I think I was fired for being gay.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been working for my NF for about 7 months. I’m extremely private about my personal life and have always referred to my fiancé in gender neutral pronouns. I know NF is fairly religious and conservative, but they always seemed to be “you do you” types. We never spoke about anything political or even vaguely controversial.

MBs mother has been here all week visiting. She saw my engagement ring and asked me about my fiancé. I tried to be vague, and she asked me where my “future hubby” worked. I finally point blank said “she works in real estate”. The tone changed and was different for the rest of the day. Yesterday was odd, MB was super cold and distant. Today I worked till noon and then was let go without notice. No explaination. Just, “it’s not working. We won’t need your services anymore, please give us our car seats.”

That’s the only thing I can figure happened. It has been fine previously.

[Anonymous]

that really sucks and I'm so sorry that happened.
and that you didn't get an explanation or closure. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better, other than I know there are people out there for whom this won't be a problem and I hope you connect. Perhaps in the future it might be better to bring it up in the beginning so you can weed out the people who would do this to you?? (I don't know, just throwing that out there.)

[Anonymous]

Isn't this illegal?

[Anonymous]

If you already knew they're religious conservatives, why did you tell them? You have zero obligation to expose your private affairs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn't this illegal?

Domestic workers have no protections.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry, OP. That really sucks. In your next interviews bring up that you are gay. I know virtually no one in this day and age who would think twice about it and it is a great way to weed out the creepy religious people.

All the best to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you already knew they're religious conservatives, why did you tell them? You have zero obligation to expose your private affairs.

I wasn’t planning on willingly disclosing any personal information regardless of their political affiliation and religious views. I’m a pretty private person by nature. My relationship with this NF is strictly professional. They don’t ask questions, I appreciate it. I do my job and they pay me my wages. It worked.

Grandma is much more nosey and extroverted. She wouldn’t let the subject be and I tried to skirt around the fact my fiancé was a woman but I guess it became obvious I was hiding something and she asked directly. I was not going to lie, and don’t regret answering honestly. I do think she shouldn’t have asked if they didn’t want to know the answer.

I guess it was naive of me to assume it would be a non-issue. I’ve worked with people who were more conservative of various religions and even if our personal beliefs differed in the end it was about me fulfilling a job. In my experience most people are live and let live. Maybe it’s ignorance to assume that if all future employers.

I’m surprised. Unexpected ending to my week. Sad, I enjoyed the job and the children and the family was fair. It’s just too obvious the issue stems from my personal life which is so unfortunate for all involved.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here. You could have answered : "Real estate" and not say "she".

Your private life is what it is : private. Next time don't mention it if you're not ready to deal with the consequences.

[Anonymous]

In the future, I suggest that you casually mention your fiancé in the interview. Weed out the bigots early on so that you can find a family who will appreciate you for who you are.

[Anonymous]

OP is delusional.
Haven't you all heard mainstream businesses firing you if they suspect you voted for the wrong person?

Look what happened to that blacklisted former Google employee. People in the IT field are now in fear of how Google can ruin your entire professional life.

[Anonymous]

As nannies, we have to accept that some families won't hire us for whatever reasons : being gay, being fat or overweight, being too tall, being too small, being too pretty (scared their husbands will fall for us) ...

Just like sometimes we refuse to work for people who don't match our own thinking.

Let it go, OP. Be professionnal, you're not there to be their friend.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry that you lost your job, and that this old lady was such a busybody.

But as a parent, and nanny employer, let me just share some perspective on honesty.

We have three young children, one long term full time nanny, one long term part time (20+) hours a week, and a couple of weekend babysitters.
We also have many friends who are gay, and some who have gaybies, these friends are often in our home, we are totally open minded.

In September we hired a new part time sitter to work 25 hours a week with us, it's a permanent position and we pay well.
We hired a lady we liked a lot, the kids liked her, it seemed to be going well but then she flaked at the last minute a couple of times and that was a big challenge for us as two working parents, but the excuses she gave for being absent weren't ok with us.
She said she was helping different family members with random ailments, none of which we thought was a legitimate reason to miss work.
The poor judgment gave me pause and I googled her name, I found that she had a pretty active FB profile and that she's actually married to a woman.
As a couple they were having some issues and that's why she wasn't coming to work.

We ended up parting ways because she wasn't taking the job seriously, but also because she wasn't honest with us.
We are a private family, she was also a private person, but it became clear to us was that she wasn't upfront it made us question her character.
We lost our trust in her.

Try to shake this off, of course it's disappointing but all employers have influence over who they hire. Don't take it personally.

[Anonymous]

Unlike straight nannies, you have a "mechanism" in place (mentioning that you are gay) to weed out bigoted and stupid potential employers - you should use it. Anyone who would fire you for being gay isn't someone I would want to know much less work for.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry. While I utterly disagree w/ your employers views, they should at least have been smart enough to screen for critical "fit" issues when interviewing.

Do you not have a contract which gives you some severance at least?

That just sucks.

- MB

[Anonymous]

I always out myself during the interview. No job is worth hiding who you are ... I went through enough coming out to my ultra-religious parents when I was a teenager to know that I don’t need people like that in my life.