Is my nanny stealing from me?

[Anonymous]

Background: I pay my nanny $21/hr to watch my 4 year old as well as housekeeping duties. She does the bathrooms, floors, and laundry each week. She does some minor dusting, cleanup, and tidying when DS naps. She works 5 days per week, 9AM-6PM, receives extended medical and dental from us. She is great with DS and he adores her.

The situation: I have a set shelf in the fridge for meal options for both DS and nanny. I have precut fruit, veggies, homemade soups and chilli's, sandwich meat, cheese, etc. She also has a shelf in the pantry that she is welcome to eat from. Granola bars, cereal, rice crackers, nuts, bread, cans of soup, alphagetti. We try to accommodate her and DS's mealtimes.

That being said: I have outlined strict rules as to what she's not supposed to eat. She's to leave alone the other stuff in the fridge for the family meals. We have a large supply of salmon and meat in the freezer. Over the past couple of weeks I have noticed a flat of chicken breasts, an entire salmon, and a pack of pork chops gone missing. We have no other staff that come into the household, I'm the one who does all the meals for my family so I know what goes in and goes out. But it's just beyond me. I've asked her if she prepared a meat dish for DS and her but she said no. She knows she's not supposed to go in the freezer. Even my "special cupboard" that's above the fridge has been growing thin. I could have sworn a bottle of wine that I just bought is now missing. I would know if my husband drank it because we would still have the bottle.

I don't know what to do. We pay her well enough so that I know she doesn't need to steal to feed herself. If that was the case i'd be happy to negotiate a pay raise in exchange for more care. However, I'm leaning towards letting her go but if she claims unemployment how will that affect me? To be honest, if she just came clean I would be more likely to keep her on. I don't like being lied to and I feel like i'm going crazy wondering where all my food is going!

[Anonymous]

It must be super awful to have to worry about such things. I am sorry for your predicament. How did you find her?

[Anonymous]

Are you crazy or just a crazy troll?

[Anonymous]

Why don't you just ask her flat out? Give her the chance to come clean and if she doesn't, let her go.

[Anonymous]

oh my goodness.

I don't get people with Special foods. If its so valuable lock it up.

[Anonymous]

I'm not going to lock up my food in my house, thankyouverymuch. But yes, I like to keep dark chocolate and wine, (my only vices) above the fridge away from DS's prying hands! It's the only cupboard he hasn't managed to open and pull everything out of.

The situation is really unnerving. Mainly because I am worried for her wellbeing if she needs to steal food. If she was honest and told me she was struggling financially I would be more than happy to provide her with extra food to take home or more hours. But I need open communication about her needs. I need honesty. I've already asked her once and she denied anything.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she;s eating at work? Or is she not allowed to eat anything? Seriously you suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she;s eating at work? Or is she not allowed to eat anything? Seriously you suck.

She has two entire shelves of regularly stocked food she is free to eat at any time. Sandwiches, soups, chilli, crackers, granola bars, fruit, nuts, cheese, veggies, eggs, salad stuff ... I ask her to not eat the chicken breast or expensive meat we have frozen in the pantry for family dinners. The said meat is what has been disappearing out of my pantry for the past couple weeks.

[Anonymous]

Do you also set aside how many squares of toilet paper the nanny can use?

[Anonymous]

Well the food thing seems a little over the top, but having said that the reality is if she were struggling to the point of needing to steal food it's really unlikely she'd tell you. It's embarrassing to be seen a sa charity case and as other threads have confirmed, many mbs will fire a nanny for having money problems because they see those nannies as irresponsible. Also, devils advocate here, there have beenmany times in my life when I though I bought something and didn't or used something and forgot. I'd ask dh first, make sure he didn't give it away for some reason, then go from there.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand what people expect me to say. "Yes, please Nanny, open the package of pork chops I have set aside for dinner and make them for lunch"?

Nanny is more than welcome to bring her own food. I don't know of any employer that supplies breakfast and lunch for their employees. I am incredibly grateful for all that my Nanny does but I have to draw the line at taking food I have reserved for my family and myself.

And no, I don't ration out other stuff she uses. I've given her a gently used running stroller, lots of DS's old clothes, and she's allowed to use our second car for personal reasons on the weekends. I really don't understand the nay-sayers on this thread, am I supposed to be totally passive and open up EVERYTHING in my home for my nanny's use?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand what people expect me to say. "Yes, please Nanny, open the package of pork chops I have set aside for dinner and make them for lunch"?

you say, but earlier you said: "We have a large supply of salmon and meat in the freezer."

So is something from this bulk freezer missing, or is your labeled pork chops for dinner missing from the fridge shelf?

Either way, then you say,

Anonymous wrote:I really don't understand the nay-sayers on this thread, am I supposed to be totally passive and open up EVERYTHING in my home for my nanny's use?

Yeah, actually, that's sort of it. If she needs a bandaid, she'll use one of yours. If she wants to make coffee, she'll use one of your filters. If her hands are dry, she'll use some of your moisturizer. You say you have no other staff so I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt here that you really don't know this, but now you do. Your relationahip with your nanny will improve so dramatically when you treat her more welcomingly and less like she's a potential $20 liability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand what people expect me to say. "Yes, please Nanny, open the package of pork chops I have set aside for dinner and make them for lunch"?

you say, but earlier you said: "We have a large supply of salmon and meat in the freezer."

