Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp, a friend of mine almost killed himself (now brain damaged) when he found out his father, who he admired, was having an affair. So, kids get hurt.

My suggestion was that it was how the parents handled the affair that made or broke the children of the marriage. I'd be interested to know how his parents handled (ie, how did he find out, how did his mom react, were the parents still Coparenting or was it world War 3?

Anonymous wrote:That kid had issues already.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp, a friend of mine almost killed himself (now brain damaged) when he found out his father, who he admired, was having an affair. So, kids get hurt.

My suggestion was that it was how the parents handled the affair that made or broke the children of the marriage. I'd be interested to know how his parents handled (ie, how did he find out, how did his mom react, were the parents still Coparenting or was it world War 3?

Pahleeze! Let's try to intellectualize sleaze. He was the one who came home early and saw his father kissing the other woman in the laundry room. How the hell do you handle that?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp, a friend of mine almost killed himself (now brain damaged) when he found out his father, who he admired, was having an affair. So, kids get hurt.

My suggestion was that it was how the parents handled the affair that made or broke the children of the marriage. I'd be interested to know how his parents handled (ie, how did he find out, how did his mom react, were the parents still Coparenting or was it world War 3?

Pahleeze! Let's try to intellectualize sleaze. He was the one who came home early and saw his father kissing the other woman in the laundry room. How the hell do you handle that?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's true. They don't. The advice is for the couples who decide they do want to try and rebuild the marriage.

The 'advice' includes actual recommendations for women to manipulate the legal system to stop a biological father from having contact with their child.

If a marriage to a cheating a hole is worth selling your soul for then whatever go for it I fuss.

Much better for the kid to grow up in an intact family than to deal with a confusing visiting daddy situation and risk the breakdown of the family. For the dubious pleasure of contact with biofather?

You know how women who get pregnant from affairs with married men are told, "you made your bed, now enjoy it"? This is the men's version of it. You sleep with a married woman, you risk not having access to your child. Plus it's a rare man who gets a married woman pregnant with the intention of actually parenting the child. Chances are, it's a combination of recklessness and stupidity on the part of both.

These situations are messy enough. That said, the marriage counselor in the article is correct about severing relations with the other person. Often, the outside woman gets pregnant to have permanent ties with the man, and manipulate him forever. Best to cut that out and have a third party send a check for child support. Zero contact. Complete shut down. If she wants her kid to have a father figure, she should have a good relationship with a man, who is unmarried, and move on.

I don't believe in abandoning a child to punish an AP. It's not about her. It's about the baby, who needs and deserves a father.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's true. They don't. The advice is for the couples who decide they do want to try and rebuild the marriage.

The 'advice' includes actual recommendations for women to manipulate the legal system to stop a biological father from having contact with their child.

If a marriage to a cheating a hole is worth selling your soul for then whatever go for it I fuss.

Much better for the kid to grow up in an intact family than to deal with a confusing visiting daddy situation and risk the breakdown of the family. For the dubious pleasure of contact with biofather?

You know how women who get pregnant from affairs with married men are told, "you made your bed, now enjoy it"? This is the men's version of it. You sleep with a married woman, you risk not having access to your child. Plus it's a rare man who gets a married woman pregnant with the intention of actually parenting the child. Chances are, it's a combination of recklessness and stupidity on the part of both.

These situations are messy enough. That said, the marriage counselor in the article is correct about severing relations with the other person. Often, the outside woman gets pregnant to have permanent ties with the man, and manipulate him forever. Best to cut that out and have a third party send a check for child support. Zero contact. Complete shut down. If she wants her kid to have a father figure, she should have a good relationship with a man, who is unmarried, and move on.

I don't believe in abandoning a child to punish an AP. It's not about her. It's about the baby, who needs and deserves a father.

What if the AP is married and the husband is willing to raise the baby as his own?

