Anonymous wrote:Yes, my feelings would be hurt. Not because of an absence of money or material things, but because she is using whatever she can to try and hurt/control/whatever emotionally. It sounds like your mother is trying to punish or hurt you in anyway she can.
Ultimately, it is her money to do as she wishes. I think she could have handled it better. I don't really even understand why she brought it up with you unless she was looking for an argument.

Anonymous wrote:Nope. Her money her choice. I think its nice she is leaving it to YOUR children which enables them an easier life. My parents left 1.8 million dollars to a University, leaving my siblings all with 10 grand each. I loved my parents and really respect their choice.

Anonymous wrote:If you are honestly worried about your kids not spending the money well, then ask for it to be put into trust until they are older (or, I know some lawyers who suggest leaving it in trust indefinitely).

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your mother doesn't want your husband to get his hands on her money or benefit from it after she is gone.

I can see how this would happen.

Anonymous wrote:Can't stand my DIL, who has been cruel to me for no apparent reason. My estate is divided into 3 equal parts - 1 part to my favorite charities, 1 part each to my son and daughter.

They can duke it out after I'm gone, but it really burns me that my bitchy DIL will benefit from my death.

Any suggestions?

Anonymous wrote:Long post … but basically, I am trying to gauge whether my hurt feelings is warranted. Would you be upset you if your parent(s) plan to completely cut you out of any inheritance, and leave it to your children (their grandchildren) instead of you?

To give some background … My mother finally admitted to me (although I always had a feeling) that she is planning on leaving most of her inheritance to my children, some to her sisters, and absolutely none to me because she does not like my husband. I understand her ill feelings towards my husband, who at times can be selfish; however, I am very hurt that she is completely cutting me out since I have remained close to her and for the most part we get along. I am the only child. I talk to her at least a couple times a week and see her at least once a week. I know she wants me to see her more, but I work full-time so it is difficult for me. My concern wrt the inheritance distribution is … my DD, my oldest who is in college, currently is very materialistic (example: She has at least 5x more designer purses than me, and she always has my mom buy or give her things). She very rarely calls my mom. I am closer to my mom than she is. My other two children are very young (beginnings of elementary school). I hope they grow responsibly, but time will tell. I would hate to see my mother’s inheritance spent irresponsibly or unappreciatively.

Although I am currently financially stable, we have always been on a tight budget. Up until recently we had full-time childcare expenses and we fully paid for my daughters education ($160k+). In future, we may have 2 more college expenses as well. My mother has never helped with neither my DD nor my own education expenses, nor would I expect her to. I would love to be a stay-at-home mom, but I have to work for my family’s health insurance and if I didn’t work we would not be able to pay for my DD’s college. I made a lot of sacrifices for the grandkids she loves. I love her as well. But I have always felt she was sadistic towards me. I think her intentions validate she doesn’t really love me. I have never asked her for money. She has always given my children more than me, which I have greatly appreciated. But when she passes, friends and relatives will question why she cut me out of her Will when we seemed so close. Yes, I did confront her wrt my feelings, and she said I was just jealous so she would just leave everything to charity so I wouldn’t be jealous of my own kids. Am I wrong to be utterly hurt by this?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my feelings would be hurt. Not because of an absence of money or material things, but because she is using whatever she can to try and hurt/control/whatever emotionally. It sounds like your mother is trying to punish or hurt you in anyway she can.
Ultimately, it is her money to do as she wishes. I think she could have handled it better. I don't really even understand why she brought it up with you unless she was looking for an argument.

+1 Also she has used her money to "buy" your DD. You are justified in being hurt and here is why: she brings it up. What purpose does that serve except to hurt and manipulate you?

Anonymous wrote:It's hard to tell, but from what you've written, it sounds like your mother uses her money to punish - or at least feel superior to - you.

I think you'd be best served to let it go. Entirely and all of it. It's her money, her choice, and I think it's hard to tell what she is really doing, if she's just saying these things to needle you. I am certain it is hurtful that your mother buys your children things and not you, but again, I really think you need to come to peace with it.

You can't change your mom. You can only change your reaction. When she brings up money, change the subject. When she talks about her will, tell her mom, it's your money and your choice.

Maybe throw in there, mom, I come to see you and spend time with you because I love you, not your money. Let's not be unpleasant. And change the subject. Simply do not engage with her on the topic, and certainly not on the topic of your children's wants or needs.

Maybe your mom wants to hear that you see her no matter how much money she has.

Your mother may live another 20 years - and or her health may cause her to go through all her savings, leaving nothing. Isn't this a silly thing to fret over now?

Let it go, and free yourself of this burden.