So is something from this bulk freezer missing, or is your labeled pork chops for dinner missing from the fridge shelf?

Either way, then you say,

Anonymous wrote:I really don't understand the nay-sayers on this thread, am I supposed to be totally passive and open up EVERYTHING in my home for my nanny's use?

Yeah, actually, that's sort of it. If she needs a bandaid, she'll use one of yours. If she wants to make coffee, she'll use one of your filters. If her hands are dry, she'll use some of your moisturizer. You say you have no other staff so I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt here that you really don't know this, but now you do. Your relationahip with your nanny will improve so dramatically when you treat her more welcomingly and less like she's a potential $20 liability.

This is the problem with having parents come to the "Nanny Forum" instead of having the Nanny Discussion in the DCUM parents' forum like before: you get mostly nanny POVs. No, OP, you are NOT being unreasonable or selfish. You are being generous with all you provide to this nanny including compensation , benefits and food. She should be able to feed herself well from what you provide. She should NOT be stealing your other food. She is stealing by taking the food without your permission. I would let her go. She has betrayed your trust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand what people expect me to say. "Yes, please Nanny, open the package of pork chops I have set aside for dinner and make them for lunch"?

you say, but earlier you said: "We have a large supply of salmon and meat in the freezer."

So is something from this bulk freezer missing, or is your labeled pork chops for dinner missing from the fridge shelf?

Either way, then you say,

Anonymous wrote:I really don't understand the nay-sayers on this thread, am I supposed to be totally passive and open up EVERYTHING in my home for my nanny's use?

Yeah, actually, that's sort of it. If she needs a bandaid, she'll use one of yours. If she wants to make coffee, she'll use one of your filters. If her hands are dry, she'll use some of your moisturizer. You say you have no other staff so I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt here that you really don't know this, but now you do. Your relationahip with your nanny will improve so dramatically when you treat her more welcomingly and less like she's a potential $20 liability.

This is the problem with having parents come to the "Nanny Forum" instead of having the Nanny Discussion in the DCUM parents' forum like before: you get mostly nanny POVs. No, OP, you are NOT being unreasonable or selfish. You are being generous with all you provide to this nanny including compensation , benefits and food. She should be able to feed herself well from what you provide. She should NOT be stealing your other food. She is stealing by taking the food without your permission. I would let her go. She has betrayed your trust.

You also get nanny-haters like PP who doesn't even read the entire OP's post before fantasizing about her firing a nanny.

OP, if she is stealing your food, you absolutely should fire her. I'd go as far as making sure to write an evaluation, and include the incidents. However, as of now you are not sure if she has stolen, it's just a hunch (hear that 2:10 IF). I would definitely ask her, I'm sure you can read her face and tell if she's being honest or not. Maybe a camera? Sorry you are in this situation. As to why should would steal...some people just have issues with stealing, (Winona Ryder), it's best she seeks help if it's true.

-Nanny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand what people expect me to say. "Yes, please Nanny, open the package of pork chops I have set aside for dinner and make them for lunch"?

you say, but earlier you said: "We have a large supply of salmon and meat in the freezer."

So is something from this bulk freezer missing, or is your labeled pork chops for dinner missing from the fridge shelf?

Either way, then you say,

Anonymous wrote:I really don't understand the nay-sayers on this thread, am I supposed to be totally passive and open up EVERYTHING in my home for my nanny's use?

Yeah, actually, that's sort of it. If she needs a bandaid, she'll use one of yours. If she wants to make coffee, she'll use one of your filters. If her hands are dry, she'll use some of your moisturizer. You say you have no other staff so I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt here that you really don't know this, but now you do. Your relationahip with your nanny will improve so dramatically when you treat her more welcomingly and less like she's a potential $20 liability.

This is the problem with having parents come to the "Nanny Forum" instead of having the Nanny Discussion in the DCUM parents' forum like before: you get mostly nanny POVs. No, OP, you are NOT being unreasonable or selfish. You are being generous with all you provide to this nanny including compensation , benefits and food. She should be able to feed herself well from what you provide. She should NOT be stealing your other food. She is stealing by taking the food without your permission. I would let her go. She has betrayed your trust.

You also get nanny-haters like PP who doesn't even read the entire OP's post before fantasizing about her firing a nanny.

OP, if she is stealing your food, you absolutely should fire her. I'd go as far as making sure to write an evaluation, and include the incidents. However, as of now you are not sure if she has stolen, it's just a hunch (hear that 2:10 IF). I would definitely ask her, I'm sure you can read her face and tell if she's being honest or not. Maybe a camera? Sorry you are in this situation. As to why should would steal...some people just have issues with stealing, (Winona Ryder), it's best she seeks help if it's true.

-Nanny

Nanny,

If it's not OP or her husband, and she doesn't have any other staff in the house, who is it if not the nanny? The kid? It's more than a hunch and the nanny already denied taking the food to her face! What good is asking her again and why waste time and money on a nanny cam ( which many nannies here do not want employers to use without notice)? I have a nanny that has worked for me for ten years and has never taken anything from our household without permission and I can trust completely. I want OP to have the same peace of mind.