Why does our nanny want to be paid for two kids when she's only caring for one?

[Anonymous]

Our nanny has been taking care of my son for the last three years. During that time she received annual reviews and raises. Her latest was four months ago. I'm currently home on maternity leave, which will end in six weeks, and at that point she will start caring for the baby, as discussed and agreed with her. Our son is starting full-time preschool in two weeks so he will be out of nanny care.

A few days ago the nanny startled me with a request to give her another raise since she'll now be "caring for two children". I explained, again, that our son is starting a full-time preschool with aftercare. He will leave the house with us and return with us at 6 pm or so. His meals will take place at the preschool. They only close for federal holidays and don't have any teacher development days or other closures. She made vague references to sick days and snow days, which don't make any sense - I have ample sick leave at work and plan to take sick leave to take care of DS1 if he happens to be sick. During snow days we are off too, so I will either stay home with him or figure something out, and it makes zero sense to up her pay for something very unlikely that only happens once or twice a year. She appeared unsatisfied with the answer, and slightly incredulous that she won't actually be doing anything for DS1 any more. She will care just for the baby.

I am at a loss. Why am I expected to pay more for the sole reason that our household now has two children, even though only one of them will be in her care? What else can I tell her to make this sink in?

[Anonymous]

She's being greedy. Tell her if there is a day that you need help with DS1, you will gladly pay her extra. At this point, he will be in day care with before/after school care so that just leaves sick days and holidays. You have enough leave to cover those days. Remind her you are off federal holidays and there are no teacher development days as it is a day care, not public school. You are paying her to care for one newborn.

[Anonymous]

Maybe your nanny didn't realize she won't be doing anything for DC1 anymore. That can be a bit of a blow if they've been together everyday for a long time. Can you allow for random days when he will be there and then set up a pay rate for those days?

Also, don't underestimate how many random days off there will be with preschool. They often times have as many or more teacher prep days as regular public schools do. Also, if he's been home for 3 yrs, and just now going to preschool, he's going to be exposed to more germs than you can imagine and there's a good chance he will be sick A LOT during the first year or so.

In short, your nanny is nuts to think she'll get a 2 child pay when she's seldom caring for 2 kids, and I also think your nuts if you think she'll NEVER care for your first child either because that kid is going to be out of school a lot more than you think. (And it won't always be convenient to your work schedule.) So you need to have a back up plan in place and let nanny know what that plan is.

[Anonymous]

It's pretty much unheard of that your child's school will NEVER close and he will NEVER get sick, except on days you or your spouse will be able to get off work to watch him. Your nanny knows this. Either she, or some of her nanny friends have experienced situations in the past where the boss didn't want to pay for the older child who was in pre-school, but the nanny ended up watching him far more than expected.

Honestly, I think it's pretty sad that your nanny, who has cared for your child for 3 years, is now being told that she will NEVER see this child again. Why did you do that? I understand you likely want your older child to socialize and spend time with kids his age, but that could have been achieved with a more part time preschool.

[Anonymous]

OP here. He's been going a few mornings a week for the last year, and it is now time to start full-time. He also went through his share of colds/stomach bugs when he started a year ago, so this won't be the first time he'll be exposed to other kids.

His preschool doesn't have any teacher prep/development days off. They are only closed on federal holidays. We made sure of that so there aren't any random, unexpected days off.

The idea to set up a few days when he'll visit with the nanny is not bad, I"ll look into it.

I understand that the nanny may be sad to see DS1 age out of nanny care, but this is part of her job. My job is to oversee his development, not to avoid sadness for her. She'll see him in the mornings when she comes in - she starts about 20 mins before we leave the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He's been going a few mornings a week for the last year, and it is now time to start full-time. He also went through his share of colds/stomach bugs when he started a year ago, so this won't be the first time he'll be exposed to other kids.

His preschool doesn't have any teacher prep/development days off. They are only closed on federal holidays. We made sure of that so there aren't any random, unexpected days off.

The idea to set up a few days when he'll visit with the nanny is not bad, I"ll look into it.

I understand that the nanny may be sad to see DS1 age out of nanny care, but this is part of her job. My job is to oversee his development, not to avoid sadness for her. She'll see him in the mornings when she comes in - she starts about 20 mins before we leave the house.

Oh....so she WILL be watching him, even though you don't want to pay her.

[Anonymous]

They will be present under the same roof but she won't be watching him or responsible for his needs. I don't need her to do anything for him in the mornings. Should I pay her for every second she sets eyes on him?

