Is my nanny stealing from me?

[Anonymous]

I would rather not fire her if she's stealing food to feed herself or her family. If that's the case I would rather know and do anything I can do to help. However some lines have to be drawn in an employer/employee relationship. My boundary is please don't help yourself to the food I have set aside for dinner for my family. I think it would cause more problems for her to be out of a job. I do care about my nanny.

I asked DH if he had done anything with the meat, he said no. We haven't had company, staff, students, ANYBODY come by the house except us and nanny.

And PP, don't be ridiculous. Close to $100 of meat products missing is not equivalent to a bandaid, a pump of moisturizer, or a coffee filter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you crazy or just a crazy troll?

No, you're the crazy troll. I already know you're the same paranoid creep who calls every post fake..

OP, don't listen or respond to these type of comments. And yes, fire that sloppy nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would rather not fire her if she's stealing food to feed herself or her family. If that's the case I would rather know and do anything I can do to help. However some lines have to be drawn in an employer/employee relationship. My boundary is please don't help yourself to the food I have set aside for dinner for my family. I think it would cause more problems for her to be out of a job. I do care about my nanny.

I asked DH if he had done anything with the meat, he said no. We haven't had company, staff, students, ANYBODY come by the house except us and nanny.

And PP, don't be ridiculous. Close to $100 of meat products missing is not equivalent to a bandaid, a pump of moisturizer, or a coffee filter.

OP, studies and surveys were done and some of those studies said up to 75% of household employees steal. But most don't steal things like your money, jewelry, etc. Even weirder, they steal things to bring back to their home. It's a way to budget. Heck she probably steals roles of toilet paper from you, some of your childrens items (toys, clothes) for her kids, pork chops and meats, etc, not thinking you would notice. She then brings it home for her family. I'd get a little hidden cam and put it directly infront of the fridge/cupboard, see what happens. Also don't listen to anyone on here who yaps about how untrustworthy you are. Ignore them and do it. Looks can be deceiving and you'll feel better knowing sooner then later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you crazy or just a crazy troll?

No, you're the crazy troll. I already know you're the same paranoid creep who calls every post fake..

OP, don't listen or respond to these type of comments. And yes, fire that sloppy nanny.

OP, don't listen or respond to these types of comments. And yes, fire that soppy nanny IF SHE WAS THE ONE WHO WAS STEALING.

Jesus, why is it so hard for PP to read that she was suspicious, not absolute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand what people expect me to say. "Yes, please Nanny, open the package of pork chops I have set aside for dinner and make them for lunch"?

you say, but earlier you said: "We have a large supply of salmon and meat in the freezer."

So is something from this bulk freezer missing, or is your labeled pork chops for dinner missing from the fridge shelf?

Either way, then you say,

Anonymous wrote:I really don't understand the nay-sayers on this thread, am I supposed to be totally passive and open up EVERYTHING in my home for my nanny's use?

Yeah, actually, that's sort of it. If she needs a bandaid, she'll use one of yours. If she wants to make coffee, she'll use one of your filters. If her hands are dry, she'll use some of your moisturizer. You say you have no other staff so I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt here that you really don't know this, but now you do. Your relationahip with your nanny will improve so dramatically when you treat her more welcomingly and less like she's a potential $20 liability.

This is the problem with having parents come to the "Nanny Forum" instead of having the Nanny Discussion in the DCUM parents' forum like before: you get mostly nanny POVs. No, OP, you are NOT being unreasonable or selfish. You are being generous with all you provide to this nanny including compensation , benefits and food. She should be able to feed herself well from what you provide. She should NOT be stealing your other food. She is stealing by taking the food without your permission. I would let her go. She has betrayed your trust.

You also get nanny-haters like PP who doesn't even read the entire OP's post before fantasizing about her firing a nanny.

OP, if she is stealing your food, you absolutely should fire her. I'd go as far as making sure to write an evaluation, and include the incidents. However, as of now you are not sure if she has stolen, it's just a hunch (hear that 2:10 IF). I would definitely ask her, I'm sure you can read her face and tell if she's being honest or not. Maybe a camera? Sorry you are in this situation. As to why should would steal...some people just have issues with stealing, (Winona Ryder), it's best she seeks help if it's true.

-Nanny

Nanny,

If it's not OP or her husband, and she doesn't have any other staff in the house, who is it if not the nanny? The kid? It's more than a hunch and the nanny already denied taking the food to her face! What good is asking her again and why waste time and money on a nanny cam ( which many nannies here do not want employers to use without notice)? I have a nanny that has worked for me for ten years and has never taken anything from our household without permission and I can trust completely. I want OP to have the same peace of mind.

I agree, if the nanny is stealing she should be fired and charges should be pressed. However, I wasn't clear of the OP's intent. Is she asking us if the nanny did steal, or what to do know that she knows she stole. I first would find out indefinitely, just to be safe.

[Anonymous]

What would be interesting OP is if you gently but seriously confronted the nanny about the missing food, she denies, and mysteriously food stops disappearing. Then you might have your answer. I am a nanny and have all sympathies for anyone in a difficult situation but stealing from your employer (when you could just ASK them for help) is wrong and a blight on our profession. End of story.

[Anonymous]

OK I am the one who said lock up the food. I see your point now.

BTW do you have your freezer in the garage. A past employer did and found out it was teens in the neighborhood stealing his food. He knew it wasn't the nanny at the time so he set up a camera.

I was on the other end of the story I had a family who ate the food I brought over.

I would say to her. Look Nanny Names. We have had numerous items missing Do you know where they are? We aren't going to be mad if the person who took them tells us but if we find out later on that someone is lying we will be very upset.

Its the same approach I take with kids. They tell me what they did and its over they know I am not mad but if I catch them lying they are in deep shit

[Anonymous]

75% of people steal from their jobs? Ok, so MB brings home from her office boxes of paper clips and stacks of needed file folders. She says it's fine. The most I've taken from her, is tissues, to use while I'm there. Our culture is going down the tubes.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you should get a nanny cam so you can prove it instead of just accusing her. Who knows what you'll find out.

[Anonymous]

This was a topic not to long ago on the old forum.

And the only thing I think strange is the same wording about the food being left in the cabinet over the fridge. The special chocolates and wine etc.

I only remember this because in my circle of family and friends no one uses that cabinet (it's to high to reach) or there is no cabinet (built in fridge from floor to ceiling).

But I also remember the odd things like this so I'm not going to call troll yet

[Anonymous]

Wow, did anyone read the whole post before responding??? The OP is not being selfish - she HAS food she brougt for the nanny. Just because she has items set aside for family meals that the nanny isn't supposed to take does not mean she's horrible! My employers do the same, and they are awesome people.

OP, (if you're not trolling), yes, I do think your nanny is stealing from you. Sorry about that.

[Anonymous]

Tell her you're interested in installing a camera to be able to view more of your DC during the day and see how she reacts.

[Anonymous]

All the pps who are saying its sad she had to steal to fee her family - note she seems to have lots available to her BUT what she is taking is what is of limits. If she'd taken a bit extra of what was ok I doubt the OP would be in this predicament.

[Anonymous]

It must be utter torture wondering if you have a thief taking care of your child. How do you know your child is at all safe with her? Isn't that more important than the disappearing salmon?

[Anonymous]

I think you should install a nanny cam. Maybe just above your fridge/freezer.

I don't think you're inconsiderate. I'm a nanny, and I would never take frozen food from my employer. The only things I take from the fridge for my charge are things mb has explicitly told me were for him, or things I know he's eaten before for lunch.