What is wrong with new parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread has gotten hilarious! Are you seriously suggesting that doing any non-child related household tasks shortchanges the child? Do you really think it makes a difference to a baby whether you are washing his bottle or his mother's coffee mug? This has to be a troll post, right? A random developmental psych class in college is not a substitute for actual experience with children ...

What household tasks a nanny provides are really between her and her employers. This isn't a one size fits all and there is no "industry standard" here. Most kids nap for 1.5-3 hours a day (in multiple naps or one long one) and when they no longer do that, they are typically in preschool so most nannies have some down time in their day to help out. And IRL every nanny we interviewed volunteered the various household tasks she had previously performed so obviously not all nannies share the views of the nannies on this thread.

Better than using downtime though, our nanny does a number of non-child related things for us including loading and unloading the dishwasher, vacuuming, and buying groceries, but I have noticed that she tends to do almost all her household tasks (child related or not) with DC in tow, making them into a fun and engaging game for him. When he was a baby, she'd sit him somewhere safe and talk to him the entire time, narrating what she was doing and holding things up for him to see. When he got old enough to "help" he'd do that too (even though helping sometimes meant sitting in the laundry basket handing armfuls of clothes to her) and now at 2.5, he always wants to rinse off plates after meals or help me unload the dishwasher or "fold" the laundry. We've never asked her to make our bed but I can only imagine that she's find some way of making that into a fun game for DC as well. I think it does make things go slower but it is teaching DC important skills for life as well as keeping him engaged, entertained, and out of trouble. I think the only thing our nanny does while he's napping is vacuum and it takes about ten minutes so she still has plenty of time for a nice long break. Everyone wins and we will do whatever we can to keep her for years!

FWIW - our nanny has repeatedly told us that she considers household tasks like vacuuming and grocery shopping to be "child related" because they benefit the entire family, including the kids, and because they enable us - after a long day of work - to give DC the thing kids really need the most to thrive developmentally - time with his parents.

Yes, I am absolutely asserting that a nanny forced to do housekeeping tasks shortchanges the child. Was that not clear the first three times I wrote it? However, I'm sure you know what is best for your children - hey, not every child grows up to be "college-material". I hear with global warming that the need for air conditioner repair people will be great. Why not look back on your child's most formative years and be proud of the fact that you never had to make your own bed or wash your own stained underpants?!

Did you go to college? Because clearly you have no idea what it takes to be "college-material." You've also clearly never read any child development books because then you would know the benefits to doing household chores while talking to your infant about what you are doing (just like PP said her nanny does). What about children with a SAHP who spends the day doing household chores with their children? Do you think none of those children go to college and go on to be successful?

If a parent posted that they hired someone (not a nanny) to do all those chores including the children's laundry, make beds, clear their rooms etc you'd be the first person to post that parents should be teaching their children those things, not outsourcing them, because the children will grow up entitled never knowing how to do anything for themselves. So it's ok for the parents to show children how to do laundry but not the nanny (who by the way WANTS to do those things). It's fine if, as a nanny, you don't want to do those things but don't pretend it's bad for the children if you do. You just don't want to.

Yes, Dear, I have a masters in Early Childhood Education. What about you? And as smart as my infant charges are, they don't learn anything from watching me do the lazy parent's laundry. Every single nanny posting and I have clearly written that they feel that the charge's laundry, cooking, cleaning and upkeep is the nanny's responsibility.

You really need to stop trying to justify having your nanny made your bed and do your laundry - I'm embarrassed for you.

I would be embarrassed to have a masters and work in someone's home based off of your post. What is the point of a masters. I would think you could not get a job and wonder about you. I care about a mx of education and experience with a mix of willing to learn. A degree may give you a background but it does not teach you to be a partner or caregiver.

When I vacuum, my son takes his and helps. He loves to help. It does not take that much to do a load of laundry and clean 20 minutes a day. You are just entitled and lazy.

I would be embarrassed if my grammar was a poor as yours, Mom. LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A nanny is not a mother, at least not the mother of your children. Why is that so hard to understand? Stop making stupid comparisons.

