I think I was fired for being gay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry that you lost your job, and that this old lady was such a busybody.

But as a parent, and nanny employer, let me just share some perspective on honesty.

We have three young children, one long term full time nanny, one long term part time (20+) hours a week, and a couple of weekend babysitters.
We also have many friends who are gay, and some who have gaybies, these friends are often in our home, we are totally open minded.

In September we hired a new part time sitter to work 25 hours a week with us, it's a permanent position and we pay well.
We hired a lady we liked a lot, the kids liked her, it seemed to be going well but then she flaked at the last minute a couple of times and that was a big challenge for us as two working parents, but the excuses she gave for being absent weren't ok with us.
She said she was helping different family members with random ailments, none of which we thought was a legitimate reason to miss work.
The poor judgment gave me pause and I googled her name, I found that she had a pretty active FB profile and that she's actually married to a woman.
As a couple they were having some issues and that's why she wasn't coming to work.

We ended up parting ways because she wasn't taking the job seriously, but also because she wasn't honest with us.
We are a private family, she was also a private person, but it became clear to us was that she wasn't upfront it made us question her character.
We lost our trust in her.

Try to shake this off, of course it's disappointing but all employers have influence over who they hire. Don't take it personally.

None of this applies to the situation the OP is in, though. Your nanny outright lied to you about missing work and wasn't reliable. The OP has been doing an excellent job with zero complaints for 7 months. You fired your nanny because she was bad at her job. The OP was fired because she is gay. The only reason you bring this up is because both women are gay... which is problematic, because that somehow implies that each individual gay person is somehow a reflection of all other gay people? But just as you wouldn't judge all brunettes for the sins of that one brunette nanny, you shouldn't judge all gay nannies for that one gay nanny who was bad at her job.

[Anonymous]

Having a heterosexual partner is a lifestyle choice.
So is having a lesbian partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry that you lost your job, and that this old lady was such a busybody.

But as a parent, and nanny employer, let me just share some perspective on honesty.

We have three young children, one long term full time nanny, one long term part time (20+) hours a week, and a couple of weekend babysitters.
We also have many friends who are gay, and some who have gaybies, these friends are often in our home, we are totally open minded.

In September we hired a new part time sitter to work 25 hours a week with us, it's a permanent position and we pay well.
We hired a lady we liked a lot, the kids liked her, it seemed to be going well but then she flaked at the last minute a couple of times and that was a big challenge for us as two working parents, but the excuses she gave for being absent weren't ok with us.
She said she was helping different family members with random ailments, none of which we thought was a legitimate reason to miss work.
The poor judgment gave me pause and I googled her name, I found that she had a pretty active FB profile and that she's actually married to a woman.
As a couple they were having some issues and that's why she wasn't coming to work.

We ended up parting ways because she wasn't taking the job seriously, but also because she wasn't honest with us.
We are a private family, she was also a private person, but it became clear to us was that she wasn't upfront it made us question her character.
We lost our trust in her.

Try to shake this off, of course it's disappointing but all employers have influence over who they hire. Don't take it personally.

None of this applies to the situation the OP is in, though. Your nanny outright lied to you about missing work and wasn't reliable. The OP has been doing an excellent job with zero complaints for 7 months. You fired your nanny because she was bad at her job. The OP was fired because she is gay. The only reason you bring this up is because both women are gay... which is problematic, because that somehow implies that each individual gay person is somehow a reflection of all other gay people? But just as you wouldn't judge all brunettes for the sins of that one brunette nanny, you shouldn't judge all gay nannies for that one gay nanny who was bad at her job.

PP - I brought it up because honesty and transparency are important to me in any relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having a heterosexual partner is a lifestyle choice.
So is having a lesbian partner.

So what?

[Anonymous]

OP, my last two nanny jobs were with queer couples. I’m not saying to only work for queer families, just that they’re out there and families that might be a better fit for you are too. I’ve also had luck with employers that are single moms by choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry that you lost your job, and that this old lady was such a busybody.

But as a parent, and nanny employer, let me just share some perspective on honesty.

We have three young children, one long term full time nanny, one long term part time (20+) hours a week, and a couple of weekend babysitters.
We also have many friends who are gay, and some who have gaybies, these friends are often in our home, we are totally open minded.