Anonymous wrote:My high school "personal and family issues" class teacher told us about her best friend who cheated on her now husband at a party in college and got knocked up. People literally walked in on them having sex at the party and told the husband, but he didn't believe them. The other guy was black, and when the baby was born biracial the husband pretended not to notice and still to this day raises the child as his own. So bizarre.

Anonymous wrote:To get back to the original question posed- my brother screwed his SIL (wife's sister) over a period of 6 months. This was before and after the SIL's marriage. Both marriages survived. [/quote

Wow! That is an awful situation because it involves family. I can't even imagine how horrible it was when the affair was discovered. What are the family relationships like now?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's true. They don't. The advice is for the couples who decide they do want to try and rebuild the marriage.

The 'advice' includes actual recommendations for women to manipulate the legal system to stop a biological father from having contact with their child.

If a marriage to a cheating a hole is worth selling your soul for then whatever go for it I fuss.

Much better for the kid to grow up in an intact family than to deal with a confusing visiting daddy situation and risk the breakdown of the family. For the dubious pleasure of contact with biofather?

You know how women who get pregnant from affairs with married men are told, "you made your bed, now enjoy it"? This is the men's version of it. You sleep with a married woman, you risk not having access to your child. Plus it's a rare man who gets a married woman pregnant with the intention of actually parenting the child. Chances are, it's a combination of recklessness and stupidity on the part of both.

These situations are messy enough. That said, the marriage counselor in the article is correct about severing relations with the other person. Often, the outside woman gets pregnant to have permanent ties with the man, and manipulate him forever. Best to cut that out and have a third party send a check for child support. Zero contact. Complete shut down. If she wants her kid to have a father figure, she should have a good relationship with a man, who is unmarried, and move on.

I don't believe in abandoning a child to punish an AP. It's not about her. It's about the baby, who needs and deserves a father.

What if the AP is married and the husband is willing to raise the baby as his own?

Now we are talking.

Anonymous wrote:So, is it still okay ("") to abandon a child born to the OW if she didn't know her partner was married? Many posters have suggested that the wife and the children of the marriage deserve that the marriage be preserved, and that the "outside child" is less deserving because their mother made their bed by knowingly sleeping with a married man. But in the case that the woman did not know, why should she and her child legitimately suffer? She, too, was deceived.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's true. They don't. The advice is for the couples who decide they do want to try and rebuild the marriage.

The 'advice' includes actual recommendations for women to manipulate the legal system to stop a biological father from having contact with their child.

If a marriage to a cheating a hole is worth selling your soul for then whatever go for it I fuss.

Much better for the kid to grow up in an intact family than to deal with a confusing visiting daddy situation and risk the breakdown of the family. For the dubious pleasure of contact with biofather?

You know how women who get pregnant from affairs with married men are told, "you made your bed, now enjoy it"? This is the men's version of it. You sleep with a married woman, you risk not having access to your child. Plus it's a rare man who gets a married woman pregnant with the intention of actually parenting the child. Chances are, it's a combination of recklessness and stupidity on the part of both.

These situations are messy enough. That said, the marriage counselor in the article is correct about severing relations with the other person. Often, the outside woman gets pregnant to have permanent ties with the man, and manipulate him forever. Best to cut that out and have a third party send a check for child support. Zero contact. Complete shut down. If she wants her kid to have a father figure, she should have a good relationship with a man, who is unmarried, and move on.

I don't believe in abandoning a child to punish an AP. It's not about her. It's about the baby, who needs and deserves a father.

What if the AP is married and the husband is willing to raise the baby as his own?

Now we are talking.

Doesn't matter if the AP has another man to be like a father figure to the child. Bio father has to stay away. Her child would be hurt less with no father in his or her life, than his kids from the marriage would be by the divorce that might come of it. Faithful spouse has been hurt beyond understanding. Lots of kids grow up without a father figure. How come this father figure thing does not seem to be an issue when single women adopt kids or lesbian couples adopt kids? All of a sudden then in those cases, it is ok?

That kid of the affair is only entitled to child support.