Is my nanny stealing from me?

[Anonymous]

Wow, I can't believe the people who don't think that this is a big deal or who think that the OP is being selfish (and I'm a nanny)!

OP, you have several options. You can install a nanny cam in the kitchen. I usually don't agree with nanny cams but in this situation it is absolutely understandable. You can then catch her in the act and confront her. The problem with this is that since she knows you have noticed that food has gone missing, she might stop stealing it.

You could ask the nanny again if she knows anything about where the missing meat is. You can let her know that you won't be nearly as upset if the person who stole is comes clean now as you will be if you find out later.

You can confront the nanny by saying "I know that you have been the one taking the meat from the freezer. You are the only one who has access to the house." Then see what she has to say about it.

If it were me I would ask the nanny upfront if she had taken the meat. If she lied about it then she would be let go. Even if she didn't lie about it then I still might let her go depending on how great of a nanny I thought she was otherwise.

Honestly, I don't think it's a thing of her starving and needing to put food on the table. She makes a decent salary and if that is the case then she isn't budgeting appropriately.

[Anonymous]

Isn't anyone concerned about the child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn't anyone concerned about the child?

And why, exactly, should we be??

[Anonymous]

Yeah, actually, that's sort of it. If she needs a bandaid, she'll use one of yours. If she wants to make coffee, she'll use one of your filters. If her hands are dry, she'll use some of your moisturizer. You say you have no other staff so I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt here that you really don't know this, but now you do. Your relationahip with your nanny will improve so dramatically when you treat her more welcomingly and less like she's a potential $20 liability.

Come on. You know there is a difference between "I just cut myself, I'll use a band aid" and "I'm out of band aids at home, I'll just take this box off their shelf, they won't notice". Clearly, a nanny taking large slabs of meat from the freezer is using her employer's home as a free grocery store and stealing.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you're being unreasonable PP. I know people will say nannies should feel at home and do whatever they want in your house, but I think they should be respectful, as anyone should be in someone else's home. Of course she might use the occasional supplies as part of her day, but affirmatively taking something HOME is different. I have always been shocked on this board that people are so nasty about MB's being "selfish" and "entitled" and bitchy if they don't want nannies eating their food. I think it's a perfectly reasonable request and as long as you and the nanny agree, I don't see any problem. I would just ask her about it.

[Anonymous]

To answer your point about unemployment, if you fire her for cause (stealing), then she can't receive unemployment. You'd need more than suspicion, though.

[Anonymous]

How long does it take to fight an unemploemt claim and what kind of proof should I have?

[Anonymous]

I highly doubt the nanny is stealing your food. I think it is probably a misunderstanding, or a miscommunication. Maybe DH grabbed a bottle of wine to give his coworker who just got engaged. Maybe you don't count very well. Maybe the nanny thought the food was for the family and thought it would be OK to use if she was cooking it for her and your kid. Who knows? Ask the nanny but don't go ballistic if she says she has no idea. Even if she was stealing, don't you think she'd be smart enough to take the stuff she's "allowed" to use?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I highly doubt the nanny is stealing your food. I think it is probably a misunderstanding, or a miscommunication. Maybe DH grabbed a bottle of wine to give his coworker who just got engaged. Maybe you don't count very well. Maybe the nanny thought the food was for the family and thought it would be OK to use if she was cooking it for her and your kid. Who knows? Ask the nanny but don't go ballistic if she says she has no idea. Even if she was stealing, don't you think she'd be smart enough to take the stuff she's "allowed" to use?

Riiiggghhhht. A whole salmon--maybe the husband just decided to give it to a client for his weekend BBQ. Or the nanny though that the ribs and chicken were taking up too much room in the OP's freezer and the nanny would do her a favor and take it home.

[Anonymous]

OP needs to just GROW UP and do her own babysitting. Done.

[Anonymous]

You need to FLAT OUT tell your nanny this... "X, I bought a package of X last weekend at the grocery store. I went to cook it for dinner last night and noticed it was missing. DH did not touch it at all and since you are the only other adult in this house, I'm assuming that you took it. If you are having trouble buying food for yourself, I'd be more then happy to help out however, I'd really appreciate it if you did not take any food from our house as I like to plan out our meals".

done.

[Anonymous]

I asked her today. I calmly explained that the deep-freeze i off limits and I need that food for my family. I also asked if she knows where my wine went because it was a gift from my sister.

I asked DH about both meat and wine, he had nothing to do with it. Our home is in a gated community and we personally have a security gate at our home. It's very unlikely that anybody would be able to sneak into our deep freeze.

I'm going to give her a week to come clean. If she doesn't, I'll have to fire because various items have gone missing without explanation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the problem with having parents come to the "Nanny Forum" instead of having the Nanny Discussion in the DCUM parents' forum like before: you get mostly nanny POVs.

I think you are very wrong with saying the forum in this location means mostly nanny POV's. The old forum was in the NON-Parenting section. It is still there, with a link to this one. Anyone that goes to that one would end up here by finding they can't post there and using the link to get to this one. What you said is BS really. The nanny forum has not changed just because it has it's own "forum" instead of a subsection of the main site. There is no difference from calling it the Nanny Forum or Nanny Discussion. Someone that wants to see things wrong with something will always find little things to pick apart, but in reality, there is nothing different other than having a general discussion area and new subsections for regional areas, as well as sections for Employer Issues, Au Pairs, Job Advice and so on, instead of it being all thrown into one discussion area.

People need to get over it and realize that it can be helpful having different topics being separated like this. Pretty funny that so many people are against change of any kind when dealing with a career path that pretty much means change of some kind every year (kids that age and have different schedules, changing positions, etc). Dealing with means by either being a nanny or an MB/DB employing one, which is what most people here are.

[Anonymous]

OP, it seems like if the nanny is stealing food (and it does seem very likely since there really isn't anyone else that could have taken it), that she is taking stuff not just to feed her family with, but the stuff that is more expensive that she might not be able to afford. Salmon, expensive chocolate, wine etc or large packages of other meat is maybe stuff that doesn't get put onto her shopping list as it is not needed (the wine and chocolate) or just too pricey. I think I would be more compassionate about someone stealing stuff like bread or fruit, but the things you listed are definitely more luxury items and at that point, if someone is stealing them, it is not out of need but greed...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand what people expect me to say. "Yes, please Nanny, open the package of pork chops I have set aside for dinner and make them for lunch"?

you say, but earlier you said: "We have a large supply of salmon and meat in the freezer."

So is something from this bulk freezer missing, or is your labeled pork chops for dinner missing from the fridge shelf?

Either way, then you say,

Anonymous wrote:I really don't understand the nay-sayers on this thread, am I supposed to be totally passive and open up EVERYTHING in my home for my nanny's use?

Yeah, actually, that's sort of it. If she needs a bandaid, she'll use one of yours. If she wants to make coffee, she'll use one of your filters. If her hands are dry, she'll use some of your moisturizer. You say you have no other staff so I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt here that you really don't know this, but now you do. Your relationahip with your nanny will improve so dramatically when you treat her more welcomingly and less like she's a potential $20 liability.

This is the problem with having parents come to the "Nanny Forum" instead of having the Nanny Discussion in the DCUM parents' forum like before: you get mostly nanny POVs. No, OP, you are NOT being unreasonable or selfish. You are being generous with all you provide to this nanny including compensation , benefits and food. She should be able to feed herself well from what you provide. She should NOT be stealing your other food. She is stealing by taking the food without your permission. I would let her go. She has betrayed your trust.

+1. The nanny responses are inane and petty. You don't want the nanny feeding herself expensive foods and you have been clear about what those are. She is stealing. Fire her.