Am I rude for staying in a hotel?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother and SIL will be hosting TG this year. They have 2 kids under 4 and a pet dog. It's a very busy small house. The plan was for the immediate family to stay at their house. I was talking with my sister and we decided to stay in a hotel so we can get some restful sleep. Neither of us are keen on sleeping on air mattresses where ever they can stick us. In fact I thought they would be relieved there would be 2 less people in their house at night. The hotel we picked is within a mile of their house and we will have a car rental. No one will be put out having to give us rides to/from the hotel. I received this reply email from my SIL:

That is so typical of you and XXXXX. Enjoy your hotel stay.

I am not even sure how to respond. Should I? I don't want there to be tension. I think she was out of line with this email.

This sounds like my family. Don't respond. In 5-10 years they will just complain about it amongst themselves and you can live in blissful ignorance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fine for you to stay in a hotel. What's the backstory here? I'm guessing there's a history which contributed to why she's upset?

Maybe she had happy images of you all in the kitchen together or special moments shared late in the evening over drinks? Your staying at a hotel may signify to her a withdrawal from the event. She's angry and sad that her thoughts about you guys playing with her kids, a house full of laughter and family have been taken away from her.

Money is never money. Time is never time. This hotel is not just a hotel. It means something else.

Bring an activity you can do with the kids, and a bottle of something you guys can share after they're in bed. It'll announce that you're only going to the hotel for sleep. You'll be there for morning coffee. You'll be part of the team, part of the family.

She's probably so stressed out trying to bring this beautiful vision into being that your email hit her hard. Be kind, if you can.

This is a sensitive and sensible response. Agree with this interpretation and advice.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes, I think people are sensitive if their houses are smaller/have fewer "amenities" than others, if you all trade off hosting and being the guests. Do they all stay at your house when it is your turn to host?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like SIL could take a break from hosting for a year if she is lashing out at family members for sleeping elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

We stopped staying at my sisters house because they had no door knob on the hallway bathroom door. Six adults and five kids. It sucked. My husband even offered to go to Home Depot to fix it.

She insisted my mom wants her to have it but the truth is they refuse to travel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We stopped staying at my sisters house because they had no door knob on the hallway bathroom door. Six adults and five kids. It sucked. My husband even offered to go to Home Depot to fix it.

She insisted my mom wants her to have it but the truth is they refuse to travel.

Oh my gosh, my mil and fil don't have a lock on their only bathroom door and it doesn't even close all the way! And dogs that open the door! I have to poop with one foot holding the door closed! This is for 5 adults and 1 potty trained kid. Crazy town!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she live in flyover country? This sounds so flyover country to me. The hell of mass family gatherings.

Such a snob.

We do this all over New England. Some people actually like their families.

What. Liking your family has nothing to do with it.

I like my family, but we're sensible enough to not cram 10 pople in a house meant for 4. It's not like we're bonding while sleeping. Hanging out from 10-10 is plenty of togetherness.

[Anonymous]

If you gave less than 2 weeks notice, that is extremely rude. A lot of people cook, clean, shop and plan far ahead, and there is no excuse for not making up your mind and communicating--Thanksgiving is a set, known date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you gave less than 2 weeks notice, that is extremely rude. A lot of people cook, clean, shop and plan far ahead, and there is no excuse for not making up your mind and communicating--Thanksgiving is a set, known date.

Two weeks notice to sleep to sleep on an air mattress? They are doing everyone a favor. No where did she say they were canceling their trip.

[Anonymous]

Op, this is so typical of you. Thanks for getting the rest of us thinking about your situation while you go and book a hotel for thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she live in flyover country? This sounds so flyover country to me. The hell of mass family gatherings.

Such a snob.

We do this all over New England. Some people actually like their families.

I love my family, but I'm not sleeping on an air mattress and sharing a bathroom with 5 people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you gave less than 2 weeks notice, that is extremely rude. A lot of people cook, clean, shop and plan far ahead, and there is no excuse for not making up your mind and communicating--Thanksgiving is a set, known date.

Two weeks notice to sleep to sleep on an air mattress? They are doing everyone a favor. No where did she say they were canceling their trip.

You don't know the circumstances. It could mean unpacking boxes and clearing out closets from a recent move. It could mean organizing kids' rooms so that they'd be sleeping together. It could mean getting said air mattresses out of storage, or borrowing them for a friend. It could mean moving office furniture to the basement to make room for the air mattress. It could mean cooking/freezing in advance--you do realize there are more meals than just Thanksgiving dinner, yes? I, personally, have made and frozen lasagnas, bolognese sauce, enchiladas, breakfast burritos, etc., well in advance of holidays.

It can mean buying and washing extra sheets and pillows, or extra sets of towels.

Lots of work goes into hosting. And if you are letting your friends or family know of your new plans just a few days out? Yeah, you are inconsiderate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We stopped staying at my sisters house because they had no door knob on the hallway bathroom door. Six adults and five kids. It sucked. My husband even offered to go to Home Depot to fix it.

She insisted my mom wants her to have it but the truth is they refuse to travel.

Oh my gosh, my mil and fil don't have a lock on their only bathroom door and it doesn't even close all the way! And dogs that open the door! I have to poop with one foot holding the door closed! This is for 5 adults and 1 potty trained kid. Crazy town!!

No. Effin. Way. What is wrong with them to expect any guest to put up with that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you gave less than 2 weeks notice, that is extremely rude. A lot of people cook, clean, shop and plan far ahead, and there is no excuse for not making up your mind and communicating--Thanksgiving is a set, known date.

Two weeks notice to sleep to sleep on an air mattress? They are doing everyone a favor. No where did she say they were canceling their trip.

You don't know the circumstances. It could mean unpacking boxes and clearing out closets from a recent move. It could mean organizing kids' rooms so that they'd be sleeping together. It could mean getting said air mattresses out of storage, or borrowing them for a friend. It could mean moving office furniture to the basement to make room for the air mattress. It could mean cooking/freezing in advance--you do realize there are more meals than just Thanksgiving dinner, yes? I, personally, have made and frozen lasagnas, bolognese sauce, enchiladas, breakfast burritos, etc., well in advance of holidays.

It can mean buying and washing extra sheets and pillows, or extra sets of towels.

Lots of work goes into hosting. And if you are letting your friends or family know of your new plans just a few days out? Yeah, you are inconsiderate.

^^sorry, PP, but you're giving me martyr vibes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you gave less than 2 weeks notice, that is extremely rude. A lot of people cook, clean, shop and plan far ahead, and there is no excuse for not making up your mind and communicating--Thanksgiving is a set, known date.

Two weeks notice to sleep to sleep on an air mattress? They are doing everyone a favor. No where did she say they were canceling their trip.

You are really hung up on the whole air mattress thing...

But please realize that transforming an existing playroom, office or whatever into a temporary bedroom for a guess can involve some pretty heavy logistics. First off, you have to straighten the room and figure out how to make space for an air mattress. If you take items out of the room, you have to find an out of the way place to stash them (not easy to do in a small house), then you have to clean the room, set up the air mattress, make up the bed, etc....Then you have to create space in one of the bathrooms for the guests' things and clean that, too.

Contrast that with the logistics of getting an existing guest room w/ guest bath ready (easy!).

So, yeah, I can see feeling a bit out of sorts if I had made that effort for you and you changed your mind about coming last minute.