In September we hired a new part time sitter to work 25 hours a week with us, it's a permanent position and we pay well.
We hired a lady we liked a lot, the kids liked her, it seemed to be going well but then she flaked at the last minute a couple of times and that was a big challenge for us as two working parents, but the excuses she gave for being absent weren't ok with us.
She said she was helping different family members with random ailments, none of which we thought was a legitimate reason to miss work.
The poor judgment gave me pause and I googled her name, I found that she had a pretty active FB profile and that she's actually married to a woman.
As a couple they were having some issues and that's why she wasn't coming to work.

We ended up parting ways because she wasn't taking the job seriously, but also because she wasn't honest with us.
We are a private family, she was also a private person, but it became clear to us was that she wasn't upfront it made us question her character.
We lost our trust in her.

Try to shake this off, of course it's disappointing but all employers have influence over who they hire. Don't take it personally.

None of this applies to the situation the OP is in, though. Your nanny outright lied to you about missing work and wasn't reliable. The OP has been doing an excellent job with zero complaints for 7 months. You fired your nanny because she was bad at her job. The OP was fired because she is gay. The only reason you bring this up is because both women are gay... which is problematic, because that somehow implies that each individual gay person is somehow a reflection of all other gay people? But just as you wouldn't judge all brunettes for the sins of that one brunette nanny, you shouldn't judge all gay nannies for that one gay nanny who was bad at her job.

PP - I brought it up because honesty and transparency are important to me in any relationship

OP wasn’t dishonest. She simply didn’t tell her bigoted employers who she was f*cking. Nothing in your story has anything to do with OP’s story, except that they’re both gay. Please stop bleating about your own sorry life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry that you lost your job, and that this old lady was such a busybody.

But as a parent, and nanny employer, let me just share some perspective on honesty.

We have three young children, one long term full time nanny, one long term part time (20+) hours a week, and a couple of weekend babysitters.
We also have many friends who are gay, and some who have gaybies, these friends are often in our home, we are totally open minded.

In September we hired a new part time sitter to work 25 hours a week with us, it's a permanent position and we pay well.
We hired a lady we liked a lot, the kids liked her, it seemed to be going well but then she flaked at the last minute a couple of times and that was a big challenge for us as two working parents, but the excuses she gave for being absent weren't ok with us.
She said she was helping different family members with random ailments, none of which we thought was a legitimate reason to miss work.
The poor judgment gave me pause and I googled her name, I found that she had a pretty active FB profile and that she's actually married to a woman.
As a couple they were having some issues and that's why she wasn't coming to work.

We ended up parting ways because she wasn't taking the job seriously, but also because she wasn't honest with us.
We are a private family, she was also a private person, but it became clear to us was that she wasn't upfront it made us question her character.
We lost our trust in her.

Try to shake this off, of course it's disappointing but all employers have influence over who they hire. Don't take it personally.

None of this applies to the situation the OP is in, though. Your nanny outright lied to you about missing work and wasn't reliable. The OP has been doing an excellent job with zero complaints for 7 months. You fired your nanny because she was bad at her job. The OP was fired because she is gay. The only reason you bring this up is because both women are gay... which is problematic, because that somehow implies that each individual gay person is somehow a reflection of all other gay people? But just as you wouldn't judge all brunettes for the sins of that one brunette nanny, you shouldn't judge all gay nannies for that one gay nanny who was bad at her job.

PP - I brought it up because honesty and transparency are important to me in any relationship

OP wasn’t dishonest. She simply didn’t tell her bigoted employers who she was f*cking. Nothing in your story has anything to do with OP’s story, except that they’re both gay. Please stop bleating about your own sorry life.

Being gay or straight is far more involved than who you are fucking. Don't be a child. Although I agree that the PP's story was totally irrelevant and ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Op I am Gay and was in a Nanny position several years ago where the couple seemed really nice but I just wasnt ready to out myself, I think she knew because every morning she would ask if i had a fun evening or a fun weekend and we would all use vague phrasing or neutral pronouns, I was only there for a month ( other reasons) but although she was being nice it made me uncomfortable.

