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[quote=Anonymous]It sounds like you need to have a conversation with her. I am an experienced, and in some ways perhaps an opinionated nanny, and I always try to offer helpful advice when parents are in need of it. But ultimately I always leave decisions about the child up to the parents; I'm the nanny and I feel that my job is ultimately to reinforce the parents wishes and philosophies. It's important that your nanny understands that, too.

Having said that, I've always really appreciated it when my MBs listen to me and take my opinions into consideration. I don't try to run the show and I definitely wouldn't ever try to impose anything as ridiculous as a total ban on plastic toys or disposable diapers, or anything like that. But in all of my most successful and mutually beneficial nanny and family relationships, I've found that the families do listen to me and really think about my advice--they don't always follow it, and I don't expect them to, but there needs to be some give and take.

I'm actually in the process of quitting (interviewing with new families, preparing to give three weeks notice) with my current NF (of 2+ years), and one of the main reasons is because MB never ever takes my advice into consideration.

When I began DS was four months old, hardly slept at all during the night and rarely napped for more than 20 minutes at a time (usually for a total of less than one hour per day). I advised her to get him on a set schedule: wake up at the same time every day, establish nap routines at set times, etc. I tried to establish a schedule but I was only working with them three (consecutive) days per week. Every week I would arrive; day one would be miserable (no good naps), day two would be slightly better, and day three he would nap like a charm. But then in the four days I had off his schedule would be totally derailed again, and we'd be right back at square one. She claimed it was "too difficult" to keep him on a schedule on my off days. He NEVER got into a good nap routine, and had completely stopped napping by 18 months. He also, at nearly three years old now, STILL DOES NOT SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT. And all I can think is "if she'd just listened to me and established a good sleep schedule from the beginning, things would be very different."

The only other bit of advice I've tried to push on her is to limit his sugar intake (he acts extremely hyper after any sugar and it only exacerbates existing attention issues). I've mentioned it twice and every time she makes excuses and insists she doesn't give him too much sugar (of course their pantry full of bunny graham crackers and sugary kids cereals says otherwise).

Clearly, OP, your situation sounds very different though. It sounds like your nanny is not respecting your decisions and is trying to impose her ideals on your family in a way that is far beyond simply giving advice. Like I said, you need to talk with her about this issue. If I were you I also might worry that she would do what she wants to, regardless of what you tell her. If things don't improve you may need to consider finding a nanny who will respect your wishes. But please don't let your experience with this controlling, stubborn nanny deter you from at least listening to any future nanny's reasonable advice![/quote]

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