Why does our nanny want to be paid for two kids when she's only caring for one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There may very well be more than one. But all of them follow the same script:

- "well your nanny MUST be doing something for the older one, why don't you give her a raise!"

- "oh she won't be? nothing at all? then you are a bad person for making it so. She SHOULD be doing it for him. She deserves a raise. You are a bad person for removing a child from her care."

So predictable. And so...nothing to do with the original question. Again, I note that the nannies who have SO much concern for the 4-year old appear unconcerned about an infant carted about for no good reason. Self-interest at its best.

[b]

See that's the thing. You think of your kids like a burden to be carted around. Normal people think: "Wow that sucks for a child to be at 'school' 10+ hours a day, shipped off because he's now a burden". Not only is your son being sent away, he now doesn't get to spend time bonding with his sibling. Please post back in 2 years and let us know how their relationship is going, you know with them spending so much time bonding together in the early years.

That's your perception. Normal people may also think, "wow, it sucks for the baby to be dragged from her nap and crib, dressed up and put in a carseat, driven around, walked to and fro preschool, then driven back and undressed, for no good reason, when she could be enjoying calm days, uninterrupted naps, strolls in the park, and 100% focus of her caregiver, just like her brother had when he was her age."

You are also ridiculous to think that no bonding happens after 6 pm or on weekends, or that their lifelong relationship has anything to do with how much time they spent together when one of them was an infant.

[b]

Clearly you think it's normal to only interact with family for an hour or two a day, so why not put this on your kids? You won't see the light because you can't understand why people think your situation is a bit selfish and crazy and unfair to the kids. That's ok. You do what makes YOU happy. That's what matters right?

The kids are already interacting with their parents for only a few hours after work. Part-time or full-time preschool won't change that.

[Anonymous]

The first few years are the formative years, but hey who cares about bonding as siblings eh! lol I'm done with this thread, you can't argue with stupid and OP thinks those years aren't important to child development... BYE FELICIA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The first few years are the formative years, but hey who cares about bonding as siblings eh! lol I'm done with this thread, you can't argue with stupid and OP thinks those years aren't important to child development... BYE FELICIA

Bye, Felicia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your nanny didn't realize she won't be doing anything for DC1 anymore. That can be a bit of a blow if they've been together everyday for a long time. Can you allow for random days when he will be there and then set up a pay rate for those days?

Also, don't underestimate how many random days off there will be with preschool. They often times have as many or more teacher prep days as regular public schools do. Also, if he's been home for 3 yrs, and just now going to preschool, he's going to be exposed to more germs than you can imagine and there's a good chance he will be sick A LOT during the first year or so.

In short, your nanny is nuts to think she'll get a 2 child pay when she's seldom caring for 2 kids, and I also think your nuts if you think she'll NEVER care for your first child either because that kid is going to be out of school a lot more than you think. (And it won't always be convenient to your work schedule.) So you need to have a back up plan in place and let nanny know what that plan is.

My feeling is that she misunderstood her role w/ DC1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There may very well be more than one. But all of them follow the same script:

- "well your nanny MUST be doing something for the older one, why don't you give her a raise!"

- "oh she won't be? nothing at all? then you are a bad person for making it so. She SHOULD be doing it for him. She deserves a raise. You are a bad person for removing a child from her care."

So predictable. And so...nothing to do with the original question. Again, I note that the nannies who have SO much concern for the 4-year old appear unconcerned about an infant carted about for no good reason. Self-interest at its best.

Why so angry and defensive? Which post makes you think there's no concern for the baby?

All of them suggesting that he continues on a part-time schedule with nanny dropping off and picking up.

Not really angry, just amused at nannies doing mental cartwheels to justify their involvement beyond what the parents have planned.

I'm not in favor of infants staying home exclusively, it weakens the immune system if they aren't exposed to germs. It's also not in the child's interest to not be socialized at all. Time with the sibling is important, so that both understand that neither is more important than the other, and so that the older child has to adjust to having the younger child around. Infants nap frequently, it wouldn't hurt your infant to nap in the car on the way to and from preschool, nor would it hurt your infant to have a schedule which allows for pick up and drop off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There may very well be more than one. But all of them follow the same script:

- "well your nanny MUST be doing something for the older one, why don't you give her a raise!"

- "oh she won't be? nothing at all? then you are a bad person for making it so. She SHOULD be doing it for him. She deserves a raise. You are a bad person for removing a child from her care."

So predictable. And so...nothing to do with the original question. Again, I note that the nannies who have SO much concern for the 4-year old appear unconcerned about an infant carted about for no good reason. Self-interest at its best.

Why so angry and defensive? Which post makes you think there's no concern for the baby?

All of them suggesting that he continues on a part-time schedule with nanny dropping off and picking up.

