Cheated on husband, now regretting and suffering

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[Post New]07/05/2018 19:45
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Anonymous
Team new job here!
[Post New]07/05/2018 19:57
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gentry
Member Location: Gainesville, Virginia
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OP, I’m simply curious,....who was the primary initiator? If it was he, I would vote that you should get a new employer. You don’t want to be under that. Obviously it still takes two to tango but you have a pretty high vote for getting out of there.
[Post New]07/05/2018 20:01
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Anonymous
If you wont get a new job, you need to disengage completely. There should be NO reason he knows what new exercise you are doing and what new book you read. You should not be talking to him about anything personal. Shut it down immediately. He should not be able to see you on social media (and vice versa). You should only discuss work issues. The second it turns into anything else, shut it down. Tell him explicitly you only want to discuss work issues.
And get a therapist to help deal with the guilt.
[Post New]07/05/2018 20:14
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Anonymous
I think you really have not suffered, but because you still see him at work you are reminded of your mistake and you don’t like to be reminded of it. You have not dealt with it. You just want it to go away.

[Post New]07/05/2018 20:28
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Anonymous
I just think you need to buck up. Don't tell your DH, don't change jobs. Just stop with the self-flagellation. Smile and nod when you have to, and that's your punishment. Not bad.
[Post New]07/05/2018 20:46
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:If you wont get a new job, you need to disengage completely. There should be NO reason he knows what new exercise you are doing and what new book you read. You should not be talking to him about anything personal. Shut it down immediately. He should not be able to see you on social media (and vice versa). You should only discuss work issues. The second it turns into anything else, shut it down. Tell him explicitly you only want to discuss work issues.
And get a therapist to help deal with the guilt.


This is the 2nd best advice in this thread. The best advice is to find another employment opportunity.
Either way, non-disclosure and therapy.
[Post New]07/05/2018 20:52
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Anonymous
If a man had done this he would have already moved on to anew job and not lost any sleep over it.

Get over yourself OP. This is not the only job that is a good fit for you. Start job searching already. And drop the “woe is me attitude” You messed up. Move on. Enough.
[Post New]07/05/2018 21:59
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Anonymous
Forgive yourself. Do not tell your husband. Change jobs.
[Post New]07/05/2018 22:51
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Anonymous
Erase it from your mind like it never happened. Try hypnosis.
[Post New]07/05/2018 23:01
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:New job x 10000

No way in hell the job can be "perfect for you" if you're still dealing with this superior. It's not the right fit.

If it was a one-time thing and you feel remorse, take it to the grave. There's zero point in blowing up your marriage. Keep mum, accept your mistake, and work on your marriage. Every time you feel guilty, do something nice for your husband.


Thank you. I will take your advice to do something nice for my husband when I feel guilty. Which is every day. I definitely won’t tell my husband. I have accepted my mustake and pay for it every day.


Because you are choosing to stay. Find a new job or shut up.
[Post New]07/05/2018 23:10
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Anonymous


I hope your husband likes the nice things you do for him.
[Post New]07/06/2018 00:20
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:

I hope your husband likes the nice things you do for him.


FYI - I doubt it was a one time mistake. The ex-AP is still in love with her.
[Post New]07/06/2018 02:15
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Anonymous
The only plausible option here is the most obvious one: ->> Find another job.
Either that or ask for a transfer to a different location or department.

There lies no other viable options here.

And by the way, take this to your grave.

Do. Not. Tell. Hubby. Ever.
If your guilt is truly taking over your life -
I suggest talking to an excellent counselor to work through your feelings....
Perhaps to try to figure out what actually drove you to the affair.

Because this is something you cannot blame on the weather.
Fog.
[Post New]07/06/2018 09:08
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Anonymous
Statistics show that someone who cheats is 350% likely to cheat again sometime, so you have that going for you.
[Post New]07/06/2018 11:13
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:The first thing you should do is tell your husband so that HE can decide if he wants to stay married to you or not. You don't get to cheat and then decide that for him. It's not your choice.


+1
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