A mother has countless hours and years with her children. Of course they won't suffer if she takes time throughout their day to take care of household things. A nanny's job is to care for and develop the children on a professional level worthy of her title and pay. The level of work and the time she has to implement that work suffers when you divide her attention. This is simply fact. If you are doing multiple things at once, you may do them effectively, but chances are you could do one thing excellently if given your whole focus.

No the child won't fall over and die if nanny folds laundry, and I don't think that's what PP meant. However, a nanny could do much more with a child during the day if she isn't also expected to replace mom and manage the entire household.

You pay a premium for a nanny at your home. A nanny is in the home 40+ hours a week. They are using the kitchen, common areas and bathroom. They can help keep hem clean.

Not ONE nanny on this thread is disputing that! However unless your nanny is wearing your clothes and sleeping in your bed a nanny's duties stop at care and cleaning FOR THE CHILDREN in her care!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is an article in the Huffington Post this morning written by a SAHM talking about how it is impossible to keep her house clean and her baby cared for during the day. When her husband gets home, she writes about how he helps her with 50% of the housework. I read the article and couldn't help but think that if this woman had a nanny she would expect the nanny to do it all. Why is that?

Some people believe

Nanny = slave

The saddest part about your statement is that it is women exploiting other women. SAHMs know how hard their job is and they have 16 to 18 waking hours/7 days a week to do it. The demeaning comments posted by mothers mocking a nanny's education and choice of career is simply stunning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is an article in the Huffington Post this morning written by a SAHM talking about how it is impossible to keep her house clean and her baby cared for during the day. When her husband gets home, she writes about how he helps her with 50% of the housework. I read the article and couldn't help but think that if this woman had a nanny she would expect the nanny to do it all. Why is that?

Some people believe

Nanny = slave

The saddest part about your statement is that it is women exploiting other women. SAHMs know how hard their job is and they have 16 to 18 waking hours/7 days a week to do it. The demeaning comments posted by mothers mocking a nanny's education and choice of career is simply stunning.

I don't think the MBs are mocking a nanny's education. I think the problem is the nanny's using their degree as a reason to do things they don't want to do. FWIW I don't think nanny's should be doing the parent's laundry or making their beds. That's not the nanny's job and I have no problem with the nannies saying they don't want to do that but using their degree as an excuse is just silly. I'm a physician but sometimes I clean dishes, fix a computer or change a printer cartridge at work. If I said to my employer "I went to medical school. My job is to see patients, I didn't get a medical degree to do x,y or z" I'd quickly find myself out of a job.

I think the best nanny/employer relationships are based on mutual respect. As I said before, I'd never expect my nanny to do my laundry or make my bed but when the children are napping she will do any number of things to help me out. I've never asked her to do anything other than the children's laundry but when she has time she has emptied the dishwasher, organized my freezer and vacuumed the family room, among other things she does to help me enormously. She knows I appreciate it and in turn if she needs to leave a little early or needs my help with something I will gladly do it.

I think a lot of the animosity we see on here comes from people who did not have similar relationships with their employer/nanny. The nanny who posted a few days ago explaining that she wouldn't do parent's laundry or make their beds but has a whole list of things she does do during nap time sounds like a great nanny to me. I think the problem people have are with those nannies who sit in front of the tv for 3-4 hours while the children nap and then come here and complain that their job isn't to do anything other than take care of children. Conversely, nannies take issue with those employers who give them long lists of household chores they want the nanny to do with no regard for how long that will take or the fact that the nanny needs some break time too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is an article in the Huffington Post this morning written by a SAHM talking about how it is impossible to keep her house clean and her baby cared for during the day. When her husband gets home, she writes about how he helps her with 50% of the housework. I read the article and couldn't help but think that if this woman had a nanny she would expect the nanny to do it all. Why is that?

Some people believe

Nanny = slave

The saddest part about your statement is that it is women exploiting other women. SAHMs know how hard their job is and they have 16 to 18 waking hours/7 days a week to do it. The demeaning comments posted by mothers mocking a nanny's education and choice of career is simply stunning.

