, care for your kids under your direction and your schedule, and relieve you of the stress of drop offs and pickups, or someone's right to be paid fairly?

The market is telling you something is wrong with what you're offering. Dozens of dud applicants doesn't mean a damn thing. Nanny =/= Sitter "FFS". Show some respect and maybe someone worthwhile will want to work for your ass.

OMG, this is (by definition) elitism. Let me paraphrase: anyone not in my socioeconomic class does not "deserve the luxury of in home care" *even though there are people willing to provide it* because those people are exploited hacks who offer a product I consider subpar.

As an researcher with a focus on social welfare and economics, this makes me so angry: if you cant afford to pay what I deem worthy, you dont have the right to have what I have. There are plenty of different groups in the *non elite* world who are looking to match up and have similar economic goals (ie flexibility for a slightly lower wage, minimal travel) so, stop *defending* the poor *trod upon* workers who are willing to work for these wages (get out more, there is a huge world of people who get by on $15 per hour); you might not get an elite nanny from a top agency. Guess what? Look on the boards where MBs are posting about their delightful encounters with their top nannies. Notice something? Plenty of issues there, too. Find someone in your community, someone with shared goals, communicate better, set some boundaries. Ignore the nonsense like the above.

You're ridiculous. This isn't a socioeconomic status issue. It's a basic fact that the market determines the price of a good or service. OP can't afford the service she wants at market rates, and therefore she is having a hard time acquiring (and maintaining) said service. In what other context would I be a bad person for saying that someone can't afford the expensive luxury they're trying to afford? And on the back of an even less fortunate individual? Sorry, but I'll save my tears for the exploited workers, not the privileged brat whining that no one will give her what she wants for less than its worth.

Maybe I should head over to the car dealership and demand the best car on the lot, and that they lower the price to fit in my budget! Cuz surely they're elitist pigs if they laugh in my face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope OP, this is DC and working families without disposable income have no business trying to find affordable childcare accommodations.

There is a difference between affordable childcare and luxury childcare. In home childcare is an expensive luxury. Everyone should be entitled to a roof over their heads. That doesn't mean everyone is entitled to be a home owner, to live in the nicest neighborhoods, or have the biggest houses.

Childcare workers are entitled to fair wages long before anyone is entitled to luxury childcare accommodations.

OP here. First, we are new to the area and we consulted with several neighbors on going rates in our neck of the woods (silver spring). we were told 12-20 so we offered the middle with some flexibility. To reiterate, we advertised above what we were told market rate here is. We had DOZENS of responses, but in every case there were issues (one wanted to make sure we locked our dog away while she was here, one said she had transportation but that turned out to be inaccurate, one brought her child without checking.) Yes, if we had offered $30 an hour we would have been able to afford Mrs Doubtfire, but here we are, two lowely PhD students who tried to gauge the market rate and find a good fit for our family.

I can not even to begin to guess what kind of bubble you live in to say someone doesnt have the right to try to find someone whose circumstances match our own. Elitist nonsense. We have plenty of blue collar families where we live who work for these wages with nothing to be ashamed of. Nannies (sitters FFS) are not just for the rich and fabulous.

Look genius, it takes more than one data point to understand the *market*...there are thousands, thousands, of people in this area alone who exist in that wage group. From what I gather, OP is one of them. You are arrogant, ignorant and yes elitist because you are so far removed from people existing, entire economies existing outside of your privileged experience. Worst of all, you are pretending to champion one low wage group (one that makes you feel good about yourself for defending) to throw another under the bus (just for the purpose of feeling like you have access to something that other people shouldnt).

Or your just a spoiled brat nanny trying to pretend your unregulated services are worth more than double than those of every other hard working wage worker in the world.

Lady you need to take a seat. The only one being an elitist is you. Who's "rights" do you think come first? Your right to have someone come to your house, care for your kids under your direction and your schedule, and relieve you of the stress of drop offs and pickups, or someone's right to be paid fairly?

The market is telling you something is wrong with what you're offering. Dozens of dud applicants doesn't mean a damn thing. Nanny =/= Sitter "FFS". Show some respect and maybe someone worthwhile will want to work for your ass.

OMG, this is (by definition) elitism. Let me paraphrase: anyone not in my socioeconomic class does not "deserve the luxury of in home care" *even though there are people willing to provide it* because those people are exploited hacks who offer a product I consider subpar.