Not really angry, just amused at nannies doing mental cartwheels to justify their involvement beyond what the parents have planned.

I'm not in favor of infants staying home exclusively, it weakens the immune system if they aren't exposed to germs. It's also not in the child's interest to not be socialized at all. Time with the sibling is important, so that both understand that neither is more important than the other, and so that the older child has to adjust to having the younger child around. Infants nap frequently, it wouldn't hurt your infant to nap in the car on the way to and from preschool, nor would it hurt your infant to have a schedule which allows for pick up and drop off.

She is already exposed to all the germs her brother and parents brings home.

You know perfectly well infants don't really socialize for the first couple of years, and they gain zero socialization benefits from sitting a carseat and walking to and from preschools. Infants also can't really "understand" how important or unimportant they are. Lastly, I'm sure you are aware that infants don't really settle into a schedule until much later. It won't hurt them to nap in the car, but I'm not paying for personal childcare to meet the standard of "not hurting" them. I'm paying for focus and comfort, and the infant will be much more comfortable home, unhurried and unconstrained. I'd rather she naps in her crib, thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There may very well be more than one. But all of them follow the same script:

- "well your nanny MUST be doing something for the older one, why don't you give her a raise!"

- "oh she won't be? nothing at all? then you are a bad person for making it so. She SHOULD be doing it for him. She deserves a raise. You are a bad person for removing a child from her care."

So predictable. And so...nothing to do with the original question. Again, I note that the nannies who have SO much concern for the 4-year old appear unconcerned about an infant carted about for no good reason. Self-interest at its best.

Why so angry and defensive? Which post makes you think there's no concern for the baby?

All of them suggesting that he continues on a part-time schedule with nanny dropping off and picking up.

Not really angry, just amused at nannies doing mental cartwheels to justify their involvement beyond what the parents have planned.

I'm not in favor of infants staying home exclusively, it weakens the immune system if they aren't exposed to germs. It's also not in the child's interest to not be socialized at all. Time with the sibling is important, so that both understand that neither is more important than the other, and so that the older child has to adjust to having the younger child around. Infants nap frequently, it wouldn't hurt your infant to nap in the car on the way to and from preschool, nor would it hurt your infant to have a schedule which allows for pick up and drop off.

She is already exposed to all the germs her brother and parents brings home.

You know perfectly well infants don't really socialize for the first couple of years, and they gain zero socialization benefits from sitting a carseat and walking to and from preschools. Infants also can't really "understand" how important or unimportant they are. Lastly, I'm sure you are aware that infants don't really settle into a schedule until much later. It won't hurt them to nap in the car, but I'm not paying for personal childcare to meet the standard of "not hurting" them. I'm paying for focus and comfort, and the infant will be much more comfortable home, unhurried and unconstrained. I'd rather she naps in her crib, thanks.[b]

You know nothing about child development. Sad.

[Anonymous]

Your nanny deserves a medal. I could never work for someone like you. You seem like a really miserable know it all controlling COLD person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your nanny deserves a medal. I could never work for someone like you. You seem like a really miserable know it all controlling COLD person.

We'll never meet or have any importance in each other's lives; it doesn't really matter what you think of me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your nanny deserves a medal. I could never work for someone like you. You seem like a really miserable know it all controlling COLD person.

We'll never meet or have any importance in each other's lives; it doesn't really matter what you think of me.

You must be lost here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There may very well be more than one. But all of them follow the same script:

- "well your nanny MUST be doing something for the older one, why don't you give her a raise!"

- "oh she won't be? nothing at all? then you are a bad person for making it so. She SHOULD be doing it for him. She deserves a raise. You are a bad person for removing a child from her care."

So predictable. And so...nothing to do with the original question. Again, I note that the nannies who have SO much concern for the 4-year old appear unconcerned about an infant carted about for no good reason. Self-interest at its best.

Why so angry and defensive? Which post makes you think there's no concern for the baby?

All of them suggesting that he continues on a part-time schedule with nanny dropping off and picking up.

Not really angry, just amused at nannies doing mental cartwheels to justify their involvement beyond what the parents have planned.

Dude OP chill. I'm one of the posters asking questions, and I am a parent with a two year old in full time preschool and a 3 month old my mom takes care of (we pay for this). So I probably have the closest setup to what you are proposing .. Though obviously very different dynamics. This is temporary and my mom is living with us, and we are paying her a stipend but not a market rate.

What perplexes me is two things: 1, some creep does seem inevitable. Like, unless you really go out of your way to avoid the nanny helping with the older child it will probably happen way more than you anticipate. This has definitely been our experience, though again we don't have a reason to avoid it.

2, when my mom decided to stay with us we immediately decided to figure out if it was reasonable to reduce my daughter's preschool schedule. Full time preschool is something you do because you have to, generally, not because you want to. I'm still not sure if we will do it just bc my mom is older and not sure she can really handle them both every day, but that would definitely be my first choice. So I just can't relate to why you are doing things the way you are. Not that you're wrong, I just can't relate and that's why I was exploring your reasoning.

