Anonymous wrote:OP here- wow, I just posted this!
Ladies and gentlemen is completely fine. Female friends who address me and other female friends as "ladies" is totally fine.
I think the problem is that it's often used in situations where I see a tinge of sexism anyway. "Ladies, could you get us some coffee?" kind of things. Or maybe because I am aware of the sexism that more subtly takes place in the workplace I see no need to differentiate between me and the men I work with- yes, we're different because of our genders, but when you start treating me differently when asking me about work stuff I wonder what else is going on.
To be honest, it doesn't sound like the term "ladies" is what you really have the issue with, as much as other actions you've associated with it. If it was instead "Could you get us some coffee?" kinds of things, with no use of the term "ladies", would the situation be any more or less sexist? There's no need to treat genders differently, but I don't expect all forms of address to be completely gender neutral unless there is some other common title used to refer to a group.(Professor, Director, Doctor, Officer, etc.) If no suitable alternative exists, I don't think addressing a group of women as "Ladies" is inherently sexist. However, if I asked most of the ladies I know to get coffee when I was perfectly capable of getting it myself, they would tell me not only where I could find it, but also where I could shove it afterwards