I don't think the MBs are mocking a nanny's education. I think the problem is the nanny's using their degree as a reason to do things they don't want to do. FWIW I don't think nanny's should be doing the parent's laundry or making their beds. That's not the nanny's job and I have no problem with the nannies saying they don't want to do that but using their degree as an excuse is just silly. I'm a physician but sometimes I clean dishes, fix a computer or change a printer cartridge at work. If I said to my employer "I went to medical school. My job is to see patients, I didn't get a medical degree to do x,y or z" I'd quickly find myself out of a job.

I think the best nanny/employer relationships are based on mutual respect. As I said before, I'd never expect my nanny to do my laundry or make my bed but when the children are napping she will do any number of things to help me out. I've never asked her to do anything other than the children's laundry but when she has time she has emptied the dishwasher, organized my freezer and vacuumed the family room, among other things she does to help me enormously. She knows I appreciate it and in turn if she needs to leave a little early or needs my help with something I will gladly do it.

I think a lot of the animosity we see on here comes from people who did not have similar relationships with their employer/nanny. The nanny who posted a few days ago explaining that she wouldn't do parent's laundry or make their beds but has a whole list of things she does do during nap time sounds like a great nanny to me. I think the problem people have are with those nannies who sit in front of the tv for 3-4 hours while the children nap and then come here and complain that their job isn't to do anything other than take care of children. Conversely, nannies take issue with those employers who give them long lists of household chores they want the nanny to do with no regard for how long that will take or the fact that the nanny needs some break time too.

You sound very reasonable, and I appreciate your post. If you look up thread, there were a few posts about "if you didn't want this kind of job, you should've gone to school". MBs on this board frequently mock nannies for their chosen job, and make false assumptions that we are uneducated and unmotivated. That is why you see some nannies trot out there education. We are not all uneducated, nor are we all motivated. I too have a degree in education, and I DO plan educational activities during nap time, yet I was mocked for saying so on this thread. Nannies don't take offense to employers advertising for jobs looking for light housekeeping. We take offense to the idea that every nanny should be doing housekeeping during nap time, and if she doesn't she is lazy, entitled, dishonest, pick your insult. A nanny is a child care provider, and one who doesn't want to be a housekeeper is no less a nanny, and she may be a damn good one.

[Anonymous]

I don't think the MBs are mocking a nanny's education. I think the problem is the nanny's using their degree as a reason to do things they don't want to do. FWIW I don't think nanny's should be doing the parent's laundry or making their beds. That's not the nanny's job and I have no problem with the nannies saying they don't want to do that but using their degree as an excuse is just silly. I'm a physician but sometimes I clean dishes, fix a computer or change a printer cartridge at work. If I said to my employer "I went to medical school. My job is to see patients, I didn't get a medical degree to do x,y or z" I'd quickly find myself out of a job.

I think the best nanny/employer relationships are based on mutual respect. As I said before, I'd never expect my nanny to do my laundry or make my bed but when the children are napping she will do any number of things to help me out. I've never asked her to do anything other than the children's laundry but when she has time she has emptied the dishwasher, organized my freezer and vacuumed the family room, among other things she does to help me enormously. She knows I appreciate it and in turn if she needs to leave a little early or needs my help with something I will gladly do it.

I think a lot of the animosity we see on here comes from people who did not have similar relationships with their employer/nanny. The nanny who posted a few days ago explaining that she wouldn't do parent's laundry or make their beds but has a whole list of things she does do during nap time sounds like a great nanny to me. I think the problem people have are with those nannies who sit in front of the tv for 3-4 hours while the children nap and then come here and complain that their job isn't to do anything other than take care of children. Conversely, nannies take issue with those employers who give them long lists of household chores they want the nanny to do with no regard for how long that will take or the fact that the nanny needs some break time too.

This +1000.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom stayed home with my siblings and me until the youngest was around five. She did household work (both indoor and outdoor) for most of the day, but engaged with is while doing it. She had an almost half acre (or full acre?) organic garden, canned our food, made complicated meals, kept the house spotless, and, after my parents purchased a hardware store, brought us there with her while she worked part time. She most certainly did not get help from my dad with anything domestic, ever, and the expectation was that domestic tasks were conducted during the "workday".

