Anonymous wrote:Ramp up the emotional connection. Share little things from your day that made you laugh. Ask how her day was and listen, without judging or fixing. Suggesting doing something together that you both enjoy. Marriages get routine, and the fact that this is a potential EA tells you she wants/needs more emotional connection in her life.

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else notice how the answers are always different is it's a DH vs a DW? Just look at the thread where a DH got drunk on a business trip, went to another woman's room where she got naked, and now he's continuing to talk to her and that's totally cool, DW is overreacting, DH had good intentions, men are just clueless, and their poor egos need the boost. When it's a DW texting a guy, she's insane and delusional and a cheater.

Maybe this DW has good intentions. Maybe she also likes the ego boost. Maybe she's also clueless about the guy's intentions and thinks they are just friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean? An attraction? Flirty friendship? Texts and emails exchanged?

OP here: She's starting to talk about a coworker every day. I know him - he's a tall, built, good looking guy. I noticed that they have quite a few texts going back and forth with lots of jokes about work and have lunch together multiple times a week. We have lunch together about once every two weeks. The texts haven't crossed the line but lots of jokes and rainbows, unicorns, funny memes that I sent her, etc.

We have a good marriage if not always exciting.

Tell her you are uncomfortable now before you hold it all in and build a wall of tension.

Yes, tell her you are a little uncomfortable. But under no circumstances should you accuse her of anything.

--Start working on your emotional connection with her.
--DON'T start in the bedroom. Don't ignore it, but don't start there.
--Start on more weekly/bi-weekly dates (YOU organize the sitter! YOU do the legwork!).
--Make sure you talk with her about something other than children and work every day.
--Look her in the eyes with love and lust
--Plan a weekend getaway (again, YOU do the work! It doesn't have to be a surprise, but don't put the work on her. Get her input, you call the venue).
--Have you read the 5-love languages? Read it with her, or take the quiz online and send her the results and ask her to take the quiz, too. Do what it is she needs (NEEDS) to feel loved and special.
--Send her a flirty text. Give her a gift.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean? An attraction? Flirty friendship? Texts and emails exchanged?

OP here: She's starting to talk about a coworker every day. I know him - he's a tall, built, good looking guy. I noticed that they have quite a few texts going back and forth with lots of jokes about work and have lunch together multiple times a week. We have lunch together about once every two weeks. The texts haven't crossed the line but lots of jokes and rainbows, unicorns, funny memes that I sent her, etc.

We have a good marriage if not always exciting.

DW here. I also talk about a married co-worker at times with DH. And we text after work-hours. DH knows we went to lunch. DH sees maybe 1 text a week, but really it's daily. DH jokes about my co-worker. Sex with DH is 2-3 times a week and is great in terms of physical sensations but not emotional.

My co-worker has been my AP for months. DH is clueless.

Why do I need an AP? Because he makes me feel like a woman again. He gives me an ego boost. He notices little details about me that DH never noticed. I will never leave DH.

Anonymous wrote:DW here. I was headed in this direction though not as far down the road and what helped what more attention and proactive energy from DH. I would say it's probably already an EA and danger of physical affair is high if he's attractive. Has DW improved her appearance or grooming? I definitely did that.

Anonymous wrote:DW here. I was headed in this direction though not as far down the road and what helped what more attention and proactive energy from DH. I would say it's probably already an EA and danger of physical affair is high if he's attractive. Has DW improved her appearance or grooming? I definitely did that.

Anonymous wrote:You can't do anything. You can't fix your wife. This has nothing to do with your marriage.

People have affairs because they validate themselves by what others think of them... extrinsic validation.

Just say to her, "your relationship with Mr. X bothers me".

If she says, you can't tell me who I am friends with... it's over, therapy.
If she says, you are silly.... gaslighting... it's over, therapy.
If she says, Oh gosh I am so sorry, what would make you feel more comfortable... you are okay.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't do anything. You can't fix your wife. This has nothing to do with your marriage.

People have affairs because they validate themselves by what others think of them... extrinsic validation.

Just say to her, "your relationship with Mr. X bothers me".

If she says, you can't tell me who I am friends with... it's over, therapy.
If she says, you are silly.... gaslighting... it's over, therapy.
If she says, Oh gosh I am so sorry, what would make you feel more comfortable... you are okay.

I'm the PP in the previous post. I agree with this except therapy. Give the ultimatum it's not appropriate or she's gotta go. Her going out with her friend Every once in a while is fine. Getting texts and calling is too. But if it's constant there's an issue.

Therapy won't fix that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't do anything. You can't fix your wife. This has nothing to do with your marriage.

People have affairs because they validate themselves by what others think of them... extrinsic validation.

Just say to her, "your relationship with Mr. X bothers me".

If she says, you can't tell me who I am friends with... it's over, therapy.
If she says, you are silly.... gaslighting... it's over, therapy.
If she says, Oh gosh I am so sorry, what would make you feel more comfortable... you are okay.

I'm the PP in the previous post. I agree with this except therapy. Give the ultimatum it's not appropriate or she's gotta go. Her going out with her friend Every once in a while is fine. Getting texts and calling is too. But if it's constant there's an issue.

Therapy won't fix that.

to clarify... she needs therapy, she needs to know why she uses external forces to validate herself.