As an researcher with a focus on social welfare and economics, this makes me so angry: if you cant afford to pay what I deem worthy, you dont have the right to have what I have. There are plenty of different groups in the *non elite* world who are looking to match up and have similar economic goals (ie flexibility for a slightly lower wage, minimal travel) so, stop *defending* the poor *trod upon* workers who are willing to work for these wages (get out more, there is a huge world of people who get by on $15 per hour); you might not get an elite nanny from a top agency. Guess what? Look on the boards where MBs are posting about their delightful encounters with their top nannies. Notice something? Plenty of issues there, too. Find someone in your community, someone with shared goals, communicate better, set some boundaries. Ignore the nonsense like the above.

You're ridiculous. This isn't a socioeconomic status issue. It's a basic fact that the market determines the price of a good or service. OP can't afford the service she wants at market rates, and therefore she is having a hard time acquiring (and maintaining) said service. In what other context would I be a bad person for saying that someone can't afford the expensive luxury they're trying to afford? And on the back of an even less fortunate individual? Sorry, but I'll save my tears for the exploited workers, not the privileged brat whining that no one will give her what she wants for less than its worth.

Maybe I should head over to the car dealership and demand the best car on the lot, and that they lower the price to fit in my budget! Cuz surely they're elitist pigs if they laugh in my face.

[Anonymous]

You're ridiculous. This isn't a socioeconomic status issue. It's a basic fact that the market determines the price of a good or service. OP can't afford the service she wants at market rates, and therefore she is having a hard time acquiring (and maintaining) said service. In what other context would I be a bad person for saying that someone can't afford the expensive luxury they're trying to afford? And on the back of an even less fortunate individual? Sorry, but I'll save my tears for the exploited workers, not the privileged brat whining that no one will give her what she wants for less than its worth.

Maybe I should head over to the car dealership and demand the best car on the lot, and that they lower the price to fit in my budget! Cuz surely they're elitist pigs if they laugh in my face.

Look genius, it takes more than one data point to understand the *market*...there are thousands, thousands, of people in this area alone who exist in that wage group. From what I gather, OP is one of them. You are arrogant, ignorant and yes elitist because you are so far removed from people existing, entire economies existing outside of your privileged experience. Worst of all, you are pretending to champion one low wage group (one that makes you feel good about yourself for defending) to throw another under the bus (just for the purpose of feeling like you have access to something that other people shouldnt).

Or your just a spoiled brat nanny trying to pretend your unregulated services are worth more than double than those of every other hard working wage worker in the world.

Lady you need to take a seat. The only one being an elitist is you. Who's "rights" do you think come first? Your right to have someone come to your house, care for your kids under your direction and your schedule, and relieve you of the stress of drop offs and pickups, or someone's right to be paid fairly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, I've been paying a sitter $15 an hour 2 days a week for 5 hours at a stretch to do the following:

walk 4 year old to pre-k (4 blocks away)
come home with 2 year old and play.
at 1, gather DS from PK, head home, do a puzzle/game with both then go home.

Durning DS nap, she gets to do homework, read, etc...her time on my dime...no worries

NO laundry
NO meal prep (I do have her feed DD, but I typically put the meal together)
She doesnt even clean up toys before she leaves, leaves her personal dishes in the sink/dirty on the counter

And, fine--whatever--because it has been so hard to find middle of the day/middle of the week care, I figured it worked for me overall--she is nice, playful...

Then last week I come home and find her sleeping on the sofa while DD is napping and DS is alone in the basement playroom--where she told him to go so she could have some alone time. He is 5.
I reviewed the expectations, asked if she was sick...tried to be understanding...and didnt fire her on the spot.

Then this week she comes in on Monday, tells me she wont be available next week (SPRING BREAK!) because she found a better paying gig just for the week.

So I told her not to come back. Now she is sending me emails and texts telling me I am a monster for kicking her out of our family, for not being supportive of her needs to make more money for a week, for thinking (I kid you not) my "families needs come first"...

Am I crazy? Is this chick bonkers, or is it really really different here?

In a nutshell, all of the above. Great nannies here do earn a lot more than $15/hr, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, I've been paying a sitter $15 an hour 2 days a week for 5 hours at a stretch to do the following:

walk 4 year old to pre-k (4 blocks away)
come home with 2 year old and play.
at 1, gather DS from PK, head home, do a puzzle/game with both then go home.

Durning DS nap, she gets to do homework, read, etc...her time on my dime...no worries

NO laundry
NO meal prep (I do have her feed DD, but I typically put the meal together)
She doesnt even clean up toys before she leaves, leaves her personal dishes in the sink/dirty on the counter

And, fine--whatever--because it has been so hard to find middle of the day/middle of the week care, I figured it worked for me overall--she is nice, playful...

