Why does our nanny want to be paid for two kids when she's only caring for one?

[Anonymous]

Of course we were - we are fabulous employers.

My son and his nanny do have contact, and would have retained some form of it. It HAS been tapering off as he started part-time schooling. You just disagree with regard to the speed at which it ought to taper off, and how much contact is sufficient.

It's silly to think that having nannycare equals importance in the eyes of a child. You might as well say that mommy is more important because she gets to go to work, or that older children are more important because they get to go to school. Or that he is more important because he gets to go to preschool and play with his friends! Every age comes with its own accoutrements.

I'm sure nannies love their charges, but it's a different kind of love, otherwise no nanny would have been able to move between families. It has a built-in expiration date, as I'm sure you know. At its heart it's a very special business relationship. Nannies move on too, and no love for her charge would stop the nanny from doing what's best for her, if that best involves moving to a better-paying job, or moving cities, or leaving nannying altogether. I recognize this, and would never tantrum, like some MBs would, when nannies chart their own to better things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course we were - we are fabulous employers.

My son and his nanny do have contact, and would have retained some form of it. It HAS been tapering off as he started part-time schooling. You just disagree with regard to the speed at which it ought to taper off, and how much contact is sufficient.

It's silly to think that having nannycare equals importance in the eyes of a child. You might as well say that mommy is more important because she gets to go to work, or that older children are more important because they get to go to school. Or that he is more important because he gets to go to preschool and play with his friends! Every age comes with its own accoutrements.

I'm sure nannies love their charges, but it's a different kind of love, otherwise no nanny would have been able to move between families. It has a built-in expiration date, as I'm sure you know. At its heart it's a very special business relationship. Nannies move on too, and no love for her charge would stop the nanny from doing what's best for her, if that best involves moving to a better-paying job, or moving cities, or leaving nannying altogether. I recognize this, and would never tantrum, like some MBs would, when nannies chart their own to better things.

It depends on the nanny. I don't look for other positions when I'm working with a family, I don't move while working for the family, and this is my career.

[Anonymous]

NP here- I know that you were not looking for input on your childcare choices OP, but since that is the direction it took I wanted to share our experience. We had nannycare for our two children for many years (we had one single nanny for six years). When our then two and a half year old needed more stimulation, we put him in a very PT preschool (3 hours 3 times a week). We then had to transition to him being in full time preschool/daycare/preschool-with-aftercare and were super worried about it. But it was totally fine; he loves his school, happy to go everyday, etc. In many ways he is happier having more to share from his day, things he has learned, time with older kids, etc. Sounds like you know it already, but your child will be fine with this change!

[Anonymous]

You need to know your own child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here- I know that you were not looking for input on your childcare choices OP, but since that is the direction it took I wanted to share our experience. We had nannycare for our two children for many years (we had one single nanny for six years). When our then two and a half year old needed more stimulation, we put him in a very PT preschool (3 hours 3 times a week). We then had to transition to him being in full time preschool/daycare/preschool-with-aftercare and were super worried about it. But it was totally fine; he loves his school, happy to go everyday, etc. In many ways he is happier having more to share from his day, things he has learned, time with older kids, etc. Sounds like you know it already, but your child will be fine with this change!

Thanks for sharing your story. I know my son is very eager to go full time. He views it as a rite of passage from babyhood

[Anonymous]

This seems innocent enough. Just let her know that IF she ends up watching 2 kids- she will be paid more on those days.

Also- a few stomach bugs won't stop him from getting sick at daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update. The nanny and I sat down to chat last Friday. I explained our plans in great detail, and said I understand her concern that she might get stuck with more work, and reassured her that we are committed to preventing any job creep, and that we expect her to care just for the infant.

What emerged was that the nanny feels understandably wistful to "release" the 4-year old from her care, and that she wanted to continue doing *something* for him. Because the additional raise wasn't really in the plans, and because we don't want to take advantage of her, we looked into some alternatives. We came up with something that works for both of us:

- once he starts preschool full-time, the nanny and the 4-year old will have up to two days a month they will spend together. This could be just random days to hang out at home, or sickness/whatever. Sort of "our special day" thing. So the annual allowance is 24 days.