Despite this tragic neglect at my mother's feet, I grew up to be an excellent student, great college, top law school, highly prestigious jobs, now working in what many would describe as a dream job. Oh, and I know how to take care of my home, make my own meals, and wash my own laundry.

Just imagine how differently my life would have turned out if only my mother had stuck to child-related tasks while caring for me. If only she'd done more reading on hold development, sanitized my toys a bit more often, and researched child friendly events or opportunities. Maybe I'd have been able to make something of myself.

Did your Mom have a home away from yours? Did she only come to your home 5 days a week for eight to ten hours? Did you have a father? Unless your mother had only work hours to accomplish her housekeeping tasks and had no other adult to help her then your comparison is meaningless. Perhaps a good nanny would have taught you what the word "comparable" means.

My father did not help with any domestic chores. No cooking, no laundry, no school planning, no bill paying, very little of the interior or exterior home maintenance (90% my mom) other than mowing or shoveling, no grocery shopping, and little engagement with kids in the evening hours. Mom did baths and bedtime. Dad relaxed with a beer after a hard day's work, if he was home by then. Mom was expected to accomplish all if this during the hours my dad was away, not when he was home, at which time she was expected to attend to him - dinner, spending time with him, etc. "House work" was for the day time. And yet, she accomplished all of this while raising three highly successful children.

And I did learn the definition of comparable. Look, I'll even use it in a sentence: your work ethic is not comparable to hers. To be comparable, it would have to be close enough in nature to be able to compare. Having little or no work ethic (you) means that I cannot legitimately compare it to a strong work ethic (hers).

So your mother did all this in eight to ten hours and then went home to do it for a second family? LOL - I think your "work ethic" is faulty not mine - I actually wash my own clothes and make my own bed AND then go to work! Wow, huh?!!

It is not relevant whether she went home to another family later. It is relevant what she was able to accomplish during the equivalent of a nanny work day. Are you suggesting that your nanny work load should be determined by what else you have to do at your own home? Should I tell my employer that I need to take it easy during my work day because I'll have plenty of bill paying and personal calls to make this evening, so I'll need my energy?

I do my own laundry and make my own bed. And much more. But I also employ a nanny who would probably, if she saw our bed unmade, step into our room for one minute and straighten up the covers. On a Monday morning if we've left a load of clothes or towels in the dryer, she will fold it instead of just dumping it into a basket. When I told her thanks but she doesn't have to do that, and to go ahead and just leave it in the basket, she said "oh I don't mind, that way they won't get wrinkled." She's fantastic because she is WILLING to help. Not required, but does so voluntarily and without demands or complaints. In return, we are great to her. She is regularly sent home early (anywhere from 30 minutes to 3 hours) with pay. If she were less helpful, more rigid, and not a team player, I'd be far less inclined to send her home early. Huh, maybe I'd be using that time to fold that load of laundry.

[Anonymous]

goodness. I am degreed and so forth. I nanny and I do all kinds of things that isn't listed as my job but its just common sense.

I don't want to start a job with a list of demands though. I won't make your bed daily but if the kid is napping on your bed and has an accident I will change it. I will do the dishes but not after you had a party on the weekend and left a pile on Monday.

Today I did the dishes did some laundry and clean up the backyard from the dogs. One dog is mine and one is theres. Its not a big deal. I also cleaned up the floors and so forth. The kid and I went to class, out to lunch and played like silly people too.

I am also treated very well by the family I work for too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When everyone started calling themselves a nanny vs. what used to be a sitter, and the middle class started to feel entitled to nanny care, you saw a change in the definition. Middle class parents are looking for a deal. What they want is a reasonably qualified sitter, and whatever extras they can get for the deal.

My advice if you don't want to deal with these kinds of parents, become the type of nanny that truly wealthy people (who know how to hire and treat staff) want to hire; have a degree in a relevant field, extensive experience, glowing references, learn a second language, and refine your "product", and work with an elite agency.

I agree with this.

My sister has a lady who comes to watch her kids for date night. Calls her her nanny.
A neighbor has an older teen (18/19) watch her kids on certain days when she needs "her own time" calls her nanny.

