Reply to My DH left the house to meet a girl...

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[quote=Anonymous]Make no decisions now.  There are couples that can get past it but the committment has to work both ways.  You can't be the only one committed to being in a monogomous relationship. I emphasize monogomous relationship because there are some guys that don't want to get divorced (financial impacts, convenience , thinks the spouse is a great mom but not in love etc) but don't remain faithful to spouse.  So even if he says he doesn't want to divorce, that isn't necessarily the same as being committed to the marriage in the conventional sense.

My advice is if you do want to stay together, make sure it isn't fear I.e. Monetary or split custody or dating with two kids, the impacts or perception of divorce keeping you with him and vice versa.  If you are the type to refuse to divorce etc, he may agree to stay married but feel trapped or not willing to put in the hard work to really improve the relationship and address the fundamental issues because he isn't really motivated to change. My parents tried to stay together because of the kids and IMO it didn't work because they didn't both commit to improving the marriage and agreeing that they loved each other and would do what they needed to do to find their way back to the happiness they had when first married.  Without that committment on both sides, my dad ended up cheating.  As kids we didn't know where he was at night, he woild lie and say he was playing cards with his friends, but wouldn't answer his cell phone etc. My mom was the type that "didn't believe in divorce" and eventually my dad did divorce my mom when his girlfriend was pressuring him for marriage and the youngest was almost out of highschool. The crazy thing is my dad believe it or not, wanted to get back together with my mom years later!

I really, truly believe if my mom had been willing to divorce my dad and made fixing the foundation of the marriage a condition for staying together he would have been willing to try for no other reason than he wanted to be there for us.  She would have had to do some of the changing too and maybe the things that made each unhappy with each other could have been addressed. I think even if that didn't work, if things had been above board and they both felt like they made a combined decision to end the marriage, if my dad went out into the dating world and decided as he did that he preferred being with my mom, there may have been a chance she would have tried again.  With the way the divorce went down plus never fixing the fundamental issues, no way my parents will get back together.
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