Don't feel connected to wife anymore

post reply Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
[Post New]10/27/2016 16:05
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So PP- how did your second affair partner take it when you broke it off?


She had a near miss and was almost caught by her DH. She suggested breaking it off, I was fine with it.


Didn't develop any feelings at all for your affair partner?

And if your wife's libido now is higher and you're older with a lower drive, do you worry that she'll stray?
[Post New]10/27/2016 16:09
quote
Beckygotback
Member

Offline
I would suggest getting a babysitter and surprise our wife with a fun afternoon or evening out. Make a rule that you each look at your phone once per hour (just to check it for childcare/emergency) but that you want to spend time with HER, just the two of you. Tell her that you miss her and miss time with her. Women love to feel special and very much love to know that their man has put some thought into making a special time together. Good luck!
[Post New]10/27/2016 16:19
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So PP- how did your second affair partner take it when you broke it off?


She had a near miss and was almost caught by her DH. She suggested breaking it off, I was fine with it.


Didn't develop any feelings at all for your affair partner?

And if your wife's libido now is higher and you're older with a lower drive, do you worry that she'll stray?


Look pp. I don't see how you are not getting this. Sex is an all important part of connection in a marriage. It is the only way that a man can feel connected to his wife or really even "feel married." However, in an affair, sex does not offer a connection, and it does not make people feel married. You need the actual wedding rings for it to be bonding. I think maybe something about the gold from the rings changes the way hormones work.


[Post New]10/27/2016 16:36
quote
Anonymous
Could be signs of an affair on her part.
[Post New]10/27/2016 16:37
quote
Anonymous
Are you like another child? No help around house, simply work and that is it. If so she is most likely fed up with you and disengaged first. You need to put some effort in.
[Post New]10/27/2016 16:42
quote
Anonymous
Beckygotback wrote:I would suggest getting a babysitter and surprise our wife with a fun afternoon or evening out. Make a rule that you each look at your phone once per hour (just to check it for childcare/emergency) but that you want to spend time with HER, just the two of you. Tell her that you miss her and miss time with her. Women love to feel special and very much love to know that their man has put some thought into making a special time together. Good luck!


I've planned those and it goes well for like an hour, then back to the phone. I stopped doing it
[Post New]10/27/2016 16:58
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Not OP bit another guy. Story sounds familiar but unlike OP I had an affair. Met her at the gym and she was like the woman version of me. High sex drive, in shape, husband was find of a butterball and limp-worsted (her words). We had sex, dirty texts, she sent photos, gave me head (which wife hadn't done in years). I felt revitalizes but broke it off. I couldn't keep up, it took a lot of time. How the hell did you manage two? I was super paranoid about being caught and covered my tracks. But still, that, the lying and time got to me.


They were not two affairs going on at once. The first was a work colleague, also married, and was somewhat short lived. She divorced her husband, which freaked me out because I thought she was going bunny boil me. She said the affair made her realize what she was missing in life. She went on to marry a man much older. I vowed to never, ever get in that situation again. Fast forward several years, and despite doing everything on the check list, DW and I still had a massive libido gap. Flirting with a friend of a friend, turned into.....another affair, for a few months.

Yes, I am scum, I get it. Wife has no clue. Anonymous people would tell me to go to hell and my wife would be happier with the truth and a faithful man and my kids should be put through divorce and why did I kill Kennedy or the dinosaurs.

If there is a point to the story, it's simply this. People who are low libido have no clue what years of rejection does. It literally makes you insane. Like, I knew, from past experience, that having an affair could cost me everything and I still went back there. So I read OP's post and it was me, years ago.

I am older and my libido is down and DW's libido is up, and sex isn't an issue, I have no desire to cheat.


Wow. So what if she cheats now? Do you feel she would be justified?
[Post New]10/27/2016 17:27
quote
Anonymous
Does therapy ever work? I see it recommended a lot, but I don't very often see it listed as something that, in fact, solved real life problems a married couple once had but doesn't now.

For example:
"Lack of sex was a real problem in our marriage, but then we (or one of us) went to counseling and now we have a lot of sex."
[Post New]10/27/2016 18:18
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:She's waiting for you to cheat so she can get a bigger payout at the divorce proceedings. She wants that big bonus money all to herself...and she's tired of working so the alimony you will be paying her will be enough for her to stay at home so she has more time to play on her phone and watch lame TV shows.

I bet she's keeping a very, very close eye on you. Be careful.


False. Him cheating would NOT get her "a bigger payout at the divorce proceedings"
You obviously don't understand divorce law.
Where do you come up with this fiction?
[Post New]10/27/2016 18:22
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Talk about bad advice. Whatever you do, don't have an affair. The PP who thinks everything's turned out so happy is living a lie after two affairs, and if his wife found out, he'd be crying about her divorcing him. A marriage based on lies is not a strong marriage.


What a crock. A marriage based on no sex is not a strong marriage either.
Had he NOT had those affairs, then surely they would already be divorced.
Sounds like a happy ending to a common story to me.
[Post New]10/27/2016 21:11
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So PP- how did your second affair partner take it when you broke it off?


She had a near miss and was almost caught by her DH. She suggested breaking it off, I was fine with it.


Didn't develop any feelings at all for your affair partner?

And if your wife's libido now is higher and you're older with a lower drive, do you worry that she'll stray?


Of course I developed feelings for my AP. She was awesome. But I understand the difference between love and lust.

I never deny my wife. If she had extra marital sex I would be ticked but I also understand.
[Post New]10/27/2016 21:31
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So PP- how did your second affair partner take it when you broke it off?


She had a near miss and was almost caught by her DH. She suggested breaking it off, I was fine with it.


Didn't develop any feelings at all for your affair partner?

And if your wife's libido now is higher and you're older with a lower drive, do you worry that she'll stray?


Of course I developed feelings for my AP. She was awesome. But I understand the difference between love and lust.

I never deny my wife. If she had extra marital sex I would be ticked but I also understand.


OP here

If she's doing that I won't forgive, I'll leave
[Post New]10/27/2016 22:02
quote
Anonymous
Just go ahead and divorce her OP. Move on.
[Post New]10/27/2016 22:33
quote
Anonymous
How old is your kid? You both sound depressed or so tired you have nothing left to give. You said you miss the fun and passion. Have you tried telling her that? If you don't even ask her how her day was, why would she want to have sex with you? It sounds like you are putting out no effort. You stopped watching the tv shows with her and flirt with other women. I'm sure she notices you withdrawing. I'm not surprised she's paying attention to her phone and her friends. The friends pay attention to her. The phone is a way to tune out your painful marriage. If you have a kid, don't divorce yet if you haven't tried counseling.
[Post New]10/27/2016 22:39
quote
Anonymous
Your are blaming your wife, solely. It is -NEVER- one person's fault. And, I see a lot of bitching and whining in your posts. Super attractive.

You say you didn't change, but she did. Wrong. First, as a premise, your argument is flawed. Everyone changes. Second, re-read your posts, you HAVE changed and you are being spiteful to boot.

Frankly, you are not someone who sounds attractive or like anyone I'd want to be around. I think you need some therapy, alone and with your wife, and to do some soul searching about your role in how your relationship came to be what it is. Because, you do have a role. Until you recognize that, and quit laying all the blame on your DW, you have no hope to resolve this or to be happily married.
post reply Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Message Quick Reply
Go to: 

Search   Recent Topics   Hottest Topics