If you suspect that your spouse is on the cusp

[Anonymous]

OP, as another posted here, man up. Tell her this relationship she is having is a crush and she better find a way to get over it or you're out. Don't end up being the guy who let his wife duck another guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't do anything. You can't fix your wife. This has nothing to do with your marriage.

People have affairs because they validate themselves by what others think of them... extrinsic validation.

Just say to her, "your relationship with Mr. X bothers me".

If she says, you can't tell me who I am friends with... it's over, therapy.
If she says, you are silly.... gaslighting... it's over, therapy.
If she says, Oh gosh I am so sorry, what would make you feel more comfortable... you are okay.

Or she's innocent and has a male friend and no intention of cheating. I've had relationships like that. I'm sure other women have too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

DW here. I also talk about a married co-worker at times with DH. And we text after work-hours. DH knows we went to lunch. DH sees maybe 1 text a week, but really it's daily. DH jokes about my co-worker. Sex with DH is 2-3 times a week and is great in terms of physical sensations but not emotional.

My co-worker has been my AP for months. DH is clueless.

Why do I need an AP? Because he makes me feel like a woman again. He gives me an ego boost. He notices little details about me that DH never noticed. I will never leave DH.

OP, take serious note of the above contribution to this discussion.

To the DW in quotes: So is DH clueless because he is dumb or is it because your scam is working? Do you think your marriage is "safer" the way you are carrying on?

He will find out one day because life sucks and you will eventually trip over yourself and spill the beans accidentally. Do you envisage the butthurt/heartache you will cause when he realizes that he was conned for years by your gimmick of hiding your AP in the open? How will you explain to him that you didn't tell anyone else in your social circle? That nobody at work knew or noticed? Or did you? Some of your girl friends must know, they probably told some of their partners too.

What gives your ego more of a boost? The affair or the getting away with it in broad daylight? I would guess the second.

I have no girlfriends, so I don't brag about it. No one knows.

He is what DH has never been or will never be. He feels me and understands me. It all started with an emotional affair. He opened up. I opened up. I do not and won't blame my DH. It is solely my fault. I am a whore by most people's definition and by my own standards, as well.

[Anonymous]

I am a whore by most people's definition and by my own standards, as well.

But that is not the issue. The problem is why are you scamming your DH out in the open? Also, don't delude yourself that nobody knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- so this tall, built, good-looking guy is spending time texting your wife rainbows, unicorns and inside jokes?

No grown man does this unless he's interested in something more than a lunch buddy.

Or he's gay.

[Anonymous]

Yes, OP, the emotional affair is starting to unfold right before your eyes.

[Anonymous]

OP, be prepared that your spouse may lie to you and continue communicating with the person. I had concerns too and very high suspicions. I did not however check for evidence. My spouse continued to communicate with the other person even though I said I was uncomfortable with it (spouse was mentioning person in conversations). Finally found evidence of their communications and confronted only to be lied to again. We are still married but it has not been easy.

[Anonymous]

Well OP, what's new?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- so this tall, built, good-looking guy is spending time texting your wife rainbows, unicorns and inside jokes?

No grown man does this unless he's interested in something more than a lunch buddy.

Or he's gay.

+1. But the bigger picture is if the OP complains, he looks insecure, which is unmasculine. And if he does nothing, she winds up schtupping the other guy. OP seriously has to surprise her with a luxury hotel getaway with a woman and act like a caveman in bed. A man has to show what he's got.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- so this tall, built, good-looking guy is spending time texting your wife rainbows, unicorns and inside jokes?

No grown man does this unless he's interested in something more than a lunch buddy.

Or he's gay.

+1. But the bigger picture is if the OP complains, he looks insecure, which is unmasculine. And if he does nothing, she winds up schtupping the other guy. OP seriously has to surprise her with a luxury hotel getaway with a woman and act like a caveman in bed. A man has to show what he's got.

Oops, meant getaway with his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

DW here. I also talk about a married co-worker at times with DH. And we text after work-hours. DH knows we went to lunch. DH sees maybe 1 text a week, but really it's daily. DH jokes about my co-worker. Sex with DH is 2-3 times a week and is great in terms of physical sensations but not emotional.

My co-worker has been my AP for months. DH is clueless.

Why do I need an AP? Because he makes me feel like a woman again. He gives me an ego boost. He notices little details about me that DH never noticed. I will never leave DH.

OP, take serious note of the above contribution to this discussion.

To the DW in quotes: So is DH clueless because he is dumb or is it because your scam is working? Do you think your marriage is "safer" the way you are carrying on?

He will find out one day because life sucks and you will eventually trip over yourself and spill the beans accidentally. Do you envisage the butthurt/heartache you will cause when he realizes that he was conned for years by your gimmick of hiding your AP in the open? How will you explain to him that you didn't tell anyone else in your social circle? That nobody at work knew or noticed? Or did you? Some of your girl friends must know, they probably told some of their partners too.

What gives your ego more of a boost? The affair or the getting away with it in broad daylight? I would guess the second.

I have no girlfriends, so I don't brag about it. No one knows.

He is what DH has never been or will never be. He feels me and understands me. It all started with an emotional affair. He opened up. I opened up. I do not and won't blame my DH. It is solely my fault. I am a whore by most people's definition and by my own standards, as well.

This is why you don't get married boys. She is completely scamming her DH and might some day bring home a disease. Totally self centered.

[Anonymous]

OP- isn't this the weekend you booked a sitter to romance your wife back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- isn't this the weekend you booked a sitter to romance your wife back?

Hopefully OP is too busy wining and dining his wife like a girly Hollywood movie to reply. Remember to treat like she's your girlfriend this weekend. Good luck!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- isn't this the weekend you booked a sitter to romance your wife back?

Hopefully OP is too busy wining and dining his wife like a girly Hollywood movie to reply. Remember to treat like she's your girlfriend this weekend. Good luck!!!

None of that stuff works when they are in the thick of the emotional affair. None of it.

[Anonymous]

Hopefully OP is too busy wining and dining his wife like a girly Hollywood movie to reply. Remember to treat like she's your girlfriend this weekend. Good luck!!!

None of that stuff works when they are in the thick of the emotional affair. None of it.

Agreed.

That would be a response that would make the OP extremely unattractive to his DW. She would be annoyed at him for being too nice and would call him clingy, possessive and harp on about her breathing space. Or she would detest the entire weekend in silence.

It's a lost case, regardless of what he does. Sure, she may get over it and stop her EA because she calculated its not worth her while this time. But the next time it just might be worth her while.

The only thing that would make OP more attractive to DW is evidence that he is attractive for other women. The closer the better: OP should star working on an fucking DW's sister, best girlfriend, gym or work buddy.