I then got into another field but felt like I was hiding who I was all the time,it was tiring.

When I got the job I am in now ( local government) I decided to just out myself from day one. I have been so much happier, No one really cares and it just feels more relaxed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry that you lost your job, and that this old lady was such a busybody.

But as a parent, and nanny employer, let me just share some perspective on honesty.

We have three young children, one long term full time nanny, one long term part time (20+) hours a week, and a couple of weekend babysitters.
We also have many friends who are gay, and some who have gaybies, these friends are often in our home, we are totally open minded.

In September we hired a new part time sitter to work 25 hours a week with us, it's a permanent position and we pay well.
We hired a lady we liked a lot, the kids liked her, it seemed to be going well but then she flaked at the last minute a couple of times and that was a big challenge for us as two working parents, but the excuses she gave for being absent weren't ok with us.
She said she was helping different family members with random ailments, none of which we thought was a legitimate reason to miss work.
The poor judgment gave me pause and I googled her name, I found that she had a pretty active FB profile and that she's actually married to a woman.
As a couple they were having some issues and that's why she wasn't coming to work.

We ended up parting ways because she wasn't taking the job seriously, but also because she wasn't honest with us.
We are a private family, she was also a private person, but it became clear to us was that she wasn't upfront it made us question her character.
We lost our trust in her.

Try to shake this off, of course it's disappointing but all employers have influence over who they hire. Don't take it personally.

What the fuck is a gayby!?! They are somehow different than “normal” babies? And you lost trust in your nanny bc she didn’t share the fact that her partner had a vagina???? You are part of the problem!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: In the future, I suggest that you casually mention your fiancé in the interview. Weed out the bigots early on so that you can find a family who will appreciate you for who you are.

+1 When we were interviewing for a new nanny (we're moving), one of them put in her initial email to me that her wife is in the Navy. I wouldn't have an issue hiring a gay (male or female) nanny, but I think she just put it out there from the get go to make sure it was out in the open from the get go. Sad that people would have a problem with that today, but since apparently we do, it does seem like something that you might want to mention up front next time. Good luck finding a new job, and I'm sorry for what happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

I’m getting mixed suggestions.

Either tell people in the interview (which seems odd to me) or do everything in my power to hide it.

I don't think it's odd - every single one of our nanny candidates who was married mentioned something about their spouse in the beginning. Not their gender specifically but what they did, where they're from, something. It wasn't weird or forced at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

I’m getting mixed suggestions.

Either tell people in the interview (which seems odd to me) or do everything in my power to hide it.

The only thing you have to do is accept the reality of bigotry and the possibility that this could happen again. How you navigate that going forward is up to you and your preferences. You could continue to be a very private person and say nothing and hope this never happens again, you could talk about it up front (or even mention your family in your profile that parents read -- "I live with my fiancee, Beth, and our two dogs, Rex and Rover"), you could make sure to never tell and even tell lies to keep people from finding out, you could ask your own questions in the interview to determine how the family is likely to feel about a gay nanny, or you could bring it up a little later in the game.

I will say that if I had a nanny candidate who wouldn't talk about her private life at all, I would find that strange. It would be off-putting, and we probably wouldn't match. I don't need to know every little detail about your life, but our nannies have all talked about husbands/kids/parents/pets/etc. as a natural part of conversation.

Why do expect your nanny to share her personal and/or sex life with you? Is this something you routinely share with your office.? I find this strange.

OP has every right to keep her personal life personal.

Yes, I would say that most of my co-workers know what my husband does for work. Many of them have also met him. We also know our nanny's husband well. He often spends time with our kids if he's off work on a day our nanny is working. I would find it weird that someone who has such an entrenched position in our lives (there's not a lot more personal than taking care of someone's children!) would not share any personal details of their life to us. Now, I don't know anything about my maid's personal life, but we also don't really talk since she cleans the house when no one is there. A nanny is a whole different ball of wax. And to be clear, I would hire a gay nanny, but I would also expect that at some point we might do things with my nanny's family (i.e. we attended our nanny's birthday party with our children and her husband, parents, and sister were there, along with all her friends), so I would be turned off by someone who was completely private about their life - not because they are gay, but because I'd think we'd have a closer relationship with someone who is in our house taking care of our kids 50 hours a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: In the future, I suggest that you casually mention your fiancé in the interview. Weed out the bigots early on so that you can find a family who will appreciate you for who you are.