[Anonymous]

So OP, validity of full time preschool for a 4yo aside, have you had another talk with your nanny? Is there an update?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Dude OP chill. I'm one of the posters asking questions, and I am a parent with a two year old in full time preschool and a 3 month old my mom takes care of (we pay for this). So I probably have the closest setup to what you are proposing .. Though obviously very different dynamics. This is temporary and my mom is living with us, and we are paying her a stipend but not a market rate.

What perplexes me is two things: 1, some creep does seem inevitable. Like, unless you really go out of your way to avoid the nanny helping with the older child it will probably happen way more than you anticipate. This has definitely been our experience, though again we don't have a reason to avoid it.

2, when my mom decided to stay with us we immediately decided to figure out if it was reasonable to reduce my daughter's preschool schedule. Full time preschool is something you do because you have to, generally, not because you want to. I'm still not sure if we will do it just bc my mom is older and not sure she can really handle them both every day, but that would definitely be my first choice. So I just can't relate to why you are doing things the way you are. Not that you're wrong, I just can't relate and that's why I was exploring your reasoning.

OK. I understand where you are coming from. Here are the differences in our situation:

a. You have a two-year old, not a four-year old. I agree with you that two-year olds do not belong in full-time preschools, and if I had a two-year old, I would definitely go part-time. If you have older children, you probably know this, but if not, two years from now you will marvel at how your two-year old has evolved, and how her brain is hungry for more.

b. You have a grandparent taking care of them, not a nanny. I can relate to this because my mom took care of DS1 when he was a baby. Look, time with a grandparent is a gift, all too precious because the grandparents' time with us is limited. My mom is also older (75) and every day the kids can have with her is a gift. So I would make all kinds of concessions and impose on the kids' routine without a second thought if a tradeoff is more time with the beloved grandparent. I won't do it for more time with nanny, who is great in all kinds of ways but not like a grandparent would be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So OP, validity of full time preschool for a 4yo aside, have you had another talk with your nanny? Is there an update?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Dude OP chill. I'm one of the posters asking questions, and I am a parent with a two year old in full time preschool and a 3 month old my mom takes care of (we pay for this). So I probably have the closest setup to what you are proposing .. Though obviously very different dynamics. This is temporary and my mom is living with us, and we are paying her a stipend but not a market rate.

What perplexes me is two things: 1, some creep does seem inevitable. Like, unless you really go out of your way to avoid the nanny helping with the older child it will probably happen way more than you anticipate. This has definitely been our experience, though again we don't have a reason to avoid it.

2, when my mom decided to stay with us we immediately decided to figure out if it was reasonable to reduce my daughter's preschool schedule. Full time preschool is something you do because you have to, generally, not because you want to. I'm still not sure if we will do it just bc my mom is older and not sure she can really handle them both every day, but that would definitely be my first choice. So I just can't relate to why you are doing things the way you are. Not that you're wrong, I just can't relate and that's why I was exploring your reasoning.

OK. I understand where you are coming from. Here are the differences in our situation:

a. You have a two-year old, not a four-year old. I agree with you that two-year olds do not belong in full-time preschools, and if I had a two-year old, I would definitely go part-time. If you have older children, you probably know this, but if not, two years from now you will marvel at how your two-year old has evolved, and how her brain is hungry for more.

b. You have a grandparent taking care of them, not a nanny. I can relate to this because my mom took care of DS1 when he was a baby. Look, time with a grandparent is a gift, all too precious because the grandparents' time with us is limited. My mom is also older (75) and every day the kids can have with her is a gift. So I would make all kinds of concessions and impose on the kids' routine without a second thought if a tradeoff is more time with the beloved grandparent. I won't do it for more time with nanny, who is great in all kinds of ways but not like a grandparent would be.

Believe me my two year old needs stimulation and lots of it... I just don't know of any preschools that have stimulating programming between 3 and 6 pm. Even if they did, the core is usually 9-3 at most. I have just literally never met anyone who wants their kid to be at it all day long, every weekday. 4 years, 6 years, anything. It really doesn't sound odd to you to say the sentence, "my kid really needs to be in school from 8-6 Monday to Friday."? Like, no matter the age?

Anyway I posted my situation not really to compare too much bc there are such obvious differences, but to explain its not just nannies who find this paradigm a bit odd. thats all. But frankly if I did not care value the bond between my son and nanny such that I wanted to completely and abruptly separate him once the sibling came along, I might suggest you don't like your nanny that much and should think about that. It just doesn't seem like this is a great transition plan for new siblings, it's abrupt and doesn't give him any time with the sibling either. Not judging at all, every family is different.