- she will continue doing his laundry.

- in exchange, she will get two more weeks paid vacation time, one of her choosing, one of ours, bringing her total annual vacation time to four weeks paid.

This works for both us - allows her to spend some time with him, and get something in return. So it's all sorted out.

OP with an update - thought people might be interested in seeing how this has all worked out. The 4-year old has started full-time at his preschool back in March, and has also been spending a couple of days a month with the nanny to give them some time together. That has worked for two months. In May he told me he is bored and doesn't enjoy the time with nanny any longer, and in June he was in preschool every day without any days with the nanny. He is having a great time at his preschool, and they have many more things planned to keep him engaged, plus all his friends are there. They had great programs in summer, plus this year's academics are building up, and it makes no sense to have him miss it. He is having a blast.

That left us in an awkward position of having gone through all this back-and-forth for essentially nothing, and having given the nanny two more paid weeks off without, quite frankly, getting very much in return. We sat down in summer to discuss, and she acknowledged she wasn't doing much for the older child. We did not want to take the extra benefit away and told her as much. In return she volunteered to take on a bit more housekeeping. At the end, everyone is happy.

[Anonymous]

I'm glad it all worked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad it all worked out.

Well, to be honest, not really. At the end, it was a lot of drama and extra thinking and grasping for nothing of value. I should have just followed my original plan of full time preschool, nanny 100% for the baby, without going into all this hassle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad it all worked out.

Well, to be honest, not really. At the end, it was a lot of drama and extra thinking and grasping for nothing of value. I should have just followed my original plan of full time preschool, nanny 100% for the baby, without going into all this hassle.

NP here. I agree. And, as a new reader of this post, I have to comment that I was shocked and appalled at the rude comments you got. There was a lot of judgement just bc you had the audacity to give your nanny a raise and then not want to pay her to care for two kids when she only would care for one.

There are a lot of decent nanny commenters on this board, but there are a number of nanny trolls, too. The nanny trolls on DCUM made me decide not to hire a nanny when I was looking into childcare six years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad it all worked out.

Well, to be honest, not really. At the end, it was a lot of drama and extra thinking and grasping for nothing of value. I should have just followed my original plan of full time preschool, nanny 100% for the baby, without going into all this hassle.

NP here. I agree. And, as a new reader of this post, I have to comment that I was shocked and appalled at the rude comments you got. There was a lot of judgement just bc you had the audacity to give your nanny a raise and then not want to pay her to care for two kids when she only would care for one.

There are a lot of decent nanny commenters on this board, but there are a number of nanny trolls, too. The nanny trolls on DCUM made me decide not to hire a nanny when I was looking into childcare six years ago.

The attitude of nannies on this forum also put me off hiring a nanny when I was looking into childcare options.

[Anonymous]

Is she responsible for his safety in any way, e.g
, If he runs in front of a car do you expect her to grab him? If so, she has responsibility for him and you pay her. If not, and you don't care if car hits him, then. No. You don't hsve to pay her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she responsible for his safety in any way, e.g
, If he runs in front of a car do you expect her to grab him? If so, she has responsibility for him and you pay her. If not, and you don't care if car hits him, then. No. You don't hsve to pay her.

Did you even read the update? Child was with nanny a few days a week (so she should be paid more on those days). Child transitioned to full time preschool, which the child and nanny preferred. Nanny has little to no responsibility for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she responsible for his safety in any way, e.g
, If he runs in front of a car do you expect her to grab him? If so, she has responsibility for him and you pay her. If not, and you don't care if car hits him, then. No. You don't hsve to pay her.

OP here. He is never around her in that manner any more. However, I expect any adult to grab any child who tries to run in front of the car. I didn't realize you have to pay them to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she responsible for his safety in any way, e.g
, If he runs in front of a car do you expect her to grab him? If so, she has responsibility for him and you pay her. If not, and you don't care if car hits him, then. No. You don't hsve to pay her.

Wow unbelievable!! This has nothing to do with being a nanny but as a decent human being anyone would do that. You have lost all perspective.