Everyone uses the term, sometimes to just sound like they are keeping up with the Jones

Nanny is full time job,babysitter is just hours for the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread has gotten hilarious! Are you seriously suggesting that doing any non-child related household tasks shortchanges the child? Do you really think it makes a difference to a baby whether you are washing his bottle or his mother's coffee mug? This has to be a troll post, right? A random developmental psych class in college is not a substitute for actual experience with children ...

What household tasks a nanny provides are really between her and her employers. This isn't a one size fits all and there is no "industry standard" here. Most kids nap for 1.5-3 hours a day (in multiple naps or one long one) and when they no longer do that, they are typically in preschool so most nannies have some down time in their day to help out. And IRL every nanny we interviewed volunteered the various household tasks she had previously performed so obviously not all nannies share the views of the nannies on this thread.

Better than using downtime though, our nanny does a number of non-child related things for us including loading and unloading the dishwasher, vacuuming, and buying groceries, but I have noticed that she tends to do almost all her household tasks (child related or not) with DC in tow, making them into a fun and engaging game for him. When he was a baby, she'd sit him somewhere safe and talk to him the entire time, narrating what she was doing and holding things up for him to see. When he got old enough to "help" he'd do that too (even though helping sometimes meant sitting in the laundry basket handing armfuls of clothes to her) and now at 2.5, he always wants to rinse off plates after meals or help me unload the dishwasher or "fold" the laundry. We've never asked her to make our bed but I can only imagine that she's find some way of making that into a fun game for DC as well. I think it does make things go slower but it is teaching DC important skills for life as well as keeping him engaged, entertained, and out of trouble. I think the only thing our nanny does while he's napping is vacuum and it takes about ten minutes so she still has plenty of time for a nice long break. Everyone wins and we will do whatever we can to keep her for years!

FWIW - our nanny has repeatedly told us that she considers household tasks like vacuuming and grocery shopping to be "child related" because they benefit the entire family, including the kids, and because they enable us - after a long day of work - to give DC the thing kids really need the most to thrive developmentally - time with his parents.

Yes, I am absolutely asserting that a nanny forced to do housekeeping tasks shortchanges the child. Was that not clear the first three times I wrote it? However, I'm sure you know what is best for your children - hey, not every child grows up to be "college-material". I hear with global warming that the need for air conditioner repair people will be great. Why not look back on your child's most formative years and be proud of the fact that you never had to make your own bed or wash your own stained underpants?!

Did you go to college? Because clearly you have no idea what it takes to be "college-material." You've also clearly never read any child development books because then you would know the benefits to doing household chores while talking to your infant about what you are doing (just like PP said her nanny does). What about children with a SAHP who spends the day doing household chores with their children? Do you think none of those children go to college and go on to be successful?

If a parent posted that they hired someone (not a nanny) to do all those chores including the children's laundry, make beds, clear their rooms etc you'd be the first person to post that parents should be teaching their children those things, not outsourcing them, because the children will grow up entitled never knowing how to do anything for themselves. So it's ok for the parents to show children how to do laundry but not the nanny (who by the way WANTS to do those things). It's fine if, as a nanny, you don't want to do those things but don't pretend it's bad for the children if you do. You just don't want to.

Yes, Dear, I have a masters in Early Childhood Education. What about you? And as smart as my infant charges are, they don't learn anything from watching me do the lazy parent's laundry. Every single nanny posting and I have clearly written that they feel that the charge's laundry, cooking, cleaning and upkeep is the nanny's responsibility.

You really need to stop trying to justify having your nanny made your bed and do your laundry - I'm embarrassed for you.

Out of genuine curiosity, how is it meaningfully different to a child whose laundry you are doing? Doing laundry is doing laundry ...

TIME. A nanny has limited TIME. How much do you think your child can learn from load after load after load of laundry day after day after day? Seriously, how is this so difficult for your lazy moms to understand?! Your justifications for not doing your own laundry are hysterical!

What exactly are you teaching? By learning, then I'd qualify that to mean you are doing workbooks, flashcards and other academics. If not, you've got time on your hands. A nanny is there to make the parent's life easier. If you make it harder and day care becomes easier, you are out of a job!