Then last week I come home and find her sleeping on the sofa while DD is napping and DS is alone in the basement playroom--where she told him to go so she could have some alone time. He is 5.
I reviewed the expectations, asked if she was sick...tried to be understanding...and didnt fire her on the spot.

Then this week she comes in on Monday, tells me she wont be available next week (SPRING BREAK!) because she found a better paying gig just for the week.

So I told her not to come back. Now she is sending me emails and texts telling me I am a monster for kicking her out of our family, for not being supportive of her needs to make more money for a week, for thinking (I kid you not) my "families needs come first"...

Am I crazy? Is this chick bonkers, or is it really really different here?

Ok, a 5 year old should be capable of playing alone for 30 minutes in a child-proofed area, and he should be able to go to the bathroom by himself and go back to the room. BUT! A professional nanny would be doing something constructive during that time (children's laundry, making dinner for kids, that kind of thing), she wouldn't be sleeping.

You only need 10 hours (maximum), and you're only willing to pay $15/hour. At that rate, no, it's not a priority to anyone, it's only $150 per week, nowhere near enough to live on. If you want to make it more of a priority, increase the hours to at least 20 per week and/or pay at least $20/hour. SOME nannies are willing to accept $15/hour, but that's for full-time plus positions, so overtime rate is $22.50. For two children, rates typically start around $17/hour for full-time and $18-19/hour for part-time (20-35 hours per week). For any position under 20 hours, finding someone consistent is very, very difficult, so you will pay more.

If she only works 2 days at 5 hours per day, why is next week any different than last week? If she wants to accept another position that pays more, that's her choice. You only need her for very, very part-time hours, and your pay is less than market (for the number of hours), so letting you know that she isn't available next week sounds like she was letting you know that she was planning on using two PTO/vacation days. Unless she's already used them, what's the problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, I've been paying a sitter $15 an hour 2 days a week for 5 hours at a stretch to do the following:

walk 4 year old to pre-k (4 blocks away)
come home with 2 year old and play.
at 1, gather DS from PK, head home, do a puzzle/game with both then go home.

Durning DS nap, she gets to do homework, read, etc...her time on my dime...no worries

NO laundry
NO meal prep (I do have her feed DD, but I typically put the meal together)
She doesnt even clean up toys before she leaves, leaves her personal dishes in the sink/dirty on the counter

And, fine--whatever--because it has been so hard to find middle of the day/middle of the week care, I figured it worked for me overall--she is nice, playful...

Then last week I come home and find her sleeping on the sofa while DD is napping and DS is alone in the basement playroom--where she told him to go so she could have some alone time. He is 5.
I reviewed the expectations, asked if she was sick...tried to be understanding...and didnt fire her on the spot.

Then this week she comes in on Monday, tells me she wont be available next week (SPRING BREAK!) because she found a better paying gig just for the week.

So I told her not to come back. Now she is sending me emails and texts telling me I am a monster for kicking her out of our family, for not being supportive of her needs to make more money for a week, for thinking (I kid you not) my "families needs come first"...

Am I crazy? Is this chick bonkers, or is it really really different here?

Ok, a 5 year old should be capable of playing alone for 30 minutes in a child-proofed area, and he should be able to go to the bathroom by himself and go back to the room. BUT! A professional nanny would be doing something constructive during that time (children's laundry, making dinner for kids, that kind of thing), she wouldn't be sleeping.

You only need 10 hours (maximum), and you're only willing to pay $15/hour. At that rate, no, it's not a priority to anyone, it's only $150 per week, nowhere near enough to live on. If you want to make it more of a priority, increase the hours to at least 20 per week and/or pay at least $20/hour. SOME nannies are willing to accept $15/hour, but that's for full-time plus positions, so overtime rate is $22.50. For two children, rates typically start around $17/hour for full-time and $18-19/hour for part-time (20-35 hours per week). For any position under 20 hours, finding someone consistent is very, very difficult, so you will pay more.

If she only works 2 days at 5 hours per day, why is next week any different than last week? If she wants to accept another position that pays more, that's her choice. You only need her for very, very part-time hours, and your pay is less than market (for the number of hours), so letting you know that she isn't available next week sounds like she was letting you know that she was planning on using two PTO/vacation days. Unless she's already used them, what's the problem?

Agreed. OP, you simply didnt offer enough hours to require her loyalty/availibility. But that works both ways, so no guilt for firing her lazy ass, either, if she didnt see accountability to your family as something you signed up for, she has no right to call you a "monster" for doing her how she did you.