I slept with another man and am consumed with guilt

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[Post New]02/10/2015 13:10
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:WTF?

Add me to the people who cannot believe all this sympathy for the cheater.

I believe that you have a moral obligation to tell. Why? Because the "good marriage" you think you had is ALREADY destroyed. You will be living a lie to your spouse, your innocent spouse who no longer has the marriage he thought he had.

I say this as someone whose marriage survived infidelity. Not knowing is the worst. Once DH revealed the truth, we were able to move forward. Did I know he cheated? No, but his guilt was so all-consuming that I knew something was terribly wrong. Plus he started drinking insane amounts. I was ready to divorce him over that alone.

Get over to www.survivinginfidelity.com for support. Yes, they provide support for wayward spouses, too.

Good luck.


The GOD honest truth is if this were my DH posting, I would not want to know. It was a drunken mistake. The cheater is clearly remorseful. Don't dump that shit on me because you want to cleanse your sins.

Of course I would want to know if there was a full blown affair going on or if he cheated on me because of unaddressed marriage problems, but no, in this case, don't wreck my world because of a stupid night.
[Post New]02/10/2015 13:11
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think you need to take care of your alcohol problem. Find a therapist as soon as you get home.
Yes, OP, I think you should review whether you have a problem with drinking generally that gets you into trouble or if this a one-time mistake.


I'd hesitate to blame the alcohol. I'm a regular drinker and would never cheat on my husband, no matter how drunk I was.
[Post New]02/10/2015 13:11
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Anonymous
I'm actually impressed that the OP isn't trying to claim that she was "raped" as a way to avoid responsibility. That's what a lot of younger women do now when they get drunk and have sex.
[Post New]02/10/2015 13:12
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wow if this was a man who was the OP the responses would be SO DIFFERENT. Interesting.

-Signed a Married Woman


No. I don't think the advice (or at least MY advice) would be so different of Op was a guy. It is interesting how no one has asked whether or not Op's husband has "let himself go" or not. If Op was a guy someone would have asked if his wife "had let herself go" and if that was why he had cheated by the 2nd or 3rd post....


Oh and don't forget they would ask if the OPs wife was screwing him enough and if the answer was once a week or less, the posters would declare that he was driven to cheat and that the wife deserved it.
[Post New]02/10/2015 13:12
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Anonymous
Quit the road warrior booze scene for starters.
[Post New]02/10/2015 13:12
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:If you think of yourself as a disgusting person, you're less likely to be able to resist doing it again. You made a mistake. Own it and move on without making it ever again.


This!
You aren't disgusting, you made a mistake. Once a cheater always a cheater is not something any realistic adults believe. You did a very bad thing, but it does not mean you are a very bad person. It was out of character.
If you do decide to tell your husband, definitely wait until you are back home- don't just call him now.
[Post New]02/10/2015 13:15
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:All you pps know that if this was a DH you would tell him he is a pig and an a-hole and that he had to tell his wife.

I cannot believe these responses.


Just posted the same thing.


I don't think so. At least not from me. What she would accomplish by telling is clearing her conscience (selfish) and destroying their marriage (selfish). If this was a one time deal and she will never see this guy again, she loves her husband and doesn't want to leave him, what is the point of bringing this into a marriage. The guilt is her punishment!!! It has nothing to do with her getting away with it and everything to do with sparing her husband.
[Post New]02/10/2015 13:16
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Anonymous
Relevant.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEBjNv5M784
[Post New]02/10/2015 13:17
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:All you pps know that if this was a DH you would tell him he is a pig and an a-hole and that he had to tell his wife.

I cannot believe these responses.


Not true. Not if he used protection. Telling her DH would cause him terrible pain, and I would give the same advice to a DH.
OP, you have to live with the guilt, and the way to deal with it is to focus on why you were vulnerable to cheating. I don't care how drunk you were, there's a reason the door was open, so to speak. Figure it out and work through it.
[Post New]02/10/2015 13:18
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:All you pps know that if this was a DH you would tell him he is a pig and an a-hole and that he had to tell his wife.

I cannot believe these responses.


Not true. Not if he used protection. Telling her DH would cause him terrible pain, and I would give the same advice to a DH.
OP, you have to live with the guilt, and the way to deal with it is to focus on why you were vulnerable to cheating. I don't care how drunk you were, there's a reason the door was open, so to speak. Figure it out and work through it.


Its cool, I am going to post the exact same story in a few weeks and be the DH and we will compare. I can guarantee you it will be a whole different thread and you are naive to think it will not be based on DCUM.
[Post New]02/10/2015 13:20
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wow if this was a man who was the OP the responses would be SO DIFFERENT. Interesting.

-Signed a Married Woman


No. I don't think the advice (or at least MY advice) would be so different of Op was a guy. It is interesting how no one has asked whether or not Op's husband has "let himself go" or not. If Op was a guy someone would have asked if his wife "had let herself go" and if that was why he had cheated by the 2nd or 3rd post....


Oh and don't forget they would ask if the OPs wife was screwing him enough and if the answer was once a week or less, the posters would declare that he was driven to cheat and that the wife deserved it.


Ha. True. No one has asked the Op if her husband is frigid (or whatever the male equivalent of frigid is) and whether or not he denies her sex.

Clearly the blame for this "encounter" has to fall squarely on the shoulders of a poor guy who wasn't even there when it happened. It's the DCUM way.
[Post New]02/10/2015 13:20
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Relevant.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEBjNv5M784


I love Brené Brown. Such a smart woman.

So, this still doesn't change my opinion that OP should not share this with her husband. Best friend, therapist, her mother, yes. Not her husband.
[Post New]02/10/2015 13:21
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Anonymous
I would think if you had enough time to think to use a condom, you had enough time to think about yourself being married and ultimately saying "no"

So, either they didn't use a condom or this was not some in-the-heat-of-the-moment decision.
[Post New]02/10/2015 13:21
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dcguy
Member Offline
Anonymous wrote:Currently on a business trip overseas. Last night I got incredibly drunk and slept with a colleague. He is a foreign affiliate and I only see him twice a year. I do not have feelings for him. I was drunk and caught up in the moment. I have never ever cheated on my husband and I am just so devastated. I don't know what to do. Should I call my husband? I feel so sick over this. My husband is a good man and we have a good marriage. I would do anything to take it back. Has anyone been through anything similar? Can anyone offer me advice? Please help.


Edited
[Post New]02/10/2015 13:22
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Relevant.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEBjNv5M784


I love Brené Brown. Such a smart woman.

So, this still doesn't change my opinion that OP should not share this with her husband. Best friend, therapist, her mother, yes. Not her husband.


Totally agree. I was just trying to point out to Op that freaking out about this and going into a shame spiral, as much as some of the posters here would love that, will do her no good at all.
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