Sweet of you to worry about my employment, but I assure you the only problem I have ever had is deciding which job offer to take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is an article in the Huffington Post this morning written by a SAHM talking about how it is impossible to keep her house clean and her baby cared for during the day. When her husband gets home, she writes about how he helps her with 50% of the housework. I read the article and couldn't help but think that if this woman had a nanny she would expect the nanny to do it all. Why is that?

Some people believe

Nanny = slave

The saddest part about your statement is that it is women exploiting other women. SAHMs know how hard their job is and they have 16 to 18 waking hours/7 days a week to do it. The demeaning comments posted by mothers mocking a nanny's education and choice of career is simply stunning.

I don't think the MBs are mocking a nanny's education. I think the problem is the nanny's using their degree as a reason to do things they don't want to do. FWIW I don't think nanny's should be doing the parent's laundry or making their beds. That's not the nanny's job and I have no problem with the nannies saying they don't want to do that but using their degree as an excuse is just silly. I'm a physician but sometimes I clean dishes, fix a computer or change a printer cartridge at work. If I said to my employer "I went to medical school. My job is to see patients, I didn't get a medical degree to do x,y or z" I'd quickly find myself out of a job.

I think the best nanny/employer relationships are based on mutual respect. As I said before, I'd never expect my nanny to do my laundry or make my bed but when the children are napping she will do any number of things to help me out. I've never asked her to do anything other than the children's laundry but when she has time she has emptied the dishwasher, organized my freezer and vacuumed the family room, among other things she does to help me enormously. She knows I appreciate it and in turn if she needs to leave a little early or needs my help with something I will gladly do it.

I think a lot of the animosity we see on here comes from people who did not have similar relationships with their employer/nanny. The nanny who posted a few days ago explaining that she wouldn't do parent's laundry or make their beds but has a whole list of things she does do during nap time sounds like a great nanny to me. I think the problem people have are with those nannies who sit in front of the tv for 3-4 hours while the children nap and then come here and complain that their job isn't to do anything other than take care of children. Conversely, nannies take issue with those employers who give them long lists of household chores they want the nanny to do with no regard for how long that will take or the fact that the nanny needs some break time too.

As a physician, would you work for a hospital that asked you to do dishes every day? And then after you started doing the dishes every day, they ask you to scrub the examination room floor? While I find your post extremely reasonable and on point, for a nanny it is not about not helping or pitching in when needed from time to time - it's about establishing the requirements of your job in the initial interview and then being asked to add non-childcare related housekeeping chores to your job AFTER you have taken the job. Nannies call it "creeping". I admire women who have college degrees in education or child development and choose to become nannies because they love working with children - it's horrid to read so many mothers mocking them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is an article in the Huffington Post this morning written by a SAHM talking about how it is impossible to keep her house clean and her baby cared for during the day. When her husband gets home, she writes about how he helps her with 50% of the housework. I read the article and couldn't help but think that if this woman had a nanny she would expect the nanny to do it all. Why is that?

Some people believe

Nanny = slave

The saddest part about your statement is that it is women exploiting other women. SAHMs know how hard their job is and they have 16 to 18 waking hours/7 days a week to do it. The demeaning comments posted by mothers mocking a nanny's education and choice of career is simply stunning.

I don't think the MBs are mocking a nanny's education. I think the problem is the nanny's using their degree as a reason to do things they don't want to do. FWIW I don't think nanny's should be doing the parent's laundry or making their beds. That's not the nanny's job and I have no problem with the nannies saying they don't want to do that but using their degree as an excuse is just silly. I'm a physician but sometimes I clean dishes, fix a computer or change a printer cartridge at work. If I said to my employer "I went to medical school. My job is to see patients, I didn't get a medical degree to do x,y or z" I'd quickly find myself out of a job.

I think the best nanny/employer relationships are based on mutual respect. As I said before, I'd never expect my nanny to do my laundry or make my bed but when the children are napping she will do any number of things to help me out. I've never asked her to do anything other than the children's laundry but when she has time she has emptied the dishwasher, organized my freezer and vacuumed the family room, among other things she does to help me enormously. She knows I appreciate it and in turn if she needs to leave a little early or needs my help with something I will gladly do it.