+1 When we were interviewing for a new nanny (we're moving), one of them put in her initial email to me that her wife is in the Navy. I wouldn't have an issue hiring a gay (male or female) nanny, but I think she just put it out there from the get go to make sure it was out in the open from the get go. Sad that people would have a problem with that today, but since apparently they do, it does seem like something that you might want to mention up front next time. Good luck finding a new job, and I'm sorry for what happened.

^^Fixed the typo, oops

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry that you lost your job, and that this old lady was such a busybody.

But as a parent, and nanny employer, let me just share some perspective on honesty.

We have three young children, one long term full time nanny, one long term part time (20+) hours a week, and a couple of weekend babysitters.
We also have many friends who are gay, and some who have gaybies, these friends are often in our home, we are totally open minded.

In September we hired a new part time sitter to work 25 hours a week with us, it's a permanent position and we pay well.
We hired a lady we liked a lot, the kids liked her, it seemed to be going well but then she flaked at the last minute a couple of times and that was a big challenge for us as two working parents, but the excuses she gave for being absent weren't ok with us.
She said she was helping different family members with random ailments, none of which we thought was a legitimate reason to miss work.
The poor judgment gave me pause and I googled her name, I found that she had a pretty active FB profile and that she's actually married to a woman.
As a couple they were having some issues and that's why she wasn't coming to work.

We ended up parting ways because she wasn't taking the job seriously, but also because she wasn't honest with us.
We are a private family, she was also a private person, but it became clear to us was that she wasn't upfront it made us question her character.
We lost our trust in her.

Try to shake this off, of course it's disappointing but all employers have influence over who they hire. Don't take it personally.

None of this applies to the situation the OP is in, though. Your nanny outright lied to you about missing work and wasn't reliable. The OP has been doing an excellent job with zero complaints for 7 months. You fired your nanny because she was bad at her job. The OP was fired because she is gay. The only reason you bring this up is because both women are gay... which is problematic, because that somehow implies that each individual gay person is somehow a reflection of all other gay people? But just as you wouldn't judge all brunettes for the sins of that one brunette nanny, you shouldn't judge all gay nannies for that one gay nanny who was bad at her job.

Cringe. Don't use that term anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry that you lost your job, and that this old lady was such a busybody.

But as a parent, and nanny employer, let me just share some perspective on honesty.

We have three young children, one long term full time nanny, one long term part time (20+) hours a week, and a couple of weekend babysitters.
We also have many friends who are gay, and some who have gaybies, these friends are often in our home, we are totally open minded.

In September we hired a new part time sitter to work 25 hours a week with us, it's a permanent position and we pay well.
We hired a lady we liked a lot, the kids liked her, it seemed to be going well but then she flaked at the last minute a couple of times and that was a big challenge for us as two working parents, but the excuses she gave for being absent weren't ok with us.
She said she was helping different family members with random ailments, none of which we thought was a legitimate reason to miss work.
The poor judgment gave me pause and I googled her name, I found that she had a pretty active FB profile and that she's actually married to a woman.
As a couple they were having some issues and that's why she wasn't coming to work.

We ended up parting ways because she wasn't taking the job seriously, but also because she wasn't honest with us.
We are a private family, she was also a private person, but it became clear to us was that she wasn't upfront it made us question her character.
We lost our trust in her.

Try to shake this off, of course it's disappointing but all employers have influence over who they hire. Don't take it personally.

None of this applies to the situation the OP is in, though. Your nanny outright lied to you about missing work and wasn't reliable. The OP has been doing an excellent job with zero complaints for 7 months. You fired your nanny because she was bad at her job. The OP was fired because she is gay. The only reason you bring this up is because both women are gay... which is problematic, because that somehow implies that each individual gay person is somehow a reflection of all other gay people? But just as you wouldn't judge all brunettes for the sins of that one brunette nanny, you shouldn't judge all gay nannies for that one gay nanny who was bad at her job.

Cringe. Don't use that term anymore.

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