My Husband Wants Me to Dress Like an Old Maid for an Outing that Will Include His Work Colleagues.
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Anonymous
| Help! I'm 5'7 and very heavy busted. I definitely turn heads when anything I wear is slightly form fitting. I know this and on purpose I dress more conservative. Slightly looser tops, less cleavage, etc... Still, you can tell my bust is out there. Anyways, I actually refused to go on outings with DH because he has now required me to dress like what I consider to be an old maid. The tops are so loose and baggy, they are not flattering at all. FWIW's I have some insecure friends who also encourage me to wear unflattering clothes because they don't like the attention I get (they don't get any). Anyways, DH used to love how I dressed and recently after we've had kids (been together 10 years) he's become more controlling with my dress. So fast forward to now. There's a huge event this weekend and I'll be meeting his coworkers for the first time. I'll be getting my hair and nails done tomorrow and am in the process of getting an outfit together. DH has selected one for me and it is awful. He also had no clue about how something should fit. I will not be comfortable and will be very self-conscious. I see no reason to wear something that will make look 20 pounds overweight. But, actually, I'm not sure why he would want me to look that way. Don't most men want their spouses to turn heads to their co-workers. As an aside, my husband works in an all male environment and it is very sexist. They talk about women like they're trash and this is the norm for good or bad. Anyone attractive is slaughtered. Especially with the single guys in the office. Could this be the problem? Also, I'm not conceited, so no snark please. |
Anonymous
| I would have a trusted reasonable friend help you. It is hard to tell if your husband is being overly controlling or if you should tone it down (particularly if some of your friends have said the same thing, even if you chalk it up to insecurity). |
Anonymous
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Why would you want to turn heads in a group of people who talk about women like trash and slaughter people for appearance? Sounds like your husband knows his colleagues and is trying to protect you from being treated poorly. If I knew I was going to an event with people who were sexist and going to trash me, I would either 1) not go or b) dress to look as unattractive as possible.
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thegeek20004
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Did you tell him how you feel about the outfit? Maybe try talking to him about it. Not to be Captain Obvious here...
I think what you said about the all male, sexist environment is telling. If that's truly it, it's not that he's embarrassed of you, he's actually protecting you! He doesn't want you to become the object of sexual ridicule, nor does he want those guys talking about you behind his back, or worse, while he's standing right there. if he still wants you to wear it after talking to him, wear something sexy underneath it. You and your DH might enjoy that thought... frumpy on the outside, sexy underneath 
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Anonymous
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Whoo, OP. You are just a bag of drama.
My only advice is to get over yourself. The world does not revolve around your tits. Just wear the outfit your husband picked out. I doubt PP's advice is helpful since you don't have any trusted friends -- they are all jealous of your amazing body, right? 
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Anonymous
| Seriously. In a crowd like that, I'd wear a burka. |
Anonymous
No, I'm not a bag of drama. And I am over myself. Believe me. I've been busty for 30+ years. I know every angle and crevice this conversation is likely to take. My question is for you- why are you so snarky to someone asking for honest advice on here. I know the whole "it's DCUM, what do you expect" mumbo jumbo. But, that doesn't change that you people with unnecessary attitude and built-in self-hatred which comes out when you post just waste everyone's time. Not wanting to to sift through the responses of unhelpful jealous people, I specifically asked for no snark. You read the post and ignored that. Just go away. To everyone else, I really appreciate the advice. |
Anonymous
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A large bust is hard to conceal without looking frumpy.
Letting your husband tell you what to wear is an entirely different problem. That's not cool. |
Anonymous
| ^^what's better. Should I just go along with the frumpy outfit or not go. FWIW I'm okay with making DH happy. I've compromised a lot on outfits over the years, particularly as he's gotten more controlling. The outfit thing is typically not a battle I chose to fight. But, it has caused me to not go out as much. |
Anonymous
| Go to Nordstrom and have a stylist help you pick something. |
Anonymous
| My husband is sort of like this, OP. It's hard to wear anything with even the slightest v-neck because inevitably at some angle or position there's going to be cleavage when you're large busted, and then my DH freaks out- "AHH WHY ARE YOUR BOOBS SHOWING!!" But then things with a high neckline tend to be very, very unflattering, because then your chest looks like a big lump. I don't know, OP. I've tried to explain this to DH many, many, many times. |
Anonymous
| I have a great figure and turn heads. Do not feel the need to do that at DH workplace. If he wants me to dress frumpy, I don't care. He works with these people, not me. They do not need to be talking about his wife's figure! Example: One guy who was getting waaay to interested in me, my DH told me he was an abusive pussy hound. Yes, turned out to be true. (We have all known each other for ages). So maybe take your DH's advice. Your great looks are for friends and family! |
Anonymous
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I don't know what field your husband works in but I'm a female accountant at a bank. Very conservative (ultra conservative) dress would be expected at any company event.
The way you dress for this occasion will reflect either positively or negatively on your spouse. He knows the unofficial dress code rules for his office and what is expected. He is probably trying to guide you in that direction. He is also trying to prevent anyone talking trashy and negatively behind your back. I would take his lead and either wear what he wants you to wear or discuss compromise even if that means going together to a shop like Chico's and have a sales person help find something that works for the both of you. The goal for this one night would be to help your husband's career and keep the focus on him, not your boobs. Suck it up for one night. |
Anonymous
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Lots of things going on here. When I read that some of your friends think you should tone down your dress-sense, then I'm leaning towards the idea that you actually look like you're not dressing for your shape as well as you can. In which case, and given the people at this gathering, I think you should respect your DHs advice this time. Why would you want attention from those sorts of guys?
Could you nicely tell your husband that you really want to wear something that he thinks you're attractive in, but modest? Could you go to Nordstrom or somewhere that they have personal assistants and ask their advice? Maybe watch some of the "What Not to Wear" shows or buy the book for tips on busty women - dressing modestly. |
Anonymous
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Elegant is the operative word.
Draw attention away from your bust. Wear an understated classic silk blouse (tucked in and no cleavage), and pearl earrings with matching necklace. An A-line skirt or whatever is appropriate for the occasion and your figure. With your bust, I presume drawing attention to your waist will look hourglassy and flattering, but not unduly sexy. Classic sheer hose and high heels are a good idea because they draw attention to your legs (away from your bust) and give you an attractive but irreproachable walk. Stand up straight. Smile, and look at people straight in the eye. |