Would you be upset if parent's inheritance went to your kids instead of you?

[Anonymous]

My grandmother intends to will her money to my daughter. She has 3 other great-grandkids. I'm hoping that this doesn't cause issues for them. My grandmother said this is because my daughter is the one who comes to see her and most looks forward to spending time with her. FYI, my mom and I are the ones bringing her by. I'm touched that she really wants to do this, but I'm hoping it doesn't cause a strain for my daughter and her cousins in the future. It's not their fault that their parents only bring them around on major holidays.

[Anonymous]

I would definitely be upset and I'd probably let her know now. What do you have to lose? Is there any way she could be convinced to leave you with something and write into the will or tie to the money that it cannot be left to your husband if you die or divorced.

[Anonymous]

Yes, my feelings would be hurt. Not because of an absence of money or material things, but because she is using whatever she can to try and hurt/control/whatever emotionally. It sounds like your mother is trying to punish or hurt you in anyway she can.
Ultimately, it is her money to do as she wishes. I think she could have handled it better. I don't really even understand why she brought it up with you unless she was looking for an argument.

[Anonymous]

I would cut her out of my life because it is clear she is trying to manipulate you and use her money to have power over you. A mother doesn't treat her child like this.

It reminds me of my MIL. She used to do the same, requesting we go visit often 4 hours away. When we invited her to come live with us so she could be near us and her grandchild, her only concern was "who would be responsible for the mortgage and other household bills."

Two years later, when she was crippled by old age and required constant care and needed to be moved into a nursing home, she BEGGED me to let her live with us - she said she would give me all her money!? Of course it was not possible or feasible for logistics and dynamic reasons.

[Anonymous]

oops, just read the post again. It does sound like you are jealous of your dd who "has more handbags and is materialistic." OP, you are screwed, you raised a brat and now grandma is going to buy her love and your dd will spend the inheritance money by the time she is 30. I have seen this happen before.

[Anonymous]

If you think she would listen to reason, I would send her an article about the importance of leaving the money in a trust and how when young adults get money that's not in a trust, how things can go bad very fast. There are articles written about this for financial planners. I bet you can find some online.

[Anonymous]

No, it's her money. I would expect my kids to pay for their own schooling with it though.

[Anonymous]

Your problems are sooo not about money honey

[Anonymous]

People who use money as a sledgehammer to drive home a point (I don't like your husband) are toxic. What she's doing is manipulative and awful.

I'd also stop paying for college for your kids. They have a fund from Grandma right? They can use that to pay off their student loans when she passes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They didn't "cut you out," they provided for your kids. Half empty/half full. No, I would not be hurt, I would be grateful.

OP here. My concern is that it may be more harmful to my young kids w/o restrictions. It won't teach them to work for what they have and earn their own way. Also, at a young age they may spend it on frivolous things like designer bags, bar hoping, etc. I am all for it for as long as in a trust that could only be used for education. I want it to be valued, appreciated, and not partied away. I honestly would rather she give it to charity than give it to my children with no restrictions, since tons of money the hands of young adults it could lead to a reckless entitlement life.

ITA with this. I would be really upset if my children came into a lot of money in young adulthood. I would especially be upset if I felt the money were being given in order to undermine DH and me as parents. (For example, DC wants to do something DH and I disapprove of and refuse to pay for, so grandma swoops in and gives the money to pay for it.)

To me, this is not about the money; this action to me would demonstrate a lack of respect for me as a person, a lack of respect for my choices; and yes, a lack of love and affection for me. It would be one thing if your DH were a drug user, gambler, etc., if giving him access to the money would result in some harm. But otherwise, it feels so petty and small. To me it would feel like she was saying, "I dislike your DH more than I like you." That would hurt me very, very much.

Of course it is your mother's money and she can do with it whatever she wants. But I don't agree that you shouldn't take it personally. It is personal what she is doing, very very personal.

However, I would swallow hard and approach this solely from the perspective of what I thought was best for my children. I would try very hard to convince my mother to put the money in trust for the kids' education, with the remainder not available until they turned 30, or something like that.

+1

[Anonymous]

your mother sounds like an a$$hole and i would be pissed. if she does leave money to your kids, i would make the kids pay for their own education.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be upset. I'd concentrate on raising my 2 youngest kids not to care about designer purses.
Don't pay for college for your 2 youngest and have them use money grandma leaves to them.
Something about the way you feel irritates me though...

[Anonymous]

No, because my parents will have almost nothing to leave when they die except for their little house and belongings. And what little they do have I'd prefer go to one of my siblings who has had a rough life and will need the financial help.

And if they did have some money and left it to my kids, well that's lessens the burden I'd feel about having to make sure they're doing okay in terms of student loans/mortgage etc.

[Anonymous]

I'd be bummed but it is her money. I would cut her out of your life and see if she changes her mind.

[Anonymous]

DH's mean, widowed grandfather manipulated his relatives for decades by promising to leave money and well loved objects to various children and grandchildren.

In the end, his will divided his estate equally between his three children. A lot of people were ticked off that they had sucked up to this guy. MY FIL took a lot of shit from this asshole.