Am I rude for staying in a hotel?!
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Anonymous
My brother and SIL will be hosting TG this year. They have 2 kids under 4 and a pet dog. It's a very busy small house. The plan was for the immediate family to stay at their house. I was talking with my sister and we decided to stay in a hotel so we can get some restful sleep. Neither of us are keen on sleeping on air mattresses where ever they can stick us. In fact I thought they would be relieved there would be 2 less people in their house at night. The hotel we picked is within a mile of their house and we will have a car rental. No one will be put out having to give us rides to/from the hotel. I received this reply email from my SIL:
I am not even sure how to respond. Should I? I don't want there to be tension. I think she was out of line with this email. |
Anonymous
| I would say "Thanks! Looking forward to seeing you!" |
doodlebug
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| Weird. Why do people get so spun up about where people stay and expect them to stay in a particular house despite there not being enough beds or privacy? So weird. All you can really say is you're looking forward to seeing them at the holiday. Keep a thick skin and don't let them get to you. |
Anonymous
| Her feelings are hurt...it is your right to stay where you desire but understandable that she is disappointed too. |
Anonymous
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Holy shit, that's from your SIL? Wow, she doesn't hold back huh? Did you speak with her about accommodations at all? Did she mention that you and billy are in the playroom on the air mattress and the kids in sleeping bags? Or is this where you stay every time for the past ten times?
Technically and I am not sure if you did, you should have called and said "sally, the air mattress is really killing my back and I am not sure we can sleep on it anymore. We are thinking of getting a hotel room very close to your house. ". And then see what she says. By her tone, was she blindsided? |
Anonymous
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Wow, I'd say that we have the same SIL, except that mine lives alone and doesn't invite anyone for holidays because no one will spend time with her after a lifetime of emails, phone calls, and other interactions exactly like your SIL's. I wish I could give you advice but no amount of cooperation, agreeableness, or appeasement have quieted my SIL.
I would go through the week telling yourself that she meant the email in some sort of positive way. It's the only way you'll survive. |
Anonymous
| Find out about pool. Perhaps they could come to hotel for breakfast and try the kids in a heated pool. Certainly at least take them on some hallway luggage cart rides |
Anonymous
| Your SIL is whacked out. |
Anonymous
I would forward her message to your brother and say, 'It seems like [SIL] is upset. Please understand that sis & I are staying at the hotel to make life easier for both of you - you are already doing so much by having us over for thanksgiving. Sorry for any misunderstandings. Please let me know how we can help out. Look forward to seeing you  '
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Anonymous
This, except I would send it directly to sil. She's probably under the assumption that you guys will show up when dinner is ready (after enjoying time at the hotel pool) and then leave right when dessert is done and not provide any help. (If this is your plan, then you are rude, but not because you are staying in the hotel). I would also add in the note that you would be happy to come as early as necessary to help with the meal prep and clean up. Also, if there are a bunch of kids involved, then there's also a good chance her kids have also been looking forward to having their cousins sleep over, which just adds to the disappointment felt by her family. |
Anonymous
+1 She may come from a family where everyone bunked with each other and it was part of the whole holiday experience. Different families have different traditions and melding them is not often smooth. |
Anonymous
| Does she live in flyover country? This sounds so flyover country to me. The hell of mass family gatherings. |
Anonymous
Such a snob. We do this all over New England. Some people actually like their families. |
Anonymous
Why do people insist on being the ones to host Thanksgiving, the complain about it being so much work? Because MIL insists on hosting year after year, we have to pack up everybody, drive for hours, stay in uncomfortable accommodations, but she its he one being put out? Please, please, people. Stop insisting on hosting and then telling everyone you invite what to do. Be a gracious host. |
Anonymous
This. Don't feed the passive aggressiveness. If she is upset that you're staying in a hotel, it's her responsibility to say that. Don't manage her feelings. You've taken them into consideration by getting a hotel so that her house isn't overrun. Do not engage in her nonsense. |