Would you be upset if parent's inheritance went to your kids instead of you?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your mother doesn't want your husband to get his hands on her money or benefit from it after she is gone.

I can see how this would happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They didn't "cut you out," they provided for your kids. Half empty/half full. No, I would not be hurt, I would be grateful.

+1 To me, cutting you out of the will would mean your children were out too. I think it's absolutely reasonable to ask/suggest that a structured trust be set up to make sure your children make the most of the money your mom wants to leave them, but it's her choice.

It's not your mom's role to fund your life as an adult, OP. You mention wishing you could quit your job to stay at home, and you also mention that your mom hasn't helped with your daughter's college expenses. While I think it's great when parents can/do help out, I would never expect that (and remember that financial gifts often come with strings attached). Are you paying any expenses for your mom right now? Because if you're not, then she's using her money the way she should - to pay for her own life and expenses. That may not be the kind of financial help you'd like to have from her, but think how much tighter your budget would be if you were helping her with rent or medical bills.

Money doesn't equal love, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They didn't "cut you out," they provided for your kids. Half empty/half full. No, I would not be hurt, I would be grateful.

OP here. My concern is that it may be more harmful to my young kids w/o restrictions. It won't teach them to work for what they have and earn their own way. Also, at a young age they may spend it on frivolous things like designer bags, bar hoping, etc. I am all for it for as long as in a trust that could only be used for education. I want it to be valued, appreciated, and not partied away. I honestly would rather she give it to charity than give it to my children with no restrictions, since tons of money the hands of young adults it could lead to a reckless entitlement life.

[Anonymous]

Your mom sounds like she is in good health. If you spend the next 10 years caring for her, I would absolutely be pissed for not receiving a cent. But you have not done that yet. Something to consider and discuss with your mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They didn't "cut you out," they provided for your kids. Half empty/half full. No, I would not be hurt, I would be grateful.

OP here. My concern is that it may be more harmful to my young kids w/o restrictions. It won't teach them to work for what they have and earn their own way. Also, at a young age they may spend it on frivolous things like designer bags, bar hoping, etc. I am all for it for as long as in a trust that could only be used for education. I want it to be valued, appreciated, and not partied away. I honestly would rather she give it to charity than give it to my children with no restrictions, since tons of money the hands of young adults it could lead to a reckless entitlement life.

What? You admitted that your dd has more handbags than you and is in college. YOU made her this way. Your mom giving her money won't change her.

You are just pissed it is going to your dd. it is called generation skipping and is a common practice.

[Anonymous]

Gee, OP, I can't imagine how your DD ended up being so materialist? (said with dripping sarcasm.

To answer your question though, if it was my mom, I would actually be upset to find out she wasn't leaving the bulk of her estate to my children. I know that if I received the money I would use it on my kids anyway so if it goes to them directly that's fine too.

You should have taught your kids how to deal with money, how to work for things, how to save, etc. Those are lessons that would have served them well no matter where their money came from.

I don't think you have any reason to be upset. My parents died when I was in my 20's. I received a portion of their estate as did my other siblings. Back then it made sense for me to receive the money as I was just starting out and hadn't established myself or been married. Now in my 40's , I would only want the money for my kids.

[Anonymous]

We are leaving everything we own to our oldest grandson. My kids and other grandkids get nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are leaving everything we own to our oldest grandson. My kids and other grandkids get nothing.

I am leaving everything to my neighbor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are leaving everything we own to our oldest grandson. My kids and other grandkids get nothing.

I am leaving everything to my boss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They didn't "cut you out," they provided for your kids. Half empty/half full. No, I would not be hurt, I would be grateful.

OP here. My concern is that it may be more harmful to my young kids w/o restrictions. It won't teach them to work for what they have and earn their own way. Also, at a young age they may spend it on frivolous things like designer bags, bar hoping, etc. I am all for it for as long as in a trust that could only be used for education. I want it to be valued, appreciated, and not partied away. I honestly would rather she give it to charity than give it to my children with no restrictions, since tons of money the hands of young adults it could lead to a reckless entitlement life.

ITA with this. I would be really upset if my children came into a lot of money in young adulthood. I would especially be upset if I felt the money were being given in order to undermine DH and me as parents. (For example, DC wants to do something DH and I disapprove of and refuse to pay for, so grandma swoops in and gives the money to pay for it.)

To me, this is not about the money; this action to me would demonstrate a lack of respect for me as a person, a lack of respect for my choices; and yes, a lack of love and affection for me. It would be one thing if your DH were a drug user, gambler, etc., if giving him access to the money would result in some harm. But otherwise, it feels so petty and small. To me it would feel like she was saying, "I dislike your DH more than I like you." That would hurt me very, very much.

Of course it is your mother's money and she can do with it whatever she wants. But I don't agree that you shouldn't take it personally. It is personal what she is doing, very very personal.

However, I would swallow hard and approach this solely from the perspective of what I thought was best for my children. I would try very hard to convince my mother to put the money in trust for the kids' education, with the remainder not available until they turned 30, or something like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are leaving everything we own to our oldest grandson. My kids and other grandkids get nothing.

I am leaving everything to my largest dog. The other dogs get nothing.

[Anonymous]

She's playing with you all. This ploy keeps your children close to her and it keeps you being nice to her hoping she'll change her mind and give you a few crumbs.

Don't play her game. Tell her you are a good person, a hood daughter, and a good mother, and if she doesn't respect you enough to share her estate with you because of who you chose to marry or whatever her excuse is at the moment, she go yo hell and live the rest of her life without you in it.

If she doesn't respect you enough to share her estate with you when she is dead, why would you want to spend any time with her while she is living.

You are do getting played as is your whole family.

[Anonymous]

No, in fact I think it's awsome. I'd ask her to set up a trust setting out on what and when the money can be used, ie college education or whatever, hope that a competent trustee was appointed and sit back and enjoy the extra income I get from not having to save for college or whatever. You are missing the bigger picture here, by setting your children up your mother is giving you the gift of more financial flexibility without ever having to worry about divorce, mortgage, car loans or whatever might come up in your life. I'd buy her a drink, give her a huge hug and tell her how grateful I was that she was my mother and that my children ment that much to her.

[Anonymous]

OP,

I think initially I would be a bit peeved, especially if I needed the money. But it sounds like you guys are financially pretty secure.

I think from this question, and from how much you seem to spoil your kids with expensive things, that you also translate love = money. Whether your parents' inheritance goes to you, or you buy things for your kids - none of these have ANY bearing on love or care. You ought to be in therapy for finding the root of these associations in your mind.

[Anonymous]

I think op was talking about her sister in college not her daughter.

Is it enough money to leave your husband. Tell her you need the money to leave him, maybe she just doesn't want her money going to him. I don't blame her for that.

In any case there is not much you can do.