Our nanny thinks she knows everything. Let the parents make the calls!
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Anonymous
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We hired a very well educated and experienced nanny. For the first six weeks we were so thankful for her because she seemed to know everything and really gave us peace of mind.
Now that our DD is older our nanny still feels the need to have her opinion about everything. What she wears, what she eats, where she sleeps, what we clean with, how we will discipline so on and so forth. It's driving us mad! We wanted to try a modified version of CIO, she refused and sent a novel of an e-mail about how damaging it is. She wants us to ban plastic and electronic toys because she feels the rob the child of imaginative play and overstimulate. She wants us to only feed her homemade food, and forget about rice cereal. Only clothe diapers, and if not only organic natural diapers. It's never ending and makes us feel like we have no control. We do appreciate her opinion, and know she is well educated but in the end she is our child. How can we make the switch for trusting our nanny to make the call to moving it to us? In the past she was a nanny who pretty much 100% in charge of how the child was raised, and that's not what we want. |
Anonymous
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This is basic interviewing 101. You need to hire a nanny who has a similar parenting style and philosophy to you.
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Anonymous
| She's not going to work out for you, and you'll be happier with someone else. She's not going to change and her views seem a little extreme. |
Anonymous
| I agree with everything your nanny has said. Why does it seem you care about your child less than your nanny does? |
Anonymous
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It sounds like you need to have a conversation with her. I am an experienced, and in some ways perhaps an opinionated nanny, and I always try to offer helpful advice when parents are in need of it. But ultimately I always leave decisions about the child up to the parents; I'm the nanny and I feel that my job is ultimately to reinforce the parents wishes and philosophies. It's important that your nanny understands that, too.
Having said that, I've always really appreciated it when my MBs listen to me and take my opinions into consideration. I don't try to run the show and I definitely wouldn't ever try to impose anything as ridiculous as a total ban on plastic toys or disposable diapers, or anything like that. But in all of my most successful and mutually beneficial nanny and family relationships, I've found that the families do listen to me and really think about my advice--they don't always follow it, and I don't expect them to, but there needs to be some give and take. I'm actually in the process of quitting (interviewing with new families, preparing to give three weeks notice) with my current NF (of 2+ years), and one of the main reasons is because MB never ever takes my advice into consideration. When I began DS was four months old, hardly slept at all during the night and rarely napped for more than 20 minutes at a time (usually for a total of less than one hour per day). I advised her to get him on a set schedule: wake up at the same time every day, establish nap routines at set times, etc. I tried to establish a schedule but I was only working with them three (consecutive) days per week. Every week I would arrive; day one would be miserable (no good naps), day two would be slightly better, and day three he would nap like a charm. But then in the four days I had off his schedule would be totally derailed again, and we'd be right back at square one. She claimed it was "too difficult" to keep him on a schedule on my off days. He NEVER got into a good nap routine, and had completely stopped napping by 18 months. He also, at nearly three years old now, STILL DOES NOT SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT. And all I can think is "if she'd just listened to me and established a good sleep schedule from the beginning, things would be very different." The only other bit of advice I've tried to push on her is to limit his sugar intake (he acts extremely hyper after any sugar and it only exacerbates existing attention issues). I've mentioned it twice and every time she makes excuses and insists she doesn't give him too much sugar (of course their pantry full of bunny graham crackers and sugary kids cereals says otherwise). Clearly, OP, your situation sounds very different though. It sounds like your nanny is not respecting your decisions and is trying to impose her ideals on your family in a way that is far beyond simply giving advice. Like I said, you need to talk with her about this issue. If I were you I also might worry that she would do what she wants to, regardless of what you tell her. If things don't improve you may need to consider finding a nanny who will respect your wishes. But please don't let your experience with this controlling, stubborn nanny deter you from at least listening to any future nanny's reasonable advice! |
Anonymous
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Wow...Cloth diapers....??! Is this the fifties??
Cloth diapers are a pain in the butt for the simple fact alone that they do not absorb!! And that is so unhealthy for any baby's skin. People say it is better for the planet, well considering they do not absorb at all, babies who use them need to be changed more often, thus they need to be washed more often so add'l water, electricity/gas and soap must be used so how does that help the environment?? Anyway, as your nanny, she should not be giving out unsolicited advice. She is the nanny and it is her job to follow orders from you, the parents. If she cannot adequately follow your instructions without having to put in her two cents' worth, then you need to find a new nanny. One who works for you, not against you. |
Anonymous
| You hired her because of her experience, didn't you? |
Anonymous
| If these parents had even half of the nanny's intelligence, they'd be wishing they could afford to double the nanny's wages. Maybe they can afford to, and should. And pray that she wants to stay a long time. |
Anonymous
If this is a real post (not a troll) then the problem is that the nanny does not trust you. |
Anonymous
| How many hours a week is the Nanny caring for your child? |
Anonymous
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There are a few nannies (or just one posting a lot) trying to troll up trouble by suggesting your nanny is somehow smarter or better than you are, OP. Ignore them. This is YOUR child. How your child is fed, diapered, entertained, or clothed is YOUR decision, OP. If she can't understand and respect your right to make all the parenting decisions regarding your child, you need to replace her with someone you can work with.
This is not to say you should never invite her advice when you want or need it. My nanny has never offered advice, but has always been willing to give it when I ask for it. I have asked for it over the years, especially when it is an issue that affects us both (nap and sleep issues, the picky eating phase, handing tantrums or other behavior issues). We have an open dialogue about those things and I almost always take her advice or work with her to find something we can both handle. I would never ask her about what I should clean with, or how my child should dress, or what she plays with. Because she is a professional, she would never give unsolicited advice on these things. |
Anonymous
Read the "Nanny vs. Sitter" thread, so you can learn the difference. |
Anonymous
Of course you have control. It may feel like you don't, but you actually do. Who buys the diapers for your DD? That settles the question of what diapers she will use. Case closed. Who buys the food she eats? That settles the question of what she would eat. Case closed. Who buys the toys for her? That settles the question of what she will play with. Case closed. She is welcome to have her opinion about how children should sleep and be disciplined, and apply it to her own children. Since she did not birth your child, she cannot make these decisions for her. Stop pandering. You are the boss. Make your position known, and make it known that you expect the nanny to follow through your course. Make it clear that this, and not any other way, is how things will be done. Stop thinking that you need to win her agreement on anything, or that there are any arguments you need to make to win. You just need to tell her how you want things done. And again, if necessary. If challenged, do not argue, do not get upset etc. Say "this is what we decided and this is what we want." End of story. Note that this will change the power balance in your relationship, and as a result, the nanny may no longer want the job. This is fine. The nanny's job is to remove stress, not generate it. If her presence increases your stress, she's not doing her job. |
Anonymous
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When does absentee management ever work?
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Anonymous
The modern cloth diapers now have stay dry linings as well. Just FYI. And the trend toward cloth diapering is growing due to the savings. |