Where are you men in real life?? |
It looks like you don't want them that much either (I mean hours, not that you don't love them and want them). Why did you agree to this deal? |
Sorry. I imissed the "somebody else" I saw kid, kids, and I made assumptions. Sure kids are first, and then OP comes second. But part of OP taking care of himself probably includes finding someone to do fun things together and to lie besides every now and then. Dating is not only about sex. Humans need companionship. Someone they can talk to, someone they can hold. It's hard to find tht kind of companionshipi at work where you have to be fake anc content most of the time.l |
Exactly. I'd rather be home with my family (kids) then waste time with that nonsense. He lost me with the sex outfit part, and the "screw"! Can you say regressed....! |
Very hard to find if you don't have your sh*t together 1st. If you are a mess you will attract a mess, one that cuddles but a mess none the less. |
Don’t be daft. Of course I want the hours with them. Hence why I didn’t push for 50/50. I just also wish I had more time to myself. And if you are correctly, I am not sacrificing time with my kids to date. |
On DCuM or playing tennis with me! Heheheheh Just kidding. I don’t even play tennis. |
Where? All around you! Ask any divorced dad if he wants this and he’d say HECK YEAH! I don’t even play tennis, but I’d learn really damn fast if she put this deal on the table. |
OP,
I was like you and here are the major points I learned about dating as a divorced dad: 1) Try dating outside your go-to "type" when possible. All of my long term relationships (including my the one with the XDW) were with outgoing blondes or redheads. About six months after my divorce, I dated a shy woman who had emigrated from sub-Saharan Africa. She showed me so much about art, culture, food, and the world that I would have never known without meeting her. 2) Most divorced moms are not looking for a man to spend huge amounts of money on them. They are looking for a man they can spend time with who is not someone else they have to take care of and manage. What do I mean? Understand that normally they only get one weekend out of every two away from being a full-time mom – so plan time together where she does not have to cook (e.g., send out for pizza, cook for her, or find take-out food you like together) and can get other things done while spending time with you (e.g., she can have a load of wash running while you two watch Netflix and have sex.) For example, if the two of you were going to a party in her neighborhood, stop by Total Wine and be the guy who brings wine for the party gift and for you two later. 3) She wants to have fun within the bounds of knowing that the kids are returning at 5:00 pm on Sunday. There are a million fun things you can do from 5:00 pm on Friday to 5:00 pm on Sunday and she will likely be up for most of them. As far as your kids, here are some points that will make life better 1) Right now, block out your time with them on your work calendar. If you have them on Wednesdays and every other weekend, then block this time out and push to make sure you do not schedule meetings, etc. during these windows. Work harder on Monday and Tuesday to make sure you have Wednesday beginning at 5:00 pm completely free. 2) Make your own connections to your kids’ teachers and the parents of their friends. Do not rely on your EXDW to keep you in the loop as to who they are friends with and how school is going for them. 3) Make sure they bring schoolwork when they come to your place for your weekend. It will help you stay involved in how they are doing and make sure that you have more to do with them then just trips to the mall and movies. 4) If you are not being taken advantage of, help your EXDW by taking the kids on nights or weekends when she need help. First, and most important, it shows your kids that you consider spending with them a pleasure, and not a burden. Second, you will not worry if you ever need her to return the favor. Good luck. You will be happier, and they will be happier once you get into you new routine and you find someone who can enjoy on your solo weekends. |
The point -- of what? How to win at some game? Anybody who is invested in making someone else unhappier than they are, for no good demonstrable reason, isn't "winning." That's a way of making very clear to yourself and those around you that you are not happy with your own lot, and you need to bring others down. |
Late 30s, 1 child, amicably divorced and open to more kids down the road if I met the right woman. Financially independent from the sale of a business. Curious if/how this would change any of the advice given. |
If you are open (and can afford a good life to) more children, that certainly increases your options. However, the smartest and prettiest women in their 20s and early 30s without children aren't going to settle for being your #2 family--unless you are making a ton of money. That could sway them. |
Just curious, what would you consider a ton of money? |
Most of the fugly married moms on here will have sex with you. Their husbands are homely, they are bored af, and they hate their lives. They are looking for something to entertain them and they think they deserve to be serviced. |
Enough to pay child support and private college for the kids you have, and to raise two or more additional kids at an equal standard of living and same college fund, without needing your wife to work full-time. Part-time is okay. |