Please explain Southern-style communication to a clueless Yankee
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Anonymous
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First off, I am not trying to diss Southerners. And I know that in any region, there is a wide variety of approaches to communication and manners. Still, there definitely are some common cultural differences between Southerners and Northerners, so I'm hoping someone will kindly enlighten me.
Here's my question: On another thread (why do people offer help if they don't mean what they say), one poster commented on how Yankees take things at face value whereas Southerners will say things they don't mean to be polite. I'm a clueless Yankee who often takes things at face value. I wouldn't offer help if I didn't mean it. And if someone offered me help, I might actually believe them (depending on our relationship.) My tendency to take things at face value has created some awkward situations. Can someone please clue me in? What kinds of things do Southerners tend to say to be polite that a Yankee wouldn't say? |
Anonymous
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"Well bless your heart."
Sound's nice, right? Well, in Southern, it means "you bitch." |
Anonymous
Please, thank you, and excuse me |
Anonymous
It can also mean "HOLY SHIT" or an approximation thereof. I was watching Hoarders they other day and a woman found out the reason her friend hadn't invited her over in years. All she could say as she navigated the mountains of clutter was "Gosh" and "Bless your heart". |
Anonymous
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+1 to "Bless their heart." It means "They're terrible/tacky/hateful/rude/insufferable, but they can't help it, but I still dislike them!" Sometimes it actually is nice, though.
"My mom fell and had to get 89 stitches." "Bless her heart!" In that instance, it's nice. "She used my good linen napkins to wipe her kid's nose at my dinner table and then threw it in her dinner plate." "Ugh... well, bless her heart." Translation: What a tacky bitch. Oh well, nobody ever taught her any better. Southerners also use ma'am and sir, which I'm pretty sure Yankees don't. Excuse me. I didn't read the other thread, but if I offer help to someone, I do mean it and am happy to help if they ask, and most Southerners are like that. I am routinely one of the only ones in my social group to bring dinner by for a new mom or a sick family. The only other one who does it is, also, Southern. The rest of them claim they're too busy, or possibly just don't think of it. So I do think Southerners can be really gracious and considerate like that. |
Anonymous
| "My lord" means WTF. |
Anonymous
| 9:37 again- "I'll pray for you" = I hate your fucking guts. |
Freeman
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I'm a Southerner myself, born and raised in rural south Alabama. I have no idea what they are talking about. I know people that will do that, yes, but it doesn't have anything to do with what region they grew up in. The standard where I grew up was that if you made an offer, you stood by it. It might not be convenient, and you might wish you hadn't made it, but you still did it. The ones who didn't would be the people frowned upon, not the ones accepting the offer of help.
Now in terms of being polite, I think everyone(Anywhere, not just the south) sometimes says things that may stretch the truth slightly. Not every child is lovely, not every meal was delicious, and so on. However, there's a difference between a polite statement and an offer of assistance. The blunt truth isn't always the best approach in social situations, particularly when dealing with new acquaintances.(We save that for people we know well) Basically, I think the whole "Southern/Northern" aspect of that thread was very silly and had nothing to do with what was actually going on. Yes, there are regional/cultural/etiquette differences, but you'll find just as many, if not more, differences internally within the South, North, West, Narnia, etc. But no matter how they are dressed up or expressed, the basic behaviors are pretty much the same everywhere. |
Anonymous
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"Isn't she just precious!" unless referring to a newborn baby means that your DD is never getting another invite to a playdate. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
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I think Kathy Griffin (the comedian) said that Renee Zellwiger sent her a huge bouquet of flowers, after running into her. Kathy understood that this was Southern speak for "I hate you, please STFU." I thought that was very insightful of her, actually. |
Anonymous
| I'm a foreigner who spent 8 years in AL and GA. I do think that - and this is a huge generalization - there is an element of being polite because it's what people who were raised well do. You go through a lot of motions and sometimes it's fake, but it's just how it is. You do not confront people openly (unless you are 85 and then everyone cuts you slack), you do not use sarcasm (that is considered beyond rude), you do not criticize openly, etc. It took me a long time to get used to this. There is a show called GCB (I think). Watch a few episodes and you'll understand. |
Freeman
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Oh, and "Bless his/her heart" is really just a more polite way of cursing, so it really can't be interpreted to mean anything by itself. Just replace it with your curse word of choice in whatever sentence it was used in. Try it out in the examples given above, and you'll see it works perfectly.
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Anonymous
I think I would agree with this personally. |
Anonymous
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This thread is hilarious and spot on true. I'm from the mid Atlantic region, so I am a practitioner of both Northern (sarcasm, occasional directness) and Southern (excuse me, greeting strangers, etc.) folkways.
If I am talking with someone who has a drawl, I have a drawl. If the person is a fast talker, I talk fast. The mid Atlantic creature is like the weather - always changing and unpredictable. |