[Anonymous]

OP you absolutely don't have to pay her extra. I am a nanny and this same situation happened to me and it never would have occurred to me to ask for a raise because I am still watching one child. Unlike your school, however, my NF's school has teacher days and they don't have the flexibility to stay home every snow day. They keep him when he's sick but the days I have him (maybe 8 times in two years?) I've just been paid extra for those days. I, too, get to the house about 30 minutes before they leave for work -- I'm not actively watching him, so no, I don't get paid. I have no problem with this arrangement and no, I'm not being taken advantage of.

Your nanny is being greedy

[Anonymous]

Does she still have to wash his clothes, clean his room? Why do you thi,k she should do these for free? I hope she quits and finds a new employer who isn't so cheap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she still have to wash his clothes, clean his room? Why do you thi,k she should do these for free? I hope she quits and finds a new employer who isn't so cheap.

OP here. No, she doesn't have to do any of these.

[Anonymous]

I get it OP. We have four kids, three of whom are school age. When I was hiring a nanny, most wanted a very high wage becauae they'd be "caring for four kids". Um, nope, you'd be caring for one kid who happens to have three siblings. The children not present are not your responsibility and you don't get paid extra just by virtue of their existence.

[Anonymous]

On the days that she has him, he's likely to be jealous of the amount of time that nanny spends on the infant and not want to follow the infant's schedule. So, much higher pay would be required for those days. On the other hand, I can understand not wanting to give her another raise if she will truly not be doing a single thing for the older child on any other day.

Oh, and no 4 year old NEEDS to be in institutional care for 8-12 hours per day. A parent can CHOOSE to put their 4 year old in preschool or daycare all day, but it is not required, developmentally. Children do just as well, or better, when they are at home part of the day with a dedicated caregiver, like a SAHM or nanny.

Preschools are schools. They have set hours, closures for breaks and teacher training days. They may offer before and/or aftercare, like many elementary schools. Daycare centers don't close unless they are required to by the state, and for a child who is preschool age, they offer educational activities in addition to playing. While I see nothing wrong with transitioning a 4 year old from part time preschool to full day daycare with preschool activities when there's a new sibling, there's a huge difference between the two, and you should look into it.

Finally, many nannies would expect the raise. They expect that they will be with ALL of the children until the youngest is in full time school. Nanny knows you are on maternity leave, thoroughly expected that she would have time with your son frequently. Why would she stay with your family long-term if she could work for a family who would have her work with all of the children, and pay her for that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it OP. We have four kids, three of whom are school age. When I was hiring a nanny, most wanted a very high wage becauae they'd be "caring for four kids". Um, nope, you'd be caring for one kid who happens to have three siblings. The children not present are not your responsibility and you don't get paid extra just by virtue of their existence.

So, your nanny doesn't pack lunches, do their laundry, cook dinner for them, have snack ready after school, take them to activities, have them when they are sick or there's a snow, plan activities for all 4 when there's a teacher in-service day or vacation? If one of the older kids gets sick or injured (or, heaven forbid, in trouble at school), Nanny isn't responsible for racing to pick them up and deal with the aftermath? Good to know. Get a sitter for the other three kids on those days, nanny will be doing her normal routine with your youngest child only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it OP. We have four kids, three of whom are school age. When I was hiring a nanny, most wanted a very high wage becauae they'd be "caring for four kids". Um, nope, you'd be caring for one kid who happens to have three siblings. The children not present are not your responsibility and you don't get paid extra just by virtue of their existence.

So, your nanny doesn't pack lunches, do their laundry, cook dinner for them, have snack ready after school, take them to activities, have them when they are sick or there's a snow, plan activities for all 4 when there's a teacher in-service day or vacation? If one of the older kids gets sick or injured (or, heaven forbid, in trouble at school), Nanny isn't responsible for racing to pick them up and deal with the aftermath? Good to know. Get a sitter for the other three kids on those days, nanny will be doing her normal routine with your youngest child only.

I have great job flexibility, since you asked. And we do laundry on weekends! I go in to work early to get home when kids arrive home from school. Rarely would there be responsibility for the others.

Sometimes I'm asked to step in to cover my boss' role in meetings. Her salary is about double what mine is. Shall I demand my salary be doubled just in case I have to cover those meetings on rare occasion?

[Anonymous]

What did she say when you asked her why?