Would you be upset if parent's inheritance went to your kids instead of you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The hurt and the worry about your daughter not spending wisely are two different issues. You need to move past the hurt, period. Her money, her choice. But it is absolutely reasonable to ask that restrictions be placed on the dispensing of money.

+1 FWIW, I've told my parents to spend all of their money and do not plan to leave any to me.

[Anonymous]

My kids are currently 5 and 9. I have every intention of leaving them nothing when I die and leaving it all to my grandchildren or great grandchildren (if I live that long). I'm giving my kids a wonderful childhood, access to a first class education, I'm saving for their college plus giving them my and DHs GI bill, so they will be able to go anywhere, including grad school. If they can't succeed without my money later on in life, it won't be my fault. My money will go to minors who still need money for education and establishing themselves. Not so adults can afford to live better than their career allows for a couple years - my death won't be a lottery win for my adult children.

FWIW, Warren Buffet and Bill & Melinda Gates have similar philosophies, although the bulk of their estates are going to charity and foundations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are honestly worried about your kids not spending the money well, then ask for it to be put into trust until they are older (or, I know some lawyers who suggest leaving it in trust indefinitely).

+1

Also, to answer your question: Yes, I would be upset.

OP here. I would not be hurt if it was a trust fund for the kids that could only be spent on furthering education. Is something like that possible? I would like to suggest that to her, but I am not too optomistic considering she never offered to help with any college expenses or kids lessons, etc. She is hoping one of the grandkids will stay in her house.

[Anonymous]

Ask for it to be but trust so that it can be used for education.

Then give the grandchild full access at age 40 or some other more responsible age.

[Anonymous]

I don't think I would be upset if my parents left money to my children in their will (although I would be concerned about them spending it wisely if they were college-aged and consider a trust), but the thing that seems really screwed up about your story is your mother's wielding of her money as a way to pass judgment about your marriage. Sounds like she has major issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are currently 5 and 9. I have every intention of leaving them nothing when I die and leaving it all to my grandchildren or great grandchildren (if I live that long). I'm giving my kids a wonderful childhood, access to a first class education, I'm saving for their college plus giving them my and DHs GI bill, so they will be able to go anywhere, including grad school. If they can't succeed without my money later on in life, it won't be my fault. My money will go to minors who still need money for education and establishing themselves. Not so adults can afford to live better than their career allows for a couple years - my death won't be a lottery win for my adult children.

FWIW, Warren Buffet and Bill & Melinda Gates have similar philosophies, although the bulk of their estates are going to charity and foundations.

It's a bit odd that you think your grandchildren will need that help but your children won't. Either way, giving money to minor children in order to further their education IS essentially giving the money to their parents who would otherwise be paying those costs. (except of course, if the parents wouldn't be able to afford those costs.) If someone paid for my kids' college, you better believe it would free up a lot of $$ in my bank account!

[Anonymous]

I would be livid. I wouldn't want my kids to have a lot of money while they are in their twenties.

I would cut the bitch out of my life.

[Anonymous]

I would be happy that my children are getting something.

[Anonymous]

They didn't "cut you out," they provided for your kids. Half empty/half full. No, I would not be hurt, I would be grateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. Her money her choice. I think its nice she is leaving it to YOUR children which enables them an easier life. My parents left 1.8 million dollars to a University, leaving my siblings all with 10 grand each. I loved my parents and really respect their choice.

Your parents were foolish or hated you,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be happy that my children are getting something.

It's your job to provide for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are honestly worried about your kids not spending the money well, then ask for it to be put into trust until they are older (or, I know some lawyers who suggest leaving it in trust indefinitely).

+1

Also, to answer your question: Yes, I would be upset.

OP here. I would not be hurt if it was a trust fund for the kids that could only be spent on furthering education. Is something like that possible? I would like to suggest that to her, but I am not too optomistic considering she never offered to help with any college expenses or kids lessons, etc. She is hoping one of the grandkids will stay in her house.

Your mother is acting spitefully by cutting you out entirely. I would be very hurt. She's also setting up situations in which you are arguing to yourself about whether you are a good enough daughter or if your own daughter is "better" to her grandmother than you are.

It's hurtful and you are not wrong to be hurt. It's not the money, it's the point of wondering what you did to get disowned.

There's nothing that you can do about it. It's her money and her will. Let it go.

It's not wrong to be hurt, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are currently 5 and 9. I have every intention of leaving them nothing when I die and leaving it all to my grandchildren or great grandchildren (if I live that long). I'm giving my kids a wonderful childhood, access to a first class education, I'm saving for their college plus giving them my and DHs GI bill, so they will be able to go anywhere, including grad school. If they can't succeed without my money later on in life, it won't be my fault. My money will go to minors who still need money for education and establishing themselves. Not so adults can afford to live better than their career allows for a couple years - my death won't be a lottery win for my adult children.

FWIW, Warren Buffet and Bill & Melinda Gates have similar philosophies, although the bulk of their estates are going to charity and foundations.

The bulk of the Gates estate is far different than the poster with the 1.8m to a university and 10k to each of their children. That would be hurtful to me and grandchildren. For OP - the mother leaving the estate to grandchildren would not be hurtful as long as my children were treated equally to other siblings children. Assuming it could be touched to help with tuition so loans could be avoided.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I would be upset if my parents left money to my children in their will (although I would be concerned about them spending it wisely if they were college-aged and consider a trust), but the thing that seems really screwed up about your story is your mother's wielding of her money as a way to pass judgment about your marriage. Sounds like she has major issues.

If DD married an individual like one of her prior BF's I would not leave anything it could get in the event of a divorce. Horrible person.

[Anonymous]

My parents have lived their lives for their kids. My siblings and I are well off in our rights, thanks to the all the sacrifices our parents made for us.

My dad made his will many years ago and gave each one of us copy. Equally distributed among the offsprings.

During the past years they have helped one of my siblings with monetary loans - their stipulation is that this principal amount will be deducted when the final division happens.

None of us wants them to leave us anything. We want them to enjoy their money. We have also told them that if one of our siblings is in more need then they should think about giving that sibling our share as well.

We have never kept a tab on what they give to each grandchild, because each of the grandkids is unique and into different things. It is there money to give, and their relationship with their kids and grandkids.

They gave us life, a great childhood, an education, paid for our weddings, supported us in our careers, helped when our babies were born. We are already too much in their debt and cannot ever repay them. Why do they need to do anything for us? We are just grateful that we are able to care for them in their old age.

BTW - my parents have taken care of their retirement etc as well and are not dependant on any one of us monetarily. This is a lesson I will always carry with me. Not to be dependant on my kids in my old age for money.