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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's hard to tell, but from what you've written, it sounds like your mother uses her money to punish - or at least feel superior to - you.

I think you'd be best served to let it go.  Entirely and all of it.  It's her money, her choice, and I think it's hard to tell what she is really doing, if she's just saying these things to needle you.  I am certain it is hurtful that your mother buys your children things and not you, but again, I really think you need to come to peace with it.

You can't change your mom.  You can only change your reaction.  When she brings up money, change the subject.  When she talks about her will, tell her mom, it's your money and your choice.

Maybe throw in there, mom, I come to see you and spend time with you because I love you, not your money.  Let's not be unpleasant.  And change the subject.  Simply do not engage with her on the topic, and certainly not on the topic of your children's wants or needs.

Maybe your mom wants to hear that you see her no matter how much money she has.

Your mother may live another 20 years - and or her health may cause her to go through all her savings, leaving nothing.  Isn't this a silly thing to fret over now?

Let it go, and free yourself of this burden.

[/quote]

+1.  Great advice.

Now, I want to go to the non-psychological manipulation aspect--just the straightforward aspect.

My brother married someone very divisive and mean (I suspect mentally ill).  She pretty much runs the roost and conveniently does not believe in separate property, so anything my brother gets he co-mingles.  As of this year, my mom changed her will and is going to leave my half to me outright, and his half to him and his kids in trust with me as the trustee.  (shoot me now for getting this handed to me but that's for another post)

My mom is trying to protect my brother and grandchildren's money FOR my brother and his kids.  If he inherits outright, and commingles, and they divorce, she gets half of it.  And while they are still married, she has control over all of it.  So this way he still has his inheritance if they divorce, and in the meantime, it helps protect their marriage because the wife can't demand that my brother co-mingle because he has no control.  So she can't get mad at him.  So the wife will just get mad at my mom and me (and she hates us anyways so we can't get any more dead in her eyes--we've got nothing to lose)

Anyways long way to saying…you are an only child so this option wasn't available to your mom.  I can assure you if I were not around, my mom would be doing the generation-skipping thing.  If it really is because of your DH (and not the manipulation that the PP discussed), you could talk with your mom about designating someone (a paid attorney--don't do a relative or family friend) to be the trustee and administer a trust for you.[/quote]

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