I think a lot of the animosity we see on here comes from people who did not have similar relationships with their employer/nanny. The nanny who posted a few days ago explaining that she wouldn't do parent's laundry or make their beds but has a whole list of things she does do during nap time sounds like a great nanny to me. I think the problem people have are with those nannies who sit in front of the tv for 3-4 hours while the children nap and then come here and complain that their job isn't to do anything other than take care of children. Conversely, nannies take issue with those employers who give them long lists of household chores they want the nanny to do with no regard for how long that will take or the fact that the nanny needs some break time too.

As a physician, would you work for a hospital that asked you to do dishes every day? And then after you started doing the dishes every day, they ask you to scrub the examination room floor? While I find your post extremely reasonable and on point, for a nanny it is not about not helping or pitching in when needed from time to time - it's about establishing the requirements of your job in the initial interview and then being asked to add non-childcare related housekeeping chores to your job AFTER you have taken the job. Nannies call it "creeping". I admire women who have college degrees in education or child development and choose to become nannies because they love working with children - it's horrid to read so many mothers mocking them.

In all my professional jobs, I have come in cleaning my office or office space. I have cleaned common areas as it was embarrassing when you are interviewing people. I have made copies, including many things that should have been done by the support staff who were lazy. You do what you need to do to preform your job. I've also done babysitting/nanny in high school and college and yes, I did clean. Even if I just babysat, I made sure the kids toys were picked up, common area we were in was clean and kitchen cleaned after bed. Sure enough, I always got called back. Doing that little bit extra makes you stand out from the rest. I have my master's degree and do not think anything is beneath me. If you think it is beneath you because you have a college degree, then you need to find another profession. You are using their house as your place of employment. Just like your home, you have an obligation to pitch in given you are there 40-50 hours a week. The issue is using your degree to justify only doing the absolute minimum. I don't care if our nanny has a degree. That doesn't make a good caregiver or mother. I would far rather have someone with good judgement and common sense. A degree in child development teaches you ages and stages and basics. It does not tell you how to handle a reflux child screaming for hours in pain, hurling everywhere. It doesn't teach you how to care for a sick child. It doesn't teach you many skills that you learn by doing. The degree is just bragging rights to look down on others who do not have it. No one is mocking a degree. It is the justification that you are too good to do certain tasks because you have a degree.

I would absolutely hope the doctor would clean her treatment room before seeing a patient if housekeeping did not do a good job or it was needed. I would hope she would clean/sterilize her equipment before using it on me. I would hope she'd clean things like the pen if she or the last patient were sick before giving it to me.

The more willing someone is to do and help out, the more I value them. Not by their degree, especially in the child care field. Our nanny does little things like the nanny's on here described. She has thrown in our laundry, sheets and towels if we didn't have time. She doesn't make our bed or our child's, but I don't make it and its not a priority to me. She'll pick up milk and other basics if she sees we are out. She'll do little things like pick up an extra pack of socks for the kids if I forgot. We leave our kitchen very clean but she pitches in. She makes us dinner some nights (she also eats it) as she loves cooking. To me, beyond being great with the kids, that really sets her apart from others. She doesn't have to. We don't have a "contract" that specifies anything but its just being decent. When she's sick, encourage her to take the day off, especially if she caught it from us. If it lasts for more than a day, I've brought over groceries or carryout to make sure she is eating. I've taken her to the doctor when I was concerned about her driving. She doesn't have family in the area.

[Anonymous]

I'm just wondering how quickly theories of child development change that nannies have to spend part of nap time, apparently every day, researching.

I think nannies and MB's should be reasonable on both sides. Nannies should, if time permits, do up any dishes that are left in the sink throughout the day unless it is an unreasonable amount. Empty and/or run the dishwasher daily or so. Make sure all kid-related kitchen messes are cleaned up. Wipe up counters and sweep kitchen floor as needed.

Do all kid laundry, maybe also fold some towels or sheets or other neutral laundry as time permits.

