can't believe it, but i still don't know if i am invited to my friend's wedding

[Anonymous]

Wow, that is not at all what I thought would happen. How odd. If you don't want to invite people to your wedding then don't be handing out save the date cards - it will just create confusion and weird scenarios like this - not to mention rude. I wonder how many other "close" friends received save the date cards that are wondering the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Wow, extremely tacky. She could have easily told you *yes of course you guys are invited, so sorry for the misunderstanding* but instead says *oh well I didnt invite you but weve had some cancellations... then again you have a kid so I'm sure you wouldn't want to come anyway....*

I not only wouldn't go, I'd probably only send a card. She doesn't deserve a gift, yet I'm sure she's the sort of dingbat who'd start a thread on here about rude friends not acknowledging Her Big Day with expensive presents.

[Anonymous]

OP here.
Interestingly enough, today's mail includes a jury summons for duty the week of the wedding, beginning with the actual wedding day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

She responded back and said she was sorry there was a misunderstanding, but that she thought she was clear to her friends that the wedding was small (essentially only family); that some of her friends had asked for save-the-date cards and so she gave some to her close friends.
She added that she would love to have us come if we could, because some folks have cancelled coming, and that she had further assumed we wouldn't come because we have a child (finding someone to watch her, etc.) She says she knows it's late notice, but would love it if we would come, etc., etc.

Frenemy, you have been so served. Cut this bitch loose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Interestingly enough, today's mail includes a jury summons for duty the week of the wedding, beginning with the actual wedding day!

Now THAT is a sign!

OP, I had encouraged you to ask whether you were invited. I'm glad you did, but sorry that it has just turned even more awkward. But, that says more about your friend than anything you did. I once had a friend who attached all sorts of drama to her wedding and she was TROUBLE. We're not friends anymore. I'm not saying that is the case with your friend, but really, this business of getting you so involved with the planning and GIVING YOU A SAVE THE DATE and then not inviting you is just clueless or rude. So at a minimum I'd way lower your expectations of this friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Interestingly enough, today's mail includes a jury summons for duty the week of the wedding, beginning with the actual wedding day!

Appropriately ironic! Leave that friend in the dust. Yuck.

[Anonymous]

I agree the original behavior (giving out save the date cards) is totally bizarre, but I think the friend handled the email/misunderstanding very well. I wouldn't cut her loose unless you truly don't like her (which doesn't sound like it is the case).

[Anonymous]

While I don't disagree with any of the comments lambasting your friend's approach to this, I will say, that some people just don't get the whole wedding thing. I don't know that I think the friend should be cut loose because of this. Only the OP knows what she is truly like. I imagine there are many things in her life that she would handle this way and it's not because she's so self absorbed - she probably just doesn't give these things much thought. I had a destination wedding and invited very few people in part because I didn't want anyone to feel bad saying no because they didn't want to spend a lot of money coming. Now, I realize that is up to individuals to decide, but I didn't think of that way back then. Just another perspective.

[Anonymous]

Just sayin', I told you so from the very first post. I know that there are bitches like this out there who plan events in your face when they have no intention of inviting you or yours. It is a total blow off to you--IT IS RUDE. The line: "oh, I wasn't sure if you'd be able to come because of ...." total BS! They don't have the right to decide your "availability". To keep talking about it in front of you is a TOTAL DICK MOVE. You should disregard and write off ANYONE who does this to you. This person is NOT your friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I don't disagree with any of the comments lambasting your friend's approach to this, I will say, that some people just don't get the whole wedding thing. I don't know that I think the friend should be cut loose because of this. Only the OP knows what she is truly like. I imagine there are many things in her life that she would handle this way and it's not because she's so self absorbed - she probably just doesn't give these things much thought. I had a destination wedding and invited very few people in part because I didn't want anyone to feel bad saying no because they didn't want to spend a lot of money coming. Now, I realize that is up to individuals to decide, but I didn't think of that way back then. Just another perspective.

Whatever bitch. Glad you are ok with your asshole-ish past.

[Anonymous]

OK, that's a bit crazy. She gave out save the date cards to non-invited friends because.....people wanted them for their scrapbook? How self-obsessed is she? I'm guessing that she misled a lot of friends.

I sort of understand the family only part - it if were clear it was really only family - and if she didn't give you a save the date card. But man, not the ending I saw at all. Especially with how much you have been included.

Wait - if it is so small and family only - why did she even NEED a save the date card? Wouldn't you just contact a handful of people and say "how does June X work for you?" And how small of a wedding is it if there were a lot of cancellations?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I don't disagree with any of the comments lambasting your friend's approach to this, I will say, that some people just don't get the whole wedding thing. I don't know that I think the friend should be cut loose because of this. Only the OP knows what she is truly like. I imagine there are many things in her life that she would handle this way and it's not because she's so self absorbed - she probably just doesn't give these things much thought. I had a destination wedding and invited very few people in part because I didn't want anyone to feel bad saying no because they didn't want to spend a lot of money coming. Now, I realize that is up to individuals to decide, but I didn't think of that way back then. Just another perspective.

No one is lambasting the woman because she didn't invite someone. Its because she actively included this friend in the wedding planining and gave her a save-the-date card. I think destination weddings are typically small for the reasons you stated. But did you tell all your friends to save the date even if they were not invited?

But yes, I'd never drop a friend over a wedding. Weddings turn perfectly sane people into freaks. They generally turn back to normal a few weeks after the honeymoon.

[Anonymous]

Very odd. First, it is really confusing and lame to give out save the dates to people as mementos or things like that--really it should only go to those who are invited. The point of the save the date is not to make people aware of what day you're getting married just so people have this general knowledge but for them to make plans to keep that date free as they are going to be invited. It's not cool at all that she did that.

I personally find her response likewise unpleasant. It's nice that she was sorry about the confusion but she should have either said "gosh, it's a really small event and we're keeping it to family and not many others" OR "OMG! I'm so touched you would consider taking the time and expensive to travel all that way to spend with us on our special day--of course you are invited!" Why she mentioned cancellations is very bizarre to me--not clear what she meant and there are various ways to interpret that.

It's really hard to say what people's motivations are and I don't necessarily advocate "dumping" this friend--but this whole episode (from mixed messages about the invitation to mixed messages when trying to clarify) show that she's pretty self-absorbed and unaware. I'd have a hard time being anything other than a passing acquaintance with someone this low on the communication scale.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Interestingly enough, today's mail includes a jury summons for duty the week of the wedding, beginning with the actual wedding day!

You will probably have a better time at jury duty.

If you didn't ask for a save the date card, it is bizarre that she gave you one.

[hedgehog]

Anonymous wrote:This woman sounds like a complete freak-show. So, she gave you a save-the-date, even though you didn't need to save the date, because you weren't invited, but now that you mention it, she's had some cancellations, so you can take one of their spots? I hope you don't waste your money on this wedding!

I agree. OP, you sound very nice, but your friend sounds like she has some challenges.