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can't believe it, but i still don't know if i am invited to my friend's wedding
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Anonymous
| If you would go if invited, ASK NOW. You have to buy plane tickets to Hawaii and it's getting close. JUST ASK. If you're not, she is RUDE as all hell for including you so much up until this point - I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like that anyways, so at least you'll know. |
Anonymous
| Our wedding was several years ago, but my friend's invitation got lost in the mail and she never received it. Always made me laugh since she lived the closest to the post-office where we dropped everything off! She heard that others had received their invites and asked me about it. I would just ask her. If she says you're not invited or it's a delayed response like "ummm....sure...of course you are..." then I would drop her as a friend. |
Anonymous
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I agree with the PPs. If my friend talked to me extensively about her wedding and asks me for advice and then doesn't invite me I would drop her or at least confront her. (But I am very confrontational in these things, I have gotten my feelings hurt too many times not to be.)
Unless my friend knew that it would be impossible for me to attend I would be upset if she discussed it so openly and then didn't invite me. |
Anonymous
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Give me her number, tell me your name, and I'LL ASK HER. lol sheesh. Why is it such a big deal to ask her? Either:
a) you're invited and it got lost. She thinks you got it, and is waiting for your response. Might be thinking that you are rude for not responding. b) you aren't invited, and she's very rude for continually talking about it in your presence. Either way, for the love of Pete, just ask her!! |
Anonymous
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OP here.
Thanks for the feedback and interest in my saga. I am not normally so passive, but I cannot for the life of me think of an appropriate way to ask my friend about an invitation. I can't imagine saying to her, 'perhaps our invite was misplaced in the post.' I welcome any suggestions for actual language to use for this. |
Anonymous
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If you got a save the date, every single etiquette book in this world says YOU ARE INVITED. If you haven't been invited and she is discussing it in front of you without a direct mention of it being a small wedding, etc, that's rude. She's out of line in every aspect if you were not invited so I don't think you should even be slightly embarrassed about asking.
Oddly enough, I experienced something similar. Well, similar in that we did not receive an invite to a wedding we'd been fully expecting to attend. (Very good friends). We had a brief "maybe we aren't invited" moment, because it had been a few months since we'd talked other than facebook, but I was pretty sure we'd still be invited given how close we are to the couple (they were invited to the rehearsal dinner as well as the wedding when it was our turn, we've spent holidays together, etc) and because they talked to us about it. I figured our friendship was WAY worth the discomfort of asking. If we weren't invited, we were fully ready to accept the "sorry, totally small wedding" response. When I phoned the bride, she actually mentioned that she was just about to call me because she thought she might have sent our invite to our old house (we'd moved a year previously and she never updated her address book). Don't be afraid to ask if it is a good friend. If it makes you feel better, preface it this way: I know it's quite possible you're having a really small wedding, but since I got a save the date, I want to make sure we didn't overlook our invite. Just for background, a save-the-date is typically sent so people out of town can set aside that date and go ahead and start making travel plans. The bride should have been expecting that folks would make travel arrangements when they received the save the date. This is necessary in places like Hawaii. Your airfare is just going to keep going up and the room block she made might be close to expiring. Ask now! There is nothing untoward at all about asking. This is her gaffe, not yours. |
Anonymous
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PP here. Every etiquette site says that a "save the date" is a "promise of a coming invitation." To a site, they all say this. Google it.
DON’T send out save-the-dates to people who are “maybe’s” on your list. A save-the-date is a promise of a forthcoming invitation. Read more at Suite101: Dos and Don'ts of Save the Date Wedding Announcement Etiquette http://www.suite101.com/content/dos-and-donts-of-save-the-date-wedding-announcement-etiquette-a305094#ixzz1DU17XOsL Also: If you need to keep your guest list to a minimum, make a list of close family and friends whom you want to make sure will be able to attend and mail them a Save the Date Card, you do not need to send Save the Date Cards to everyone you are inviting but, every guest that receives a Save the Date Card must also receive an invitation. http://www.weddingbasics.com/blog/?KEY=721&AdID=0 |
Anonymous
Call and ask. I'm not confrontational, but you need to know. You need to ask directly so there is no more miscommunication. Call and say, hi, how's the planning going? Yeah, good, good. By the way X (husband) was asking me about plane tickets, he saw a good deal. Are we invited as we got a save-the-date, but have not seen an invite. |
Anonymous
Keep it as simple and factual as possible. I would start with "This is a little awkward, but I'm really confused." Then follow with something like "Um, I got a save the date for your wedding, but haven't received an invitation. Should I be looking at plane tickets to Hawaii or not?" And then stop talking and listen. I agree with PPs that if you're not invited unless she has a REALLY good reason she has been completely rude to you and has some explaining to do. Good luck. |
Anonymous
| "hi ____. We are trying to plan our spring and summer travel plans, and I realized we never received an invitation to your wedding. You gave me the save-the-date card but I don't want to assume. Are we invited? If so, we need to decide and/or book our flight asap. And if not, I totally understand since I've been through this process myself and know how difficult it is." |
hedgehog
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| And please call today. Right now. We all need to know. |
Anonymous
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Alright, alright already! Your responses have given me the encouragement I needed to send an... email. I couldn't call; I had to write it down (which also gives the receiver the chance to craft a response on her own time... or forward it to her fiancé with the message, 'look what our idiot friend had to say.')
I'll let you know what I hear back in response. |
Anonymous
| Well at least you're finally asking! I can't wait to hear what she says! |
Anonymous
Too much suspense for a Wednesday!!! I hope you hear back soon! 
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Anonymous
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OP, please do report back, I am very curious to know what she says!
I realize this is beyond what you asked, but it does seem like there is an imbalance in your friendship with this person that leads you to (1) think she might actually be so inconsiderate as to talk about her wedding in front of you all the time and give you a save the date even though you're not invited, and (2) be too nervous to ask her about it. Sometimes you can have a friend like this where you just accept that she is a little wacky/irrational because you have a long history, or she has other great qualities, or whatever. But sometimes it might be a sign of a crappy friendship that is not worth your time. Just a thought. |