Keep kid toys and clothes organized, swapped out or handed down when appropriate, clean and ready to be used.

Vacuum/sweep common areas once/twice a week as needed. Foyer, kid bedroom(s), playroom. Anywhere that the child comes into regular contact with.

Wipe up in kids bath but not clean toilet. I assume a baby is not using the toilet!

Run simple errands with child as time/weather/distance permit. Grab milk, eggs, bread while out and about (if this is convenient).

Babies/toddlers/preschoolers do not need to be engaged every single moment. It is good for them to entertain themselves. I question a nanny who doesn't understand that. I adore my kids and spend loads of time with them, always have, but I never sat and interacted with them all day! I would sit and read a few books, do a puzzle, play a game, and then leave toddler to continue playing while I grabbed a basket of laundry and folded it nearby. Baby would sit in highchair and eat cheerios while I did the dishes.

Balance, people, balance. And in professional jobs people are constantly asked to do things that are out of their actual job title. That's how the world works. That's how you get ahead in your job, by being a team player. I absolutely would be much more generous with a nanny/babysitter who went that extra mile for me. I do believe that part of a nanny's job is to support the parents so that they can make a more functional household for all involved.

Luckily I don't have need of a nanny because between the attitudes on this board and the many many nannies I see daily yapping on their phones while their charges wander around the playground or, worse, sit in their strollers staring off into space, I wouldn't be able to handle the lack of work ethic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm just wondering how quickly theories of child development change that nannies have to spend part of nap time, apparently every day, researching.

I think nannies and MB's should be reasonable on both sides. Nannies should, if time permits, do up any dishes that are left in the sink throughout the day unless it is an unreasonable amount. Empty and/or run the dishwasher daily or so. Make sure all kid-related kitchen messes are cleaned up. Wipe up counters and sweep kitchen floor as needed.

Do all kid laundry, maybe also fold some towels or sheets or other neutral laundry as time permits.

Keep kid toys and clothes organized, swapped out or handed down when appropriate, clean and ready to be used.

Vacuum/sweep common areas once/twice a week as needed. Foyer, kid bedroom(s), playroom. Anywhere that the child comes into regular contact with.

Wipe up in kids bath but not clean toilet. I assume a baby is not using the toilet!

Run simple errands with child as time/weather/distance permit. Grab milk, eggs, bread while out and about (if this is convenient).

Babies/toddlers/preschoolers do not need to be engaged every single moment. It is good for them to entertain themselves. I question a nanny who doesn't understand that. I adore my kids and spend loads of time with them, always have, but I never sat and interacted with them all day! I would sit and read a few books, do a puzzle, play a game, and then leave toddler to continue playing while I grabbed a basket of laundry and folded it nearby. Baby would sit in highchair and eat cheerios while I did the dishes.

Balance, people, balance. And in professional jobs people are constantly asked to do things that are out of their actual job title. That's how the world works. That's how you get ahead in your job, by being a team player. I absolutely would be much more generous with a nanny/babysitter who went that extra mile for me. I do believe that part of a nanny's job is to support the parents so that they can make a more functional household for all involved.

Luckily I don't have need of a nanny because between the attitudes on this board and the many many nannies I see daily yapping on their phones while their charges wander around the playground or, worse, sit in their strollers staring off into space, I wouldn't be able to handle the lack of work ethic.

Forming an opinion of an entire group of people based on interactions with a few is quite ignorant.
For every asshole babysitter you've encountered on DCUM or on the playground, there are 10 awesome, caring nannies doing their jobs very well.
That would be like me saying that because I have encountered several snooty SAH "tennis" moms, all women in DC are bitches and I'm going to avoid contact with them.
I agree with most of what you're saying but please don't disparage an entire profession based on the drivel you read on an anonymous forum. It detracts from the point you are trying to make to begin with.

[Anonymous]

I think if it works for a nanny to do tasks beyond child care as long as it's understood and compensation is appropriate, nothing wrong with that. My previous position was a part time nanny with light housekeeping role and parents were clear about that from the first email. I never did cleaning related tasks before but it worked out well for me. They were never demanding and I was always treated with respect, as well as thanked often.